As a mom of young children, I long thought a regular Holy Hour was something for another season of life. I imagined it would be at least a few more years before I could consistently get out of the house and spend time making this devotion of an hour adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. But a year and a half ago, the talks I heard on a Blessed is She retreat encouraged me to stop waiting and start trying to make this practice a reality. What was the worst that would happen? Even if I didn’t complete the full hour or didn’t make it happen every week, I would have given at least something of myself and some of my time to the Lord. I know He always makes good of generous gestures. Time Over Place Because I had limiting factors (my children’s schedules, the fact that my husband commuted over an hour to work each day), I decided it was more important that I find the time to pray at all rather than time when I could pray at my church. I could make a spiritual communion with the Lord, even if I couldn’t be in the same room with Him in the Eucharist. I considered my typical weekly schedule and saw that it would be key to devote this time before anything else laid claim to my attention. I chose a window of time: Friday mornings from 5-6 a.m. I chose a candle to set the time apart. I used a timer so I would know when my hour was up, and would not spend time checking my phone. I created a plan to read portions of 100 Holy Hours for Women by Mother Mary Raphael Lubowidzka and Who Does He Say That You Are?: Women Transformed by Christ in the Gospels by Colleen C. Mitchell (books I already had on my shelf) for portions of each hour. These books helped give structure to my time, especially since I didn’t have exposition and benediction of the Blessed Sacrament to do that. Seeing the Fruits For many months, this worked surprisingly well. I was often tired (and if I thought I might nod off, I skipped the candle), but I quickly recognized changes in myself. I went to bed earlier on Thursday night, wanting to give my best the following morning. I became more peaceful about the little things that might have upset me before. I found myself better prepared to spend the weekend well, rather than recovering from burnout. I still had plenty of distractions, but even when my time set apart did not feel like I had "done it right", I could see that my heart had grown softer toward the Lord. I found it easier to be aware of His voice throughout the rest of the week, having spent time listening—or at least trying to listen—in my Holy Hour. Coming Back to the Church I continued my Friday morning Holy Hour until I had a baby this summer. In the postpartum weeks and months, I took sleep when I could get it, and put that prayer practice on hold until my little guy and I had more of a schedule. In the month or so leading up to the 2020 election, my parish began offering a Holy Hour for the nation on Thursday nights. The original plan was to do this until Thanksgiving, but months later, it is still happening weekly both in the church and via livestream. I started to go each week, sometimes arriving late or leaving early, depending on my kids’ schedule. My husband has always been supportive, but after he went on retreat earlier this year, he wanted to make it even more of a priority that I get to that Holy Hour as often as I could. It helped that the factors that limited me before no longer existed. Now, my husband largely works from home. I trained the baby to go to sleep before I leave, and I finish tucking in the big kids when I get home. Instead of waiting for a less complicated season of life (not sure that is going to happen anyway), we found a way to make it work now. I'm Home Once again, my Holy Hour quickly became something I looked forward to. Now, when I kneel in front of the Blessed Sacrament each week, I feel like I am coming home. It feels like being in the Presence of the Lord is the truest reality, and all the stuff in between is just that—the in-between. I love the prayers of exposition and benediction, and I am so grateful I get to pray them in this space each week. Because the Holy Hour is still specifically offered for our country, we pray a patriotic Rosary, offering one Hail Mary for each state and each of the other prayers for various other intentions (the governors, the Supreme Court, the president, etc.). Making It Work for You I once asked a friend of mine, who was then in formation for the priesthood, if it was a requirement for priests to make a Holy Hour each day. He said it wasn’t, but also wondered why a priest would not make a Holy Hour each day. In my life as a layperson, a daily Holy Hour is not practical right now. But a weekly one sure is. And now, I cannot help but wonder why I wouldn’t keep up this practice, even as seasons of life change. I have learned that when I needed to do it from home, I needed to make the time a priority. It helped to give the time some structure, and to eliminate distractions as much as possible. I have learned much of the same from when I returned to the church building. Now, I still need to make the time a priority, and I need my family’s support to do that. I still bring books to give the time structure (the Blessed is She journals, my Every Sacred Sunday journal for the upcoming Sunday, or the Kindred Gospel of Mark). When I pray with my parish, our priest guides the opening and closing of the Hour, along with the Rosary, which also helps to keep me on track. Planting for the Long Haul I can’t see them all now, but I believe the fruits will be plentiful. It is good for my relationship with God to spend time with Him. It’s good for the community and our country that I pray for them. And it’s good for my children to know that this prayer time is a priority in our family’s life. Perhaps, when they’re a little older, they’ll want to come join me. Do you have a regular holy hour? What does yours look like?   [bctt tweet="Holy Hour Two Ways #BISblog //" via="no"]   Lindsay Schlegel is a daughter of God who seeks to encourage, inspire, and lift up the contemporary woman to be all she was created to be. She’s the author of Don’t Forget to Say Thank You: And Other Parenting Lessons That Brought Me Closer to God, as well as shorter nonfiction and fiction pieces, both online and in print. With joy, she speaks about recognizing God’s voice and living the truth therein. Lindsay lives in New Jersey with her high-school-sweetheart-turned-husband and their kids. You can find out more about her here.   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we are talking about vocational discernment. We'd love for you to join the conversation! Growing up, no one ever had a conversation with me about discerning my vocation. And yet here I am, a married woman of nearly 20 years with six beautiful children. Thankfully, even without much vocational discernment, I ended up in a faith-filled marriage with a wonderful Catholic man. Through God’s grace, I knew as much to seek out the holiest man to marry, someone I could trust to lead me to Heaven. Together, we had excellent marriage preparation by the priest who celebrated our wedding. And over the years, I have learned (sometimes the hard way) just how sanctifying marriage and family life is. But looking back, it would have been nice to understand more fully what vocation God was—and was not—calling me into. Looking Back As a little girl, I did not necessarily dream of being a wife and mother, but in the back of my mind, I assumed that would be my path one day. I saw very few religious sisters as examples of a different direction, and even during my years at a Catholic college with Catholic sisters on campus, only one wore a full habit, and no one invited me to learn more about the vocational option of religious life. While I could not be happier as a Catholic wife and mother, I would have appreciated intentional time to truly lay the groundwork for what God was calling me into through the Sacrament of Marriage. But also, it would have been nice to learn more about the other vocational possibilities open to women. Now That I’m a Mom As my own daughter graduates from high school this year, I contemplate how to encourage her own vocational discernment. What do I want her to know? What do I wish someone would have told me? Thankfully, my husband and I have talked quite extensively to our children about vocations. So having a conversation with my 18-year-old will not be shocking. Over the years, we have been intentional about the topic of vocations. Some simple things we have done include: praying for our children’s vocations learning about Saints with various vocations having priests over for dinner befriending the sisters who teach at school encouraging service within the Church WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY What I Wish I Would Have Known But as I prepare to send her off (first to be a missionary for nine months and then to college), what do I want her to be thinking about and doing in her own spiritual life so she can be open to discerning her vocation well? How do I wish someone would have encouraged me? I have seven simple ideas to help any young woman begin thinking about vocational discernment. Most of these are habits that will take her well into the rest of her adult years—no matter what path God calls her to embrace. Cultivate a Life of Prayer The most important part of every Catholic woman’s life—single, married, or religious—is her prayer life. Prayer is how we communicate with God; how we learn to hear His voice. If we cannot hear His voice, how can we know what He is calling us to do? Develop a daily prayer habit Attend weekly (even daily) Mass Read/pray with Scripture (lectio divina) Grow in devotion to the Blessed Mother Go to monthly Confession Attend a Retreat Attending an annual retreat is a good practice, because it gives us extensive set-aside time with the Lord. Many dioceses and religious communities offer discernment retreats. Some monasteries allow guests to stay with them to get a feel for their way of life. A silent retreat is excellent, too. The gift of quiet, stillness, and peace found on retreat clears away the noise and distraction of this chaotic world. It opens our hearts to hearing the Lord speaking personally to us. Seek a Spiritual Director As you live a deeper prayer life, thoughts will come up that you may need help understanding. You may need guidance in determining what is from God and what is not. A spiritual director can offer prayer support and wisdom. He or she can also give you Scripture verses to pray and questions to ask God. Then, he or she can lead you in making steps toward your vocational discernment. Spend Time With People Seek out like-minded people as you journey toward vocational discernment. Find other women who are intentionally asking similar questions. If you are in college, get involved in ministries, such as St. Paul’s Outreach, FOCUS, or Newman Center. If you are beyond college, tap into one of the Blessed is She regional groups and find women in your area interested in gathering for a book study or brunch. Get to know your parish priest. Spend time with a religious sister. Befriend young (and old) married couples, and hang out with their families. Read Good Books Always have a good Catholic book to read! These are treasure troves of wisdom, encouragement, support, and guidance, as they lead us closer to God. On prayer: Prayer for Beginners by Peter Kreeft In Sinu Jesu: When Heart Speaks to Heart—The Journal of a Priest at Prayer by Anonymous The Rosary: A Path into Prayer by Elizabeth Kelly On discernment in general: Discerning the Will of God: An Ignatian Guide to Spiritual Decision Making by Timothy M. Gallagher, OMV Discerning Your Vocation: A Catholic Guide for Young Adults by Anthony Ariniello and Nathanael Pujos Making Choices: Practical Wisdom for Everyday Moral Decisions by Peter Kreeft Keep Asking Questions In our young adult years, vocational discernment is just as important—if not more important—as career discernment. So, as you take inventory tests, sharpen your resume, and attend upteen informational interviews, also immerse yourself in everything you can do to discern your vocation. Bring your discernment to prayer, over and over again. Keep asking God the big questions: Lord, will You show me the way? What are You calling me to? As you grow in prayer, you will know how God speaks to you, and how to distinguish His voice. Do Not Be Afraid No matter what vocation God calls you to—marriage, religious life, or even consecrated singlehood—your vocation is your path to holiness, your path to know, love, and serve Him in the best way imaginable, so you can be happy with Him for all of eternity. As our Lord says in the Bible 365 times, “be not afraid!” He calls you by name, because you are His (Isaiah 43:1), and He calls you for your specific vocation “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). Be ready for an adventure! God has a plan of sheer goodness for your life.   