How to Recognize and Avoid Gossip

Gossip sometimes seems like a harmless way to bond with friends and co-workers. However, it can have deeply negative effects on relationships, workplaces, and our spiritual lives. Understanding the nature of gossip and finding new ways to connect can help us to avoid it, leading to more genuine relationships and deeper peace.

What is Gossip? 

Typically, gossip involves discussing someone who is not present. We might think we're just engaging in casual conversation, possibly even with a trusted friend or spouse. Still, perhaps our motivations stem from a desire for connection or curiosity, without serving a constructive purpose.

• Recognizing gossip: At its core, gossip is about sharing information about someone who is not in the conversation, often without his or her consent.
• How it happens: Many people engage in gossip as a way to vent frustrations or bond with others. It's natural to want to share our experiences or opinions, but this can quickly spiral into uncharitable or simply unnecessary conversations.
• The consequences: Over time, gossip can hurt reputations, break trust, and contribute to a toxic work environment.

Intentionality is Key

Recognizing our own tendencies is the first step to avoiding gossip. Keeping a mental note of our conversations can help us identify our own patterns. Am I regularly falling into gossip with a certain person or about a certain topic?

Not every situation in our lives requires us to give our input. Understanding our motivations, as well as the impact of our words upon others, can help us choose our conversation more thoughtfully and virtuously.

Instead of discussing what others are doing, we can ask open-ended questions that encourage vulnerable conversation and show that we truly care about the person right in front of us. For example:

• How do you feel about that thing?
• What are you reading right now?
• What does your name mean?

As Always, Bring It to Prayer

When you want to talk with someone but you recognize it as uncharitable, avoid gossip by "gossiping with Jesus" instead! Share your frustrations and feelings with Him. The Lord understands our hearts, as well as those of the other people in our lives, and and He can provide clarity on how to handle difficult situations. 

If we spend time with the Lord each and every day, He will help us to avoid gossip. The better we know His voice, the more attentive we will be to His movements in our conversations with others and to our own words when they do not reflect His own. After all, we are ultimately called to love others as Jesus as He does—and no one can teach us how to do that better than He can.

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