I’ll be honest: every time I attended a wedding and one of the readings is Ephesians 5, I always lose my attention and focus. This is due to the fact that, instead of listening to the Word of God, I become fascinated by watching the reactions of those around me. And the facial expressions normally do not disappoint. After all, at first glance, the reading from Ephesians 5 contains some rather strong words, including plenty of what would be considered “triggering” language, in the eyes of the modern world. The words I refer to are these: “Wives, be subject to your husband, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife… so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-24). But What Does Submission Mean? Women are naturally repulsed by this language of “subjection.” After all, we do not support dominating, overbearing men in relationships. We most definitely do not support abusive relationships, or relationships in which women are forced to do anything without their consent. We live in a culture where female independence rings out loud and clear on the lips of many. While the word “subject” often reminds us of this negative connotation and causes us to think that this is a degrading message to femininity, the Word of God is speaking of an entirely different reality. The true nature of this “subjection” is made apparent through the realization that Marriage is the most perfect reflection we have on earth of the love between Christ and the Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us that: the Sacrament of Matrimony signifies the union of Christ and the Church. -CCC 1661 The key to this is actually found within Ephesians 5. We just normally turn off our ears before we have the chance to hear it. An Image of Christ and His Church “As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:24-25). When commanding husbands to love their wives, Saint Paul uses the Greek word agape. This type of love signifies the highest form of love: self-sacrificial love which continually wills the good of the other. This is the type of love that is described of Jesus having for us. This is the love that saved us from our sins. This is the love that drove Jesus to the Cross. And this is the love demanded of husbands for their wives. Agape Eradicates Disorder It becomes clear then, that when this true agape love is present, it would be inconceivable to pair it with oppression and degradation of women. Agape love would never permit harm toward the beloved, as it is a type of love that wills the good of the beloved. It is the love of a righteous and holy husband. It is the love of Jesus. Jesus’s love would never oppress, force, or humiliate a woman. The subjection, therefore, that is asked of the wife, is not a subjection of tyranny and force, but a submission of humility and respect. When a wife truly believes that her husband loves her with the love of Christ, it becomes natural for her to trust him and follow his lead. No man is perfect, and we will all make mistakes. But we know when the other is trying to model their love from the love of Christ. If a husband and wife come to a disagreement, but the wife knows that her husband loves her with an agape love (and she him), she can trust him, and he her. Trust and Reverence This kind of trust is a challenge. One of the gravest effects of Original Sin was the lessening of man’s ability to trust, both in God and in other men. We experience brokenness and hurt in our relationships, and it becomes difficult for us, as women, to follow and trust someone other than ourselves. Trusting someone opens us up to the possibility of being hurt. Trust runs the risk of being betrayed. Trust is not easy. Trusting will not always leave us unhurt. But it is worth it. Trust is not a weakness, but a strength. The Call of Men Our marriages, therefore, have a goal: agape love. Women are called to express submission to their husband, as the Church submits to Christ. But men are not off the hook. The love that is demanded of them is great, just as that which is demanded of the woman is great as well. So next time you’re at a wedding, don’t get sidetracked by the glances and rolling of eyes. Instead, meditate on the fact that in Marriage we have been given the chance to witness the love and self-gift of Jesus Christ in our modern day. The truest form of subjection of wife to husband is not a weakness on the part of the woman, but a massive strength which requires patience, humility, and trust. And the same can be said of a man's self-sacrifice on behalf of the good of the woman. I pray that we, as men and women, may live up to our call!   [bctt tweet="Ephesians 5 // The Strength of Submission #BISblog //" via="no"]   Mary Grace “Gracie” Tillman is a full-time student and full-time extrovert. If you don’t find her with her friends, odds are she’s lost on a backroad with her music all the way up. She loves sports, writing, one-on-ones over coffee, and all things related to Divine Mercy. She strives to life live every day to the fullest and be a joyful disciple of Jesus.

One of the best things to have come out of this calendar year is an increase in the number of individuals with a devotion to Saint Joseph. I believe this is due to the publication of the book Consecration to St. Joseph which was written by Father Don Calloway. It seemed that, nearly-overnight, this book became the “it” piece of reading material for Catholics as it was a constant topic of conversation in many faith-filled circles. I was thrilled to see the exploding popularity of Saint Joseph. Widespread devotion to the head of the Holy Family has been long overdue, because this man played such a crucial role in the history of our salvation. Even though Saint Joseph does not utter a single word in Scripture, the old adage, “actions speak louder than words” could not be more true in reference to this patriarch. The Betrothal of Our Lady and Saint Joseph In the Gospels of Matthew and Luke, it is mentioned that Mary and Joseph were only betrothed at the time of Jesus’ conception. When I was in Catholic grade school, it was explained to me that the Jewish custom of betrothal could be thought of as our modern custom of engagement. However, the two are actually vastly different. A first century Jewish wedding consisted of two parts, the first being this custom of betrothal. At this ceremony, wedding vows were exchanged and contracts were signed. Bride and bridegroom were considered legally and spiritually bound to one another, so much so that if one of them changed their mind before the second part of the wedding took place, a bill of divorce would have been required. It is much more binding than an engagement. After the betrothal ceremony took place and before any typical “wedding night festivities,” the bridegroom would leave his bride with her family for another extended length of time. It could have been just for a few days or weeks, but typically it was somewhere between six months to a year. Preparing a Place During that time, the bridegroom would go and prepare a place for his new family to dwell. Sometimes he would simply be adding another room to the house in which his parents lived. Sometimes he would be constructing a whole new home. It was a long, grueling, and physically demanding process. The bride could not go and live with the bridegroom until her father (or his representative) had approved this new lodging. Once completed and approved, the second part of a Jewish wedding would take place: the wedding feast. The bridegroom’s return would be announced by heralds, guests would follow and gather at the home of the bride, and when the bridegroom finally arrived, a week-long feast would occur. It was during this wedding week that the bride and groom would consummate their marriage. No Small Detail By including the detail that Mary was betrothed at the time of the Annunciation, Matthew and Luke are telling us many important things, but we will only look at two here: Mary and Joseph were legally married. Both were still virgins. It can also be assumed then, that during the time in which Mary becomes pregnant and goes to visit Elizabeth, Joseph has been working incredibly hard to build them a home. Also Chosen by God This knowledge of the Jewish role of the bridegroom puts Joseph’s response to Mary’s unexpected pregnancy into a new perspective. Unfortunately, our understanding of when Joseph learns of this pregnancy is still lacking. There is no way of knowing how far into their betrothal they were, but we do know that Joseph would have been working hard on their dwelling place regardless. Only Matthew and Luke’s Gospels tell us about this miraculous event, and both share differing details: Matthew shares Joseph’s side and Luke shares Mary’s (this includes her visit to Zechariah and Elizabeth). Did Joseph know of Mary’s pregnancy before she left for