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Vocational Discernment // What I Wish I Would Have Known #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we are talking about vocational discernment. We'd love for you to join the conversation! Meet my husband at twenty, get married at twenty-one, and have our first child at twenty-two. That was my original “discernment” plan. However, while I had gone on a few dates with some really wonderful men throughout my college years, I was nowhere near getting married to any of them. But what God had given me was a wonderful community. I was majoring in Catholic Studies, and many of my friends and classmates were seminarians and women discerning religious life. Being immersed in such a community made me wonder if maybe I should give God more of a chance to tug on my heart. I felt like if I was really uncertain of my vocation, I had to give religious life a fair shot. Discerning Religious Life During my Junior and Senior year of college, I researched various religious orders and found charisms which I thought aligned with my interests and desires and I went on two “come and see” discernment retreats. During these retreats young women have the awesome opportunity and privilege to get a glimpse of a day-in-the-life of a religious sister while also getting to know other women discerning the same call. During my second discernment retreat I remember praying in Adoration late into the night, after everyone else had left the chapel. I was begging Jesus to just give me a sign if He wanted me to be a Sister. I truly felt like my heart was open to it... but no sign came. The Role of Spiritual Direction in My Discernment Throughout my years of discernment, I spoke regularly with my spiritual director. I remember at one point I was talking with him and I was really frustrated about not knowing what my “big V” Vocation was. Then, after a pause, he gently and slowly asked me a very simple question. “Has Jesus ever proposed to you?” When he asked, I realized that the answer was no. While I had experienced many moments of intimacy with the Lord, accompanied with outpourings of grace and consolation, what I had not received was a marriage proposal. Jesus was indeed my dear Friend, but He did not romance my heart in the same way as He would if He were asking me to be His bride. Initially I was a bit saddened that He hadn’t chosen me in that way, but quickly, through my answer of my spiritual director's question, my heart opened to a new sense of freedom. While suddenly I had gained a greater confidence that I was not called to religious life, what followed was not a sudden boyfriend and engagement. Over the course of the next several years I dated a few different men. One of those men even ended up becoming my husband, but not in the way you’d expect. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Meeting My Husband... Sort Of During my Junior year of college I had a group of tight-knit friends, and after studying abroad for a semester, I returned to find that one of my best friends’ older brothers had joined our group. I’ll admit, I was a little protective over my friends and was hesitant when they wanted to invite him to our get-togethers. Despite all of my efforts to avoid and exclude him, he eventually became my friend, too. It helped that we often ended up carpooling back to our home-state for the holidays, a drive of several hours. Towards the end of one of those drives, my heart started pounding. The car ride home had been filled with laughter, and I had a pretty good feeling he was about to ask me out. I was nervous, but also eager to say yes. Our first date was incredibly intentional, and I had a great time! But after a second date, I called it off and gave him the classic line, “I’d love to continue a friendship with you, but nothing more.” I greatly enjoyed his company, but I just wasn’t sure I wanted to move from a good friendship to a romantic relationship. More Closeness Instead of what usually happens when a couple says “let’s just be friends”, after a short period where we didn’t see much of each other, our friendship actually deepened. After we ended things, each of us had put the other in the “no” box and our walls came down. We saw each other often, as we had the same close mutual friends. In time, my friends said that it looked like I was interested in him. I chalked it up to us just knowing each other really well. But two years after our first date, my heart was again pounding in hopeful anticipation when he asked me out a second time. Once again, our second first date did not disappoint! Nor did the ones to follow. He thoughtfully and creatively planned dates that had the butterflies in my stomach fluttering like crazy. Which might make you wonder why, after four months, I called it off. While our relationship was strong, my problem was falling into comparison and putting too much pressure on myself. Four months into our relationship I hadn’t been hit with the proverbial “ton of bricks” yet, and I just wasn’t sure we were meant to be married. Even though there is no rule that says you have to know after four months, that pressure felt real, and I ended up breaking things off again. Discovering What I Really Wanted While I thought I had made the right decision in breaking things off, my feelings quickly told me otherwise. You know the feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re homesick? He lived only two miles away from me, but I felt like he was two countries away. It was hard for me to think of anything else but being in his presence. Two weeks later we were dating again, and this time I knew just where I hoped it would lead. Breaking up with him helped me to see what I was unable to at first. During our time apart I realized how much I desired to rely on him. I learned that although I could be self-sufficient and independent, he made me better. Not only did I feel safe and secure in his presence, but in it I was also encouraged to challenge myself to make my goals a reality. One of the most telling things for me during our two week breakup was that I couldn’t imagine being with anybody else, and I certainly didn’t want to imagine him with anybody else. I wanted to be the one to pack his lunches, be the one he came home to at the end of the day, and for him to be the father to my future children. Our Vocation is Love Now today, you won’t find me packing his lunches (and he often gives me a hard time about that when I tell this story!). But you will find my daughter and I eagerly awaiting his arrival home from work, watching for him from the front yard. My wanting “nothing more than a friendship” turned into marrying the man who is more to me than I knew I needed, and has taught me how to live out the vocation that Saint Therese of Lisieux reminds us that we are all called to, no matter our state in life. Our vocation is to love.     We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Vocational Discernment // Surprises #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we are talking about vocational discernment. We'd love for you to join the conversation! As a child, I was intrigued by religious life in the movies The Sound of Music and Sister Act. Little did I know that one day I would follow Jesus both in and out of the convent! As an adult, I experienced a vocational call to follow Jesus more closely in the Evangelical Counsels of chastity, poverty, and obedience. I am eternally grateful that Jesus invited me to intimately know the beauty of the Consecrated Life in our Church today. Religious sisters who thrive in their lives of radical Consecration to God within their religious communities are a profound witness to us. A Call Throughout a Life I grew up in a Catholic family and received the gift of faith. The idea of moving abroad as a missionary was an attractive thought that I noticed occasionally. Essentially, I knew that if Jesus invited me to do something radical for Him, I would follow. I wanted to glorify Him through my words and actions. I wanted to grow in holiness. I wanted Him to use my life to build and strengthen His Catholic Church. As I helped my friends prepare for their weddings, my heart hoped for a love story of my own. I had such a deep desire to be a wife and mother, yet I felt confident in God’s faithfulness and goodness. Jesus would show me the way, right? A Penetrating Word During my second year of teaching, I began going to daily Mass and frequent confession. As the grace of the Sacraments began to flow through my daily life, I felt especially connected to the Church. This deepened Sacramental life provided spiritual growth and a sense that God was doing something new in my heart. One day at daily Mass, my pastor’s homily especially convicted me. Father said, "Saint John Bosco believed that one in three young persons has a vocation to the priesthood or religious life. If you are not in a permanent vocation right now, please open your heart to discerning the priesthood or the Consecrated Life." My heart was pierced and I felt the desire to explore this mysterious world of Consecrated Life. Knowing that I needed a guide, I talked to my pastor after Mass that day. Father encouraged me to contact the Vocation Office of our Archdiocese. My heart sank a bit. I had never talked to anyone about discerning my vocation, so it seemed like a huge leap to go straight to the Vocation Director of my Archdiocese. A Process of Listening and Following After some prayer, I finally mustered up the courage to call the Vocation Director. In God’s providence, the timing was perfect. There was a new discernment house for women opening in a few months and I decided to move in. Living in a discernment house for nine months provided a time set apart to ask the question and pray for vocational clarity. Strengthened by the friendships with the other eleven women who were also discerning, a space in my heart opened where I could finally ask the question of religious life. I encountered sisters from many different communities, traveled to three convents for their “Come and See” weekends, and met with my spiritual director every month. A whole new world opened to me, but I was also very scared. What if Jesus actually called me to religious life? What will my family think? How will I leave the job I love? Could I really leave everything behind? Will I be genuinely happy? Will my life feel empty without earthly marriage and physical children? How will Jesus fill the desires of my heart? I brought these questions to prayer, to my spiritual director, and to religious sisters that I met. I listened and desired to say "yes" to wherever Jesus was leading. Christ Alone Jesus revealed His will to me during an eight-day Ignatian silent retreat that spring. As I prayed with Scripture, I felt an incredibly personal invitation to belong to Christ alone. Jesus drew me to His Heart and invited me to be His bride. I recognized a particular charism the Holy Spirit within and knew which community He wanted me to join. I felt joy and delight. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Entering and Exiting I entered the convent five months later and I stayed for six years. When I reflect on my discernment, there is an abundance of peace. Jesus invited me to discern with this community and He remained with me when I chose to leave. Amid the painful grief of saying goodbye, there was also hope in a new life in Christ. The Church in her wisdom advises that a woman should discern with a community for eight years before making perpetual vows. A vocation to the Consecrated Life takes time to grow. The call needs to be nurtured and purified and tested. Those who are given the grace of this vocation experience a flourishing of life where the suffering bears fruit and the heart receives peace. There is a mutual discernment process between the community and the candidate. After a few years in the convent, I was not thriving. While I was surrounded by sisters who became fully alive, my health slowly deteriorated and religious life began to feel incredibly heavy. It was such a mystery and very difficult to navigate. I felt ready and willing to offer it all up and suffer through it, but Jesus began to invite me to more freedom and more life. This darkness became a place where Jesus was teaching me greater surrender and trust. As I could not understand the Father’s will, I felt so united to the Passion of Christ. And Jesus’ death always leads to new life! The Care of the Church During this time, I felt so cared for by the Church. The sisters in my community encouraged me, my spiritual director reminded me to fix my eyes on Jesus, religious sisters from another community cared for my medical needs, and my friendships with the Saints deepened as I learned from their guidance. Through many hours of prayer and numerous conversations with my Religious Superior and my spiritual director, we discerned together that Jesus was leading me to a new life outside of this community. There were many tears on the day I left, but I was deeply consoled by Jesus’ words to me in prayer during my last visit to our convent chapel, “Go in peace.” The winding path of my vocational discernment has surprised me countless times. While my life today looks different than I imagined, I rest in the peace that Jesus has remained by my side. It is a love story full of trust and abandonment to Divine Providence. No matter where you are on your vocational journey, let the Wisdom of Holy Mother Church lead you to a life of holiness! Do not be afraid!   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Vocational Discernment // Consecrated Life #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we are talking about vocational discernment. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “Coming!” I called down the carpeted corridor as I hurried to the stone railing of the second-floor steps of our law school. I wasn’t wearing shoes, but that was typical for me when working after hours on Law Review. My roommate called back that she would meet me at my car. Sweeping my glance over the railing onto the steps below, I saw him. The first-year student who sometimes flashed a full-smile, who apparently had a girlfriend, and who often flicked his bangs over to one side at the beginning of conversations. It turned out I was a bit late meeting my roommate at the car as I ended up *ahem* needing to make a quick stop downstairs, necessitating conversation with him. Being Someone's Calling Fast-forward fifteen years and we are married with five children. I guess that conversation has just kept on going. From horrendously ill pregnancies to messily long postpartum recoveries, from house projects gone sideways to kids’ violin lessons you wish you could ease out from underneath by sliding sideways, from trips across the world to carrying a sick child the short trip to the midnight bathroom, he is an incredible husband and father. Our early marriage began in Las Vegas while I finished a clerkship, traipsed back to my hometown of Saint Paul, Minnesota for his clerkship, and landed in the world of babies upon babies in an old wooden house that needs an extra coat of paint with a backyard dug up for minigolf and baseball. We joke, we pray, we feast on pad thai, we fold laundry in the off-hours. He’s my calling and I’m his. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Beyond Mere Attraction I knew I wanted to be married since I was about middle school. That is when I had my first serious crush: Dave V. By serious I mean I practiced combining my first name with his last name and swooned at the thought of him carrying me over the threshold after our wedding. Not exactly certain which threshold that was, but it fit well with my heavily fairy-tale saturated reading list. But it wasn’t until I met my now-husband, Anthony, that I felt called to get married. Our vocational calls are not in the abstract. I can say all day long that I think I am called to marriage but until the person we are called to rolls up, it is a bit ethereal. Anthony was different than any crush, date, or boyfriend. His life ignited by his faith, his concern and care for my well-being, and his sense of humor punctuated by inside jokes (yes, sometimes with himself), all drew me to him in a way beyond simple attraction. Refining and Romance And since our marriage vocation is found in each other, we have tried to follow this idea of marriage outlined in Pius XI’s Casti connubii where he declared that married love: demands not only mutual aid but must have as its primary purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming and perfecting themselves in the interior life, so that through their partnership in life they may advance ever more and more in virtue, and above all that they may grow in true love toward God and their neighbor. // Casti connubii 23 So I am the very useful human sandpaper to help him grow in the interior life! I jest, but it’s true that in the vocation of marriage sometimes we help one another grow by our faults and failings! It is in the partnership with this particular person that we become more saintly, more virtuous. (Next time your spouse complains about something you do, you can remind them you’re helping them grow in holiness.) The Love Beyond All Loves My deep and abiding love of Anthony isn’t simply for peaceful romantic walks around the block with three kids on bikes with questionable tire pressure, one on a wobbly trike, and one chilling/crying in his stroller. It’s to help him “form and perfect” himself in the life of prayer. Our vocation of marriage is to help each other “advance ever more and more in virtue” so that ultimately we can love God and our neighbors (kind people that they are) more. Our love is to help us grow more in love with everyone else. Ultimately we all will find the completion and unutterable perfect tenderness in God. He is our end, the fulfillment of our heart’s deepest desire, and the Love beyond all loves.   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Vocational Discernment // Being Someone's Calling #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Cycle tracking. Fertility awareness. Cycle charting. Fertility Awareness Methods. Natural Family Planning. Fertility tracking. All of these terms seem to get mixed and mingled in many conversations online and in-person, but do we really know what they mean? Furthermore, do we understand the power that exists within tracking our fertility and understanding the gift of our bodies as women? Womanly Wisdom The Catholic Church teaches Natural Family Planning (NFP) as the opportunity for married couples to live out the science of fertility awareness along with the integration of Theology of the Body. As single women, women more often hear this termed as Fertility Awareness (FA), but both definitions encompass what the Catholic Church embraces and proclaims: the goodness of women’s bodies and their fertility. Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does not value women merely because of their reproductive organs. But, can’t we all acknowledge just how amazing it is that women have the ability to create life and be co-authors of such a magnificent job? The Church Celebrates the Feminine Genius The Catholic Church embraces and celebrates the feminine genius, meaning that women are multi-faceted individuals who contribute to all aspects of life. The core of our motherhood—be it physical or spiritual—is what sets us a part to love and nurture those around us. How does fertility awareness tie into this? [bctt tweet="The Catholic Church embraces and celebrates the feminine genius, meaning that women are multi-faceted individuals who contribute to all aspects of life. #BISblog //" via="no"] The Heart of Who We Are Fertility awareness is the practice of charting your cycle to learn the fluctuations of your hormones, identify the different phases within your cycle, and maximize workouts, work, mental, and emotional health through the knowledge of your cycle. This practice, while deeply rooted in scientific methodology and effectiveness, is also spiritual because it gets to the heart of who we are as women and an aspect of ourselves we are so frequently told to cut-off from every other part of our lives. Your body, your fertility, and your period are good and were made good by God. When we honor how our bodies work and learn how our bodies work—whether married or single—we honor our very own feminine genius. The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible: the spiritual and the divine. // Pope Saint John Paul II, TOB February 20th, 1980 We are not merely physical beings or only spiritual beings, but rather we live in the tension of this integrated reality as human beings. It is utterly beautiful and can sometimes be the source of some of our biggest crosses. But, in the process of learning and understanding our bodies, we come to lean into this integration more fully and recognize the unique genius God has endowed to women alone. Your Unique Data If you struggle with loving your body, have never thought about tracking your cycle, or wondering if painful periods will always be a part of your life, I encourage you to lean into the beautiful way you are created by using the tools available to learn you! The power of your body’s data tells a unique story that is specific to you and the care you receive should be tailored to who you are and how your body works. This is the beauty of living an integrated life as Catholic women and honoring our bodies. We are able to lean into our uniqueness and more fully embrace our very own feminine genius that we are called to contribute to the world. How has fertility awareness helped you understand your role and call as a woman?   [bctt tweet="Fertility Awareness and the Feminine Genius #BISblog //" via="no"]   Bridget Busacker is founder of Managing Your Fertility, an online, one-stop shop of fertility awareness resources for women and couples. She is on a mission to fuse the science of Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) and Theology of the Body (TOB) into the everyday practice of NFP. Bridget is passionate about women’s health and sex education that promotes the dignity of the human person by integrating a holistic approach to self-knowledge of the body.   *Due to the conversation in the comments below, we would like to state plainly that Blessed is She fully submits to the teaching of the Catholic Church. To learn what the Church teaches on FAM and NFP, please read Humanae Vitae (especially paragraph 10), Catechism of the Catholic Church 2368, and this Q+A. In regards to expectations of NFP instructors and those who take on the responsibility of others’ health and wellbeing, the USCCB is clear that NFP instructors are bound to the same ethical treatment of clients as doctors are with their patients. As always, we are praying with you and for you.

