One of my favorite things to do to prepare for a trip is to make a list. This list includes beautiful places to sightsee and to hike, restaurants to sample the local cuisine, and places to remain prayerful while traveling. On an upcoming summer trip to Bermuda, I was excited to find several churches in the area, offering plenty of options for where to go for Mass. But upon closer examination, I had to be careful to differentiate between the Anglican churches and the Roman Catholic churches. Being a British Territory, Bermuda has many Anglican churches, and it took a bit of digging to determine which Churches offered valid Sacraments. Once I did, a few new Catholic pilgrimage sites were added to my travel list. One includes the oldest Catholic Church on the island. Finding a Pilgrimage Site Wherever You Go Sometimes it might take some sifting through, but I have yet to visit an area that doesn’t offer a Catholic church in close proximity. Whether you are making an international trip this summer, or sticking closer to home, chances are there will be a Catholic site for you to visit. Here are a few places to start. Out East One unexpected site that I came across while accompanying my husband on a work trip to Boston was inside a shopping mall! Tucked inside a corner of Boston’s Prudential Center is the Saint Francis Chapel, which was built in 1969. The chapel is staffed by the Oblates of the Virgin Mary. The mission of the chapel is to provide a place of refuge for those to find peace in the middle of a busy day, in a busy world. Inside of this little chapel of a massive mall are relics, including a bone of St. Faustina, as well as pieces of hair from both Pope St. John Paul II and St. Maximilian Kolbe. This chapel not only offers a quiet place to pray, but also offers three Masses every day during the work week. There are seven Mass times offered on Sunday, including one in Spanish, as well as daily Confession and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Saint Francis Chapel is surely a breath of fresh air in a busy, fast-paced mall. The Midwest Did you know that near Green Bay, Wisconsin, you can find the only approved Marian apparition site in the United States? The apostolate of this shrine draws from the heart of its visionary, Sister Adele Brice, who began seeing visions of the Blessed Mother in 1859. Sister Adele received from Our Lady a twofold message: the first was a mission of prayer for the conversion of sinners, and the second was to teach the catechism so that souls might come to know Jesus and obtain salvation (making this site an especially perfect place for you to pray for strength in your vocation if you are a religion teacher). The Shrine of Our Lady of Good Help in Champion, Wisconsin was named a National Shrine by Bishop David Ricken on the Feast of the Assumption in 2016. The West Coast A few girlfriends and I traveled to Napa for a wine-tasting weekend a few months before my wedding. Through word-of-mouth and a little bit of research, we were able to find a resort which had an on-site chapel and was connected to a vineyard and wine cellar owned and operated by a Catholic family. Also serving as a retreat for visiting priests who are willing to say Mass, it was such an awesome experience to wake up and go to daily morning Mass at the Chapel of Our Lady of Grapes. And it was just a short walk from our hotel room! Heading South As mentioned, there always seem to be wonderful Catholic places to visit, from an approved Marian apparition site to a small chapel inside of a resort. Of course, there are also more well-known places to visit as well, like in Sante Fe, New Mexico. You can visit the Loretto Chapel which is home to a miraculous wooden staircase believed to be built by Saint Joseph, patron of carpenters. This staircase has two 360 degree turns with no visible means of support. Jet-Setting Across the Sea If you are looking for a pilgrimage site to visit in another country, visit Catholic Passport, a website created by one of Blessed is She’s very own writers. This website was created by Rose Coleman in order to help others plan their own Catholic pilgrimage, whether it be a solo trip or one with friends and family. On her site, she has a 12-step list for planning your pilgrimage, as well as an extensive list of countries where she offers ideas for visiting. For instance, if you are going to Paris, check out the beautiful Sacre-Coeur and the Shrine of the Miraculous Medal, perhaps say a prayer at the ruins of Notre-Dame. If you’re heading to Florence, don’t miss the Basilica de Santa Croce. When it comes to traveling, be it near or far, there are countless places to pray. It may take a little time to find a Catholic site in a remote village. But even there, there’s hope of finding a gem. Find your next destination and pencil it into your calendar! Have you ever been to one of these pilgrimage sites? [bctt tweet="Finding a Pilgrimage Site Wherever You Go #BISblog //" via="no"]

Summer and community go hand in hand. Whether it's neighborhood block parties, Fourth of July cookouts, feast day celebrations with other Catholic families, or coffee with friends, some of the most beautiful moments of our lives take place when we gather together. All too often, though, our insecurities and fears keep us from hosting, opting instead to wait for an invitation. In Hebrews 13:2, St. Paul encourages us: “Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels.” Even if you’re pretty positive that your friends and neighbors aren’t literal angels, that doesn’t let us off the hook for the first part. Yes, there are a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t put ourselves out there and host. Maybe you’ve even convinced yourself of a few: my house is too small I’m not good enough at decorating/cooking/entertaining having people over is too expensive I’m not extroverted or fun enough I don’t have time. I know I have said, and deeply believed, each of these lies from time to time. How to Embrace Imperfect Hosting and Invite People IN Small or insignificant as they may sound at first, these beliefs can hold us back from deep, rich, life-giving moments that Christ desires for us. He created us to be in community, and sometimes, that means being the first one to bravely open the door and say, “Come on in.” Work with What You Have Sometimes, there really are constraints that can keep us from hosting, especially space and money. A one-bedroom apartment might not be the most comfortable place to host ten friends, plus their husbands and kids. If your grocery budget is extra-tight, throwing a gourmet dinner party may not be prudent. But, with a little bit of creativity, there’s always a way to host lovingly. Ask the Holy Spirit for inspiration and pray about how you can best use your gifts, space, resources, and budget to the best of their ability. Your apartment itself may not be the right place for all of those friends to gather, but the pool and picnic tables at your building might make a fantastic setting for a memorable summer afternoon together. If the budget is a hurdle, don’t be afraid to ask guests to contribute food. Most people are happy to know exactly what they can bring! Inviting each person to show off their absolute favorite dish at a potluck dinner not only guarantees some seriously delicious food, it also opens the opportunity to trade stories about those recipes and where they came from. Sometimes, our gatherings won’t look the way we originally envision them. But once we’re in the moment, they’re so, so much better. Lean on Your Village The biggest party I’ve hosted to date (besides my wedding, if you count that) was my son’s Baptism party. My husband and I eagerly began planning a sit-down dinner for 20 people in celebration of this special day, well before our baby was out of my belly and in our arms. Mamas, I think you know where I’m going with this. A few days before the party, it hit me. I’m spending 75 percent of my waking hours nursing. My house is a disaster. And if I don’t make some adjustments to the party plans, there’s a very good chance I’m going to present my firstborn son to God with four days worth of dry shampoo in my hair. A little piece of me was tempted to throw my hands up in defeat and cancel. That certainly would have been the easy route. But did I really want to celebrate my first child’s first Sacrament with microwaved lasagna leftovers when we got home from church? Definitely not. In this case, the scope of our party mirrored the happiness that both we, and the people who had traveled across the country for the occasion, felt over our tiny new Catholic. We needed to be together and feast in celebration to fully express our joy! That made it worth the effort, even if I needed to adjust my expectations and plans in order to work for our new life with a newborn. Ask for Help And so, I turned to the real MVPs: my mom, my mother-in-law, and my husband’s favorite place to get authentic North Carolina barbecue takeout. Everyone was happy, I had time to shower, and as I looked at the people sitting on mismatched chairs around pushed-together tables that night, my house had never felt more like home. Maybe you’re in a season of life when doing all the heavy lifting—the cleaning, the decorating, the cooking, etc.—is both doable and life-giving to you. But, if you’re not (or even if you are, but the party week takes an unexpectedly busy turn), don’t be afraid to ask for help. That could mean hiring a cleaning service, asking friends to bring wine or their signature dishes, or scrapping your homemade menu in favor of delicious takeout like we did. Do whatever restores your joy in hosting and helps you focus on what matters. Invite Boldly (and More Than Once) I’m an introvert, through and through. I almost never ask for an invitation. To be honest, that means I’ve spent a good amount of time in my life feeling kind of lonely. That said, I also really love the excuse to put together a pretty table. I’m also married to an extrovert who is happiest with a house full of people. As a result, we end up hosting relatively often. When we do, I have started trying to identify and invite the people who, like me, would never ask to join otherwise. My heart pounds every time I include an acquaintance I want to get to know better on an e-vite. I get nervous when I walk up to someone after church to invite them to coffee. But, I now know those moments have led to some of my dearest friendships, which makes it worth the risk. On the flip side, I’m learning to offer a lot of grace when I invite someone to something and the answer is no. Especially in the season of parenting young children that I, and most of my friends, are in right now, even our best-laid plans can go awry. It may take five unfortunate (and super-last-minute) nos before a yes can finally come. But all six of those invitations still mean something. Invitations make people feel included and valued, no matter what the response may have to be. That matters, and the relationship will only be deeper because of it. Be Not Afraid A few verses after St. Paul tells us not to neglect hospitality, he reassures us: “The Lord is my helper, and I will not be afraid” (Hebrews 13:6). May we humbly accept His help and the Holy Spirit’s inspiration as we create opportunities for true community to flourish! How are you embracing imperfect hosting this summer? Might we suggest a Blessed Brunch? [bctt tweet="Embracing Imperfect Hosting #BISblog //" username="lisajanelkirk"]

Bring Him all the praise you know. Download these beautiful free wallpapers from Michelle Slough from today's readings. Let His word dwell in us richly, sisters. Remember, Members, you get this 8x10 digital download for free! Head to the shop for your download. Download your F R E E wallpapers right here --->>> Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