her visit, or did he learn when she returned three months pregnant and was beginning to show? We honestly do not know. All we know is that when Joseph discovers she is pregnant, he decides to divorce her quietly. Joseph Protected and Provided from the Beginning What was Joseph’s intent in divorcing Mary? Scripture scholars debate this heavily. Some scholars think that Joseph knew Mary would never have been unfaithful, but that he had no idea how she became pregnant. Other scholars, including the powerhouses Ambrose, Augustine, Jerome and John Chrysostom, all argued that Joseph believed Mary to have been unfaithful to him. Though Mosaic Law would have called for her stoning, Roman regulations forbid Jewish capital punishment. There is much uncertainty surrounding this event in Scripture, and much we cannot know. However, one thing we can know and that is often overlooked is the fact that the conception of Jesus took place after his mother was legally bound to Joseph. With God, everything is about correct timing, thus we know that God’s plan for our salvation included Joseph’s role, and Joseph’s yes. In the same way Mary was set apart for this role, Joseph, too, was chosen. Joseph’s yes in this whole scenario protected Mary and Jesus from the very beginning. He protected our Salvation in its most vulnerable state. Could God have issued this protection in another way? Absolutely! But He chose Joseph... …and that speaks volumes about the man. A Child Needs a Father Being a just man, as soon as Joseph received confirmation of Mary’s truth from an angel, and without any further questions, Joseph immediately brought Mary into his home, assuming his role as the earthly father of Jesus. According to the traditional novena to Saint Joseph, Jesus learned the following from this man of justice. His Heart is like God the Father’s In order for the child Jesus to understand true providence and refuge, God the Father designed the heart of Saint Joseph to be like His own. Most Theologians agree that God placed a spark of Divine life within his heart, in order that Jesus would recognize Saint Joseph as His father. It also enabled Joseph to properly model masculine love to his Son, who was fully God (Love) and fully man (masculine). He Was the Head of the Holy Family There were three people in the Holy Family: Jesus (who was sinless and God), Mary (who was sinless), and Joseph (who was a just man, but not sinless). Guess who God put in charge? The one who was least qualified. How do we know this for sure? When Baby Jesus was in danger, God’s messenger came to warn Joseph in a dream—not Mary. Similarly, Scripture tells us that pre-teen Jesus was obedient to his earthly father. If the only perfect people to have ever lived followed the direction of Saint Joseph, I’m going to choose to do the same. He Taught Jesus How to Obey When the angel told Joseph to take Mary into his home, he immediately obeyed. When the angel told Joseph to flee to Egypt with his family, he immediately obeyed. When advised in a dream to return to Nazareth, Joseph immediately obeyed. Joseph knew God’s voice and followed it without delay. It was this example that Jesus grew up with… and quite likely part of what enabled Him to say, “not my will, but yours be done.” He Taught Jesus How to Suffer Joseph was a “tekton,” a profession that made no one rich. In fact, it was a profession full of sacrifice and suffering. Jesus grew up in poverty, watching His father serve with great devotion through all of life’s difficulties. It was partially why Jesus had such a heart for the poor. It was also why he was ready and willing to sacrifice Himself for the sake of others. Joseph modeled that behavior for the Christ Child. He Made the Eucharist Possible Did you know that the Old Testament Joseph is a foreshadowing of the New Testament Joseph? Both had the ability to interpret dreams, and both saved the world from famine. Just as Old Testament Joseph used the years of plenty to stockpile supplies of wheat for the world, saving them from death, New Testament Joseph nurtured, “stored up,” and preserved for us the Bread of Life, which keeps us from eternal death. He is the Terror of the Demons Pride is the source of all sin. Joseph was not 100% sinless, but he was incredibly humble. It was his humility that allowed him to answer swiftly and without a second thought each and every time the angel of the Lord spoke to him. It was with humility that he lead and served his wife and Son. It was with humility that he set an example of sacrifice and obedience for his Son. It is this great humility (and all the reasons listed above) that the demons are terrified of this man. Devote Yourself to Him If you haven’t already, foster a devotion to this great saint (pun intended)! The Novena of Saint Joseph, the book by Father Calloway, as well as Rejoice! Advent Meditations with Joseph by Father Mark Toups from Ascension Presents are all great places to start. A relationship with this man will only bring about good things. I actually give this statement a 100% guarantee. Saint Joseph, pray for us! Want to learn more about Saint Joseph, patron of the Universal Church? Check out this incredible video series with our own Beth Davis!   [bctt tweet="The Fiat of Saint Joseph #BISblog //" username="grace_swap"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

If he comes unexpectedly, he must not fins you asleep. And what I'm saying to you I say to all: stay awake // Mark 13:37 Love this print from Mariana Pimiento of Big Apple Catholic. Let His word dwell in us richly, sisters. Remember, Members, you get this 8x10 digital download for free! Head to the shop for your download. Download your F R E E wallpapers right here --->>> Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

As I drove into work this morning I noticed that the vibrant colors were gone. The once picturesque tunnel of trees now resembled a barren wasteland. Most of the leaves had fallen and bare branches prepared for winter. Before too much disappointment could set in, I came upon a verdant grove of pines. The faithful evergreens restored my hope and reminded me of the great celebration of Christ’s birth soon to come. Shifting Seasons Such simple ponderings shifted my mind to the cycle of life. I even have a row of four images in my living room to remind me of it. My grandmother painted me the same country scene in each of the four seasons. The trees tell all. In spring their small pink buds appear. In summer their leaves are a healthy green. In fall they give a colorful display. In winter their branches are barren and snow-laden. As living and breathing human beings, we also go through cycles in our lives, whether it be birth, life and death, or simply the ups and downs of the everyday. We may have seasons when we feel fulfilled and joyful, others when we feel hopeless and sad, and others when perhaps we don’t feel anything at all… except boredom. I remember hearing a popular Catholic evangelist talk about the Mass once. He was chiding those who don’t go to Mass because it’s boring. “The very Son of God comes down to us in His Flesh and Blood! How can that be boring?!” he exclaimed. It’s so true. How can it be boring? It’s not. But we allow our minds to wander, our zeal to falter, our tiredness to overtake us and to us it becomes just that. Boring. Renewing Zeal for the Eucharist What can we do to awaken the springtime within us? How can the vibrant green of our souls shine forth once again? And more importantly, how can we allow the vibrant gift of God’s love to shine forth from us once again? We need the Eucharist. Perhaps we have used the Bishops’ permission to be excused from Sunday Mass as an excuse not to go. Perhaps we are scared to go back. Perhaps—like I'm prone to do—we think praying in our cars while driving is just as good as praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament. While talking to my Dad about a difficult issue I was dealing with, he reminded me that there is nothing like praying in the presence of Christ. There is nothing like that gentle silence leading your heart back to Him. The Eucharist + Our Thanksgiving So sisters, I invite you to reflect on what season of life you may find yourself in. Are you up? Are you down? Are you in springtime or fall? Are you ever-green? Are you bored? Run, sisters! Run to the Eucharist! Let Him whisper sweetly to you and renew your soul.   [bctt tweet="The Eucharist as Thanksgiving #BISblog //" via="no"]   Tami Urcia is a bilingual Midwestern gal from a large Catholic family. After doing a few years of missionary work in Mexico, living and working in a few different states, she finally found home in a small town where her kids enjoy the fresh air and wide open spaces. She works at Diocesan, is a regular contributor at CatholicMom.com and has been translating on the side for 20 years.

