I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t shy away from putting her heart on the line.

Whether it’s a professional aspiration, a personal relationship, or a split-second decision, my ability to put my whole heart into action has guided my steps. In fact, I used to pride myself on the notion that I was never afraid to do the hard things, step out in uncertainty, or take a chance in the face of unpredictability.

I took my lack of fear and figured it was close enough to surrender.

It wasn’t until halfway through my junior year of college when my impassioned action was met with piercing indifference that I came to know what I was truly afraid of: rejection, failure, and irrelevancy.

For a long time, I let myself rest in the idea that surrender promised reciprocation; that if I loved well enough, I would be loved in return. If I worked hard enough, I would clearly see the fruit of my work in my life.

But in today’s Gospel, John 12:24-26, Jesus explains that surrender has nothing to do with reciprocation.

Jesus says we are called to die to ourselves in order to produce lasting fruit in the Kingdom (see John 12:24). If we want to truly live, we have to lay down our lives.

But Jesus does not meet our death with requite. Our Father, Who has conquered the grave, invites us to preserve in eternal life. He promises us more than reciprocation when we give Him our lives. He promises lasting fruit and total fulfillment.

Jesus is in the business of resurrection, so let’s let Him do the same with our lives.

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This priest gives us a sense of the strength of surrender.