I go through seasons of using different catchphrases and filler words when speaking. In high school, I overused “like” to no end. As a teacher, my students kindly pointed out to me that I ended every sentence with “okay.” Recently, I have noticed that “or whatever” has infiltrated my vocabulary. Though my use of “like” and “okay” bothered me, my use of “or whatever” has struck a different, frustrated chord that I want to unpack. The Implications of “Or Whatever” I know that often I use “or whatever” innocently, merely as a filler in conversation to replace words like “so” or “like” or “yeah.” But I have also noticed that sometimes I use this phrase when speaking rashly. Or that I use it as a shield, an opportunity to not fully commit to what I am saying out of fear of what other people will think. I have also noticed that it makes sense that society has gravitated toward this phrase because it reflects a worldly, relativistic perspective. One that ascertains that we are entitled to do and say whatever we want. My use of “or whatever” frustrates me because I don’t want my speech to reflect entitlement. I don’t want my conversation to be full of word vomit. I want my words to be focused and clear and meaningful. Jesus: Terse, Concise, Compelling In articulating my desire to cleanse my vocabulary of "or whatever", the Lord has gently reminded me that our words carry weight and shouldn’t be used recklessly. I need to be prudent with my language. Just as Jesus is, the Lord wants us to be emphatic and convicted yet shrewd in our speech. When Jesus speaks, His words are concise, often terse, and full of profound emotion and meaning. From commanding a man ill for thirty-eight years at the pool of Bethesda in John 5:1-9 to “Rise, take up your mat, and walk,” to reminding us in John 15:12 that “This is my commandment: love one another as I love you,” Jesus speaks calmly, decisively and emphatically. He isn’t loose or ambiguous with His words. While many of my words have caused more harm than the use of “or whatever,” in examining my frustration with this phrase, I recognize that I desire to communicate like Jesus did. I want to articulate, to choose, to use my words carefully. Prudence with Words In addition to using Jesus as a model for speaking directly and avoiding careless speech, throughout the Old Testament, I am also reminded that God actually commands us to be purposeful and prudent with our words. Proverbs 31:26 tells us that “She opens her mouth in wisdom; kindly instruction is on her tongue.” Further, in Proverbs 10:19 God reminds us that “Where words are many, sin is not wanting; but those who restrain their lips do well.” How beautiful that in gifting us with the ability to speak, God gently tells us that we are to be sage and thoughtful with our words. How beautiful that He has given us the capacity and opportunity to discern restraint and prudence with our words. Precision of Language God doesn’t call us to be lukewarm in the way we communicate. Scripture isn’t filled with “or whatever.” The Word is filled with conviction, with confidence. It’s precise, it’s assertive, it’s energetic. It’s sure, it’s cogent, it’s compelling, it’s true. I want my communication to reflect Scripture. I want my words to be pure, convincing, and powerful because they are rooted in God’s love, not in my earthly stream of consciousness. Whether struggling with breaking the habit of “or whatever,” of gossip, or of the inability to be articulate, may we pray to our God of grace, healing and abundant wisdom for prudence and guidance that we may use our words to build His Kingdom. [bctt tweet="Choosing and Using Our Words Prudently #BISblog //" via="no"] Mercedes Shirts lives in Idaho, land of the potatoes, with her husband, bulldog, and cat. When not indulging in a good read and black coffee, she enjoys eating street tacos, running, and listening to Texas country music. You can find out more about her here.

Welcome to our summer Lay Member Series on the Blessed is She blog! This week, we will hear from several different members who are lay members of various religious orders. We'll learn about their walk with Christ, their vocation, their discernment and formation process, and what it looks like to live out their vows in the framework of their primary vocation or state in life. Samantha, A Lay Dominican Today, we chat with Samantha Yee, a lay Dominican. Tell us a bit about your journey with Jesus. I grew up Catholic, with a family that was involved in nearly every ministry at our parish. Serving the Church was just something we did, but a strong prayer life and a personal relationship with Jesus was not something that was emphasized. When I started college at UC Berkeley, I struggled to find my place. I had no friends, and for the first time in my life I was not doing well in school. My identity was, understandably, shaken. I had been told my whole life that I was smart and I had come to use that one thing to define myself. I fell into a deep depression that took me years to recover from. I reverted back to the faith at age 19 at a Steubenville conference (I’m 25 now) and I realized my true identity came from being a daughter of God. You can find more of my personal conversion story here. What first drew you to the Dominicans? I attended Mass at a Dominican parish as an undergrad and my Confirmation saint was St. Catherine of Siena. I chose her because my mom’s name is Catherine. But beyond that, I had no other connection to the Dominican Order when I entered. What are the charisms and motto of your order? The Dominican charism is to preach the Gospel with our words and our lives. We have three mottos. Veritas (meaning “truth”) Contemplare et contemplata aliis tradere (“to contemplate and to give to others the fruits of contemplation”) Laudere, benedicere, praedicare (“to praise, to bless, to preach”). Underneath all of these mottos is an emphasis on learning Christ through prayer and study, and letting that love and knowledge overflow naturally into ministry. How did you know you had a vocation to the Dominican order? What did your discernment process look like? It’s funny, some people take years to discern being a lay Dominican (in fact, there was a woman in my chapter who had thought about it for 10 years before joining). But for me, it was a whirlwind love affair. Everything happened within the span of a week. I had played Mary in a very public and very large living Stations of the Cross down San Francisco’s Embarcadero on Good Friday 2018. It was the most spiritually-intense experience of my life. I truly saw and felt the Passion through a mother’s eyes. That night, I received a little miracle from Mary, the smell of rose incense, and I could do nothing but pray and weep for my sins and for the sins of others. It was gutting, and God was so real to me in that moment that my immediate reaction was, “I need to enter a convent right now. I need to love Him every second of everyday. I need to do something.” Over the next few days, I kept having dreams of black-and-white veils. This was odd because, though I had discerned religious life, the only orders I’d seriously considered had blue or brown veils. The following Tuesday, I was at school, and I kid you not, the Dominicans randomly came up in conversation at least 50 times. For example, I had a burger for lunch and the customer next to me nudged me, pointed to the baseball game on TV, and said, “The Dominicans are really good, huh?” It was the strangest thing, but I didn’t think anything of it until a friend who had come back from the shrine of St. Rose of Lima and St. Martin de Porres in Peru gave me a medal of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati, which had the phrase “Truth in Love” engraved on it in Latin. Later that night, unable to sleep, my Google searches for "veritas" led me to the Dominican Order. I found out that all three saints were third order Dominicans. The first step to entering my local lay chapter was getting approval from the prioress, who just happened to be my brother’s godmother. I called her the next day and had an interview with the council that Saturday. They unanimously voted yes, despite the fact that I was younger than everyone in the chapter by 20-45 years. And so it began. ​​Were there any particular tools you found useful in your discernment? I think I’ve been equipped with tools throughout the years. Books like St. Teresa of Avila’s Interior Castle, The Soul of the Apostolate, and The Fulfillment of All Desire were instrumental. I also had countless conversations with women and men religious. Discernment is really developing a practice of recognizing God’s voice and presence in your life. How has God spoken to you in the past? When were you sure God was working? I know how God speaks to me, He always makes it clear. So it was easy for me to say, “This is God,” and act. But part of that was leaving room for God to speak, making space in my life for silence and prayer and listening, and having a relationship with God already. Why do you think the charisms of this order are useful to you in your path to sanctity? The more time I spend with Dominicans, the more I realize that my personal spirituality is Dominican spirituality. I’m always talking with and about God. I grow deeper in my faith through reading books, and I’m a firm believer in lifelong learning. I share what I’ve personally received in prayer in my writing and in my talks. I’ve been “preaching the Gospel” to atheists in parties, bars, and classrooms for as long as I can remember. I have a deep love for Mary and the Rosary, and fasting is a huge part of my prayer life. Joining a religious order’s family is, in a sense, finding people who experience God the same way you do within the Catholic Church, and the Dominicans were 100% for me. What is the formation process like? Where are you in the discernment process? The first two years as a lay Dominican involve formation and mutual discernment. You get to know the order, they get to know you, you attend monthly chapter meetings, you regularly meet with a formation director, and you complete reading and writing assignments about topics such as Dominican rule, community, the life of St. Dominic, the Eucharist, and the Rosary. I just finished my first year of formation. After the second year of formation, I can make temporary professions for 1-3 years at a time. Then, if I wanted, I could make a lifelong profession three years after my first profession. What are the daily practices and other requirements/practices of lay members? How do those look lived out in your particular life and vocation? As a lay Dominican, I make a daily commitment to go to Mass and to pray the Rosary and the Liturgy of the Hours (morning, evening, and night). I must also nurture a devotion to Mary, read Scripture, fast on certain days, pray for deceased Dominicans, and go to Confession at least monthly. It’s definitely doable, but there are days when I still struggle to wake up for 8 a.m. Mass because it’s the only daily Mass in the area. Or I try to start a Rosary at 11:59 pm (whoops). Or I fall behind on my spiritual readings. There’s no one making sure I do these things and I don’t get punished for it, but I do make a promise to my chapter and I intend to live up to those promises. Being a full-time college student, freelance writer, and speaker who constantly travels, while balancing being a contemplative and prayerful Dominican is not easy, let me tell you. But it is possible. How has being a lay Dominican changed your own heart? What about your relationships with your family and friends? I can’t say that being a lay Dominican itself changed my heart and relationships so much as a consistent prayer life did. But I do know that entering the Dominican Order, because it was truly a vocation and a calling, has made me much more fulfilled, at peace, and encouraged in what I do. That has influenced how I encountered others. What advice would you give someone considering a vocation to a third order? Do it… And entrust your discernment to Our Lady. She wants to see everyone grow closer to her Son, and she’ll lead you to the right order for you. It’s also important to note that a “yes” to a third order doesn’t mean a “no” to married life or religious life. You can join a third order if you’re married or dating, or a different order as a religious sister. So don’t be afraid. Start looking at lay chapters near where you live. Contact someone. Attend a meeting. If it’s not for you, you can discern out at any time. [bctt tweet="Lay Member Series: Lay Dominican #BISblog //" via="no"] Written by Samantha Yee. This post contains affiliate links. Thank you for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

