Only Jesus

We called her “Snazzy,” short for “Sister Nazzy,” short for Sister Mary Nazarene. I loved this tiny, Birkenstock-wearing sister with a walker and a smile bigger than her.

Shortly after I entered the community, she made a definitive pronouncement: all the world's troubles were due to lack of love for Our Lady. I knew we would be friends. I used to say to my fellow postulants, “W.W.S.N.D.? What would Sr. Nazzy do?”

Our friendship grew over years of formation and time savored together at meals. Tiny, smiley Snazzy would make everyone laugh with her whopper tales.

I often would sit with her at prayer time so I could help her find the pages. And each time a sister died before her, her thick furrowed brows underscored her voice as she would complain, "Why doesn't the Lord come for me?!" The sisters thought it was endearing but she was serious.

I will never forget the night I was driving home from night school when I had a sense I should go to the infirmary where the sisters were keeping vigil in Sister Mary Nazarene’s room because her dialysis had stopped working.

I went in and slipped my hand under hers and said "Sister Nazzy, it's Sister Maria Kim. I'm going to pray a Rosary for you.” Her eyes were closed but she squeezed my hand when she heard the beads begin to click. As I prayed, I realized that she would probably want me to ask Jesus to come for her. So I offered my Rosary for this intention.

Moments later her eyes opened wide. She looked high over my shoulder. Joy and peace washed over her face and then her entire body. When she gently closed her eyes, I was sure the Lord would come for her that night.

I prayed Rosary after Rosary thinking that I might be there when Jesus and Our Lady came for her. As the hours passed, I felt she might not want me to see her die because I was a very young sister. So I asked her to pray for me, for vocations, and for all of us as I kissed her forehead goodnight.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt a little peaceful, joyful presence next to my bed and I heard the words,“Only Jesus.” As my eyes filled with tears, I said in my heart, “Snazzy! You are with Jesus now!” I was so happy for her as I prepared to go to chapel and unsurprised when I saw the death notice on our chapel door.

Only Jesus. // @srmariakimClick to tweet

Find comfort and depth in the Catechism's view on death.