The Wisdom of No

“No, for there may not be enough for us and you.” // Matthew 25:9

“No,” she told me, “because I won’t have any other day this week to just be at home.” She was speaking English, but I really didn’t understand. We had been planning a day and time to get together and catch up, and she was free on Wednesday. But since she was busy every other evening that week she said that was her only day to be at home and said no. I had never encountered anyone who had had free time in their schedule to meet, but then chose to fill it with rest and time at home instead. 

And honestly, it angered me a bit. 

Wasn’t I important? She was the one asking to meet up anyway. Why wouldn’t she give me her time?

Like the foolish virgins in today’s Gospel (see Matthew 25:1-13), with lamps literally burned out, we women sometimes demand that others give us what we need in order to keep our own flame alive. 

But the wise virgins who prepared themselves to have what they need say, “No, for there may not be enough for us and you.” And their no is valid. It is a proper response to choose to hold on and protect what one needs for one’s own wellbeing and for one’s own relationship with God. Like the response of my friend, no is often a wise choice.

There are many things we simply can’t do for other people, try as we might. We can’t have a relationship with God for others. We can’t live someone else’s life for them. Each person has to nurture the oil of the Spirit and tend to the fire of God’s love within one’s own being. 

May the Lord teach us the wisdom of no and find us ready and prepared, perhaps by taking some extra time this week to rest and be at home with Him.