Welcome to our summer Lay Member Series on the Blessed is She blog! This week, we will hear from several different members who are lay members of various religious orders. We'll learn about their walk with Christ, their vocation, their discernment and formation process, and what it looks like to live out their vows in the framework of their primary vocation or state in life. Molly, CSJA Today, we chat with Molly Durbin, a member of the CSJ Association. Tell us a bit about your journey with Jesus. I am a “cradle Catholic.” It would be safe to say that my journey with Jesus began when I was really young. I am 24 years old and I’m sure the Lord has felt every single minute of our journey together. From what I have been told, the early days were great. My mom would serve at Mass and my brothers and I would sit in the pew and actually behave. As I got older, things got harder. I grew further away from the Lord. Looking back, I think I struggled with being Catholic or really anything that my family identified with because I struggled with who I was. I grew far apart from peers my own age and felt very alone. We just didn’t have the same interests. The parish we attended was not a good fit. All of these emotions peaked my sophomore year of high school when an athletics coach told me, “You’re just not good enough.” Ouch. After that, I transferred to Catholic school. In the winter of my junior year, I was invited on a trip to see the Pink Sisters in Philadelphia, PA. I absolutely loved everything about it. I was fascinated with the way they lived their life and the fact that their habits were pink. The next day I started casually exploring more about Sisters. I spent the better part of eight years discerning religious life. My last two years in High School, my entire college years, and a couple of years after. I thought that, since no man seemed interested in me, I was destined to be Sister. I was set aside by God to glorify Him and love his Son by living into that vocation. I went to college at a secular university and did my best to live like the convent was where I was headed. I strove for it. That was my goal. Sometimes my commitment would waiver, but my faith never did. As I visited convents and met with my spiritual director, it became clear that the convent wasn’t where I was called. On both good days and bad I repeated the same prayer, “Lord, whatever You do with my life, please make this worth it.” I prayed it every single day for the duration of my college experience. One day, I got my answer. In my heart, I heard a challenge from the Lord. “If you trust me, quit your job.” I immediately went upstairs and quit my job. The only question I had was, “How am I going to explain this to my parents?” I had bills to pay. I had a ton of things coming up that would require money, like applying for a graduation audit. Fortunately, they were receptive but put a time frame on it. “You have until June for God to help you find a job or you’re coming home, Molly.” Yikes. I had been applying to jobs for what felt like a lifetime. I received rejection notice after rejection notice. I had interview upon interview and nothing came through. I knew the voice I heard was the voice of God. I had no doubt. I just had to wait. One day, I got an interview for a job that I really really wanted. I interviewed and got a second interview, and so on. Now I’m here, and I couldn’t be happier. What first drew you to the CSJA? They serve a wide range of needs. If there is a need, there is probably a Sister of Saint Joseph. The Sisters primarily work in healthcare, education, and service to the poor. However, you can still find them in other areas like social services, foster care, race relations, and politics. What are the charisms and motto of your order? The language from the CSJ Association flyer articulates our charism beautifully: The CSJ Association is a community of women and men who in association with the Sisters of St. Joseph seek to be conformed to Jesus Christ in his love for God, for all people, and all creation. Associate members journey with the Sisters of St. Joseph by living the charism of unity in their daily lives by uniting neighbor with neighbor and neighbor with God. How did you know you might have a call to this order? What did the discernment process look like? I knew I had a vocation to this order when I visited the Motherhouse. I continue to feel a joy when I visit—words don’t do it justice. My actual discernment process isn’t one of drama. I didn’t have a vision, or a dream, or a Eucharistic miracle. I was just openly seeking God’s will for my life and found myself here. Were there any particular tools you found useful in your discernment? There are so many things that I did seasonally through the eight years I spent discerning, and some that I continue to this day. The most important tools we have in discernment are the Sacraments. As you go through your discernment process, and then move into your vocation, the number one priority should be participating in the Sacraments. The Lord may place daily Mass on your heart. He may call you to encounter him in Adoration. Maybe He knows that because you’re conversational, He sends a spiritual director into your life. My discernment was fluid and I used different tools at different times and in different seasons. It is okay if you do, too. Why do you think the charisms of this order are useful to you in your path to sanctity? At the heart of the ministry of the Sisters of Saint Joseph are service and intention. I didn’t realize how hard my heart was toward the environment or toward the poor. Living into the charism of unity has softened my heart toward my brothers and sisters in need and causes me to reflect on the impact my daily habits have on our eco-system & those in developing countries. What is the formation process like? How long have you been a member? The formation process is a year of monthly sessions where you gather with your regional group and your sponsor to cover 12 separate topics regarding the Sisters and their history, their ministry, and charisms. I made my profession as an Associate in April of 2017. What are the daily practices and other requirements/practices of lay members? How do those look lived out in your particular life and vocation? There is one requirement the Association has outside of living the charism and that is to attend monthly meetings with our prayer group. Ways that I live out the charism in my life include being a Eucharistic minister, serving meals to the poor, weekly Adoration, and daily Mass when I can make it. When I was in formation, we talked at length about temperament and how that makes all the difference in what you do. Joyful work is noticed by others and delights the Lord. I’ll give you an example. I smile. A lot. I smile a lot at Mass, I smile at work, I smile when I make awkward eye contact with people. I just like to smile. When I serve as a Eucharistic minister at Mass, I do my best to smile at everyone who comes up for communion or for a blessing. One woman thought I did such a good job that she made it a point to stop me after Mass and thank me for being a Eucharistic minister. I’ll share one more for good measure. Keep in mind what I just shared about smiling. This example comes from serving the poor. It was a colder, rainy day. We were wrapping up our leftovers to take to a local non-profit and cleaning the facility. Because it was rainy, I let some of my new friends stay indoors until we left. While I was sweeping the floor, one gentleman asked, “Are you actually enjoying yourself?” I couldn’t help but smile. How has being a CSJA changed your own heart? What about your relationships with your family and friends? I mentioned earlier that I had such a hard heart toward the poor without even realizing it. I also never took a moment to think about how my actions were indirectly impacting the environment and varying communities. This is painful to admit, but very true. I’ve always had a strong moral compass, but it was never tempered with concern for others. I practiced strong morals out of pride. While pride doesn’t go overnight (or two years), I am slowly learning to live a moral life out of love for another. When it comes to my family, they have actually been really supportive. They attended my promises ceremony and serve alongside me when they can. My boyfriend (who isn’t Catholic) also attended my promises ceremony and serves alongside me as well. What advice would you give someone considering a vocation to a third order? Bring it to the Lord If you feel called to more within your single or married state, pray about it. I used to hate that advice: “Pray about it.” I always felt like I was being dismissed. I used to think, “Prayer doesn’t solve problems. Action solves problems.” True and false. Prayer is how we connect with God. Action is how we build up the Kingdom. Prayer fills our cup while we actively pour into others. I promise you, you can trust in the Lord. He is good and He will provide for your needs. You simply need to bring them to Him. Go on retreats Did you know that you can go on retreats with Sisters specifically to gain insight into their order? If you didn’t, now you do. It’s a thing. Be mindful that the offerings of particular orders vary. What may be offered by one won’t necessarily be offered by another. Visiting the website would be the best way to learn more about what a particular order offers. Another retreat you should look out for is a Diocesan Women’s Vocation retreat. These retreats are the perfect opportunity to ask about Third Order or Association opportunities. Unpack your bags Living out a vocation is not an escape, nor is it a bandage solution to a problem. That bag you carry about any lie related to your identity as a daughter of God will get heavier if not offered to the Lord. If you have bags that need unpacked with a licensed professional, do that. There is absolutely no shame in getting the help you need so you can become everything you were meant to be. Remember your identity You are loved. You were created by a God who loves you, who has huge plans for your life, and who desires nothing more than your whole heart. [bctt tweet="Lay Member Series: CSJA #BISblog //" via="no"] Molly Durbin is a CSJA who is passionate about sustainability and Total Societal Impact. She spends her days in Corporate Learning and Organizational Effectiveness. She enjoys Ted Talks, iced coffee, Chick-fil-A, and Fall.

