This Thanksgiving, there will be one less person around our dinner table. My husband's father—my children's grandfather—passed away this year on Father's Day.
We have already experienced "firsts" without him. His presence was missed as we watched fireworks on Independence Day and remembered his birthday in October.
But now, as we prepare to celebrate a holiday that centers around gratitude, I wonder what that will look like. How will our expression of gratitude look different this year?
When Life is Not So Wonderful
In many ways, Thanksgiving begins a season of holidays that is deemed “the most wonderful time of the year.” And that can certainly be the case. Often, we gather with family and friends, renew traditions, and reflect on all the good we are grateful for.
But some years don’t feel so wonderful. We want our hearts to be overflowing with gratitude, but we find ourselves coming up empty.
How do we give thanks in the midst of a breakup? Or when we are facing unemployment or serious illness? How do we give thanks when that empty seat at the table reminds us of how much we miss him? Or when the heartache of not being able to conceive is too much to bear? How do we give thanks when our spouse or child is suffering, and there is nothing we can do to ease the pain?
Scripture encourages us to “Rejoice always,” and “In all circumstances give thanks” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
But we wonder: How are we supposed to do that when we are experiencing pain, suffering, loss, or hardship?
We Can Do Both
The answer, I believe, rests in the fact that it is not simply “either-or.” It’s “both-and.”
We can acknowledge the painful emotion caused by suffering. We can feel the loss. We can lament the hardship.
And we can still give thanks.
This is not necessarily easy, but it is worthwhile. Because it leads to a deeper sense of gratitude, as we discover the unexpected blessings that come from the hardest parts of life.
Because let's face it: When times are good, it is easy to be grateful. We can even run the risk of taking our blessings for granted, as if they are always going to be there. But in times of difficulty and uncertainty, we realize how much of life is out of our control.
And here we have a choice. We can allow the difficult circumstances to overwhelm us, which could spiral into ingratitude, bitterness, or anger toward God. Or we can come to a place of deep acceptance, which leads us to greater appreciation for all that surrounds us—even to the point of better recognizing the little things we may otherwise take for granted, like hidden treasures which are always there but often overlooked.
By choosing the second option, we learn how to bless the Lord’s name no matter the circumstances—when life is good, and when life is tough; when He gives and when He takes away (see Job 1:21).
As Saint John of Avila is believed to have said, “A single ‘Blessed be God’ in adversity is worth more than a thousand acts of thanksgiving in prosperity.”
An Act of Faith
A while back, my husband was laid off from work. For months prior, I prayed for the Lord to deliver him from his toxic job, which was taking such a toll on him and our entire family.
I didn't expect the Lord to answer my prayer through a layoff. At first, it felt like we were moving from one bad situation to another. I was frustrated and confused. I worried about how we were going to make ends meet.
At one point, I didn’t feel an abundance of faith in the circumstances (or in what the Lord was doing). But I chose to make an act of faith anyway.
Living in less-than-ideal circumstances while ascending to a place of greater faith helped me consider: If I don't have what I want—in this situation, it was a job for my husband—what do I have?
And here, in the quiet of my seeking heart, the Lord showed me the hidden blessing of his unemployment: the drastic improvement in my husband’s overall health and wellbeing. He was simply better off. At this realization, unexpected gratitude swelled up for the gift of him no longer having to work in such difficult conditions.
Where Are the Hidden Blessings?
Focusing on the hidden blessings changes how we view uncertainty and disappointment. Our attention isn’t solely on the bad anymore. We finally see the circumstance through a "both-and" lens.
Several years ago, I received a pretty firm rejection. My dream was shattered, and my heart was crushed.
I ran to the Lord and surrendered my disappointment to Him. When I opened my Bible, through tears, I read this passage: “[B]ut ‘yes’ has been in him. For however many are the promises of God, their Yes is in him” (2 Corinthians 1:19-20).
In the midst of my devastating news, I was comforted knowing that even the no I received was a yes from Him, because this no was part of God's better plan for me. And over time, He revealed it to me.
Other examples of hidden blessings could include:
- When facing a chronic illness, we can be grateful for the kind nurse at the clinic or the friend who brings us flowers.
- When missing someone this holiday season, we can be grateful for so many memories with her. Perhaps we can share them together, around the table.
- When healing from a breakup, an act of faith can increase our gratitude that God is even using this heartache for our good (see Romans 8:28).
- When various stressors take a toll on our family, we can be grateful for how coming together to support and encourage each other in the midst of it strengthens our relationships.
This is not about stuffing the pain. The pain is real, and we should spend time feeling it. But by finding unexpected gratitude in the difficulties of life, we are able to deepen our trust and offer the aching part of our heart in a unique way. And this transforms our faith, increases our hope, redeems our suffering, and restores our peace.
This Thanksgiving
This Thanksgiving, if life isn’t wonderful, if circumstances are not ideal, bring this to the Lord. Attend morning Mass before gathering with family and friends. Place all of your sorrows on the altar at Mass. Unite them with the Lord’s suffering on the Cross. And in an act of faith, expect to see what you could not see before. The blessing in the unexpected. The beauty in the pain. The peace in the midst of the storm.
“Bless the Lord, my soul; and do not forget all his gifts, Who pardons all your sins, and heals all your ills, Who redeems your life from the pit, and crowns you with mercy and compassion, Who fills your days with good things” (Psalm 103:2-5).
Sarah Damm is a regular contributor to the BIS blog. She is a Catholic wife and mother of six children, living in Minnesota. She spends her days running errands, helping with homework, and keeping up with laundry and the family schedule. Sarah loves her faith, coffee, and good books. You can find out more about her here. Read all of Sarah's posts here.
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