As we approach the last month of 2020, we are also on the threshold of a new liturgical year. Yesterday, we celebrated the glorious Feast of Christ the King, which is the official conclusion of the liturgical year. Next Sunday, we begin a new liturgical calendar with the first Sunday of Advent. And sandwiched between the two is Thanksgiving. A Season of Gratitude This time of year—coming to an end and beginning anew—is reflective in nature. We ponder all that happened during the last year (and as we all experienced, 2020 was like no other!). We also wait in joyful hope for what is coming next. Therefore, this time of year is particularly suited for focusing our hearts, minds, and souls on gratitude to God for all He has done (and is doing) in our lives. Yes, we are in a ripe season to give thanks and praise to God. And when we acknowledge that every good and perfect gift is from God, we naturally experience a brimming of gratitude in our hearts, and we desire nothing more than to offer our prayers to the Giver. God, indeed, deserves our gratitude for His abundant blessings. Even in the midst of trial and hardship, when we face challenges in our lives, finding something to be grateful for can calm our anxiety and ease the pain. Gratitude also takes the focus off of ourselves and onto our love for God and neighbor. Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Grateful The Bible abounds with prayers of praise and thanksgiving. Below are just a few of many Scripture verses that express gratitude. We can easily incorporate them into our own litany of thanksgiving. These Scripture verses (and others) are sure to lift our hearts to God; console our weariness, if we are in the midst of difficulty; and help us to count our many, many blessings. Give Thanks to God Short and sweet prayers of gratitude are sprinkled throughout the Bible. They are a great way to begin any prayer time with Our Lord. Ponder them as you write your gratitude list this Thanksgiving. Incorporate them into a prayer journal or hand letter them on a card for someone special. O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever. // 1 Chronicles 16:34 I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds. // Psalm 9:1 Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name. // Psalm 100:4 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! // Romans 7:25 To the one seated on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever! // Revelation 5:13 WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Lift Up Your Hearts With all of the negative and divisive news out there, it is important to fill our hearts and minds with truth, beauty, and goodness. We need more positive than negative coming into our thoughts and into our homes. These Scripture verses keep the abundant generosity of God central in our lives. Bless God and acknowledge him in the presence of all the living for the good things he has done for you. Bless and sing praise to his name. With fitting honor declare to all people the deeds of God. Do not be slow to acknowledge him. // Tobit 12:6 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful … with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. // Colossians 3:15-17 Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with thanksgiving. // Colossians 4:2 Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. // James 1:17 Count It All Joy When we find ourselves struggling—whether it is emotionally, relationally, financially, or spiritually—it can be hard to find something to be grateful for. Sometimes, we cannot even find the words to pray. The Scriptures below can clear our minds, settle our hearts, and bring us peace, helping us return to gratitude for God’s immense love for us, especially during hard times. The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts; so I am helped, and my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. // Psalm 28:7 Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. // Philippians 4:6-7 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. // 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us give thanks, by which we offer to God an acceptable worship with reverence and awe … // Hebrews 12:28  What is your favorite Scripture verse that expresses gratitude?  HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me. // Matthew 25:35 Love this print from Jazmin De Guzman from today's readings. Let His word dwell in us richly, sisters. Remember, Members, you get this 8x10 digital download for free! Head to the shop for your download. Download your F R E E wallpapers right here --->>> Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! We had just retrieved my younger brother from the tall gates of his elementary school at the end of the school day. My mom was off a few feet ahead of me on the crosswalk, chatting with another mom. I was trotting behind with her daughter, a friend I had known since I was five years old. I am not sure why I said it then, but I remember hearing the words come out of my mouth for the first time: “I think my parents are going to get divorced.” I like to think my intuition has been a powerful tool of survival in all the grief. I knew on that day in the crosswalk that I was seeing something no one else seemed to see. In fact, it would be almost three more years before my parents filed for divorce. I would be 13 by then, although I would feel more like 30. Longing for Stability During those three years before the divorce, I felt like I lived in a warzone. Inside the four walls of my room, I mastered self-protection, building barriers of distrust and an armor of apathy. I attempted to shelter my brother as best as I could, with “everything’s fine” and “this is normal.” If my needs went unmet, I convinced myself I did not have needs. This way, I would never have to face the deep longing I had for stability and closeness. Perhaps I could convince myself there was nothing to grieve in the end. Yet, none of my methods could have saved me from how my life would change the day my mom sat us down for the official “divorce talk.” I remember looking out the window, too numb to respond, and wondering if I would now have that distinct “my parents are divorced” energy. My whole life, I had always pitied my classmates with divorced parents because they always seemed to be misbehaved, disruptive, or attention-seeking. I now had a new compassion for this unofficial misfit club, for I seemed to be its newest member. Taking on New Roles For the rest of high school, I learned to trade my role as teenage daughter for plenty of new roles: caretaker, crisis manager, boundary-setter. When I eventually decided to attend college across the country, many were shocked by my seemingly newfound independence. Yet, from my perspective, I had felt on my own for a long time. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Finally Grieving My Parents' Divorce It was not until I was well over 2,000 miles away that I began to grieve. I noticed how it would sting when my new college friends talked about how excited they were to go home on breaks, or told stories of how their parents met and the family vacations they would take. I resented how the safety of their full, lively homes taught them healthy relationships were the norm. While they rattled off how they envisioned their future wedding in their head, I wondered if I was the only one who could not bear the thought of marriage happening for me. Two years ago, I met my spiritual director for the first time, and she asked me what my story was. I told the story of the divorce from start to finish like I was reading from a script. When I finished speaking, she looked at me with a deep concern and asked, “Why are you talking about these things the way you talk about the weather?” I was not sure how to answer. Truthfully, to feel the full weight of my grief felt like a rejection of the Lord’s faithfulness. After all these years of friendship with Jesus, it had never occurred to me that because He was faithful, He actually desired for me to grieve. That day, with real conviction from the Holy Spirit, I pledged to become a woman who had it in her to weep, and wash the feet of Jesus with her tears. Bringing It to Jesus Through spiritual direction, counseling, and honest prayer, I am learning to become intimate with my own pain, as Jesus was on His Cross. Inside His tender care, I have become reconciled with my own longing for love that is not tentative, but true and lasting. I have fallen in love with my own story, as Jesus so creatively redeems all the broken moments. The more I experience His patient mercy in my story, I have greater compassion for my parents’ story. In fact, He is rewriting our story, making sure Love gets the last word. [bctt tweet="The more I experience His patient mercy in my story, I have greater compassion for my parents’ story. In fact, He is rewriting our story, making sure Love gets the last word. #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"] Radical Healing is Real Because I made the choice to grieve, I know radical healing is real. I know abundant life is for me. I know trust is worthwhile. I know my capacity to feel is a gift for the Kingdom. I know a gentle Father who has held me from the beginning and will weep with me to the end.   If you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // My Parents' Divorce #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

The first time I ever experienced spiritual dryness was right after my first high school Catholic conference back in 2014 (it was a Steubenville Conference!). It was three days of uninterrupted fun, fellowship, and a lot of prayer, reflection, and reconciliation. It was the perfect Catholic bubble. I didn’t want to leave because what was awaiting me at home was significantly less enjoyable and comforting than this conference at which I praised the Lord. Did the conference fill me spiritually? It absolutely did. But, at the time, I was not as strong in my Faith as I am today and I didn’t know how to keep my own prayer life up. Nothing truly could have prepared me for the spiritual dryness I felt in the weeks after the conference had come to an end. What Does Spiritual Dryness Feel Like? The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes spiritual dryness as “belonging to contemplative prayer when the heart is separated from God with no taste for thoughts, memories, and feelings, especially spiritual ones” (CCC 2731). In my experience, it feels just like that. It’s like walking in the desert looking for nourishment and not being able to find any. It makes me feel as if I don’t want to pray. It’s almost like I don’t feel God's presence even though I know—in my heart of hearts—He’s there. It is discouraging, especially when establishing a consistent prayer life just like I was when I first went to the conference. What to Do When Experiencing Spiritual Dryness We can all experience spiritual dryness from time to time, even the Saints did! Saint Teresa of Calcutta experienced spiritual dryness for more than 50 years of her life. We all experience it, but what makes the difference is knowing how to overcome it. Remind yourself why you believe. During that same conference, I was introduced to my personal remedy for spiritual dryness. There is this song I always listen to whenever I can feel myself slipping back into spiritual dryness, it's called "Desert Song" by Hillsong Worship. In the song there is a line that says, “I will bring praise, I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain, I will rejoice, I will declare that God is my victory and He is here.” This song, and specifically this line, helps to bring me back and remind me of who God is, of how good He is, and why I believe in my Faith. God is greater than any spiritual dryness. When I remember that, it starts the process of drawing me out of my spiritual dryness. Find your personal remedy that can draw you out of a spiritual dryness: maybe this song might also be it for you, or it could be a book, a Bible verse, a selfless act, time in Adoration, or anything that will remind you of what you believe. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Faith vs. feeling. To put it simply, we cannot solely base our faith on feelings alone, because if we did, a majority of us would not be Catholic today. I'll be honest, there are many times when I do not “feel” like praying, but I still do it because I value my relationship with God and I want to keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes we cannot feel Gods’ presence (like Mother Teresa) but that doesn’t mean that He’s not there. If Mother Teresa had based her faith off of when she could and could not feel the presence of Jesus she would not have accomplished all the amazing things she did in this world! Do not overload your prayer life. Looking back on my first experience with spiritual dryness I realized that my problem was the fact that I overloaded my prayer life. I tried to incorporate all of praying that I was doing over the three-day weekend (that was a full 3 days of practically uninterrupted prayer time) into my everyday schedule that consisted of a family, a job, and school. As much as I would have wanted to keep up that life, I would need 48 hours in a day to do so, and that was just not feasible. So the moment that I couldn’t juggle everything in my life plus my newly-found prayer life, I found myself falling into a spiritual dryness. Make an achievable prayer life, and once you have successfully established that, increase it by including a new way to pray or increase the time you spend in prayer. It's not about how much prayer you do that matters to God, it's the quality of the time you spend with Him. Thirty minutes of authentic prayer will be better for your relationship with God than 1 hour of day dreaming with a dash of prayer. God's Love Never Runs Dry The most important thing to remember when it comes to spiritual dryness is the fact that God still loves you! He always has, He always will, and He will never stop. God is always with you when you are praising and praying your heart out at a Catholic conference, and He is with you in the middle of the desert—we can take heart in this fact. “This is the moment of sheer faith clinging faithfully to Jesus in his agony and in his tomb” (CCC 2731).   [bctt tweet="On Spiritual Dryness #BISblog //" via="no"]   Written by Samantha Cameron. Find out more about her here.