Welcome to our summer Lay Member Series on the Blessed is She blog! This week, we will hear from several different members who are lay members of various religious orders. We'll learn about their walk with Christ, their vocation, their discernment and formation process, and what it looks like to live out their vows in the framework of their primary vocation or state in life. Kathryn, Secular Discalced Carmelite Today, we chat with Kathryn Mulderink, a wife, mom, grandma, writer, and presenter. She is a professed secular discalced Carmelite. What first drew you to the Carmelites? Carmel has been part of the background of my imagination since I first started learning about the lives of the saints. My name is Kathryn Therese, so I always considered both Therese of Lisieux and Teresa of Avila as patrons, both of whom are Carmelites. When I was old enough to take my spiritual life seriously and wanted to make a deeper commitment, Carmel was the first thing on my radar. I was attracted to its very deep roots—roots that run deep into the Old Testament prophet Elijah, up through the hermits of the 11th century who gathered on the same Mount Carmel where Elijah had experienced God, to the present day. In fact, we still live by the Rule of St. Albert of Jerusalem, first given to Carmel in the early 1200s. What are the charisms and motto of your order? Secular Discalced Carmelites live a life of contemplative prayer and detachment. This does not mean we imitate monastic life, but we do dedicate time to solitude, silent prayer, and acts of charity. We promise to strive to live in the spirit of the evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, obedience, and the Beatitudes, according to our state of life. We summarize our charism by saying: “Under the protection of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, in the biblical tradition of the prophet Elijah and inspired by the teachings of St. Teresa of Jesus and St. John of the Cross, (we) seek to deepen (our) Christian commitment received in baptism” (OCDS Constitution, #3). Our lives are marked by Marian devotion, and by seeking God in silence and zeal like Elijah, according to the reforms led by St. Teresa and St. John of the Cross. This is summed up in our motto, taken from 1 Kings 19, where Elijah cries out with his prophetic voice and absolute dedication to the one, true God: “With zeal have I been zealous for the Lord God of Hosts.” How did you know you might have a call to the Carmelite order? What does discernment process look like? There was no real “epiphany moment,” but I was blessed to take the straight path into Carmel, without any detours. It was an easy choice for me, and the only hesitation I experienced was right before I made my Definitive Promises. The Enemy will often make us feel like we are not ready, or not worthy, or not capable, in order to keep us from doing a good thing. As I prayed about this, the Lord helped me realize that I would never be ready or worthy or capable on my own. But I am not alone; He is with me always. I was led to this and should keep moving forward. So I made my Promises, and several years later (with consultation and discernment with my spiritual director) I also made my vows in the Order. Were there any particular tools you found useful in your discernment? Personal spiritual direction is extremely valuable, not only in discerning whether or not to enter into a process of formation, but also to prevent doubts later! As I said, the Enemy is always looking for cracks in the cistern of our souls so that he can suck out the living water. But when you can look back and know that you did not make this decision alone but with the help of a director and following the path of formation laid out by the Order, you can dismiss some of the doubts that may enter in and drain the joy and peace that are essential for persevering. There are a few books that sum up Carmelite spirituality in a very accessible way. I did not read these before entering the Order, but if you are wondering, these are a great introduction: Fire Within by Fr. Thomas Dubay, SM Divine Intimacy by Fr. Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene, OCD Why do you think the charisms of this order are useful to you in your path to sanctity? The mission of the OCDS is to know God that He may be known! This is of utmost value to each of us as individuals journeying to our Home—the Embrace of the Father—as well as insuring that whatever we are called to do in our lives is eternally fruitful. As everything of value comes from our union with God, and the whole point of the growth in holiness laid out by St. Teresa and St. John is this union, Carmelite spirituality is a way of deepening my intimacy with the Lord and impelling me to bring His light to every darkened place. What is the formation process like? How long have you been a member? Carmelite formation is a lifelong process, and an ongoing communal and individual responsibility. But the process of “becoming a Carmelite” is rather straightforward: An Aspirancy of one year, in which one learns what it means to live out the charism and spirit of Carmel as a lay person Formation for the Temporary Promise of two years, in which one grows in deeper understanding of prayer and the Rule Formation for Definitive Promise of three years, in which one is immersed more deeply into the spiritual tradition and works to integrate this spirituality into life. So the process is a minimum of six years, during which we grow in human formation, Christian understanding, Carmelite identity, and fraternity within the local Community. I have been a Carmelite since 1989. What are the daily practices and other requirements/practices of lay members? How do those look lived out in your particular life and vocation? The foundation and essence of a Carmelite vocation is deep prayer. We strive to imitate Mary in her “pondering in the heart” and to heed Jesus’ call to “pray always.” Specifically, we are called each day to: pray Morning and Evening Prayer of the Liturgy of the Hours practice at least 30 minutes of mental prayer in silence and solitude participate in daily Mass if possible engage in a daily examination of conscience and confess our sins frequently attend one retreat each year We also have specific days of fasting/self-denial on the Vigils of feast days of the Order, in order to be spiritually prepared. You can’t enjoy the feast unless you also fast! Knowing that our vocation is always lived out in community, we are called to participate in monthly meetings, and in the community apostolate, as well as other ministries of the Church. How has being a secular discalced Carmelite changed your own heart? What about your relationships with your family and friends? All of the change in the human heart is the work of grace and our own will. God gives us all we need and we must assent to His work within us. Prayer—particularly prayer in silence and solitude—is where we give God permission and opportunity to work in us, far beyond what we can see and feel and do ourselves. God is always reaching down to us, waiting for us to reach up so that He can lift us up to Himself. God is always “inflowing” and we must open ourselves to Him. Carmelite spirituality is about learning to let go and let God have His way with us, knowing that whatever we open to Him, He will fill with His abundance and fruitfulness. Mary is our Mother and also our model of complete openness and a ready “yes” to whatever the Spirit moves within us. As we pray with her, our prayer deepens and widens and reaches out to others. In this way, growing as a Carmelite has meant growing as a person and as a child of the Father, which means we face every task and circumstance and relationship in light of our encounter with Christ and with Him at the center. What advice would you give someone considering a vocation to a third order? Pray for the grace to know where the Lord is calling! Read more about the Order, either online or in recommended books. Find a community near you and ask to visit! Most members are eager and ready to discuss the benefits of belonging to that particular order, their own experience, and how it has been fruitful in their lives. [bctt tweet="Lay Member Series: Secular Discalced Carmelite #BISblog //" via="no"] Kathryn Mulderink is a mother to seven, grandmother to two, and has worked as a teacher, headmistress, catechist, Pastoral Associate, and DRE. Currently, she serves the Church as a writer and presenter, and by collaborating with dioceses, parishes, and ministries to lead others to encounter Christ and engage their Faith. You can find out more about her here.

Welcome to our summer Lay Member Series on the Blessed is She blog! This week, we will hear from several different members who are lay members of various religious orders. We'll learn about their walk with Christ, their vocation, their discernment and formation process, and what it looks like to live out their vows in the framework of their primary vocation or state in life. Katey, Secular Franciscan (in Discernment) Today, we chat with Katey Normam, a wife, mom, and high school campus minister in Canada. She is currently in the first stage of discernment with the secular Franciscans. Tell us a bit about your journey with Jesus. As a prodigal daughter to the Faith, Christ has called me into a life of great purpose and meaning from one that was based largely on comfort and worldliness. As a young adult, after experiencing a major conversion through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, my heart began to be set on fire for evangelization and serving people who had not yet been told of the glory of the Gospel. What first drew you to the Franciscans? It was through that initial transformation and turning of my own life that I was introduced to St. Francis of Assisi, a man who resonated with some of the most vulnerable parts of my heart. After walking with several Franciscan priests and sisters for many years, I began to recognize, in my own life, a call to be more like Francis in a radical way. This tug on my heart led me to begin the discernment process with the Secular Franciscans, a group of lay men and women who make promises to live as Franciscans, growing in Christ, and serving as St. Francis did. What are the charisms and motto of your order? The charisms of this order are centered around community life, simplicity, personal holiness, personal and fraternal apostolates, with a focus on social justice and peace in the world. The motto of the Secular Franciscans is “Pax et bonus,” which means “peace and the good.” How did you know you might have a call to the Franciscan order? What does discernment process look like? Even though I am currently just in the initial process of discernment prior to taking any vows or promises, Christ and St. Francis are continuing to walk with me in moving forward. My discernment is ongoing, and I pray for guidance while bringing my thought process and any insights to my local chapter. Were there any particular tools you found useful in your discernment? Reading G.K. Chesterton’s biography of St. Francis, attending the Franciscan University of Steubenville, and pilgrimaging to Assisi have all been instrumental in my discernment process of taking serious steps towards a profession as a Franciscan. It has been crucial for me to bring this discernment to priests that I trust—including my Spiritual Director—who have helped me to see the matching elements of who I am called to be as an individual and who St. Francis called his followers to be. Why do you think the charisms of this order are useful to you in your path to sanctity? I recognized that the deeper Christ calls me, the more my heart echoes the desires of St. Francis. As someone who struggles with comfort as well as worldliness, the Franciscan way challenges me to a deeper simplicity not only in the world, but in my relationship with the Trinity as well. Stepping outside of myself and into service has been a gift and invitation to confront different areas in my life that are in need of mercy and reorienting to God. St. Francis has taught me that importance as I strive to become more like him. What is the formation process like? Where are you at in the discernment process? The formation process of becoming a professed Secular Franciscan is broken into three stages: Period of Inquiry Initial Formation Ongoing Formation The Period of Inquiry is where I am currently. This stage is an introduction to living life by “The Rule” as well as attending the monthly meetings held by my local chapter. Once a candidate has consistently been discerning and attending 4-6 months of meetings, they are able to make a written request to the Formation Director for admission to the Order. Once admitted to the Order, the Inquirer becomes a candidate and is ready to undertake the Initial Formation. The Initial Formation is, at minimum, a year of formation and study. The candidate must continue to attend monthly meetings while continually discerning their call to profession. After this period has ended, the candidate again submits in writing a request for formal profession into the Secular Franciscan Order. The Council decides with the Formation Director whether the candidate will be admitted to the Order. From here, the Rite of Profession takes place during a celebration of the Eucharist in accordance with the Ritual of the Secular Franciscan order. What are the daily practices and other requirements/practices of lay members? How do those look lived out in your particular life and vocation? To live out a professed life as a Franciscan is not a step in a completely new direction for me. Instead, it adds life and intentionality behind a lot of ways I am already seeking to live my life. For one, reading the Gospel on a daily basis is required in order to adapt my life to the teachings and life of Christ. Secondly, an emphasis on apostolate, both personal and fraternal, helps me to keep others at the forefront of what I do and how I act. This has already helped me to recognize my own tendencies towards selfishness. It encourages me to open my heart up to my brothers and sisters throughout my day. In an even more tangible way, it has drawn me out of myself more in my marriage and how I relate to my husband in love and service. Your husband is a Regnum Christi member. How do the practices of your different orders "overlap" and how do they differ? What does that look like in the daily rhythm of your household? Marriage, in fact, is another way I have been drawn to the Franciscans. My husband is a professed Regnum Christi member and has been since before we began dating. The contrast in our household is a beautiful balance. He is incredibly disciplined and grounded, and I prefer to walk around with no shoes, a Bible in one hand, and a bird perched in the other (kidding, but my Franciscan heart can dream). Like our personalities, our spiritualities can be very different, but there is an incredible marriage and complementarity of the two. My husband and Regnum Christi push me to have a greater discipline, to not let my emotions take the driver’s seat of how and when I pray, and to love the beauty of structured prayer. I have incredible respect for the Legionaries of Christ and their long commitment to their own formation. The Franciscan aspect of our household also brings life to different areas. We strive to serve and evangelize through a variety of ministries as well as our own family apostolates, while learning to see God in many areas throughout our day. We have become a hiking family, and love to encounter God in creation, as St. Francis did. Now, with our new son, we dream and strive to implement a life of community, adventure, discipline, and service. How has discerning being a secular Franciscan changed your own heart? What about your relationships with your family and friends? Discerning becoming a part of a religious order is something that has pushed me to grow in humility, community, and selflessness. Like family life, I cannot simply “do my own thing” constantly. Instead, honoring my own gifts, I am called out of myself to share who I am as a part of something greater. This model, like the family unit and like the Body of Christ, is a pruning that my heart needs and will continue to need as life moves. This walk and discernment process is showing me the beauty of communal accountability and the richness and diversity within the different religious third orders in the Church. Finding a community that speaks to my personality, but also challenges my specific vices, has reminded me of the struggle and greatness of the path to sanctity. What advice would you give someone considering a vocation to a third order? To any sister considering a vocation to a third order, I would recommend taking the initial steps in exploring charisms that have been placed upon your heart. There is a purpose to our longing. To walk with others on that way, in a specific way, is an encounter with Christ Himself. [bctt tweet="Lay Member Series: Secular Franciscan #BISblog //" via="no"] Katey Norman is a new mom, newish wife, and high school campus minister in a small town in Canada. After having a major prodigal daughter moment at 21, she moved to Steubenville, Ohio, finished a degree in Theology, and started serving in ministry full-time. She is currently in the first stage of discernment as a secular Franciscan with the diocese of London, Ontario and is married to a Regnum Christi member. Find out more about her here.