By virtue of baptism, every Christian is anointed to serve as priest, prophet, and king within their individual communities. But what exactly does this mean? I confess that, even as a life-long Catholic who always attended Catholic schooling (even for college), this calling often eluded and confused me. How do I—especially as a woman—serve as priest, prophet, and king? Thankfully, teaching Theology to teenagers requires lots of grappling with the mysteries of our Faith in order to explain them well to others. In the past nine years, my understanding of these roles has changed from one that is puzzling to something that is actually quite practical. Inherited from Our First Parents All three roles appear within Scripture at the very beginning of Genesis. In the first two chapters, we learn of our first parents and why they were created (not necessarily “how”). The ultimate reason mankind is created is clear: to love and be loved. However, what is slightly less clear is that living out the roles of priest, prophet, and king is one way in which we achieve this purpose! Priest Genesis 2 tells us that God planted a garden in Eden and placed Adam there “to till it and keep it.” In Hebrew, the phrase is literally, “to serve and guard” which indicates that Adam’s role includes caring for the garden. But it is so much more than gardening (more on this in a minute)! It is extremely rare to find these verbs—serve and guard—paired together within Scripture. However, they are used together in this order once again in the book of Numbers, when the sacred author describes what priests are to do in a place of worship. Thus for the ancient reader studying Genesis, Adam’s commission to serve and guard creation would have had a priestly sound to it. If Adam (who is one flesh with his wife) and Eve were entrusted with this priestly role, then logically speaking, their children and descendants are also meant to carry on the duty. Practically Speaking… How do we live this out? First and foremost, priests offer sacrifice to God. As baptized Christians, the sacrifice we offer to God is the sacrifice of our own lives. This doesn’t have to be complicated. In reality, it’s actually quite simple -- though not always easy! Begin every day with a morning offering when you awake and try to “tune” your heart and mind to truly mean the words as you pray them. The age-old practice within our Faith of “offering it up” when we face difficult moments. Though this is sometimes thought of as a Catholic phrase used to get someone to stop complaining, that is not even close to its ultimate purpose! Instead, it is a reminder to not waste the merits of your suffering (which you have to endure anyway) and to entrust these merits to God as a little “death” or “cross,” knowing that He will allow great good to come into the world because of your priestly sacrifice. (Slight sidenote: good, true, and beautiful moments can also be offered to God for His glory.) In alignment with “offering it up,” there is the acceptance of “white martyrdom.” While red martyrdom is when individuals physically die for their belief in Christ, white martyrdom is a death that is often faced on a day-to-day basis as social persecution because of one’s Faith. Accepting such a cross, facing it with heroic virtue, and offering it as a sacrifice to God is another manner in which one can live out their priestly role. When you attend Mass, be especially present and attentive at the offertory (the moment in which the gifts are being brought to the altar). As the faithful walk towards the front, in your heart and within your mind’s eye, intentionally offer God your life—and everything that is taking place in it at that time. Offer it to Him as a gift, and ask Him to use it for His glory. In all these things, there is an element of protection—or “guarding”—which is part of the role given to our first parents. They were called to serve and guard the temple of creation. You are called to serve and guard the temple of your body and God’s presence within it. Prophet In addition to serving and guarding the garden, God gives Adam the task of naming the animals—a very important privilege! Typically, only the creator of something is the one with the right to name his or her creation. Though God is the Creator, He gives this right to Adam. As this first man goes about completing this task, he is speaking on behalf of God. In all Abrahamic faiths, a person who speaks on behalf of God is referred to as a prophet. Whether male or female, as descendants of Adam (who again is one-flesh with Eve), this role extends to us! Practically Speaking… Not every baptized Christian is called to a professional life of preaching and prophesying. That is not (necessarily) what God is calling us to through this role. Within Scripture, a prophet’s first job was to share God’s word and explain to the people what God wanted them to do. We fulfill this prophetic calling every time we share some of God’s Truth with another person. This could take many forms… When God brings someone into your day and makes it clear they are struggling with something, go out of your way to assist them, even if it is in a small way. Sometimes the only Truth a person needs preached is the basis of the Gospel: that they are loved and valuable. You can speak God’s Truth by the actions you show them. Spend intentional time with God in prayer everyday. This does not need to be long and drawn out. However, it is impossible to be a prophet and share God’s Word with others if we fail to know God’s Word ourselves! For parents raising children, it means making the time to instruct children in the Faith—something God has already equipped you to do! Read Scripture and other virtuous stories with them, explain feast days, live liturgically, etc. Instruct the young in Goodness, Truth, and Beauty and be intentional about it. Don’t just hope it rubs off on them! If one is not a parent, assist the parents you know with this task. Perhaps you have godchildren, nieces and nephews, or neighbors from Church. The more adults children see living out their faith and teaching them, the better! King The final role left to be addressed is actually the first present in Scripture. In Genesis 1, immediately after creating Adam and Eve on the sixth day, God gives them the gift of dominion. In other words, Adam and Eve are meant to rule over all of creation. In a sense, they are above it all as they are the highest physical being He created. This gift of dominion takes on a fuller meaning in light of Jesus. He instructed the disciples that the “greatest” is meant to serve everyone else (Matthew 23:11). Thus to live out our kingly role well, we must learn to serve others well. Practically Speaking… We do not have to look far to do this. Opportunities to serve are encountered each day for all of us. First, we should evaluate the places in which we have been given dominion. For myself, as a parent, campus minister, and teacher, I have many places where I need to exercise authority. The best way for me to do this is with an attitude of humility and service. This does not mean I become a doormat or a push-over in these roles. It means constantly reevaluating my intention behind every action I take, especially when I exercise my authority. I should never possess an attitude of superiority towards my fellow man. There is still an element of “ruling” when it comes to this role, but not in regards to a country or kingdom. As baptized Christians living out our kingly roles, we are supposed to be kings over ourselves, over sin, and over Satan. Anyone who doesn’t master these three things is in all reality, a slave. This could look like binge-watching shows, over-exercising, or even apathy towards fighting a personal addiction. Jesus came to give us power and authority over ourselves and to free us from the things that bind us. Access this kingly power and authority in the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist! Both provide graces to help us take hold of this freedom. Our Ultimate Role The call to love is the root of all Scripture. It is the ultimate purpose for which we were made. This is logical considering we were made in the image and likeness of Love Himself. Thus, if we ever find ourselves confused about what the most loving thing to do in a tricky situation, remembering our roles as priest, prophet, and king could be helpful in finding an answer. Perhaps all we need to do is evaluate how we could better sacrifice, share, or serve the world around us.   [bctt tweet="How to Live Out Your Baptismal Call of Priest, Prophet, and King #BISblog //" via="no"]

Where is the most unlikely place you have prayed? I mean, of course, 1 Thessalonians 5:16 tells us to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and in everything give thanks.” But you have to admit, there are some questionable places we find ourselves praying. I have traveled around the world and recently, I pulled out an old journal and laughed at some of the places I prayed: train stations, basilicas, mountains, and deserts. Then there are the places where I did not take my journal to pray but have had some of my greatest moments of prayer in my life. Unlikely Places I Have Prayed So sisters, keep a tally and see if you have prayed in some or all the places I have prayed, and feel free to add to the list in the comments! In the Bathroom I know I am not alone in this because I took a poll, and what did it reveal? That 100% of moms pray on the toilet because it is one of the few places they have a moment of silence to themselves. Some have even admitted to reading a Blessed is She daily devotional on their throne (you know who you are, and we are not judging). I know sisters who have intestinal issues diseases and they offer up their pain praying on “Les toilette” (it just sounds better in French). The point is, if there is something you need to let go of and surrender to the Lord, there might be no better place than the bathroom. via GIPHY In the Shower/Bathtub My mom always told me the best place to cry and pray is in the shower and she was 100% correct. Did you hear that, Mom? I said you were correct. Consider this an early Mother’s Day card for the world to see. There is something about being vulnerable with God while you are lathered in soapy suds and washing all your cares away. Most of my days start with a shower, so I start by praying the words of Saint Teresa of Calcutta, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today, let us begin.” Then I give God permission to set my day in motion. via GIPHY The Gym/Exercising When I used to be able to go to the gym, I would have a specific worship playlist to keep me motivated to take care of the body God gave me. Now, I am thankful for silence on a walk in my neighborhood so I can do an examen of my day. However, when I did go to a gym, there were numerous reasons I would pray! Sometimes, I was praying for the chastity of the eyes, while other times I was praying for some women to put on more clothing. Sometimes I pray a Rosary during a brisk walk (I refuse to run unless an ostrich is running after me) in the neighborhood or on the beach, and lately, I have been listening to Fr. Mike Schmitz’s Bible in a Year Podcast. But if I’m being honest, sometimes I just pray to God that I complete the abdominal portion of my workout (who’s with me on this?). via GIPHY Airports Back when I used to travel, I loved praying in the airport. I would pray for and with mommas about to board a plane by themselves and even offer to help them get on board (mommas always need more hands when they have kids). I would pray for the people I would be sitting next to on the flight, hoping that God would provide an opportunity for me to sit next to my future spouse or, at the very least, someone who needed to know the love of God. And I would always pray for the people who worked at the airport from the janitors (thank them if you see them cleaning up the bathrooms or emptying the trashcans), to the air traffic