From Cinderella to Sara Crewe, stories of princesses colored my childhood. I was enchanted by their sparkling tiaras and twirling gowns, fascinated by their adventures, and inspired by their examples of kindness, honor, and generosity. Not all princess stories offer the same value, I readily admit, but to me, the good far outweighed the bad. In my imagination, princesses were beautiful, strong, brave, and kind. It was no surprise, then, that the page I remember best from my first Saints book is the page that depicted Saint Elizabeth of Hungary. She was elegantly dressed in a blue veil with a gold tiara balanced over it, a serene expression on her face. Loaves of bread, which she was passing out to the poor, filled her arms. She was a princess, I learned on the opposing page, which quickly made her my six-year-old self’s favorite Saint. Saints Who Were Princesses Now that I have a daughter, I know my days of sharing princess tales are not far away. While I eagerly look forward to sharing many of the stories I loved as a little girl, I would love to share the lives of the many real-life princess Saints with her alongside them. Here are just a few princess Saints to know, learn from, and be inspired by. Saint Elizabeth of Hungary Despite her royal birth, Saint Elizabeth demonstrated holiness and a preference for a life of simplicity from an early age. At 14, she was married to a nobleman, Ludwig of Thuringia. Although the marriage had been arranged for a decade at that point, she sincerely loved him. The marriage was a happy one, and the couple had three children. Ludwig is said to have fully supported Elizabeth’s generous and charitable way of life. She was well-known and beloved for distributing bread to hundreds of the poor daily (the reason she is now the patron Saint of bakers!) and caring for lepers. Marital Miracles During their marriage, two miracles took place between Elizabeth and Ludwig. The first was when he approached her while she was distributing bread in order to quell any public suspicions that she was stealing from the palace to give to the poor. When he asked her to reveal what was in her cloak, he saw a vision of red and white roses pouring out of it. The other miracle occurred when Elizabeth’s mother-in-law was appalled to find that Elizabeth had laid a leper she was caring for in her and Ludwig’s bed. When Ludwig found out and went to see for himself, he pulled back the blanket to see a vision of Christ on the Cross. Following her husband’s tragic death during the Crusades, Elizabeth left the royal court and embraced a life of poverty, chastity, and penance. She died at the young age of 24. Saint Margaret of Scotland The daughter of a prince and princess, Saint Margaret grew up in the English court while her great-uncle was king of England. In 1066, Margaret’s family fled from William the Conqueror and were shipwrecked off the coast of Scotland. King Malcolm befriended them and quickly fell in love with the beautiful and holy princess. Margaret was a caring wife, a devoted mother and catechist to their eight children, an active queen, and a devout Catholic. She slept very little, spending her days tending to her family, the poor, and affairs of the country, and her nights in prayer. Saint Jadwiga of Poland Saint Jadwiga was the third daughter of King Louis of Hungary and Poland. After his death (as well as the death of the oldest daughter), the middle daughter was chosen as queen of Hungary and Jadwiga was named queen of Poland. She was only nine years old. At 12, she married Jagiellon, the duke of Lithuania, and a pagan who converted before their marriage. In discernment, Jadwiga spent hours before the crucifix in Krakow’s Wawel Cathedral. Jesus spoke to her from that cross, saying, “Do what you see.” Jadwiga and Jagiellon spent much of their marriage defending Poland and Lithuania from the Teutonic Knights. She was passionate about promoting religious formation and education—so much so that she funded the restoration of what is now known as Jagiellonian University in Krakow, one of the oldest surviving universities in the world. Perhaps its most famous alum, Pope Saint John Paul II, canonized Saint Jadwiga in 1997. Saint Adelaide Not only was Saint Adelaide a princess, but she is also now the patron Saint of princesses! Her life was filled with the drama of royal politics. She was married to the king of Italy at 15. Three years later, the king was poisoned by his successor, who then insisted that Adelaide marry his son. She refused and fled but was caught and thrown in prison. About four months later, she escaped to Northern Italy and implored Otto of Germany for help. He, in turn, conquered Italy and then asked for her hand in marriage. Otto and Adelaide reined for 20 years before he passed away. Within a few years, her daughter-in-law tried to turn her son, the new king, against Adelaide, and she was driven from court. Back in her home country of Burgundy, where she went to live with her brother, she dedicated herself to founding and restoring religious houses and evangelizing to the Slavic people. She ultimately reconciled with her son, and after his death, she returned to Italy as regent until her grandson came of age. Throughout her fascinating life, Adelaide remained close to God. Even though she was the most powerful woman in the world as Empress of the Roman Empire, she remained humble and dedicated to the service of Christ. Saint Dymphna Saint Dymphna’s story was passed down from her lifetime in the seventh century through oral tradition, with the first records appearing some-500 years later. Born into Irish royalty, her mother was a Christian and her father was a pagan. Dymphna was baptized, raised Christian, and made a vow of chastity. After her mother’s death, her father went mad with grief. Seeing his late wife in his daughter, he tried to force Dymphna to marry him. Appalled, she refused and fled, along with her confessor, the now-Saint Gerebran. They sought refuge in Geel, Belgium, where Dymphna spent her time and wealth serving the poor. The king ultimately tracked them down. After Dymphna continued to refuse him, he had Saint Gerebran killed and cut off Dymphna’s head himself. Legend has it that that evening, a group of mentally ill people slept in the place where she had been murdered and woke up miraculously cured. Ever since, even to this day, the city of Geel has been a site of pilgrimage and care for the mentally ill. Worshipping the King of Kings These five examples merely scratch the surface of the many royal Saints throughout history. May their lives inspire us to embrace our own identities as daughters of the King of Kings!   [bctt tweet="Saints Who Were Real-Life Princesses #BISblog //" username="lisajanelkirk"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! It started, I suppose, when I sent a group text from the hospital after we welcomed our first baby. The blurry photo was just a smooshie baby face. Everyone wrote back, hers was slower than the others, but just as enthusiastic. He's so cute! Look at those cheeks! Way to go, mama! The slow unfolding of our friendship took me by complete surprise, but maybe I should have seen the signs. The long delays in responses for text and email. The deep dive conversations on topics not revolving around family. The discussions about how my legal career would or would not pick back up as I slowly found my footing as a new mom. The signs that she was trying to find common ground where we no longer had much of it. I look back, ten years later, and wonder, What should I have done differently? What could I have said? How could I have been more sensitive? A Deeply-Rooted Friendship This friendship was one deeply rooted in my heart. We endured graduate school together, she was one of the first people I confided in about liking my then-crush, now-husband, she and her husband traveled for our wedding, and I thought we would be friends that rode off together into the sunset. The baby photos in group texts slowed down from me, but kept kicking up when another of our friends from that group had a baby. And with each photo, her response time grew slower and slower. I began to see that what was happening in our lives wasn't happening in hers. She never texted a baby photo. She was incredible at what she did, and anything else she put her mind to. So as the years went by and my legal career faded, hers exploded. As my house grew more disheveled, she became a proficient DIYer (I totally wanted her to start a blog to teach the rest of us). But she grew farther away from contact with those of us who were moms, I started to see it. Determined Not to Drift Her grief at her family's growth was enmeshed in her separate path from the rest of us. We were all sharing a life of motherhood, a club that couldn't include her, and the growth of our group relationships simply withered. The group texts stopped all together, and I stepped up my email game with her. I never shared news about my children (plural at that point). We discussed ideas, opportunities, projects, liturgy, politics. We tried to arrange visits as couples when we traveled nearby without our kids. I loved her grit and determination, her brilliance and wit. [elementor-template id="415212"] Shifting Seasons After we welcomed our third child, I suffered a number of physical complications. No one received an email back on time. Most relationships in my life were on hold. Even after I was mostly healed, I now had three children under four with my sights set on homeschool, no preschool, no babysitters, no help beyond family. My days and nights were absorbed and revolved around ABCs, potty training, and nursing a co-sleeping babe for the oldest to the youngest, respectively. I had nothing to say of any interest to someone not in my small world of tantrums, spit-up, and cloth diapers. News, current events, upper-level thinking did not hold my attention simply because I was too tired most of the time. She reached out a few times, and I mentioned in an abridged fashion that I had health issues and then was dry-land drowning. It felt like she backed away slowly while