Welcome to our summer Lay Member Series on the Blessed is She blog! This week, we will hear from several different members who are lay members of various religious orders. We'll learn about their walk with Christ, their vocation, their discernment and formation process, and what it looks like to live out their vows in the framework of their primary vocation or state in life. Kelly, A Secular Carmelite Today, we chat with Kelly Sheredy, a wife, mom, and secular Carmelite. Tell us a bit about your journey with Jesus. I am a Cradle Catholic with weekly Mass attendance being the norm along with weekly religious education classes. So I’ve never not been in the Church. However, I did have a life-changing conversion experience in high school thanks to a LifeTeen retreat my sophomore year. Since then, I have always believed. Try as I might—and believe me, this overachiever tried—I’ve never actually been able to be sinless or perfect, but I’ve been on the journey since that epiphany. Going to Notre Dame for college sustained my faith like a cool drink of water from the Grotto. Post-college, I was able to find community in various Catholic young adult activities all over the Cleveland Diocese: from monthly prayer events to book groups to Theology on Tap to a co-ed softball league. Because of my passion for the Faith and love of learning about it (and a lot of miracles), after a year of being an office assistant for a LifeTeen Youth Minister, I ended up as a Middle School Youth Minister at a Catholic church. I stayed for 9 years. The old adage that you learn the most when you are preparing to teach it to someone else definitely holds up here! In order to be ready to answer questions from curious middle schoolers, I really had to study theology that I had long forgotten or never learned. That process has really been like getting to know a Friend. The year I began my job as a Middle School Youth Minister was the same year I received my Scapular and officially began formation as a Secular Carmelite. I don’t know what my life would be without either of those life changes. What first drew you to the Carmelites? I actually sort of stumbled into Carmel. Basically, the Blessed Virgin Mary came and got me! I had been the office assistant for a LifeTeen Youth Minister and was doing some research about the Brown Scapular for a retreat. On one of the websites, I had opened the tab “Secular Carmelite.” It stopped me in my tracks. I thought, “Wait... I know what ‘secular’ means... But a ‘Carmelite’ is in a religious order... How in the...” So I read. And read. And the more I found out about Carmelite spirituality, the more I became convinced that this was a total gift from God. Everything I read seemed to resonate with exactly the place I had reached in my faith journey thus far. The charism of Carmel is prayer without ceasing, especially listening to God in the “still, small voice” of God appearing to the prophet Elijah in the cave. Not only was my email handle kelticWHISPER exactly for that “still, small voice,” but I also had just grown in fascination with silent Adoration and just sitting with God without actually having to say a single thing. What are the charisms and motto of your order? Just to differentiate among orders, my particular order, OCDS (Order of Carmel Discalced Secular), is part of the Discalced (“shoeless”) branch of Carmel. This branch was reformed by St. Teresa of Avila and encompasses so many incredible Carmelite saints: St. John of the Cross, St. Thérèse of Lisieux (the Little Flower), St. Edith Stein (a.k.a. St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross), St. Elizabeth of the Trinity, and so on. The other branch of Carmel, whose friars and nuns use the letters OCarm, has their own third order, TOC. Contrary to what the name might imply, OCDS are allowed to wear shoes, though habited Discalced Carmelites will be found in sandals. The Carmelite charism is constant prayer, especially contemplative prayer, which is a deep divine intimacy that calls us through solitude into community. Our motto is “Zelo zelatus sum pro Domino Deo exercituum,” which means “With zeal have I been zealous for the Lord God of hosts,” which are the words of the Prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 19:10. How did you know you had a vocation to the Carmelite order? What did your discernment process look like? After I found out what Secular Carmelites were, like any good Gen X/Millennial, I Googled “Cleveland Carmel” and found out that there was indeed a local group which has been around since 1939! After the very first community meeting, it just became incredibly clear that this is where God was calling me. I felt so at home with both the people and the spirituality. Since I was a single young adult at that time, I briefly discerned whether or not I might be called to devote my life further to become a Carmelite nun. However, while everything about Secular Carmel gave me peace, the particular life of a Carmelite nun did not have such a strong pull. I just couldn’t see myself there. I spent a little bit of time at that crossroads, but in discernment (and thanks to some awesome diocesan priests giving me some spiritual direction) I really felt like my calling was very specifically to Secular Carmel. The lengthy formation process of Secular Carmel really helped with in-depth discernment as I adjusted to the prayer life (it takes about 2 hours every day, if you are able to do everything, though some parts are optional) and learned what Carmelite spirituality really is. Carmelite Saints And the Carmelite Saints just speak directly to the core of my heart. Truly, reading the words of St. Teresa, I felt so indescribably connected to her. My copy of her autobiography is so underlined, dog-eared, and sticky-noted, it’s downright silly. Her teachings about prayer and the Interior Castle resound in my soul. (For all Carmelite Saints’ writings, the best source is Institute of Carmelite Studies because of all the extra study material they include!) St. John of the Cross’ writing makes me cry. And not just because I experienced a short Dark Night that he teaches about, but because the beauty of his poetry is beyond anything this English major has ever read. And St. Thérèse, the Little Flower. She’s the sweet, persistent little sister I never had. She constantly pleads my case at the Feet of Jesus and then showers me with so many roses in answer to prayers. Because she’s my little sister, and she knows what will get my attention and make me smile. Why do you think the charisms of this order are useful to you in your path to sanctity? I see a remarkable difference in my life, not only before and after entering Carmel, but also the huge difference between when I’m having a good day of prayer and communion with God, and when I’m struggling to pray at all. St. Thérèse says that prayer is a simple “surge of the heart toward heaven,” and St. Teresa says that prayer is spending time often with the One who we know loves us. She sys that “God walks amid the pots and pans,” meaning that not only is prayer more about relationship than words, but also that when we are doing even menial everyday tasks, we can offer up our hearts to the Lord while we do them. So while prayer is not complicated, it does require a certain focus in everyday life. If God is not in front of me constantly, I lose that focus and get caught up in so many stressful and overwhelming situations. But when I do pray as I’m supposed to, my time feels multiplied, my head seems clearer, and life just seems so much more beautiful and downright manageable. Each day is the chance to take a step forward on the path to sanctity. But even St. Teresa’s description of the Interior Castle (at the center of which is Jesus) speaks not of a single progression deeper inside until we reach Jesus; rather it is a wandering in and out of rooms as we live our lives. And I can relate to the wandering, but also to the hope that grace is always calling us deeper inside. What is the formation process like? How long have you been a member of Carmel? There is a very extensive formation process for Secular Carmel: 1 year as an Aspirant as you learn about the community, the daily prayer life, and the call. Then you take your Scapular, a large (usually about 8”x10”) ceremonial habit of sorts that’s midway between the Brown Scapular sacramental that any Catholic can wear and the full-length one that the friars and nuns wear. At this point, you also take a Carmelite religious name, just like the nuns and friars. (e.g. St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Jesus, St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus and of the Holy Face…) 2 years studying the rule of life and other OCDS documents, as well as The Way of Perfection by St. Teresa of Avila, our spiritual Mother. Then you take temporary promises of poverty (simplicity of life), chastity (if you’re single, then celibate; but you can be/get married and enjoy the marital embrace), and obedience (participate in your community, commit to the daily prayer life, and do the large and small group spiritual study that is assigned) and of living the Beatitudes. 3 years studying The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila, Story of a Soul by St Thérèse of Lisieux, and the works of St. John of the Cross, our spiritual Father. Then you take final promises. They are the same as above, but you say “for the rest of my life” at the end! My Carmelite religious name is Kelly of the Holy Spirit. This October will be six years since I’ve been fully professed. Praise the Lord! My first meeting was in December 2007. There were only about a dozen women and men in the community then, all old enough to be my parents/grandparents. But now we are upwards of 40-some members, including people of a wide age range (18 and over) and of all states of life, including a priest and a seminarian! (Fun fact: Diocesan priests can be members of a third order.) What are the daily practices and other requirements/practices of lay members? How do those look lived out in your particular life and vocation? Daily prayer: Morning and Evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours Half hour of “mental prayer,” which can take a lot of forms of quiet prayer and can be broken into two 15-minute segments A Marian devotion of your choice Daily Mass (optional) Night Prayer from Liturgy of the Hours (optional) and a daily examination of conscience Other requirements: Monthly attendance at the community meeting Monthly spiritual reading in preparation for discussion in small group formation and occasionally more for large group formation Each member is also expected to seek the sacrament of Reconciliation frequently, to fast on the vigils of Carmelite feast days, and to serve in some ministry at his/her own parish or for the Church at large These requirements and expectations have looked different over the course of my time in Carmel, obviously, especially since over the past 11 years of my journey with them, I went from being a single young adult and youth minister to a married stay-at-home-mom to a toddler. Within the Framework of My Primary Vocation Having a very active and attention-loving little one makes quiet, focused prayer very difficult to work into a day. But I simply have to try. In this season of life, the optional is definitely an opt-out for me. I can’t make it to Mass with my son who rarely makes it through the entire Sunday liturgy remaining in the pew, and Night Prayer doesn’t work well with mommy bed time. But the rest of it makes a nice schedule to fit everything else into in a day: Morning Prayer with coffee (before scrolling through social media), Angelus around noon for the Marian devotion, nap time to squeeze in Mental Prayer (my favorite is lectio divina, or just sitting and silently offering up prayers followed by a time of just receiving whatever God wants… all of which occasionally has to wait until toddler bed time), toddler bed time for Evening Prayer. Our monthly community meeting is good quality father-son time for my family while I attend. For my service to the Church, I volunteer with our parish’s LifeTeen program and our regional Blessed is She small group (which both mean more quality father-son time for my husband and son!). A Rule of Life As you can see, the Secular Carmelite vocation is not the same as a devotion. It does not just mean adding a couple of daily prayers or adding meetings like prayer group or retreat team. It’s truly a “rule of life” that requires an actual lifestyle change, just like the nuns and friars of our order must undergo. I could not do any of it without the support of my husband and family. Honestly, I fail early and often. But “sufficient for a day is its own evil,” no (Matt. 6:34)? I just can’t worry about failure. The worry is self-defeating, time-wasting, and devil-baiting. By the grace of God, I’ll try again tomorrow. Sincere, honest, and loving attempts to pray and have a relationship with the Lord please Him, no matter what grade we’d give ourselves at the end of the day. How has being a secular Carmelite changed your own heart? What about your relationships with your family and friends? On August 25th, the Carmelites celebrate the feast day of the Transverberation of St. Teresa of Avila, a mystical experience of spiritual ecstasy she had in which a fiery angel pierced her heart with a fiery “golden dart”. I’ve had many inexplicable spiritual experiences in my life, not because I’m all that wonderful, and not because I’ve lost touch with reality, but because our wonderful Lord chose to open my eyes to everyday miracles so as to serve certain purposes of His. No experiences quite so extreme, painful, or ecstatic as St. Teresa’s, but my heart has certainly been irrevocably pierced. In terms of family and friends, I believe that submitting to a life of constant prayer and being immersed in the inspired wisdom of the Carmelite Saints has made my relationships much more other-centered, compassionate, and giving. From St. John’s “nothing but the cross” philosophy to St. Teresa’s “let nothing disturb you… God alone suffices” reminder, and rounded out by St. Thérèse’s “everything is grace” preaching, I have the words of these Saints constantly challenging my selfish tendencies and the rewards and consolations to which I’m so very attached. I’d like to believe that my friends and family have noticed a change for the better in my relationships with them. Even if they haven’t noticed, the change certainly has happened on the level of intentionality and sincerity, and it really isn’t about their noticing, anyway. What advice would you give someone considering a vocation to a third order? St. Thérèse says, “My vocation is love!” So discern whether or not joining a third order would help you better love as God loves. Ask God outright where He wants you. If you feel peace and love and joy, take another step forward. If you just feel unsure or anxious, search elsewhere. If you find that you’re really more looking for community or wanting to gain some sort of respect in the Catholic world, I would say that you’re probably called somewhere else like a women’s group, young adult group, or grad school for an extra degree. But if you come across an order and start reading the words of their founders or their Saints and feel profound peace—as though you’ve found ancestors or a brother or sister—that, my friend, that is everything. These Carmelite Saints are now my family, kindred spirits in the Communion of Saints and sharers in the spiritual benefits promised by Our Lady to our whole order of friars, nuns, and seculars. Love. [bctt tweet="Lay Member Series: Secular Carmelite #BISblog //" via="no"] Kelly Sheredy, a.k.a. Kelly of the Holy Spirit, OCDS, is a wife, a stay-at-home mom (who rarely stays at home) to a toddler, and a freelance writer and editor. She also serves as a Life Teen Core Member, coordinates local meetups through Blessed is She - Cleveland, and co-directs a local chapter of the Free Forest School nature playgroup. When she grows up, she wants to be St. Teresa of Avila, Joanna Gaines, Martha Stewart, and Leslie Knope. You can find out more about her here.