controllers, to the flight attendants, and the pilots. I rarely put my headphones on till the lights went out on the plane in case the Lord pointed out someone to pray with or for while I was flying through the sky. via GIPHY The Cemetery This might seem normal to most, but how I like to pray is a bit different. I love to look at the headstones and pray for all the people who have passed on, specifically in case they are a soul still in Purgatory. Of course, I pray for the loved ones I am visiting, but I also pray for the souls of people I will only meet on the other side and for their families who mourn their passing from this world. via GIPHY Walking the Dog Little do my neighbors know, but when I walk my dog, I pray for all of them by name as I pass their home. Give it a try the next time you are walking your dog or potbelly pig or even just going for a walk in the neighborhood. I also will do a quick examen of my day when I’m walking my dog, reflecting on five things: I start by asking God for light, then I give thanks to God for all He has allowed in my day (good or bad), then I review the day thus far, face all my shortcomings, and then look ahead at how I can do differently. It is great to do mid-day, at the end of the day, or whenever God gives you five to ten minutes of silence. via GIPHY In My Car I have to admit that I’m typically praying for the person who just cut me off on the freeway, but I also pray a lot on my commute to and from work. I talk out loud to God in my car, I sing praise and worship in my car, I call friends at random who God prompts me to call and pray with them or ask them what they need prayer for in my car. I pray in Los Angeles for all the homeless on the streets which breaks my heart for what breaks God’s heart daily. I probably pray more in my car than I do in a church on a given week. via GIPHY With a Waitress or Waiter in a Restaurant Want to give your waiter or waitress something even better than a tip? Ask them if they want to pray grace with you the next time you go out to dinner. I used to do this with my Core Team when I was a youth minister and got two new Core Members because of this. Some people even came back to the Church! The worst thing they can say is “No, I don’t want to.” The best thing they can say is, “Sure!” Then you pray for them and for the kitchen staff who made your meal and brought it to you. It is a great way to give a tip that they will remember longer than the financial one you leave behind. via GIPHY In-Line Anywhere You name the place and I’m praying: the grocery store, Starbucks, Disneyland, a restaurant, or Hobby Lobby. You can pray a Divine Mercy Chaplet while you wait or pray for the people in front of you or bagging your groceries. Rather than read the headlines in the latest gossip magazine, take a moment to offer a prayer of praise. via GIPHY Cooking If you have Discovery+ you have to watch the Lost Kitchen (you will thank me for this binge-watch). I feel like a kindred spirit to Erin and get emotional watching it because it speaks to my soul. I love cooking and find it to be a spiritual experience to add ingredients, cut the produce, and smell the garlic in the air mixed with pure olive oil or butter (the best thing God has created, next to humans, in my opinion). I pray when I cook in a way I don’t any other time of the day. I pray for the ranchers and fisherman, I pray for the gardeners who grew and picked the produce, I pray for my family and friends who will gather around the table to eat what God helped me create. I know cooking for yourself or your family can be a chore but think of it as a spiritual, co-creation moment with God when you are blending all He has provided into something that will satisfy the bodies He created until we are fully satisfied at the Heavenly banquet. via GIPHY Cleaning the House I love cleaning, especially vacuuming the floor and getting those perfect lines on my OCD carpet (such satisfaction, sisters). And when I clean, I often pray about the things that spiritually need a clean-up. I run through a mental Examination of Conscience and contemplate how I need to reconcile with the Lord in my next confession. This simple practice allows me to run to the Father more often than I used to seek His mercy. Give it a try the next time you are scrubbing your toilet or when you are dusting the baby fingerprints off your flat-screen television (great examination on what you have watched and how you might want to confess your latest binge viewing to Padre). via GIPHY God Will Meet Us There So, as you can see, there are a lot of places we can pray that might seem out of the ordinary. Of course, we pray on gorgeous beaches during sunset, on mountaintops during a retreat, and in churches and chapels, but God desires us to pray unceasingly. These are just a few ways I have allowed prayer to fill my days and nights. I would love to hear some of your unusual places you have prayed and how you incorporate prayer in your daily life in the comments!   [bctt tweet="Unlikely Places We Pray #BISblog //" via="no"]

I write to you while sipping on a green juice and munching on a waffle. Evidence of change—balance. This morning I had to stretch the waist band on my underwear so they wouldn’t be too tight. I should really go buy new ones. Evidence of change. I cancelled my Saturday workout and picked up my Bible for some rest, in my body and in my heart. Evidence of change. I read a post written by women’s health and dietitian Renee McGregor. I have been reading her work for years now and have always deemed her information profound. Yet, I also deemed it not for me. Her post today rang in my entire body, awakening the realization of my extremely abrupt and extremely slow body conversion over the past year. Evidence of change. Her post critiqued the notion that "women should not wobble." Intrigued, I read the caption which professed her anthem about healthy body fat percentage and its direct impact on hormones, health, and performance. It wasn’t new information to me, in fact I had read extensively on the topic. Today, it seeped into me like I had never heard it before. Evidence of change. Under Control Exercise was my safe space, my happiness. Food was my fuel, my resource, my nourishment. Together, my health was in my control. And then I couldn’t. And then I didn’t. And then it was out of my control. And that is when it all began to change. Because it is not in my control. When my health escaped my grasp, when my life started spinning around me, when no one had answers—control was no where to be found. It was not in exercise, not in food, not in medicine, or people. There was only the One. There was only the One who has never wavered. The One who never took a step away when I held my health above Him. Who never turned away His gaze when I tore myself apart for eating too much or missed a workout. Who held me when I cried. Who listened to my worst days. Who consoled my soul as I learned the depths of humanity. Who never forgot His promises when my successes crumbled. The One Who Is The Who is the I AM. The I AM is the Messiah. The Messiah is my Savior and Mighty Prince of Peace. He is in control and capable of changing every cell that makes up His beautiful creations, for He is our Divine Potter. His hands mold us. I always went to Him for everything, and He was always there. But not when it came to my body, that was mine, and I had it under control. Coming Undone One year ago, I was thirteen percent body fat. I was at the peak of my "health." I ate a "perfect" diet, and my fitness routine was rock solid. One year ago, I lost my period. I had overwhelming anxiety. I was consumed by fatigue, and made it through the day on caffeine. I weighed myself every day and carefully calculated every nutrient that entered my body. I loved nutrition, and still do. I gave my family and friends sound advice from my hours of research, but experimented on myself. I tried to control His creation. I moved cities, began a new job with the onset of the pandemic, planned and re-planned a wedding. I leaned into Him. I was balancing the stress of work, the gym, and my extreme anxiety trying to figure out why my days were disappearing. I asked Him to prioritize my time, to help me make time for Him. Then the gyms closed. My intense sessions turned to prayerful walks, and I started to lean into cooking for flavor, comfort, and creativity. Leaning In I prayed my first novena to Our Lady, the Undoer of Knots. I heard novenas have been known to bring miracles, and as my prayer life bloomed more and more I wanted to see what it was all about. My devotion to her was for the intention of my health and my absent period. On the eighth day of the nine-day novena, after 322 days without, I started my period. (Needless to say, I love to pray novenas now.) I thought that was the victory. I thought that was the healing moment, the peak of my prayer life, and the return to my health. But it was only the beginning. Praise be to God it was only the beginning. He always has more for us. An Ongoing Surrender Then I lost control of my health. Outlying circumstances kept me from the gym, from work. It sent me to countless doctors appointments, tests, and procedures. I leaned into Him. I spent my time with Him. It got darker, and I spent my time with Him. I became more frightened, and I spent my time with Him. And He revealed Himself to me. Over and over again, little by little, He revealed more of His heart to me. The relationship I once had with Him became The Relationship. He became the soul of my life that began to take control, so that I didn’t have to. It was painful and so peaceful. There are so many layers to the story of my year, and I hope to share more one day. But this isn’t my conversion story, just a small part of my love story. This is the part where He taught, and is teaching me, about surrender. This is the part where He revealed to me the beauty of His creation. He healed my eyes, He is healing my mind, and I believe He will heal my body in His time. Health Can Become an Idol We are made to be womanly. We are made in His image and likeness (see Genesis 1:26). Our body goals are internal. The goals that lead our souls to purity and holiness: the Beatitudes (see Matthew 5:1-12). Our bodies are temples for worship and thanksgiving like Saint Anna (see Luke 2:36-38), for He lives in our souls. “Don’t you know your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not on your own?” (see 1 Corinthians 6:19). The Church tells us, "Health is an important value, but not an absolute one. We should treat our God-given body gratefully and carefully, but not be obsessed with it" (CCC 2288-2291). And He tells us, "Their God is the belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things" (Philippians 3:19). Let us never forget the life in our souls, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Evidence of Change This morning, I opened my devotional, Awaken My Heart by Emily Wilson Hussem, to Week Five: Body Image. I read it with a heart of love. I read it with a heart of gratitude, and I prayed for my body carefully, with intention. A year ago, I would have deemed this not for me. Evidence of change. Exercise was my safe space, my happiness. Food was my fuel, my resource, my nourishment. Now, exercise and food empower my body and promote energy for my life. Now, He is my safe space, my joy. His will is my fuel, His Word is my resource, and His presence is my nourishment. Because now, He is in control. [bctt tweet="The Idol of Health #BISblog // " via="no"] This story is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your health. Courtney Cantu is a wife, daughter, sister, and nurse. You'll most likely find her cooking or baking a new recipe. She loves a long walk with friends, chats over coffee, and a good workout. Sundays are her favorite day of the week, and mornings are her favorite time of day. She tries to share this joyful journey to Heaven with all those who cross her path along the way.

