Being single in your twenties can be extremely freeing. I can spend weeks in Europe, wake up when I want to, go on spontaneous girls’ trips, spend hours in prayer, and then spend another set of hours reading a novel or taking a nap. My time is my own, my income is my own, my life—while ultimately God’s—is currently mine to do with what I choose.
However, here is one aspect of being single in my twenties which is particularly challenging: wedding season.
’Tis the season of weddings in life, and often I find myself attending up to five or six per year. I have stood in countless churches, sat through countless ceremonies, worn countless colorful dresses, all while a war of emotions rages inside me.
On the one hand, it is an honor and a privilege to be present on this beautiful day. I love my friends dearly, and seeing them so in love is a gift and a joy. The fact that I was chosen to attend this special occasion is an honor and a testimony to our friendship. On the other hand, I desire marriage so deeply that watching my friends get married time and time again is also a source of pain—salt in the wound of loneliness. When will it be my turn? Why am I still alone? God, why are You choosing this for me? Will I ever walk down that aisle?
I have been attending marriages as a single woman for almost five years now—with no end in sight! Here are five tips I have found helpful for surviving weddings solo.
Five Tips for Surviving Weddings Solo
1. Acknowledge the Pain
When I first started attending weddings as a single woman, there was the temptation to deny or condemn my feelings of loneliness, longing, and pain while attending a wedding. This is my dear friend’s special day! Stop making it about you! While it's true that you should never make yourself the center of attention above the bride, it is important to acknowledge, just to yourself, that weddings can be hard. It is alright to feel lonely, longing, or just plain sad while at a wedding. Acknowledging and labeling those feelings can be helpful in surviving the day without getting overwhelmed. Give yourself grace to cry tears of joy and sorrow—big days mean big emotions—and pack some tissues if necessary!
2. No Expectations
Maybe this is the wedding I’ll finally meet HIM. Many people meet their future spouse while attending a wedding . . . but not always. I have found that if I walk into a wedding hoping to meet Prince Charming, I am usually disappointed. It’s true, sometimes I do meet a handsome stranger, we hit it off, we dance, and it is both flattering and fun. However, it’s better to let tall, dark, and handsome be a surprise than to be constantly disappointed when he doesn’t show. Go to a wedding with no expectations, live in the moment, and take it as it comes! Maybe you’ll be surprised and maybe you won’t, but attending the wedding is easier to bear if it is not a disappointment on top of all the other emotions.
3. Practical Planning
There are so many different kinds of weddings—different colors, themes, and desserts at the reception. The bride may have two dresses or just one. The first dance could be choreographed or a simple sway. This couple spent more on the venue than on the food, while that couple chose to thrift all their decor. As a single woman, attending weddings can be a great place for inspiration. I have found it helpful to take a step back from the emotional toll and think about what I liked and didn’t like about the choices the bride and groom made. How was the food? Was the wedding in the morning or afternoon? Do I prefer bubbles, confetti, or sparklers for a grand exit? There’s no reason to let all this inspiration go to waste, and with so many weddings to attend, comparing and contrasting can be a fun distraction.
4. A Spiritual Opportunity
On a deeper level, I have found there is a great spiritual opportunity when attending weddings on my own. As Catholics, we believe in the power of redemptive suffering. Any suffering we experience—physical, emotional, psychological—has the power to do good in the lives of others when united to the sufferings of Christ. Marriage is not easy, and the couples vowing themselves to each other need all the graces they can get. I have developed, therefore, the simple practice of offering up my loneliness and suffering for the bride and groom. The wedding is beautiful, idyllic, an anticipation of the joys of Heaven, but after the ceremony, the real work begins. By offering up the emotional suffering of the day, you enter more deeply into the mystical Sacrament being performed in front of you. Who knows? Maybe your loneliness, when united to the suffering of Christ, will help the couple in the marriage later down the line.
5. Hope, and Have Fun
Finally, remember to have fun! Weddings are supposed to be joyful and lighthearted. Pick a fun dress to wear, have some champagne, and tear it up on the dance floor. This night is not about you, it is about celebrating the bride and groom, praying for them, and wishing them all the best “until death do they part.” Hope is a virtue, different from expectation. It is an act of trust in God that He will provide for you when the time comes. Celebrating a wedding joyfully, living in the present moment, can be an act of hope! As Catholics, our hope is not in ourselves but in God. His victory, His work in our lives is what we celebrate. So lean into that hope, eat some wedding cake, and remember that weddings are a time for joy – not just for the bride and groom, but for you as well.
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