smiling, nodding, and waving. And I knew I had nothing to offer in our friendship anymore. So I, too, was nodding and smiling when I wanted to be able to sit and cry out something like, Stick with me even though you can't engage with this part of my life! There's still a me under all this baby weight and eye bags! Grieving the Quiet Loss Perhaps in losing that friendship in a slow polite drift, I grieved more internally than on the outside. I didn't have the time to stay immersed in the waters of sadness. I had to swim to the other side, towel off, and resume life. But on the inside, I battled guilt over our different family sizes, over how I could have stayed in touch, over minutia in emails. Pope Saint John Paul II taught us in Love and Responsibility: Friendship, as has been said, consists in a full commitment of the will to another person with a view to that person's good. When we grieve a loss of a friend, however that loss happens, whether a slow drip or a fast faucet, a part of us may selfishly want to stay behind with the friend. My life had profoundly changed with the advent of kids. I couldn't pretend it hadn't or they didn't exist. I had to be where I was and let pre-kid-Nell go, too. I also had to accept where she was, and want the "good" for her, which meant allowing her to respond to my life as she saw fit. We've touched base sporadically over the past five years or so. More through our husbands than directly. I still miss her friendship. Hurting or Helping? But I've come to see that friendships do need some common ground to grow on, and if our wounds overlap too much, we only end up hurting each other more than helping one another flourish. So maybe being in each other's lives isn't always the best thing for one another. I hope that your grief over friendships ending has some comfort in knowing, too, that the time you had together was real and formative, and maybe will bridge back together at some point down the way, if only in the afterlife. Take them to prayer and keep them in your heart there! Have you ever endured a friendship breakup? If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Friendship Breakup #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! When my sweet Momma passed away, I only wanted one thing from her apartment. It was a statue of a young girl praying in front of a crucifix. It was made in Hungary, the place of the first twenty-one years of her life. This little statue embodies my Mom. She was humble, trusting, and devoted to the Lord. Though her tiny frame had become hunched, her legs swollen, and her hair snow-white, her green eyes sparkled with kindness and her smile conveyed God’s love. She spent her days spreading joy to all in her path, which was many because she lived in an assisted living facility. When I used to visit, we bumped into many folks and they always stopped us so they could tell me how my Momma never said anything bad about anyone, how she was an inspiration walking bent over and dragging her swollen legs, how she was always on her way to spread cheer or bring a card/gift to someone in need. Her entire life was dedicated to serving the Lord by lovingly taking care of her family, friends, and all in need. My Mom, My Best Friend Growing up with all brothers, my Momma became my sister, best girlfriend, and Mom rolled into one. We spoke on the phone every day since I left for college. Due to COVID-19, I was not able to be with my Momma for five months. The closest I got to her was a few twenty-minute visits through the window, which was a step-up from waving to her from the third-floor balcony. My dear Mom would ask when I would be able to visit her again, attend church together, and enjoy Sunday brunch. I tried to give encouragement, but the months were dragging on. There are no words to describe the agonizing pain of being separated from a loved one. I know there are many sisters who understand this torture. It was especially difficult because she was isolated and hardly had a chance to walk or leave her apartment. Finally Together Again The first time I could be with her was when the nurse called to tell me that my Mom was doing poorly in the hospital and I should come right away. She had been admitted at the beginning of August. My husband drove me to the hospital because I could not see through the veil of tears. I walked into the room to find her unresponsive with a large oxygen mask on her face. Uncontrollable sobs left my body and the nurse hugged me. After five long months, I could only tell her close to her ear how much I love her and how much Jesus loves her. The nurse allowed me to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet before they took her to the ICU for more intensive treatment.   Unfortunately, she did not respond to the aggressive treatment and she was placed on palliative care. My family and I did not know how long she would be with us and we did not think she would be conscious, but the Lord gave us a miraculous gift. She was able to speak to us a little, though it was difficult. She never opened her eyes except once when she smiled at me. It filled me with joy and I asked my Momma if she saw me. She said, “no.” That was hard to hear, but I was still grateful we could communicate. I asked her what she saw and she said, “Light and flowers.” We were able to express our great love for each other and prayed together before she passed. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Consoled by the Comforter As I experienced excruciating grief, I thought and prayed about what she said. I felt the Holy Spirit guide me to John 8:12: I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. Then He steered me to a quote from Saint Gaspar del Bufalo that I had never seen: "In the garden of the Church, Mary gathers three flowers and places them into your hands: the white lily, the red rose, the violet. The lily is the symbol of purity of conscience of life. The rose represents that burning love which purifies, perfects, and elevates the heart to God. This love is then seen in great charity to one's neighbor. The violet is the emblem of true humility and self-sacrifice. The picture of the lily draws you away from the world. The image of the rose unites you with the heart of Jesus. Finally, the violet makes you partakers of the fruits of the Cross of Jesus. May the most holy Virgin who presents you with these flowers, find them still in your hands in your last agony as a pledge for entrance into the home to which only the pure lovers of Jesus Crucified are admitted." After reading this verse and this quote, I am filled with joy, awe, and peace in the Lord. I believe that my Mom had a bouquet of lilies, roses, and violets in her little hands to offer Him. He Always Gives Us What We Need My pastor told us that the Lord does not always grant a “yes” to all our petitions, but He will always grant us spiritual gifts if we ask for them with a humble and contrite heart. Dear sisters, this may cause some pain and discomfort as we are molded in His image; but like childbirth, it is so incredibly worth it. The more we become like Him, the more we are filled with His indescribable joy, peace, and love which will overflow to all in our path. Some ways that have helped me to live each day with purity, love, and devotion to Our Lord and neighbor, humility, and self-sacrifice are: Every morning, I imagine the Blessed Mother handing me a lily, rose, and violet and I pray to the Lord and ask for Our Lady’s intercession to help me embody these virtues so that I can give all three flowers to Him when the day is done. Call upon our friends, the Saints. Pray to them for their intercession and post their quotes in your line of vision. What the Saints Say about Virtue in the Face of Sorrow Purity // Saint Peter Julian Eymard said, “We must be pure. I do not speak merely of the purity of the senses. We must observe great purity in our will, in our intentions, in all our actions.” Love of God and Neighbor // Saint Vincent de Paul said, "We must love our neighbor as being made in the image of God and as an object of His love." St. Vincent de Paul Humility // Saint Teresa of Calcutta said, “Humility is the mother of all virtues; purity, charity, and obedience. It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted, and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.” Self-Sacrifice // Pope Saint John Paul II said, "There is no place for selfishness—and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice."   If you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Flowers from My Mother #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]   Bonnie Kate is married to her Saint Joseph, momma to two amazing people, a nurse by trade, and passionate about the Catholic Faith. She co-leads a Parish Bible Study and is a Eucharistic Minister for the homebound. Bonnie loves her sisters in Christ (she grew up with a lot of brothers), getting lost in nature, spreading encouragement, creating with words, Saint quotes, feeding people (she is Hungarian), and Holy Spirit moments. You can find out more about her here. HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “Who died?” I kept asking myself. “It feels like someone or something seriously died,” I would think to myself as the grief would overwhelm me again. It really felt like something had died. But nothing had died, except for my relationship... So Close I walked up to the Shrine of Our Lady of LaLeche, and I thought of all the other women who walk this same path coming to this special place in their own grief. As Our Lady of LaLeche is the patron of pregnancy, postpartum, and child loss, many women come to this special place to ask for healing from miscarriages, the ability to conceive, and any and all of the deep and sensitive pains regarding motherhood. I thought about the unique sufferings these women feel in the deep hidden pain of grieving the losses of the babies they and the world will never get to see. I thought about their pain—a pain I do not know—and their hidden suffering that only God fully understands. I thought of so many women who come to this place that honors