"Perhaps you hesitate in prayer because you do not know how to pray. Perhaps you question yourself because although you know numerous vocal prayers, you are not sure what lies beyond vocal prayer and are searching for a particular method of prayer. Perhaps you think that prayer is something allotted to Saints, and you are not a Saint. If you learn nothing else in these pages, know this: prayer is not a formula." // from our new prayer companion, Nunc Coepi Craving a Consistent Rhythm of Prayer? My own prayer life has been stop-start, stop-start for as long as I can remember. I'd go all out some Advent, only to find myself fallen off the Rosary band wagon by Christmas Day. I would resolve firmly that this would be the Lent to beat all Lents. And by the fourth week I would have concluded that I had failed again. But when my husband started talking to me about living a life of prayer, a life where prayer was already woven into my conscious and unconscious parts of the day, I realized maybe I had been approaching prayer all wrong. Prayer is not a graded class in school. It's not an event at a track meet. Prayer is not a formula. It is a line of communication—our relationship—with God. This changed everything for me. I decided I wanted to become a person of prayer. Maybe some of this sounds familiar for you too. My husband and I set out to put together a prayer companion book for you, for us, so that we could all strive to be people of prayer. A Prayer Companion for All Sorts Now if you've ever collaborated with a loved one on a project you can appreciate the fact that we faced some real challenges. I tend to be . . . ahem . . . an active managing editor sort, if you know what I mean. He was in the seminary for many years (years before we met, calm down!) so spiritual reading has been a way of life for him for twenty years now. He brought the wisdom, I brought the Google Docs!   If you'd like to sit with the writings of a spiritual thinker (short snippets because it is dense and I needed lots of time to digest), pray with one-two verses of Scripture during the week, chew on a spiritual maxim, and ponder a few questions on Saturdays about your spiritual journey, I think you'll like Nunc Coepi (noooonc chay-pee). It means "Now I Begin" and is from the Psalms. Let's begin together! We also made a video companion to the book with monthly videos from us, a monthly email with the themes from the book that month, and a Facebook group if you'd like to hang with us more. How is your prayer life right now? In need of a re-start? Let us know if you'll be praying with us!   [bctt tweet="Looking to Start (or Re-Start) Your Prayer Life? #BISblog //" via="no"]

Being Catholic in an increasingly secular world is extremely difficult. Now imagine putting yourself on a college campus full of young people who have the freedom to be on their own for the first time in their lives. Now, your struggles become that much greater! I have been there, and I am about to come out of the other side of this as a recent college graduate from a large state school. I am now a stronger Catholic than I have ever been in my entire life! Becoming a Devout Catholic in College I want to share with you, dear sister, my best tips for how to thrive as a Catholic woman in college. 1. Start and end every day with prayer. It is easy to focus more on God in your daily life when you begin every day with Him. I take a few minutes right when I wake up to thank God for all of the beautiful blessings in my life, and I devote the rest of my day (sufferings included) to Him. By beginning every morning like this, you will find yourself soaking in more virtues throughout your day. The stresses of schoolwork and the frustrations of your day will seem smaller. The joys of your day will also be magnified! You may also find yourself sleeping better by not starting and ending your day with social media. I know this is a bad habit for a lot of young people, myself included. All of this comes by simply starting and ending your day in a short prayer. 2. Find a Mass buddy. As easy as it seems to find time to go to Mass for one hour every Sunday, college students seem to find reasons to skip it. I know this because I’ve been there. It can be very overwhelming to set aside time to get to Mass when you are studying all weekend for those three exams you have on Monday morning. This is where your Mass buddy comes in handy. Your Mass buddy can keep you accountable for getting to Mass every Sunday when it seems like no one around you goes to church. And on those weekends where you don’t have too much to get done, you have a friend to grab coffee with after Mass! 3. Have Adoration dates with Jesus. College can be a little lonely/stressful/anxiety-inducing at times. During those times, it can be calming to be able to spend quiet time with Jesus. And if you go to college far from your hometown, an Adoration chapel can be your home away from home! Saint Augustine said “Our heart is restless until it rests in You”. Bring your heart to God in adoration, and He will give you rest and peace. 4. Get involved with your college’s parish. Many colleges have parishes on campus or within close proximity to campus. These parishes typically have multiple programs and events for like-minded Catholic college students. I highly encourage you to get involved with these college parishes; you could meet wonderful young people who will help lead you down the right path towards Heaven! It can be a little awkward at first coming to group events where you don’t know anyone, but I can guarantee it will be worth it. You could even find your Mass Buddy here. 5. Do not sacrifice your morals for others. My last tip is the most important by far. Do not, under any circumstances, sacrifice your morals or beliefs for anyone. In my experience, if you share your beliefs with others while exuding confidence and joy, they will admire you for it! And if the people you meet reject you because of your faith or beliefs, then you probably don’t want to be friends with them anyway. By living in an unapologetically Christian manner, you will make friends with the most genuine people. At the end of the day, you will be glad you didn’t sacrifice your morals for anyone! Any other recent college grads out there? What helped you become (or stay) a devout Catholic in college?   [bctt tweet="How to Grow into a Devout Catholic in College #BISblog //" via="no"]   Margaret McCarty is a college student from Tennessee, currently studying Mechanical Engineering. She enjoys hiking in the Smoky Mountains, coffee dates with her friends, and long walks with her Aussiedoodle, Scarlett. She is currently growing in her faith with other young women by leading Zion, the Catholic women’s group at her college.

I am a baptized Catholic who spent my teenage and young adult years running away from God with all my might. Despite my best efforts, I could never quite get away. I had had too many experiences of the True, Good, and Beautiful as a child to be entirely deaf to them once I had grown. When I heard a piece of beautiful music or read a gorgeous story, I would catch an echo of God’s whisper to me. But I preferred, then, to call it “numinous,” a word borrowed from scientist Carl Sagan to describe a taste of the divine without a divinity. Those hooks were enough to keep me lightly tethered to Catholicism. On the morning of 9/11, the first place I went was to locate my atheist boyfriend (now my Catholic husband). The second place I went was to church, somewhere I hadn’t been voluntarily in a half dozen years. I didn’t know why, I just knew I needed it. Needed Him. Whispers in the Dark Over the next few years, these whispers kept arriving. As they were happening, the moments seemed inconsequential, even marginal. When I married that atheist man, I assumed I was done with Catholicism for good. On our honeymoon in Mexico, though, our tour bus took an unscheduled detour from the Aztec pyramids to the Basilica of Our Lady of Guadalupe, and we passed under Our Lady’s mantle hand in hand. We laughed about what we referred to as our hijacking, but God (and Our Lady) whispered another seed of faith into our hearts that day. When we entered graduate school, we enjoyed the company of a Mormon couple (and their adorable toddlers). They argued passionately in favor of a personal relationship with Jesus, for the reconciliation of faith and reason. We argued just as passionately against, for the sake of a good argument, but God whispered to us through their words. Insistent, patient. Truth, Goodness, Beauty, and the Whisper With the benefit of twenty years hindsight, it seems so obvious what God was doing in my twenty-something self. He was whispering to me, using every tool at His disposal, calling out to His lost sheep in the gentle, merciful voice that would not startle her. He worked within the context of a national tragedy. An unexpected detour. A very unlikely friendship. Because of my childhood encounters with Truth, Goodness, and Beauty, I was eventually (slowly!) able to recognize these providential signs for what they were. Or rather, I was unable to not recognize them. They reverberated with the mark of divine love I had already known, moving the strings of my soul to vibrate in sympathy and recognition… and longing. Tuning the Ears of Our Hearts In the years since, God has continued whispering, in my most confusing moments and down twisty, uncertain paths. It is not necessarily any easier to hear Him within those moments than it was when I was twenty. But I have seen now—I have decades of evidence—that those whispers lead somewhere, somewhere good. And that even if I don’t quite hear Him correctly, He will keep whispering until I course-correct. It is worth the risk to follow the whispers, even badly. I tell you these stories for two reasons: to encourage you, and to give you hope. 1. Keep Listening... and Whispering First: Whatever you are doing to introduce others to earthly, human fragments of God’s perfection, keep doing it. Great books, music, art, and your own testimony can be just as important as liturgy and catechism in forming love and knowledge of God. In sharing them, you are introducing your family and community to the whispers, tuning the ears of their hearts to listen well and deeply. Let this be your encouragement to keep practicing your own listening, and to be a willing instrument for God when someone near you needs His whispering. 2. Keep Waiting Second: They still may not listen. And that, ultimately, is between them and God. All you can do is be a willing, whispering instrument; the results are not up to you. My poor parents probably despaired for my soul during my wilderness years, but I had to learn to recognize His whispers without their direct mediation. As do we all. (Here’s the hope: by God’s grace, after an improbably long time, I did.) It takes practice, and it takes failure, and it takes trying again. The results are by no means guaranteed. But chasing God’s whisper is the story of our lives and our salvation, the most important thing we will ever learn to do.   [bctt tweet="How I Chased God’s Whisper Down the Years #BISblog //" via="no"]   Christy Wilkens, wife and mother of six, is an armchair philosopher who lives in Austin, TX. She writes about disability, faith, doubt, suffering, community, and good reads. Her first book, Awakening at Lourdes: How an Unanswered Prayer Healed Our Family and Restored our Faith, a memoir about a Lourdes pilgrimage with her husband and son, will be released by Ave Maria Press in 2021. You can find out more about her here.

