I was having a particularly rough month and was feeling lost. I had recently shared about my broken family history (something I hadn’t done in a long time). Revisiting all of those memories left me feeling insecure. My wounds and scars opened up again, exposing all the parts of me that feel ugly and in need of healing.
I wished I could go back and change things, feeling bitter and angry that it still affects me to this day. I thought about how whole I could be if things had turned out differently, how unfair it was that I had constantly questioned my worth, how hard it was for me to trust the people I love most.
I knew I needed time with Our Lord but I kept putting it off. I had so many words that were jumbled in my head and were hard to put together. I was emotionally drained. It was overwhelming to even scratch the surface of all the pain and hurt that consumed me.
I had an opportunity to visit Jesus in Adoration and thought this would be a perfect time to lay out all my frustrations. But when I knelt before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to say or where to even begin.
Would He understand? Would He chastise me for complaining too much? Would He tell me to chin up and move on and stop dwelling in the past?
As I was trying to pray and explain all of these things, I felt moved to simply sit in silence and remain in His presence. I stared at Jesus, looking for the words, when I heard Him say in my heart, “I know.”
And I wept.
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He knows it all. Jesus was there with me and He understood everything. There was no need for me to explain. All I needed was to remain in Him, even when I didn’t know what to say or what to do next. I simply sat there and let His presence console me.
He acknowledged the pain in my heart and my need for His healing. He allowed me the space to cry and grieve for the things of my past. So much was communicated simply by being in His presence, just like so much can be communicated with one look between spouses or two best friends.
It really was simple. I tried to fill the silence with words and instead I was reminded of the depth of His intimate love. And as long as I remain in Him and He remains in me, I can ask Him for anything and it will be done (see John 15:7).
Oftentimes, the ache feels too much to handle and that causes us to turn away or give up. But God is the One Who can handle it all. He knows you, dear sisters, and He looks upon you with love so deep it is beyond words.
// What areas of your life do you lack peace? What are the things that overwhelm you?
// As we close this series today, reflect: How can you remain with the Lord in the present moment? What has He stirred in your heart over the last week? What is the Holy Spirit trying to show you?
P.S. Grab this free wallpaper for your phone or computer to remind you of your focus during this summer series (and beyond)!
REMAIN Series // Lost for Words #BISblog //Click to tweet
Maggie Kim is a wife and mother to 6 kids living in the ATX area. She became a Catholic convert in 2013 after discovering her love for the Eucharist, Sacred Tradition, and the powerful intercessory prayers of the Saints. She is a former Registered Nurse and has a passion for the pro-life movement, Natural Family Planning, childbirth, and motherhood. In her free time, she likes to read fiction novels, drink coffee, and pretend to know what she's doing in her home gym. Her husband, Paul, is a Catholic speaker so she understands the ups and downs of ministry life but loves being able to serve in this God-given mission alongside her family. You can find out more about her here.
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