their hidden and unique experiences of grief, tears and loss. I myself hadn’t even gotten that far. Almost. I’d gotten close. After so much waiting and praying and longing and hoping, everything was finally coming together. And then, with more waiting and building and nurturing and praying, the dreams of marriage and family life were coming true and were going to be happening so soon. Until the truth of what was really happening came to light, and then what had seemed so close and had been so hopeful and wonderful shattered in nearly an instant. Isolated Pain As I walked closer to the doors of the Shrine that honors the hidden and often misunderstood pain of mothers, I felt isolated and alone that my own pain and grief was even so far away from theirs. Was there even a place for me at this altar where so many couples come to ask God for a baby? I no longer had the man I was going to marry anymore, the marriage we had planned, or the excitement of family life we were expecting to begin together. The dreams of our future children were gone before we had even tried for a baby. The life we were planning to share together no longer existed. And then a thought occurred to me. Perhaps I was suffering an “emotional miscarriage.” I was suffering the miscarriage of my relationship that died before it came full term at our wedding and the loss of the family life were were preparing for and looking forward to with joyful expectation. My own heart broke as I began to accept the truth that despite everything that we had been expecting, the relationship no longer had a heartbeat. Because a relationship is a real thing. And if it ends, what did exist, no longer exists anymore, and it can feel like a very real kind of death. This kind of loss deserves to be honored by feeling through the grief and the pain and with a process of letting go of the various levels of loss that now are different, changed or gone. [elementor-template id="415212"] The Grief of a Breakup The pain of a breakup can feel so overwhelming. Each person’s suffering is deeply unique, and this can feel terribly isolating. But the truth is also that our unique sufferings can also unite us together, because suffering truly is a universal human experience. Pope Saint John Paul II writes about this in Salvifici Doloris (“On the Christian Meaning of Human Suffering”), as well as through his personal witness of courage and faith in the face of his own experiences of suffering. Suffering can be an opportunity for us to open our hearts and expand in greater compassion for others, as well as to come into greater intimacy with God. In that way, our grief and loss take on a power, that, offered to God, can bring out even greater good in the world and in our own lives. Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. -John 12:24 God Brings Life Out of Death The beautiful truth is that, whether we experience physical, mental, or emotional loss and pain, God can bring life out of death. In fact, it’s what He does best. This is the mystery of Redemption that is possible for God to work in our individual lives as well. If one is brave enough to surrender to God, feel through the grief, release the pain, and receive support along the journey, greater life can come forth from what perhaps in the moment only felt like death and destruction. What a great gift that God brings Resurrection and new life into our hearts and bodies. May we have the patience and hope to believe that from our experience of grief and loss, God can and will bring about the most beautiful, rich, fruitful and abundant new life. If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Devastating Breakup #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “Even when death is expected, it’s always unexpected.” I remember our priest saying this as I drove him to our house to give my dad his last rites. Dad was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer in April of 2005. It shocked us all. We had never lived in the world of cancer, much less terminal cancer. The doctor gave my Dad a six month lifespan after his diagnosis. God gave us a whole year and six months. Facing the Hard Realities I was 19 years old and in my third year of college when Dad was diagnosed. I remember thinking this was the last of everything. He won’t get to see me graduate, he won’t walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, or be a grandfather to my children if I ever have kids. I remember sobbing in the car while driving to school as each one of those realities hit me. I could hardly see through the flood of tears as I tried to calm myself before my next class began, but the pain of not having Dad present for major milestones in my life was something I couldn’t fathom. It penetrated the deepest parts of my heart and caused me a physical heartache I had never experienced before. A Fatherless Daughter My dad was a working man. For him, the death sentence wasn’t that he had terminal cancer, but that he couldn’t provide for our family anymore. Being Latino and culturally the head of the household, this was a greater cross for my Dad than the suffering he endured during his illness. Dad gave his last breath on October 22, 2006. Suddenly, I found myself defenseless, disarmed, and completely exposed to the world because I had no Dad. We were anticipating this day would come, but nothing could have prepared my family or me for it. I felt so utterly broken. At that moment, everything stood still. I stepped outside the hospice as I mourned for my Dad and just wanted to see something other than the enclosed walls where my father took his last breath. There wasn’t really anything awaiting me outside other than cars driving by—a reminder that other people were still living their lives even though mine felt like it had just come crumbling down. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Birthdays, Family Traditions, and Holidays None of the holidays cut deep into my aching heart like Father’s Day. Thanksgiving reminded us to be grateful for everything Dad had done for us, and we would remember how he would plate his meal (everything touching everything and even better if the cranberry sauce was touching the mashed potatoes and gravy because he was just going to use a roll to eat it in one big bite). Christmas brought me closer to the Holy Family and the Infant Jesus. Easter filled me with the hope of Jesus’ Resurrection. Fast-forward to summer, and June became a gloomy month for me. It was Dad’s birthday followed by Father’s Day. We would gather as a family and celebrate my Dad’s earthly birthday. There was always a feeling of longing when we were gathered around the table together, but in our togetherness we could feel his presence. It was not quite the same with Father’s Day. Father’s Day just became another reminder that my Dad wasn’t physically here. The greeting card section at the front of the store was another reminder that I didn’t have a Dad to whom to give a card. Dad didn’t do any of the greeting cards things like fish or golf, and I wasn’t of age to enjoy a beer with him yet, so all of those cards were out the window! Over time, I learned that my issue with Father’s Day wasn’t about a card; it was that I was left to figure out how to describe my Dad without Hallmark’s help. Let Others Console You During that first year of my Dad’s passing, I felt consolation in simple ways. For example, a friend baking banana bread and dropping it off, or another friend sending a song to me to remind me that she was thinking about me. Sometimes it was just a friend calling to see how I was doing and just letting me cry because I couldn’t get any words out. Sometimes you just need someone to hold you in your grief, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes. As I have learned, I didn’t need to lighten the load for someone else’s benefit or pretend that I was okay. Friends and family members really want to be present to your grief out of love for you and the person who has passed away, not out of superficial obligation. At times, my own pride got in the way of letting people take care of me or do something nice for me because I didn’t want people feeling sorry for me. At the time of my Father’s death, I felt like that was a sign of weakness and regrettably turned away support that could have been Jesus consoling me through another person. Ways to Remember Your Loved One Celebrate their Birthday, have a Mass said for the repose of their soul on their birthday and on the anniversary of their passing, clean their tombstone, pray for them, do things they would’ve loved to do. Listen to music they like, travel to the places they liked to visit, or donate to a certain charity in their honor. Start a new tradition and visit the cemetery and bring flowers on the anniversary of your loved one’s passing in gratitude for the life God gave them. The loss of a loved one isn’t the end of the love you have for them; it’s the beginning of learning new ways to love them even when they aren’t physically here. Pray My Dad’s faith in Jesus became my strength. Whenever I would catch myself letting my mind wander into dark places, I remembered my Dad still believed; he still kept going because he had faith. That was his compass even when his body was shutting down. I would spend time in Adoration and, even when the words escaped and I would burst into tears, I would find consolation in just letting Jesus be present to my pain. I desired for Jesus to heal my broken heart, but I didn’t know how to ask. Healing takes work and intention. Whenever I would feel depleted from my grief, I would turn to Our Blessed Mother for strength, particularly Our Lady of Sorrows. She knew the painful suffering of grief and yet still loved humankind. It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly I accepted this new life without my Dad around. I accepted Jesus’ will for me and our family and I continue to recommit to accepting His plan each and everyday. This post only scratches the surface of grief, but hopefully gives you some comfort from the grief that you have experienced. You aren’t alone in your sorrows and, when grief overcomes you, remember that it takes time to heal and there is no expiration date that says when your mourning should be over. Give it over to Jesus and invite Him into your pain and allow Him to heal you.   