I decided to re-read The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis this year. There are few things more comforting than curling up on the couch in a fuzzy blanket in the dim of the evening and getting lost in the wonder of the Narnian universe with its talking animals, fauns, and, of course, Aslan. As I made my way through the books, I began to have a much deeper appreciation for the character of Lucy, the youngest of the Pevensie siblings. The more reacquainted I became with her character, the more I felt convinced that she is the perfect literary heroine for our weary, jaded times. Becoming Lucy In the Bible, God tells us of the vision He has for transforming our hearts: A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take out of your flesh the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. // Ezekiel 36:26 Lucy provides such a beautiful example of what this “heart of flesh” looks like. It is one that is pure, courageous, quick to forgive, and above all, confident in Christ’s love. Living life like Lucy Pevensie is the antidote to the fog of despair and cynicism. Her character is a blueprint for how to live out spiritual childhood. Childlike Confidence in God’s Love One of the things that really pierced my heart as I read Narnia this time was how intense and utterly trusting is Lucy’s love for Aslan. No matter the circumstances, whenever she sees Aslan, she runs to him immediately, ready to embrace him, expecting like a little child to receive his love and delight in return. She’s never held back by shame or fear. And sometimes when he leaves, she openly weeps because she can’t bear to be separated from him. She acts like the daughter I want to be with my Heavenly Father! A ll too often we shy away from Him because we don’t understand His kindness and eagerness to receive us. If only more of us had hearts like Lucy’s—open, trusting, always ready to run to God’s embrace, completely confident in His tender love. Courage Lucy's confidence in Aslan’s love bears much fruit, including great courage. With this courage she's able to have the fortitude to stay near Aslan when he is killed by the White Witch, even though it is a painful and terrifying experience for her. In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when she and her friends are caught in a literal cloud of pitch darkness that never seems to end, Lucy sees others around her panicking and despairing. But instead of losing hope, she murmurs a quiet, loving request for Aslan's help and guidance. Aslan’s love lights a fire in Lucy’s heart, a fire that gives her strength for whatever difficulties come. In Prince Caspian, when Aslan asks her to do something difficult, at first she feels afraid, unsure if she can accomplish it. But right away, she leans on him for help and receives the strength she needs: Lucy buried her head in his mane to hide from his face. But there must have been some magic in his mane. She could feel lion-strength going into her. Quite suddenly she sat up. 'I'm sorry, Aslan,' she said. 'I'm ready now.' 'Now you are a lioness,' said Aslan. 'And now all Narnia will be renewed.' Whatever the circumstances, Lucy’s always looking towards Aslan, and that sustains her through fear. Readiness to Forgive Lucy has a refreshing self-forgetfulness that allows her to forgive and move forward, without clinging to past injuries and grudges. When she first meets the faun, Mr. Tumnus, he intends to betray her to the White Witch. When he finally confesses this in a flood of tears, Lucy’s immediate reaction is to forgive him. She even offers him her handkerchief as a token of their friendship. When Lucy's siblings refuse to believe that she’s discovered the magical land of Narnia, it hurts her. And yet, when her Peter finally realizes that she’s right and offers an apology, she accepts right away. A Pure Heart Lucy is often the first to see invisible realities. At first, it is Narnia itself. Then, throughout multiple books, she is often the first to see Aslan when others cannot. I can’t help but recall Jesus’ words in the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.” Lucy’s faith in Aslan has a simplicity that makes it purer than anyone else’s. She doesn’t let other concerns crowd her heart and compete for Aslan’s love. When she sees the truth or when she sees goodness, she simply goes for it without overthinking things. This singleness of purpose in her love frees her to see with clearer vision and experience deep joy. It opens greater adventures to her, makes her life deeper, richer, and more vibrant. Read and Be Ready If you haven't read the Narnia books, I highly encourage you to pick them up this year. Officially they might be children’s literature, but the books are just as valuable reading for adults, if not more so! There is so much spiritual richness to each story that it would take an entire book to talk about each. And if you are an old friend of Narnia, take a little time to revisit it. You will come away refreshed and encouraged, ready to become your own Lucy Pevensie.   [bctt tweet="Becoming Lucy #BISblog //" via="no"]   Maria Bonvissuto works in marketing for a Catholic all-girls school in Northern Virginia. She is always reading at least two books at a time, loves playing classical guitar and writing, and is a major St. Augustine fangirl.

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about life as single women. We'd love for you to join the conversation! I sat somewhat uncomfortably beneath the shade of tall pine trees, a gentle wind rustling the canopy and my hair. My journal rested in my lap. I was on a leadership retreat in high school, just learning that I could have a personal relationship with God in prayer. I fidgeted on the cold, hard ground and leaned in hard to hear Him. Like a pen pal catching up a beloved friend after months of missing each other, I poured out my heart in those pages. My monologue of fears and failures, dreams and desires spilled over from one page to the next. But one question, one hope, dominated the landscape of my heart and the contents of that letter: my vocation. A Longing I longed for romantic love, and was preoccupied with it. In every elementary school class I had a crush. Next I fell deeply in love with my junior high best friend. And in between classes as I walked my high school campus, my eyes and heart were always searching for someone. The one. I always imagined having a love that spanned my whole life, so I was eager to get started. After sharing my perfect plan for a Perfect Marriage™, I put the question to Him. Would He send me this man? And for the first time, I heard the Voice of the Lord in prayer. One clear, pure word settled in my heart: wait. Looking back, I still marvel at the peace I felt in the moment. I wasn’t dejected or discouraged, instead I was elated that the Lord listened to my prayer and responded. Waiting didn’t have a terrible, long-suffering connotation. I felt no fear or resentment. In fact, as I made my way back to the hall for our next session, my steps were lighter. God heard me, He loved me, and He wanted the best for me. After all, I reckoned, 17 is still young. Years ticked past and my hopes continued, deferred. The boys I liked never invited me to a dance. My not-so-secret college crush never asked me on a proper date. There was no post-grad office romance, especially since the only man I worked with as youth minister at my new parish was the priest. But still, I prayed. I hoped. And contrary to Padre Pio’s sage advice, I worried. Peace in Eucharistic Adoration Having encountered Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament on another high school retreat, I sought Him out in Eucharistic Adoration. In those early years of ministry, I cried to Him on lonely Friday nights and pre-gamed with Him before youth group every Sunday. I stopped in when I was having a bad day and needed a Friend. The chapel became my safe place, my second home. In it, I filled many more journals recording conversations with the One I had come to know so well. Spring, summer, fall, and winter, morning, noon, and night, I visited Him. Even when I was angry at God about my self-imposed vocation deadlines, I showed up. When I felt unseen, I punched in the little code and sat down before His Eucharistic face. When there was no one and nothing, when there was and then there wasn’t, when my heart broke and I thought I messed it all up, I cried and raged and finally, blessedly, came back to peace in that still, small chapel. [elementor-template id="469410"] Keep Showing Up This devotion to Jesus in the Eucharist changed my life. Like the sinful woman in Luke 8, I daily poured out my heart at His feet. In His True Presence, He purified and rightly-ordered my desires, restored my dignity, and revealed the Love I was longing for. I’ve spent the last twenty years kneeling before Him in dozens of similar chapels, and still my hope for my vocation has not yet been realized. Still I wait. But in those twenty years, I have been deeply loved. The Lover of my soul pursued my heart and called me Beloved and told me again and again how beautiful I am to Him (Song of Songs 4:1). An Invitation Jesus walked with me through those desert years of waiting, grasping, and longing. But as I turn to assess all the ground we’ve covered, I find that the cracked and parched earth has begin to bloom where His footsteps landed. His presence floods the dryness, giving grace to past seasons. And that same grace is available to you, sweet friend. Can I ask you to do one thing as you wait for the desires of your heart? Commit to a weekly Holy Hour. Go to Him no matter the weather or circumstances or emotions that may try to deter you. In His Presence, that seemingly insatiable desire for understanding, acceptance, healing—for love—will be satisfied by the Living Water. Because beneath the very real call and desire for your vocation lies the ultimate call, the deepest desire of your heart: Love Himself. We weren’t made for marriage, or religious life; we were made for Jesus Christ.   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Single Women // Prayer #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about life as single women. We'd love for you to join the conversation! As a little girl, I loved when my mom told me the story of how she and my dad met, fell in love, and eventually got married. Naturally, I assumed my own story would play similarly (if not identical) to that of my mom. I thought I would be married in my twenties and by the time I was thirty have several beautiful children. However, I am thirty-five and not married. I got married at twenty-six and by the time I was thirty I was divorced and annulled. I have no children. I have had two serious relationships and been on all the dating apps or faith-based dating platforms. And yet, I am still single. While the desire for marriage and family life remain, they have not yet happened for me. Most days, I am okay with where the journey of my life finds me. Some days are frustrating and lonely...especially when I get a weird message from a guy or a first date turns out to be a dud. Deep down, I know Jesus has not forgotten me or the desires of my heart. A plan is playing out before my eyes, even if sometimes I do not fully understand it. One of the most life changing things I have learned since my first marriage is acknowledging what I had to unlearn (and relearn) about dating. I can confidently say at thirty-five I am probably the most healthy version of “dating Patty” that I have ever been. What I Had to Unlearn About Dating You do not need a spouse to complete you. We can make an idol out of marriage. Marriage is not the end all, be all. Heaven is our goal, not just getting married. Finding the “ perfect Catholic guy” will not make everything perfect. Stop taking dating too seriously. It is a date, not a lifetime commitment. The idolization of virginity and a (sometimes) lack of compassionate care for people who have sex before marriage. I was a virgin before I got married, but my former husband and I were not always the most chaste. Whenever we have conversations around our bodies, sexuality, and dating, I think it's really important we come at it from a pastoral, loving perspective and not one of shame. You do not have to date and marry Catholic. The assumption that a woman is responsible for the moral character of the relationship. It is not the responsibility of one person alone to be chaste; both people are responsible together. Learn from Experience The older I have gotten and more healing I have done in therapy around my body and sexuality, the more I acknowledged the unhealthy messages I needed to release. Reflect on your own life and the experience of dating and being single. Are there any unhealthy things about dating, sexuality, or relationships that you need to let go? Talk with Jesus about this. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY What I Had to Relearn About Dating There is no formula for life. I can live a rich, full, and beautiful life right now. I am enough with God just as I am, the way He made me. My desires for love, intimacy, and connection are good things created by God. I do not need to carry shame about my body or past sexual sins/mistakes. I can go on lots of dates to help me understand what I need and want in a relationship. Being married is not the most important thing in life. Living my life for Jesus and serving my neighbor is. I do not have to settle for the “best option” I can find. I can have standards. It is good and healthy to have boundaries in dating (and in a serious relationship). Knowing Yourself in the Sight of the Lord Before I got married, I did not really know myself. Honestly I really did not love myself very well either. With a lot of hard work and a boat load of grace, I think I have learned a lot on my highs and lows of being a Catholic single woman. And you know what? I am sure you have as well! Reflect on your own life, the experience of dating and being single. What healthy things about dating, sexuality, or relationships did you need to relearn? Talk with Jesus about this. Unexpected Graces on Unexpected Journeys Friend, I so wish we were having this conversation together in person. I wish I could give you a hug while holding space for your own pain or frustration when it comes to being single or dating as a Catholic woman. Maybe your journey has also looked very different than you imagined. Perhaps you are right where you thought you would be. Regardless of what the road has looked like, know God has a good plan for your life. You are not forgotten. You have learned a lot and you are still growing. I am holding hope for the truth that He will speak over you.   