February is renowned for calling to mind all things love. As soon as the New Year begins, we are surrounded by pink and candy hearts, balloons, and bouquets—maintaining momentum from one winter holiday to the next. While the fourteenth is the feast of Saint Valentine, its origin has gotten lost in translation.Yet God remains at the core of this sentiment.
After all, God is love itself (see 1 John 4:8).
If there is one voice we can count on to re-acquaint us with this foundation, it is that of C.S. Lewis. Perhaps known best for his books Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, and The Chronicles of Narnia, Lewis has proven a trustworthy guide for those searching for and those sure about the love of God.
Among many things, Lewis served as a professor of English at the University of Oxford. Although he was baptized as a child, he fell away from faith until later influences, including those of his colleagues such as J.R.R. Tolkien, began to rekindle his relationship with the Lord. His conversion was substantial. His ability to describe the appeal of God to the human heart is nearly unmatched.
Like many of his contemporaries, Lewis offered radio broadcasts,especially during World War II. In that time, he reached a wide audience. His lectures were later compiled into books, including Mere Christianity and The Four Loves.
The Four Loves
In light of this month of love, The Four Loves is an excellent tool to guide reflection on our inclination to love and what God asks of us to do so. Lewis describes in detail the core ways in which the human heart reflects the heart of God in our ability and desire to care for others. While some come naturally, others require more discipline.
In the words of Saint Thomas Aquinas, “To love is to will the good of the other.” What I appreciate most about Lewis’ approach to the idea of love is that it makes us vulnerable. The good of the other can be at odds with our own good (comfort, preference, availability), and this often makes us uncomfortable. It is also what makes us alive:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." (The Four Loves, p. 121)
Lewis’ reflections focus on the four Greek words for love and the ways they are manifested in our lives and hearts.
Storge (Greek for love or affection)
Storge is an instinctual love that occurs between individuals in proximity. Family is a great example of storge—particularly the love between parent and child. Neighbors, friends, and colleagues also offer great examples of relationships in which we draw near to care for those in our sphere. Our lived experience of caring for or having been cared for by another is a sampling of storge.
Literary example: Atticus and Scout, To Kill a Mockingbird
Scriptural example: Ruth and Naomi, the Book of Ruth
Philia (Greek for friendship)
More than familial love, philia is a rarer bond between individuals whose mutual beliefs and shared interests bond them on a deeper level. While many experience philia in their lifetime, it is not a love that is experienced abundantly. “Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one’” (The Four Loves, p. 90).
Literary example: Anne and Diana, Anne of Green Gables, or Frodo and Sam, The Lord of the Rings
Scriptural example: Jesus and John, the Beloved Disciple
Eros (Greek for love of desire)
Most have some familiarity with the concept of eros, the love that desires another. It is what our notions of Valentine's Day are all about: romance. Eros at its best is the kind of love that offers itself for another; at worst, it can mean desiring the other for the good of the self.
Literary example: Della and Jim, The Gift of the Magi
Scriptural example: Tobias and Sarah (see Tobit 8:4-8)
Agape (Greek for charity)
Agape is another word for charity, the highest form of love. It is eros at its best—the complete willingness to die to self for the good of another, a total self-gift. In this way, we emulate Christ. Our love in this way also emulates the Trinity. Agape desires nothing personally and is satisfied with the flourishing of the other.
Literary example: Aslan, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Scriptural example: Jesus
Getting Re-acquainted With Love in Each Form
This Valentine’s Day, perhaps you have plans for a Galentine’s get together or a romantic date with someone special. Maybe you will spend the day caring for a family member or checking in on a friend. No matter what, this is an ideal time for each of us to consider how we are being invited to love. How do the relationships we are in right now call us to invest in the good of another?
And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love. // 1 Corinthians 13:13
Katie Cassady is a regular contributor to the BIS blog. She is a wife and mom to three little girls in Denver, CO. Steeped in theological reflection, beekeeping and motherhood, she is appreciative of any and all wisdom she can glean from those living intentional lives of faith. Find out more about her here. Read all of Katie's posts here.
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