If you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Death is Always Unexpected #BISblog #blessedchats" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! Before we had children, I knew someone who lost a baby after her premature birth. She posted photos of her dead daughter on Facebook. She wore a necklace with her child’s name engraved on it. She included the baby when people asked how many children she had. I thought all of this was weird. And creepy. And unhealthy. Years earlier I had heard a radio program about a father grieving for his six month-old son and starting a non-profit foundation to help other parents facing similar loss. I can still picture the stoplight where I was sitting in the car as I thought to myself: How can you grieve a child you only knew for six months? My brother died when he was two decades old. We knew him. That’s what real loss is. How clearly I understood the world before I had to understand it. Now I know this is normal. It’s All Normal One weekend shortly after our newborn daughters died, a stranger came up to us in the parking lot after Mass. He knew our story. He wanted to thank us for sharing it with our community. And he wanted us to know that he understood our loss. Because he and his wife had a daughter who was stillborn. She would be 25 this year. Of course he knows how old she would be. Of course his eyes would well up decades later, behind thick glasses and greying temples. Of course he wanted to reach out to a couple whose wound was fresh and raw. Because he knew this was normal. All of it. The Swells of Grief I have days that are decent and days when I cannot get out from under the deep sadness. I cannot predict what any given day will be, and this is the hardest. I wail loudest in the shower where the kids cannot hear me. I let our sons see me cry, and we talk about how it is ok to feel sad because Maggie and Abby are not here with us. I let them see me smile, and we talk about how happy we are that they are with God now. I let them kick my shins and pound angry fists on my arms because they are sad and small and confused and grieving, too. Sometimes I still lose my temper and shout and slam the silverware drawer. Even though I promised my dead daughters that I would be a better mother because of them. My husband and I talk about the girls every morning when we wake up. As the dark sky slowly blues into another daunting dawn. It is the only way either of us can get out of bed. We go to a therapist and we go to bereaved parent support groups and we go to dinner afterward and we laugh that this is a lousy excuse for a date but hey, it’s still a date and we tear up over tacos because the rest of the restaurant around us (we assume for purposes of dramatic comparison) gets to have a normal Tuesday. And we just want our babies back. We deleted the rest of the prenatal appointments from our calendars and we texted each other that this sucks sucks sucks. We talk about taking a trip to sunshine some time because we want to sit on a beach and pretend we are normal for two days. We make dark jokes to each other as we crawl into bed because gallows humor helps. A little. I know now that this is normal. All of it. [elementor-template id="415212"] Grief is a Lifetime The honest truth is that hard days with jagged edges are just as real now as holy, hopeful moments. I know this is normal. All of it. I used to avoid stories of baby loss like the plague. Because I thought they were triggers for anxiety during my pregnancies. Because I thought prolonged public mourning was creepy and unhealthy. Because the seductive power of magical thinking whispered that if I avoided stories of tragedy, they might avoid me, too. And because I had already made up my mind what Tragedy and Loss looked like. It was a 21 year-old boy who died from cancer. It was a son and a brother and a friend – an almost-adult that people knew and missed and could never be replaced. It was what I had decided to define as grief. Now I know it is more. Now I know more of it is normal. All of it is here. All of it is normal. This is the hard and honest truth. If you’ve lost a child, know that our prayers are with you this day as you grieve them, however long it’s been. Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us. Laura and her husband Franco have since co-authored a book about their experiences with infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. Grieving Together: A Couple's Journey through Miscarriage is now available from Our Sunday Visitor. This post has been adapted from the original post in 2016 by Laura Kelly Fanucci. If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // The Death of My Children #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

For all of you are children of the light... // 1 Thessalonians 5:5 Love this beautiful print from Leah of Fearfully Made. Let His word dwell in us richly, sisters. Remember, Members, you get this 8x10 digital download for free! Head to the shop for your download. Download your F R E E wallpapers right here --->>> Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “Ping!” An incoming text from my mama arrived. After an innocuous family update, she extended an invitation to join them for Thanksgiving and Christmas festivities open to anyone who wished to come. And the text that should have been a bright spot in my day simultaneously filled me with a deep sadness. The text had been directed to all of my siblings. Including my brother. My little brother, Matt. Matt, who has distanced himself from our family. The one who has claimed a new “tribe,” a family of his own making. His choices and lifestyle have continuously removed him further from communion within our family, and it is a different, but very real grief that I have experienced in this loss. And I especially experience it around the holidays. You Never Think Your Sibling Will Leave Growing up in our large, extremely close-knit family, I never imagined this would ever be the case. I foresaw future Thanksgivings where we returned home to my parent’s abode, gathering around their long wooden table, swapping stories of days gone by while favorite dishes from bygone years were made just for the occasion. I dreamt of late-night assembly of thousand-piece puzzles while aunts and uncles bounce the newest members upon their knees. But instead, there’s always a piece missing. As the oldest, I’ve always felt a strong need to be the protector. To be the one upholding family loyalty. As one of the middle children in our clan, Matt was always the bringer of joy. He tied the older siblings to the younger in an endearing way. Even decades later, I remember rocking his pudgy little baby body, chasing his toddler self around, and laughing at his antics as he imitated various characters. And of us all, I never foresaw him leaving the Faith or denouncing us as his family. He had drawn especially near to the Eucharist when he first graduated and moved out, but as he delved into his first years of adulthood, his life took a downhill turn. Instead of calling to share what was happening in his life, he started dodging calls. And over the past couple of years, he’s phased himself out of gatherings, updating us on his life, and just being a part of our family. Trying to Understand Amidst the Pain Peering in from the outside, I try making sense of it: he’s hurting and broken, he’s wallowing in addiction, or maybe he just feels like he’s lost any connection to us. Maybe he’s scared to reach back out. Perhaps he really does feel intense anger towards us. For all I know, there’s even more that I’m unaware of. Matt exists on this earth, but his removal from being our brother is tangible. I’ll be conversing with a different sibling and a story will be recalled from our childhood. “Do you remember that time when Matt…” and it trails off into the sadness that we aren’t sure will ever be assuaged. A realization that we don’t know if he’ll ever return. If he’ll ever even want to be present with us again. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY What Can I Do? The ache is still real. A hole is left by his absence, and I pray daily for it to be filled once again. And so, in the meantime, I do what I am able. I offer Masses, Holy Hours, and novenas. I live out my Faith as best I can, not bending to fit what Matt might see as acceptable, but in pursuance of the Truth. I’ve had to step back, remember I cannot fix him, but can only bring compassion and charity to whatever contact remains. I have found great consolation in the Saints who especially are close to families. Saints like Saint Monica who prayed for seventeen years with great faith and perseverance for her husband and son. Or Saints Benedict and Scholastica, twins who remained close their whole life despite both taking holy orders where they only saw one another once a year. Saint Marguerite Bays endured a very difficult family life, being a single woman who took care of a sick sister-in-law who harassed her, a sister who had a failed marriage, a brother who ended up in prison, and a nephew born out of wedlock whom she took in to raise. The overarching love each of these Saints had for their families speaks of the Grace they were given. Praying for Our Estranged Siblings My brother was loved into being by the same One Who created your fathers, mothers, siblings, and children. He has hurt me so much, but even more so, I am heartbroken by his denial of what I know to be good, what will unlock true happiness in his life. I remain hopeful, though, and keep him close in prayers. No matter who you’re missing this holiday season, perhaps in spite of the pain they’ve caused you, join me in praying for the return of our loved ones to Christ’s Holy Church.   If you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // My Estranged Sibling #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]   This post was contributed anonymously.