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Single Women // What I Had to Unlearn (and Relearn) About Dating #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about life as single women. We'd love for you to join the conversation! What thoughts and feelings come up when you think of dating? If “ugh….” is your first visceral reaction, it could be helpful to explore why that is. Although dating can have it’s highs and lows, the process of getting to know people and ultimately choosing your life partner does not have to be filled with so much disappointment and dread. Get Out of the Dating Dumps Here are some tips to help you shift into a more positive experience along the dating process. Shift Your Mindset If the thought of dating makes your stomach tighten and makes you want to shut down, the first shift that needs to take place is in your mindset. If you are wanting to be in relationship but all your thoughts are already starting in a negative place, it is going to be difficult to find the kind of man you really want. Practical exercise // Begin to shift your mindset asking yourself, “What if it were possible to enjoy this process? What kinds of things can I learn along the dating process? What if it were possible to meet great guys and eventually my future husband with joy and ease?” Perhaps journal about this. Ask yourself, "What kind of thoughts toward men and dating could be more supportive for me in the kind of relationship and dating experience that I want?" Get Support Often, there are reasons why we continue to not get the results we want in relationship. Get help to explore what’s happening for you. What are your fears? How are you blocking love in your life? How do you show up in relationship? Where are there areas in your life of unresolved trauma or pain that has happened in your past? Do the inner work. If you want a man who is emotionally available, make sure you are also doing the work to be emotionally available and open and capable to receive another in relationship as well. Practical exercise // Go to therapy. Hire a coach. Get the help that will support you. Sometimes friends, though they mean well, do not always offer the best dating advice or the kind of support you may need. Be open to getting help and support. Investing in yourself and doing your own inner work is also a great gift to your future husband and children. Don’t underestimate this the value that this has on your ability to be in healthy relationship with others. Appreciate Men Sometimes single women say they long to be in relationship with a man, but they have so many hangups, judgments, and criticisms about men in general. Explore how this is for you. How do you feel towards men? What are your thoughts towards men? Learn to like men. Really like them. Learn about how men think, how they operate differently than women, learn about what they value and what is inspiring to them. You may have been hurt by men in the past, but there are many good and wonderful men in the world. Come to see and recognize the healthy men around you too. Practical exercise // Open your eyes. As you go about your day, notice the good things that men do. See how the work they do, how they serve and show up and provide and give and protect. See the wonderful ways that they make others’ lives better. Bonus points: Say thank you. Thank the men in your life for the gift they are to you and others (this could be a guy friend, your dad, brother, or someone you are dating). Additionally, show your appreciation by expressing what his effort provides for you (he will be able to hear and receive your words even more deeply in this way). WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Date I know that it’s easier to just pray novenas to Saint Joseph and hope that God brings your man straight to your doorstep, but if you are really wanting to meet your future husband, it’s important that you actually go out and date men. Be open. Allow men to give to you. Learn to receive from men. Set boundaries when you need to and in general, be warm, open, and available. Say yes more. Get to know a lot of guys. Connect with a lot of people. Allow men to give to you, to ask you out, to treat you to dinner, to get your phone number. Allow the dating process to help you get to know yourself better, to clarify what you want, and to be continual practice for important skills in relating to others in relationship. What you can learn through the dating process is so valuable in and of itself! Practical exercise // Create your online profile! Get over your hangups about online dating and just do it. Show up to places where good quality men are. You need to be visible and available so your man can actually find you! Be open to God bringing you your man through any means. Have Fun Dating doesn’t have to be so hard. It’s when we take things too seriously or put too much pressure on a single date or on a specific guy that things turn sour. Allow yourself to relax and to connect with men and get to know them. Get curious. Become excited about all the great guys you are going to meet and get to know and all the things you will learn about yourself and others along the process. Yes, dating can have its share of disappointment as well as terrible heartbreak. But it doesn’t have to end there. Dating can also be a fun and beautiful journey as you get to know yourself and get to know other guys along your discernment of who is ultimately the right man for you. Additionally, filling up our own lives with things we enjoy and love takes the pressure off dating. Practical exercise // Let go of the seriousness and pressure. Allow yourself to meet a lot of men and to have fun. Go on lots of dates and enjoy receiving from men. In the times when you are not dating, fill your life up with things that make you happy. Treat yourself, rest, meet your own needs, and take care of your body. A woman who lives a full vibrant life is highly attractive to a good man, and this will also be a great gift for your future relationship. Let Go and Let God Sometimes it doesn’t work out. You may experience many “no's” before your ultimate “yes.” This doesn’t have to be a problem. If a man is not showing up for you in the way you need or deserve, there is no need to spend any more time with him. There is no need to put energy into the guys who are not showing up for you in a respectful way. Simply let go and move on. Practical exercise // Practice the mental discipline of not spending time thinking or analyzing those guys who do not show up for you as you want. Move on. Focus on your self-care and put your energy into being visible for the men who show up for you in the ways you deserve. Pray Prayer is key. The vocation to marriage is ultimately a calling from God. If you feel called to this vocation and are longing for your future husband, use this time to prepare well. The pain and loneliness you may have already experienced along this path can also be offered to God as prayer (this can be a great gift to your future husband as well). God will use everything. Practical exercise // Pray for your future husband. Pray for all those whom you will meet along your journey. Pray that you may develop the gifts and virtues your future husband will need from you. Additionally, allow your prayer to be expressed in action. Your inner work and perseverance through the discomfort and awkward moments of dating can ultimately bear fruit in an abundance of love and joy. Surrender the dating process to God, and allow God and His angels and saints to bless you and guide you. God will not let you down.   We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Single Women // Out of the Dating Dumps #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

I said, “Yes,” to the invitation to join a Bible study unlike any Bible study I had ever attended. This one did not include reading and studying Scripture; it was a practicum on praying with Scripture or lectio divina. Each week, our leader gave us three Scripture verses to pray and an accompanying grace for which to ask. As we prayed with Scripture, we noted words and phrases that stood out. We listened to how the Lord spoke to us through them, we observed our internal responses, and we learned how to enter into a conversation with Him. This Bible study, or better yet, this prayer practicum did not just teach us how to pray. It also taught us how to encourage one another in our prayer patterns and in our unique spiritual journeys. Spiritual Encouragement Requires Listening While we shared our prayer time experience with one another, we were only expected to listen. In fact, we were not permitted to give any feedback! Why? Because it compelled us to listen without trying to simultaneously conjure up a response. For when we listen to someone, while also thinking about our response, we focus less on the person talking and more on ourselves. Likewise, when we are listened to intently, without worrying about the feedback we may receive, we are allowed to truly feel heard, and as a result, we genuinely feel cared for. Yes, listening to another gives that person the gift of being heard. And that is a powerful and beautiful gift, indeed. Less is More Throughout my experience in this prayer practicum, I discovered that spiritually encouraging someone is much simpler, much quieter than I ever realized. It does not require me to have all the answers. It simply requires my presence and attentiveness. Of course, this is completely counter cultural and even counter intuitive. Perhaps that’s why it is so powerful, especially in our noisy culture. While my experience was in a group setting, I have been able to apply my lessons in listening and quietly encouraging to conversations with friends. Now, when I meet with a sister who needs spiritual encouragement, I may not remain completely silent, but I continue to practice saying less.   Spiritual Encouragement in Eight Steps Here are eight tips for spiritually encouraging another sister in Christ: Pray for Guidance Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. // Psalm 141:3 Before your conversation, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Silently invoke the intercession of the Blessed Mother and your Guardian Angel. Listening Attentively You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger. // James 1:19 When we find the word listen in the Bible, often it references the people of God not listening to the Lord. And oh, how not listening gets them into trouble! On the other hand, biblical listeners include Samuel (1 Samuel 3:10), Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:39), and Lydia (Acts 16:14). And they were blessed with God’s favor. This demonstrates how important listening is to God; not only to Him but also to one another. Be Comfortable With Quiet The effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever. // Isaiah 32:17 At first, it may feel awkward to listen more than talk. Practice letting the quiet linger. Let the silent moments remain unfilled. Perhaps it will give your sister in Christ the encouragement to keep sharing. Express Compassion As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. // Colossians 3:12 Quiet compassion—offering sympathy or empathy—could be as simple as nodding your head, smiling, keeping eye contact, offering a tissue, or giving a hug or hand squeeze. These simple gestures go a long way in offering encouragement to another. Ask Follow-up Questions The unfolding of your words gives light; it imparts understanding to the simple. // Psalm 119:130 Clarifying questions allow us to encourage someone, while at the same time letting the other person continue to process and feel listened to. Here are a few to consider: What do you think about that? How does that make you feel? Have you gone through something like this before? Positively Reassure Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. // Proverbs 16:24 After listening, reiterate what you heard and offer reassuring words of comfort. Validate how difficult her situation may be, how sorry you are for what she has to endure, and how brave she is. Then, encourage your sister to see what God is doing in her life. Express how you see God walking with her. Describe a virtue you admire in her. Share a particular Scripture verse or saint that could offer her consolation. Invite Her Into Prayer Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. // 1 Peter 5:7 Encourage your sister to bring her struggle to the Lord, placing it at the foot of the Cross, before the Blessed Sacrament. If she does not know how to do this, walk her through some simple steps. Offer to pray with her, leading by example. Follow Up Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing. // 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Continue to encourage your friend by calling or texting her. Send her a letter in the mail. Bring her coffee. Keep praying quietly but fervently for her, for “the prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). How do you spiritually encourage someone? In what ways has someone encouraged you?   [bctt tweet="How to Be a Spiritual Encourager #BISblog //" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY