Welcome to our series on the beautiful midlife season! We will explore all the blessings, challenges, and changes that accompany this time in a woman's life, from the physical, to the relational, to the spiritual, and more. Come with your questions in the comments!
As designed by God, our lives and our bodies go through changes that are unavoidable. Just like with the weather, each season of our lives brings with it its challenges and delights. Change can sometimes bring with it anxiety and uncertainty. The good news is that, throughout all those life changes, we can be sure that Our Lord is by our side, guiding us and showing us the way. Preparing for those inevitable changes is also a good idea.
A New Phase of Motherhood
As I write, my family is getting ready to go through a big change as our oldest daughter, Bella, just graduated high school and is leaving home for college this fall. And even though my husband and I have been preparing ourselves for this change, I know that her absence will not be easy. I will miss her sweet smile the most! Bella has been my go-to for help the last few years, driving her siblings around and picking up groceries at the store. She has such a giving heart.
I will also miss those late night talks when she comes home from being out with her friends. And the phone call that comes everyday right at 6 p.m. when she's done with her part time job and is about to come home. Her first question is always, "What’s for dinner, Mom?"
And as Bella moves on to the next phase of her life, I pray that God will give me the peace of mind that comes from knowing that He loves her so much more than I could ever love her. And out of that love for her, He will watch over her and guide her steps.
He has beautiful plans for her life, just like He has beautiful plans for each and every one of His beloved children.
A New Phase of Daughterhood
Last month, while I was in Brazil visiting my parents, I had some time to reflect on how much their lives have changed. My dad is 95 years old and has had dementia for the last 7 years. Thankfully, for now, he can still shower and dress himself (although I did notice that he has a hard time buttoning his shirts). He does need to be watched to make sure he doesn't wander off onto the streets.
Dad can no longer shave by himself, for fear that he may get hurt, so my siblings arranged to have someone come to the house to shave him once a week. It's hard to watch a man who, before dementia took over his mind, had so much to say. He could recall stories from 50 years ago and tell them like they just happened yesterday. Now, he is reduced to just sitting there with a blank stare on his face. I hate this terrible disease and what it has done to my dad’s mind!
My mom, who is 84 years old, still has a mind as sharp as ever. Unfortunately, her physical health has been declining in the last few years. Without a doubt, being dad’s primary caretaker has taken a toll on her health. Remembering all the sacrifices they both made to care for their large family of eleven kids made me want to be there for them even more.
As I was getting ready to leave Brazil after my two-week stay, I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that I would be leaving my elderly parents. Knowing that my husband and kids were anxiously waiting for my return made me feel a little better. I always say that half of my heart is here in the United States with my husband and our kids and the other half is in Brazil with my parents and siblings. And so is the life of the immigrant.
My Own Midlife Change
Our bodies go through a lot of changes during menopause. There are extreme shifts in hormone levels. We may not sleep well because of the hot flashes and may also experience mood swings. In the last few months, I have noticed that I have begun my midlife change with missed periods. I have to be honest and say that this part about missing periods is all bittersweet for me. It’s a sad realization that my body will no longer be able to collaborate with God in bringing more babies into the world.
The hot flashes are very real. My husband and I used to sleep with the temperature in our room at 74 degrees. Now I’m finding that I need it to be around 70 degrees to help alleviate those crazy middle of the night hot flashes.
Moving Forward in Peace
With all that is going on with these mid-life changes, I feel ever so blessed to be exactly where I am. In the last few years, God has done miraculous things in my life. He used my amazing, holy pastor to completely heal me from the trauma of the sexual abuse I suffered as little girl. At 52 years old, I find myself with a new found purpose: to allow God to use me and my story to heal those who are still hurting from all types of trauma-induced wounds.
I'm getting ready to publish my third book, Healed and Restored: A Journey through Trauma, Resilience and Transformative Healing. My heart is filled with gratitude. I am grateful that God who has been kind enough to look upon His lowly servant with eyes of mercy.
Just thinking about what else God may have planned for me in the years ahead fills my soul with joyful anticipation. I have heard about many who get to this point in their life and still don’t know what their true purpose is. I am privileged to be in a season of giving back and encouraging others. And I have a strong feeling that my life story has truly just begun.
A Prayer for the Season
As you read this, you may be going through a tough season, dealing with crisis you didn’t anticipate, or a major life change that is shaking your foundation. Try to focus on the positive and thank God for bringing you this far. The same God who was there for you in the past is also present in the here and now, and in all the changes in between.
Dear Heavenly Father, help me to let go of any fear and anxiety and replace them with a bigger trust in You. Amen.
Here are a few excerpts from the Litany of Trust that relate to this season, too:
From the fear that trusting You will leave me more destitute,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From anxiety about the future,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the false security that I have what it takes,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From discouragement,
Deliver me, Jesus.
That not knowing what tomorrow brings is an invitation,
Deliver me, Jesus.
To lean on You,
Jesus, I trust in You.
That my life is a gift,
Jesus, I trust in You.
That You will teach me how to trust You,
Jesus, I trust in You.
That I am Your beloved on,
Jesus, I trust in You.
The Midlife Series // A Foot in Two Seasons #BISblog //Click to tweet
Elza Spaedy grew up in Brazil in a large family of 7 brothers and 3 sisters. Since finding healing and restoration from the painful childhood trauma of sexual abuse, Elza has been on fire for the Lord, ready to let Him use her and her story to help heal others.
Elza is the author of three books- Freedom Through Christ; Healed and Restored; and Spiritual Mentoring, as well as a retreat leader. Elza founded Healed and Restored over 4 years ago- a non-profit ministry that helps women heal from all types of trauma and assault. Elza loves to entertain and enjoys preparing and sharing a great meal with family and friends. She lives with her family in Charlotte, NC. Find out more about her here www.healedandrestored.org
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