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! My stomach tightened as if I had been punched in the gut and I kept repeating the words, “Mom’s cancer had returned.” Not only did the cancer come back, it returned with a vengeance and the doctor gave her a year. My mind swirled as I tried to make sense of it. How could this be? The previous month, we were at the Blessed is She retreat together. She just attended my daughter's Confirmation, she had been dancing at my brother’s wedding, smiling and laughing, surrounded by her family. Tears escaped me as I realized she wouldn’t be at the weddings of my younger siblings, or my children. She’d no longer be there for the big and little events of our lives. On that day my heart took its first step on the road of grief. The Beginning of Grief As the cancer thwarted my mom’s mobility, I mourned the loss of my active mom but was hopeful that God could still perform a miracle. Unfortunately, with every hopeful treatment, my mom got hit with more medical complications. After receiving another piece of bad news, I lost it. I was mad—the maddest I’d ever been with God. It hurt to hear my mom, one of the strongest people I’ve known, express fear and feelings of defeat. She’d already overcome so much in her life; I didn’t understand how God would allow her to suffer more. I ranted at God until I crumbled exhausted on the bedroom floor. Deep down, I knew I lashed out in anger and frustration and that Our Father was God enough to take it and tender enough to let me get it all off my chest. I didn’t magically feel better afterwards, but slowly, peace seeped into my heart, which was needed since my mom’s diagnosed time on earth was cut in half. Accompanying Her to the End Six months later, at Christmas time, my mom was in her last days and our families traveled to be with her. After a particularly emotional day at the hospital, I drove back to my dad’s house. My heart was grieving, and tears began when “King of My Heart” came on the radio. The lyrics echoed: “Let the King of my heart be the fire inside my veins... You are good, You’re good... You’re never going to let me down.” My mind whirled, “Did I believe God was good with my heart breaking and prayers unanswered?” Surrendering, I thought, “Yes, I believe, not just when things were going well, but when it seemed all hope was lost.” I clung to Psalm 18: I love you, LORD, my strength, LORD, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, My God, my rock of refuge, my shield, my saving horn, my stronghold. -Psalm 18:2-3 Eventually, my mom was brought home from the hospital and we made sure she was never alone. On the last day of our trip, we said our final goodbye and during the drive home, there were continuous tears as heartache bubbled over. I was resigned, but I still felt the sting of sorrow and grief. The following day, on the feast of the Epiphany, my mom passed. [elementor-template id="415212"] The Cascade of Grief The next weeks were a blur of tears and numbness. I took consolation that Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35). He experienced the pain of loss and was overcome with emotion, even though He knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead. It was okay for me to grieve and process all the conflicting emotions. I thank God for the kindness of family and friends who stepped in with prayers, consolation, and practical help. My instinct was to say, “It’s okay, I’m fine,” but I needed to accept their help, cancel plans, postpone work assignments, and allow myself time to heal. For the funeral, I stormed Heaven, asking for strength so I wouldn’t lose it during the eulogy. Prayers were answered because although my heart was heavy, for that afternoon, I was at peace and glad that my mom’s earthly suffering was over. Never Finished with Grief Since I did well at the funeral, I assumed I was over the worse part of the grieving and I could get back to “normal.” However, I’d be going about my day, and suddenly a song or photo would trigger my memories, or I’d see an Instagram post with a friend doing a fun activity with her mom, and I’d feel resentful and jealous of them. Grief would wash over me again, like a wave of the ocean. At first, I thought something was wrong with me, until I learned that this was a common aspect of grief – sneaking up when you least expect it. I allowed myself to feel the grief and leaned on Christ to pull me through the wave. Because I had to lean on God so much, my relationship with Our Lord deepened and I pondered why He hadn’t healed my mom. Interiorly, God spoke to my heart. He had healed her, but not in a way people could see. I recalled my mom’s words before she died, “I’m no longer afraid to die. I’m ready physically, mentally, and spiritually. How lucky can I be to be ready to meet Jesus!” We didn’t receive the physical healing of my mom’s body, but the contrast from fear to joyful surrender was evident. Through her suffering, her soul had been transformed. Understating that was a turning point in dealing with my grief. The same way my mom’s surrender changed her heart, I prayed my surrender to God would change my heart and draw me closer to Him. Death is Transformed by Christ In her book From Grief to Grace, author Jeannie Ewing* wrote, “Embracing our cross is the essence of navigating grief. It is precisely the conscience act of entering into our wounds and permitting God to enter into our wounds that lead us to ultimate healing, peace, and joy.” It brought meaning to the Scripture: We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28 We're approaching the two-year anniversary of my mom’s death. Although the waves of grief aren’t as frequent or tumultuous, there are still moments, such as writing this post, when I’m overcome with emotion and typing though tears. However, I’m comforted to know that: Death is transformed by Christ. Jesus, the Son of God, also himself suffered the death that is part of the human condition. Yet, despite his anguish as he faced death, he accepted it in an act of complete and free submission to his Father's will. The obedience of Jesus has transformed the curse of death into a blessing. -Catechism of the Catholic Church 1009 Through these tears, I can see my mom’s photo on my desk. Every day I pray for her and ask her to pray for us, taking comfort that we are one body in Christ, and that our connection with each other doesn’t stop at death. Just as she accepted her death, I accept this physical separation for the love of God, waiting in hope for the day, God willing, we will be reunited again. Has anyone else lost their mom? We'll be praying for you. *Jeannie also wrote this article on grief as a Catholic with a brief summary of the topic of her book. If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Losing My Mom #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!