It was several years ago now when I brainstormed with Blessed is She’s founder and director, Jenna Guizar, about small group studies. “What if we had something by our own devotional writers? These women are incredible writers and storytellers. What if we had something that they contributed to, telling their stories and inviting women to learn more about the Faith through their stories?” Jenna heard me out (no matter how out-there my ideas are, she always does) and said, “What if they were for people to do alone or in groups? Like big groups or small groups, any-sized groups? Can we make that?” “Oh, and what if it had no prep and no homework? And could be read aloud together in an hour or so?” I felt like it had to be doable for the overcommitted woman I was, and the overcommitted women I knew. Blessed is She Small Group Studies And so we did. Our team did, rather. And our Theological Editor, Susanna Spencer, checked every single bit of it to help ensure everything is theologically accurate and correct (Boy, am I grateful for her important work!). We redesigned and reprinted our first two studies. They are now coil-bound, 7x10, with a firm cover. And they're available for electronic download, too! R O O T E D Our first study, R O O T E D, is about a fundamental Catholic source of teaching: the Catechism. I picked out seven parts of it that struck me. Parts that included ways to pray, the virtues, the Sacraments, the Commandments, an in-depth examination of the Our Father, and more. I paraphrased the Catechism, as it can be a little wordy and thick. The authors told their stories and we drafted discussion questions. I found related, short Scripture verses people could memorize, pray over, and let sink into their bones. Beth Davis wrote reflection questions. M Y S T E R Y The second study, M Y S T E R Y, was the brain child of Laura Kelly Fanucci. She dreamed up a study on the Rosary, pondering the nuances of the Blessed Mother and Our Lord’s stories in relation to our own paths of living out vocational callings. She wanted to bring the Rosary to light in a new way for all of us. Three other women wrote on the other mysteries. One was written by a mom of many, another by a consecrated sister, and the last by a single woman. The layout is straightforward. We look at the Scriptural source for a particular mystery of the Rosary, read a reflection, and ponder two sets of questions for both personal reflection and group discussion. But one of my favorite and most touching parts is Laura’s introduction to the whole book. We were all riveted and ready to dive in after reading it! Her five chapters on the Joyful Mysteries were the first we did for my parish Blessed Conversations group. I can’t tell you how discussions rollicked and rolled. We laughed a lot, and we comforted each other, too. When I see those friends after Mass now—women I hadn’t know before—I carry part of their stories with me, too. Deeper into Faith, Deeper into Friendship Thousands of women have already gone through these seven studies. They’ve poured over them in coffee shops, crowded parish halls, living rooms with wine and friends, dorm rooms late at night, and on the sidelines of a soccer field. Women from all walks of life have told us that this study has changed their relationships, rooted them in Christ, and watered the seeds of their own faith simply by emersion. If we spend enough time with Scripture, it will blossom within us. If we challenge each other to really read the Catechism, it will transform our understanding of the human experience in light of God Himself. When we soak ourselves in goodness, it permeates our souls. My Life Has Been Changed It’s been two years since I’ve been running Blessed Conversations groups. Intimate ones and big ones, ones with total strangers and ones with dear friends. As we start our summer group up this very week, I cannot imagine this season of my life without these friendships, these women from differing seasons, these women who pray with me and lift me up. I want you to experience that too, sister. Learn more about community groups here. Check out the Facebook group for community leaders here. See more about discovering the gift that you are and have to share with your community here. Have you ever done a Blessed is She small group study? [bctt tweet="These Small Group Studies Have Grown Our Faith + Friendships #BISblog //" via="no"]

I like food, especially a good sweet treat. But I know I need the personal accountability of a plan like following Weight Watchers. I find it helps me have a healthier relationship to food, how I choose to eat, and remember that food is fuel for my body not my emotions. I am trying to get better about attending my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and marking my planner as to what day each week I will go. Having a healthy relationship with food is not a one time thing, but an ongoing relationship of paying attention and being dedicated. But a deeper connection beyond eating yummy food, is seeing the power and beauty of food as a force of community. There is something about sharing a table with people you love over laughter, good conversation, and delicious food. It is powerful, life-giving, transformative, and even healing. Foodie Shows to Watch on Netflix (and How They Show Us the Beauty of Creation + Community) With warmer summer weather arriving, we are in the time of year for outdoor parties, BBQs, and bonfires. I have noticed there have been a lot of good foodie shows I have been enjoying on Netflix that reflect these things. Here is a sampling of some of my favorites that I have been watching. Somebody Feed Phil Were any of you Everybody Loves Raymond fans?! That is one of my all-time favorite shows. So when I saw this travel + food show with the executive producer of the show, I knew I had to check it out. It is so sweet, endearing, and really funny. I like to think of this show as a cleaner, gentler Anthony Bourdain, minus the sarcasm and swearing. What I love about the show (and his earlier version called I’ll Have What Phil’s Having) is how Rosenthal forms genuine friendships and long-lasting connections with the people he meets as he eats his way through his travels. Food is a powerful way to bond with people. This show illustrates that reality is such a beautiful way. This show is a great option for the whole family to watch together! No Reservations with Anthony Bourdain I know the late Bourdain is not everyone’s cup of tea. There is sarcasm and swearing, but I think the quality of the show and deeper message it reveals is unique and powerful. And what is that? Bourdain captures the beauty, community, and hidden stories of a culture and people through talking about and tasting their food. I think he is an amazing storyteller. Specifically, I'm impressed by how he gets to know the locals. He will visit their home, learn about their family, and the political situation in a particular country. He will learn, and then tell the story of a certain group of people through food, community, and creativity. While not a show you can watch with the little people in your life, it does give an interesting perspective on travel, food, and people. Street Food This one is a new-ish show to the Netflix lineup of foodie shows. If you are a fan of Asian food or culture, this one might be right up your alley. This show takes an inside look at the street food and the stories of people from each culture. It is fast-moving and holds your attention. Street Food takes viewers to nine different Asian countries throughout its first season. Each episode highlights “the stories of perseverance and culture that bring to life each country’s cuisine.” And deep down, isn’t that the deeper part of food and people, the stories that come out of this dual combination? The Great British Baking Show I mean, come on, who doesn’t love Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry?! As a lover of all sweet treats and dessert, I quickly fell in love with this British show. One of the things I found most striking is the friendly, supportive community that forms amid all the different bakers participating in the challenge. Sometimes they help each other finish their piping and other times you see them dole out hugs when another teammate is a hot mess. I absolutely love this aspect of the show! In many seasons, you see them love and supporting each other like a family...even though it is a competition! I think this show does a sweet job (pun intended) of showing the creativity and beauty that goes into food; but more importantly, how it can build and nurture community. If you’re unfamiliar with this British classic, I would highly recommend it! Enjoying Food and Community So whatever your summer food plans are this year, check out one of these new foodie shows to give you some inspiration and remind you how food has deeper meaning of revealing community, creativity, and the beauty of creation. What are some of your favorite foodies shows? Share them in the comments so we can all add to our lists! [bctt tweet="Foodie Shows to Watch on Netflix (and How They Show Us the Beauty of Creation + Community) #BISblog //" username="amoderngrace"]

Listen! A sower went out to sow. -Matthew 13:3   Growing up, we watched a lot of nature shows in our house. In that time, I got a good sampling of time-lapse photography and the wonder that is subtle change over time. This demonstration is no less impressive whether watching the evolution of a coral reef, changing fall foliage, or the growth of a child. It is sheer wonder. Knowing that I am invited—encouraged even—to participate in this creation event by way of facilitating growth is irresistible. It is one of the characteristics about God that I find most endearing. Rather than keeping the magic of cultivating beauty and life to the realm of Heaven and the work of God alone, our very sustenance comes from that ability to create alongside the Creator, in any number of ways. God seemingly delights in our efforts! Gardening and Scripture Scripture is littered with parables having everything to do with planting, growing, harvesting, yielding, and weeding. Each would have been familiar practices to listeners hearing these stories long before and long since they were recorded in the canon. These stories are hands-on illustrations of the Kingdom of God. For these reasons and many others, I am aware of the very nourishing act it is to physically get myself into the dirt. Old shoes, muddy jeans, floppy hat. Everything about gardening is tactile and metaphor. So to be a gardener is basically to learn like a child. In doing so, here are some familiar truths that I am reminded of each growing season. God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt. Soaked knees and nose in the earthy aroma of spring dirt is the posture of one creating (Genesis 2:7). Mud under my fingernails and in the calluses on my hands is the most authentic sign that this season has begun. And isn’t that true? Some of the most important work we do lingers with us (whether we like it or not). Think of the scrubs worn by healthcare professionals at daily Mass, the fifteen passenger van for the childcare provider, circles under the eyes of the overnight shift worker, sun tan on the arms of the farmer, paint on the hands of the painter. One of the most gratifying things to see is a child (or adult!) learning the gift of getting messy—being so invested in the work they are undertaking that they can no longer separate themselves from it, or remain untouched by it. This is the heart of incarnational theology. Let nothing be wasted. Compost is my favorite part of this equation—not the most important, but the one that has taught me the most. When we moved into our home, we cajoled my brother into building us a compost bin out by the garden. As our children grew and learned where to go with trash like banana peels, we’d encourage them to feed it to the worms. We’d take our compost out, turn it with a pitchfork, and un-earth the hundreds of worms working hard to turn our coffee grounds, tea bags, chicken poop, lawn clippings into the very fertilizer we depend on to supply our tomato plants with nutrient in our clay-like, western soil. So much can be said about not wasting the tiniest incidental, just like in the multiplication of the loaves and fishes in John’s Gospel when the leftovers were gathered together (John 6:12). It all gets used, and it makes the yield that much bigger. Who but God would have imagined that even the smelly, used-up gunk that we’d prefer to pitch at the first sign of odor would become life-giving sustenance to new life? Hope. I really don’t believe that a person can be a grower of anything without harnessing the spirit of hope. Why else would we take perfectly good seeds and bury them in the dark, damp dirt? Or, bolder still, after nurturing tiny seedlings in windowsills all winter, what would inspire anyone to plant them in the ground where hail, rabbits, and scorching sun can have their way with them? Why not keep them safely tucked inside where they will not be exposed to the elements? Our hope of course, is that despite all odds, these vulnerable, unlikely sprouts will defy our cynical expectations and thrive. And thrive they do! From a tiny seed, we see fountains of zucchini, explosions of cherry tomatoes and green beans. This is the most exciting metaphor when we imagine ourselves, or our children, as these vulnerable seedlings in a world of risks and unforeseeable circumstances. We dig in, not because it is safe, or because we have a perfect forecast, but simply because it is the only equation that results in growth. The Capable Hands of Our Creator We can trust that we are in the capable hands of the very Creator who delights in our thriving and growth, despite the challenges. The same One who chose to begin life in a garden continues to nurture us in much the same way. By tending, planting, tilling, and weeding, much fruit is yielded. Would that we take comfort and hope that when compost is applied, or we find ourselves in need of pruning, we are in the capable hands of the Master Gardener. [bctt tweet="Gardening for the Soul: Creating with the Creator #BISblog //" via="no"]

It started with numb feet and fatigue. But when you are living in Arizona, 120-degree summers made everyone fatigued. Numb feet led to my legs feeling chronically asleep, which eventually felt more like knives stabbing my legs with every step. Weekly doctor visits, where one diagnosis after another was eliminated, eventually led to the diagnosis that 30 years earlier took my grandfather’s life: multiple sclerosis. The Lies of Chronic Illness When I was first diagnosed, Satan had a way of speaking lies that felt so truthful. Lies of fear, loneliness, steroid sleeplessness, MRI anxiety, and bills that slowly ate away my dream of owning a home. But there was one lie that was called out the day after I was diagnosed. I heard Satan whisper that if a man didn’t want me without this disease, I would never find someone to love me now that I had MS. A good friend and his wife prayed for me the evening before. They called out this lie immediately. I Have Multiple Sclerosis, But God Has Me From that moment forward, I chose to embrace my life with multiple sclerosis by leaning into the Lord through: the Word (along with some pretty kick-butt Saints) suffering and surrender community the Sacraments love The Word It was July 2008, the year Pope Benedict called for the Year of St. Paul. The words of St. Paul provided a script for my year. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 taught me to embrace the “thorn in my flesh” and rely on God’s grace. For I would “rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell with me.” The Saints Great Saints and mystics inspired me the first year I was diagnosed, as well as the over eleven years that have followed. I love the bluntness and sass St. Teresa of Avila spits out of her mouth when she speaks of suffering: One must not think that a person who is suffering is not praying. He is offering up his sufferings to God, and many a time he is praying much, more truly than one who goes away by himself and meditates his head off, and, if he has squeezed out a few tears, thinks that is prayer.   St. Faustina wrote, “If the angels were capable of envy, they would envy us for two things: one is the receiving of Holy Communion, and the other is suffering." But the Saint that stole my heart and allowed me the courage to surrender this disease fully to God was St. Therese of Lisieux. I understood that to become a saint one had to suffer much, seek out always the most perfect thing to do, and forget self. I understood, too, that there are many degrees of perfection and each soul was free to respond to the advances of the Our Lord, to do little or much for Him, in a word, to choose among the sacrifices He was asking. Then, as in the days of my childhood, I cried out: 'My God I choose all!' I do not want to be a saint by halves. I'm not afraid to suffer for You. I fear only one thing: to keep my own will; so take it, for I choose all that You will!   St. Bernadette and Lourdes Another Saint I never anticipated encountering on my road of suffering was St. Bernadette. I was blessed with a pilgrimage to France to bathe in the healing waters in Lourdes. Bernadette became a companion of mine as I prayed in the Grotto where Our Lady of Lourdes introduced herself to Bernadette as the Immaculate Conception. I had never heard of the Marian apparition in Lourdes, France, but God wanted to reveal His mother to me in a powerful way. So off I went to Lourdes to be healed. I was not healed physically, but mentally, depression and helplessness were settling into my being. I am certain my depression was healed in Lourdes along with the understanding that, like St. Bernadette: I must die to myself continually and accept trials without complaining. I work, I suffer and I love with no other witness than His heart. Anyone who is not prepared to suffer all for the Beloved and to do His will in all things is not worthy of the sweet name of Friend, for here below, Love without suffering does not exist. Suffering and Surrender After Lourdes, this mental strength would be put to the test when my co-workers chose to run (or in my case, walk) a Rock-n-Roll half marathon. At the time, I couldn’t walk a mile without severe pain settling in. But one of my friends at work believed I could do it, so I registered. Alongside staff and my best friend, Shannon, I completed the entire half-marathon. I've complete four other half marathons since. You see, most diseases are 90% mental and 10% physical. If you can offer up the physical pain to the Lord as a prayer of redemptive suffering, you will find suffering to be an embrace of the Cross of Christ. Suffering will not be a chronic complaint; rather, it will be an offering of praise. Whatever you are facing becomes an offering to the Lord, a petition placed in the hands of Mama Mary. Even when it’s excruciating, attempt to view the pain and suffering as a splinter of the Cross. Most of what you endure will be a mental battle that through prayer, a solid spiritual director, healthy eating, and the occasional self-care treatment of a girls' night out, you will defeat. The 10% physical will feel like 100% on some days, and that is when you call in your tribe. Help! I Need Somebody! Help! It is important to realize that not even Jesus could carry the Cross the entire way on the road to Calvary. He had help! Remember a bystander named Simon? If you are going to thrive—not just survive—whatever terminal or temporary disease you have, you need a Simon. What makes you think you can handle any level of a disease without help? This was the biggest lesson I had to learn and one I have to remind myself of more often than the shots I have to give myself daily. I hate asking for it, but I must admit I need help! I can still hear the lesson on grace I was given early on. When I deny someone’s help, I deny them the grace God wants to pour into their lives to provide me the help I need. Why would I deny someone grace from God? Why would you? Allow God's Grace to Flow So, when you need help cleaning your home, or require a drive to a doctor’s appointment, or you just don’t have the strength to make a meal, call in your tribe. This is where my Blessed is She sisterhood has given me the greatest strength. They have driven miles and miles to participate in MS Walks with me, brought wine and ice cream over during flare-ups, wiped away tears, and prayed for healing over and for me. Never hesitate to allow God to pour grace on your tribe and grace upon you through them from a simple word of admittance: help! Sacraments and Love Ultimately, the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist have provided me my greatest strength. I can still remember standing in the church and feeling various symptoms like Lhermitte or crippling fatigue. With all the strength in me, I went forward to receive the Eucharist with the full knowledge that His strength would be sufficient in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). I can still recall the confessions where I confessed my greatest fears, my doubt of His love, and the grace being poured over me to move forward not relying on my own strength but instead relying on God’s. Receiving Love I know I hid most of this from the world. When you have a terminal disease, you become a really great actor. Oscars could be given for some of my early performances. But I could not hide anything from God. Not in my prayer, not in the confessional, not in my pain. And I couldn’t pretend to surrender; surrender was a necessity. There is still a desire to hide much of my disease from my family and friends. Honestly, I believe watching someone suffer is harder than suffering yourself. No one can take the pain, fears, symptoms, debt, or moments of desolation from someone they love. But the love and prayers you receive from the people in your life and from the Lord Himself will get you through the valleys. Invite Him In You will have hard days and you will have days where you feel like your energetic old self. All I know is unless miraculous healing could provide God glory and bring a non-believer to believe, I would never wish to be healed of multiple sclerosis. Sure, I say that now when I feel pretty great. But I said this when I was temporarily blind, when I struggled to walk, and when I was still being tested and unsure of what I even had. This disease will have family questioning God’s presence and possibly even have you questioning why He is allowing this suffering in your life. Invite Christ into everything your disease will bring you: each chemo appointment, every ache and pain, every appointment, MRI machine, and surgery, each restless night of sleep, every tear you shed. Invite Him to be present in all of it and listen to Hear his breath exhale on your restless soul. You will hear His heartbeat the closer you rest your face to His chest in Adoration, and you will gain a relationship with the Lord that rivals the Saints. He is Making You a Saint He is making you a saint through this trail. And like the Saints, this splinter of the Cross will open the gates of Heaven to receive you. We do not belong to the world any more than Christ belonged to the world (John 17:16). This suffering is temporary. Endure it the way Christ embraced the Cross, and every person you encounter will encounter Christ in you. [bctt tweet="I Have MS, But God Has Me #BISblog //" via="no"]

