Getting Out Of The Rocking Chair

“Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” That’s what my mom would gently remind me of as I awaited the outcome of different events throughout my life. Would I pass my driver’s test, get a good ACT score, get into the college I wanted, etc.?

Then, in the years beyond high school graduation, there came many more seasons of waiting. Will I land a job that I enjoy? Will I meet my future husband in college? How about in grad school? Still no…okay, what about later in my twenties or thirties? Am I called to religious life? Which order? Mission work? Where? Then even when some of these questions were  finally answered, I never seemed to find the peace that I assumed would come along with these answers. After I met my husband and got married, the questions continued: Will I have children? Will my unborn baby make it to full-term? Will I have another child? 

Time and time again I have found my heart in another season of waiting, with great longing building up within me. In times like this I find that I resonate deeply with Psalm 130:5-6: “I wait with longing for the Lord, my soul waits for his word. My soul looks for the Lord, more than sentinels at daybreak. More than sentinels for daybreak.” 

Learning from Longing

Even as I write this, I find myself again in a season of struggling to “wait.” I am pregnant with our rainbow baby, and I am thrilled! But I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong and of all the things that must go right. I want my waiting to result in what I hope for: a smooth pregnancy and a healthy child.

In this season of being asked to wait, I notice myself hurrying about. I struggle to be still. To listen. I rush from thing to thing hoping that I will be distracted, and time will pass more quickly. I fear that if I stop to listen to His voice, He might say something I might not want to hear. I worry that His answer won’t align with the one I have in mind. 

And then, when I do finally pause to listen, He gently calls me back into His arms, asking me to trust His goodness. He tells me that he wants more for me than my constant worrying about all the “what-ifs.” 

Holy, Just, and Beautiful

Saint Francis de Sales wrote:

“While taking a walk by yourself, or when you are alone at some other time, turn your eye to God’s universal will . . . Then with profound humility, accept, praise, and then bless this sovereign will, which is entirely holy, just, and beautiful . . . Ponder this a while, as you consider not only the variety of his consolations, but above all the trials suffered by the good . . . Conclude with an act of great confidence in his will, believing that he will do everything for us and for our happiness.”

Holy. Just. Beautiful. That is the will of our Father. 

These three words are bringing me comfort in my time of waiting. I can rock in the rocking chair, keeping busy and going nowhere, or I can start walking in faith and in hope, confident that God wills my happiness. 

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Tested By Fire

However, knowing that God wills our happiness doesn’t mean trials won’t come our way. In fact, scripture tells us just the opposite: we are basically promised suffering. 

[A]lthough now for a little while you may have to suffer through various trials so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold that is perishable even though tested by fire, may prove to be for praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6-7) 

When gold is tested by fire, it burns all the impurities away leaving absolutely pure gold. This testing by fire reminds me of the lyrics in Blessing Offor’s song Believe. 

What if you will something I won’t?

If you don’t give me what I want

But you give me what I need

Is that enough to believe?

So often I enter prayer with my intentions, hoping that God won’t will something that I don’t. I forget to praise God for who He is. To enter into prayer with the highest form there is: adoration.

In this season of waiting, for me, and for you, we can remember that in this trial we are being purified. And through this time of being tested by fire, we can bring God praise, glory, and honor for his holy, just, and beautiful will. Despite our unknown. So turn up that praise and worship music. Don’t be afraid to praise Him.

“Although you have not seen him you love him; even though you do not see him now yet believe in him, you rejoice with an indescribable and glorious joy” (1 Peter 1:8). 

We have a good Father and we can trust that even when it’s hard to understand, our waiting will result in an indescribable and glorious joy. 

And if we don’t get what we want?

Keep waiting. “The Lord will fight for you; you have only to keep still” (Exodus 14:14).