It was only a few weeks into our marriage when my husband and I found ourselves in our bathroom, jumping up and down with joy, a tiny slip with two pink lines clutched in my hands. We were overjoyed. We both greatly desired to start a family and had already prayed for such a miracle.

You can imagine the slew of emotions I experienced, then, when a few days later, I began to miscarry. Confusion, sadness, and anger dominated my thoughts and emotions. Intellectually, I knew miscarriage was “normal" and “fairly common.” However, I had never felt so bone-crushingly alone.

I was twenty-three years old, totally new to married life, and had no idea how to process or move through this tragedy. I floated through my days like a mere shadow of my former self, isolated in my grief and confusion. My trust in the Lord was deeply shaken. Although prayer was precisely what my heart and soul needed, I could barely bring myself to turn to Him. I struggled to reconcile my loss with what I understood of His providence and grace.

This is the reality and experience for so many women who experience miscarriage or infant loss. 

A Shared Grief

Fast-forward a few years. I’m trying to wrangle my two-year-old during the announcements at the end of Mass when a woman I know tells me about a ministry set up in the church vestibule. She is assembling care packages for women who have experienced miscarriage or the loss of a baby. She is also asking women in the parish who have suffered such a loss to sign cards to put in the boxes, expressing condolences and solidarity. 

I exit my pew, the memory of my own loss still vivid enough to bring tears to my eyes, and see a massive crowd gathered at the back of the church. When I eventually make it to the table, I stare in astonishment at the cards spread across the table. Nearly every woman in the parish has signed her name to one. 

I gaze at the many signatures and expressions of prayer and love, feeling the balm of sympathy and solidarity wash over me. The women who receive these care packages and cards will be reminded of a powerful truth: We are never alone in our grief. 

Years after my own loss, I am reminded of this truth too. I add my name to the list and leave the church feeling lighter. 

Honoring Our Babies 

It is a sad but undeniable reality that miscarriage is common. Remembering and honoring the babies we will never meet this side of Heaven—and those we knew for far too short a time—is a beautiful and worthwhile act. 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This is a beautiful opportunity for the Church to acknowledge and affirm our belief that life begins at conception. It is also a chance to commemorate our babies and support those around us who are experiencing a similar grief. 

Parish ministries like the one I encountered, along with resources designed to accompany families through these difficult times, can be incredibly valuable. One such resource is The Gardener: A Gentle Story for Families About Child Loss, a new book from The Little Rose Shop. 

The Gardener is an allegorical story about a Gardener who plants and nurtures thousands of baby flowers. Each flower is unique, with different needs that the Gardener knows and tends to with care. When a flower is ready to bloom, the Gardener presents it to a family, who lovingly accepts the responsibility of caring for it. 

But some flowers need special care and would not thrive away from the Gardener. Rather than entrusting these flowers to a family, the Gardener takes them back to His own garden, where they can flourish and bloom under His tender care. 

Told in simple yet profound language and accompanied by beautiful illustrations, this book offers parents a gentle way to help older children understand the loss of an infant or pregnancy. Yet its heartfelt truths about the reality of these losses extend beyond that purpose. The book can also serve as a meaningful source of comfort for adults processing the grief of losing a child. In addition, it provides concrete suggestions and practical ideas for commemorating and remembering a child who has died. 

Held in His Care 

Any family experiencing the loss of a child deserves an abundance of love and support from their community. It is essential to acknowledge and validate the wide range of emotions that such a tragedy can elicit. 

In the weeks and months following my own miscarriage, the love and presence of family and friends helped pull me out of a place of deep darkness into a place of hope. Through their support and acknowledgement of my loss, I emerged from isolation and confusion and returned to a place of relationship and surrender. 

Now, five years later, I have been blessed to hold and love three babies and watch them grow into childhood. I have a deeper awareness that the Lord was loving me and holding me through the loss of our first baby. He never abandoned me or forgot His promises. He remained—and remains—good, loving, and faithful. 

I have also come to a greater understanding that some little ones are too delicate to leave His care. He wants them for Himself, and it is only with Him that they are safe. It may not have been what I planned, but He had a plan for them all along. 

The Gardener is one of many heartening resources for families experiencing the loss of a precious little one. I pray that this book may encourage you or that you might share it with someone who needs comfort. May it remind us all that He knows and loves each one of us and continually holds us in His tender, loving care.