“For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God.” // John 3:20-21
We’d been struggling in our marriage. I wrote it off as “we’re just busy.” Yet as time passed, it became evident that my excuses were simply a way to avoid the truth.
It had already been a very “Lenty” Lent, you could say: our marriage felt particularly arduous and taxing. As I sat in our prayer space reading Be Transformed by Dr. Bob Schuchts that morning, I felt a nudge to share with my husband that I felt my deepest “core wound” was fear and that, according to the book, the Sacrament that would heal that wound was the Eucharist. It was God’s grace alone that led the rest of our conversation.
My husband offered on his own that his deepest core wound was shame and asked if there was anything in the book on shame. There was a whole chapter dedicated to shame, in fact. The Sacrament that helped heal that wound was Confession. As I sat in the chair next to him, I wondered what would come next. Bring to light what You desire to, God, I prayed silently.
He put the book down, and with tears in his eyes, shared with me about his ongoing struggle with pornography.
The light of it all was blinding. I’d—in some way—known the truth all along but was too afraid to face it. It was easier to stay in the dark because the light would undoubtedly expose what I did not want to see. It was easier to avoid the hard conversations than it was to face the work it would take to heal. That morning was a pivotal point in our marriage. We’ve learned, over time, that marriage is meant to both expose our wounds and heal them, and we cannot do this without God.
Today’s Gospel (see John 3:16-21) reminds us that we are created to live in Light Himself. It reminds us that God does not expose simply to reveal our wrongs, but reveals in order to redeem our lives.
How is God inviting you into His light today? How is He calling you out of fear and shame and into freedom and hope?
Shalini Blubaugh is a Minnesota transplant living in Coppell, Texas. She served with NET Ministries and went on to graduate with her J.D., though happily left all things law behind. Along with her roles as wife and mom, she now runs her own company, Pray. Train. Grow., as a Certified Fitness Trainer and Nutritional Therapy Practitioner. Her mission is to help Catholic women grow STRONG in mind, body, and heart through the integration of Faith, fitness and food.
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