We at Blessed is She were given the awesome opportunity to preview a new feature film made by a Catholic indie filmmaker, Tanner Kalina. His movie, Evergreen, recently won several awards (including best actress and best picture) at the Houston WorldFest Film Festival. Knowing nothing about the film maker, the actors, or even the movie itself, I sat down to give it a go. Expectations Defied Any and all expectations I had about this movie were swiftly defied by what I witnessed on screen. This was no shiny piece of contemporary Christian film making! Evergreen is raw, gritty even. The cinematography has a distinctly “indie film” vibe to it. And there is coarse language, sexual situations (no nudity), and drug use in the story. Being an independent film, it hasn’t been given an official rating by the Motion Picture Associate. However, I would expect it to receive an R rating if it were released on a larger scale. I may have been expecting something along the lines of Fireproof, but what I got was something a lot hotter. The Premise Paul and Gena are a young-ish couple who are heading to his parents’ cabin in the mountains of Colorado to celebrate Christmas together. Paul is a devout Catholic and Gena is a fallen-away Catholic who, due to serious issues in her youth, has sworn off the Faith for good. It is easy to see right away that, while this couple is very much in love and well-suited in many ways, their issues run deep and are very serious. Tensions rise early in the film when Gena wants to have sex with Paul, and Paul, as much as he obviously wants to share that with Gena, clings to what he believes and refuses. This is the catalyst that leads the couple into serious conversations about what they both really want from their relationship and their future. Talking it Out Confused and hurt by Paul’s choices, Gena proposes some rules for the weekend. There is to be no physical contact, but they need to have open and honest conversation. The two can ask each other anything—no topic is off the table—but all answers must be honest. No matter what. Over the next 90 minutes, this couple (portrayed by Tanner Kalina and Amanda Maddox) manages to hit about every topic that could touch the hearts and lives of young singles today. Marriage, divorce, annulment, extramarital affairs, infant loss, premarital sex, and even priestly abuse are woven through their story and make up the nitty gritty of what they need to share with one another. It is in their time apart, though, that we are shown the conversations they have in their own heads. We meet their past loves, Gena’s ex-boyfriend and Paul’s ex-wife, and learn what brought them to be the people they have become. Subtly Catholic Another way Evergreen defied my expectations was in its portrayal of Catholicism. Knowing ahead of time that it was a “Catholic" movie, I figured there’d be some sort of catechising or preaching going on. Not so. Sure, there were Catholic decorations in the home. Yes, it was a Catholic church that was shown for Christmas Mass. nd yes, Paul wore a medal around his neck and had brought along a book of spiritual reading. But what really portrayed the message of Catholicism was the conversation and the internal struggles of the characters. These two were far from saints. They were flawed, broken sinners, just like you and me. They were just two people trying to love one another and live as best they could according to what their faith (or lack of faith) dictated. Realistically Raw What struck me most about this movie is what a real story it was. I remember having similar conversations about some of these topics with my own boyfriend many years ago, before we were married. People that we all know and love are having these exact conversations and struggles as they try to work out their own relationships. The movie didn’t pretend that Catholic singles live in a bubble of faithful perfection. Honestly, I really appreciated that. Instead, it showed how extremely hard it can be to live out your Faith in today’s culture, but that ultimately what you believe is who you are. And to be true to someone else, you have to be true to yourself and to God. My Takeaways Evergreen was a really good movie that, in my opinion, will do well with both secular and Catholic audiences. The settings were beautiful, the acting was spot-on, and the writing was purposeful yet relatable. This is a movie that is definitely for adults only (college age or older). More specifically, I think it’s geared toward anyone in the dating world who is leaning toward marriage. Ultimately, though, my biggest takeaway from this movie is compassion. Specifically, compassion for those who are struggling to live a Faith that seems totally counter-cultural in today’s society. Compassion for those who are living out relationships with people of other faiths, trying desperately to make it work. And compassion for anyone courageous enough to enter the world of dating again after divorce and annulment. The Bottom Line Am I glad that I watched Evergreen? Yes. Do I think that the message it sends is important and accurate? Absolutely. Would I recommend it to everyone? No. I know this movie isn’t going to appeal to all of you, sisters, and that’s fine. But if you can handle a quiet, meaningful, R-rated film that might open your eyes to what a whole host of young women have to deal with today, you may want to give it a try. Evergreen is currently being shopped around so that it can be brought to the masses. But to learn more, to support Kalina in his efforts, and to see the trailer, click here. [bctt tweet="BIS Reviews: Evergreen #BISblog //" via="no"] This post contains affiliate links. Thank you so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

I used to be the US Military Coordinator for the international ministry, Mother's Prayers. It is a para-liturgical service in which we lay our children down at the feet of the crucified Christ and give up all our worry for them to God. We try really hard to remember that He loves our children in service so much more than we can fathom. Whether it is those little helpless babies that are so dependent on us, or rebellious teenagers, or grown ups who should be, but are not always as mature as we wish them to be, spiritually or otherwise, they are still our children. That maternal love and wanting to protect and nurture a child is just a hint of Heaven's love for each of us. Mother's Prayers There are many wonderful things that come from placing that level of trust in God during the service. The words that resonate the most with the women I talk to about Mother's Prayers, and to me, are "laying your children at the foot of the Cross." I think it's because we can all visualize standing at the foot of the Cross. How many times have we participated in the Stations of the Cross during our lives? How many times have we heard or sung the Stabat Mater? At the cross, her station keeping...close to Jesus to the last.   We imagine Mary "weeping, mourning in this valley of tears," as we profess in the Hail, Holy Queen prayer. And we are with her. As mothers ourselves, we don't want to imagine Mary's anguish as she witnesses the tortured death of her Child. And yet we are awed and amazed by the fact that God chooses this horrible, painful death out of His love for us. He loves us that much, He loves our children that much. The Hope We Have And in that terrible scene, we must recall the hope that is ours because of it all. While we certainly remember Jesus' sacrifice for us every time we're at Mass during the Liturgy of the Eucharist, during the Stations we often also focus on the sacrifice of Jesus' mother. And we realize that she is our Mother, too. As we are the Body of Christ, Mary is the Mother of the Church, the feast day we celebrate today. During the Mother's Prayers service, after we write each child's name on a white circle of paper, we kneel in front of a crucifix after placing them in a basket. It is a reminder of eternal realities. We physically place the names of our children, and so each child symbolically, at the foot of the Cross. We place them into Jesus' care, into His merciful love that has no boundaries. Mary is with us there; her concern for each of our maternal worries endear us to her. She wants to intercede on our behalf out of her motherly understanding of our love for our children. Mary Cares and Understands Think back to Mary telling Jesus that the newlyweds have run out of wine. Really a social faux pas more than anything, but her mother's heart compels her to tell her Son who she knows can make it right. She doesn't know how; but she trusts. And Jesus will deny her nothing. That's how involved Jesus will get in our lives, and His mother, too, evidently! So, it's important to bring our requests to the Mother of God and the Mother of the Church when we pray to God about our concerns, especially for our children. Contemplate what she had to endure during Christ's Passion and Death. She once again had to trust Jesus and His obedience to the Father. But she was also with her Son in the joyful moments, too; the pinnacle of which is Jesus' Resurrection! WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY She is Our Confidant How can we feel anything but comfort and gratitude for Jesus' very existence? True God and true Man, deserving none of the punishment that is heaped upon Him, sullying His perfect, sinless Being with our sin. How can we ever doubt that our children's salvation is a priority for Him? Of course it is. And how can we ever doubt that His mother won't join us in petitions for the sake of her children? That's all of us, all of us who make up the Body of Christ, including our own little ones, of course. But she is the mother of young and old alike, no matter our situation in life, no matter our station. We must turn to our mother, the woman who Jesus, from the Cross, gives to John. In that instant, through blinding tears and grief too intense to understand, Mary beheld her Son dying on the Cross. Then John beholds his mother, our mother, the mother of Jesus and of the Church. He is Our Comfort This experience of Mother's Prayers gives women great comfort. God loves our children with an infinite love. That reality is illuminated during the prayer service and it moves us deeper into our relationship with Him, allowing us to emphatically declare, "Jesus, I trust in You." It also allows us to ask Mary to join us in our prayers for our children. She will wrap her mantle around both of you, each child whose name you place at the foot of the Cross and around you, Mom. For you need her love and presence as much as any of her other children. Surely it causes Jesus to smile when she tends to the needs of others, just as she did all those centuries ago at a wedding reception in Cana. [bctt tweet="Our Mother's Prayers #BISblog //" via="no"] Lynda MacFarland loves Jesus and her fondest desire is to encourage others in their faith journey toward Home. She prays often that the things she does will glorify God and advance His Kingdom. Lynda is the author of one book (so far!), Drowning In Lemonade: Reflections of an Army Wife. You can find out more about her here.

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At the time, I never really considered myself a person that struggled with fear and anxiety. I had been happily attending my non-denominational church for years. While I had been feeling the pull of the Catholic Church for some time, I always figured it would be something I would approach later in life. In my mind, if I could put it off, it wouldn’t mess everything up that I currently held dear. Little did I know just how much God wanted to shuffle up the complacency I had let settle into my heart. With many tears and even more fervent prayers, I found myself in RCIA. It didn’t take long. As I ran home to Mother Church (sometimes kicking and screaming along the road), things began to shift. Dear relationships began to fade, opinions began to creep in, and disappointment battered me from many angles. I was following God’s will, I knew that with every bit of me. But things began to get very, very difficult. Enter Fear + Anxiety This is when I distinctly remember fear and anxiety entering into my life in a specific way. Looking back, I can actually identify patterns of behavior in my childhood that demonstrated a young person dealing with anxiety, but these had tempered over the years. They were raging full force now, and I knew I needed help. It is incredibly important to note that I sought the aid of an excellent counselor at this time. I truly needed to process some traumatic events that unfolded during that period of my life with the help of a professional. I highly encourage you to seek the help of a counselor if you need one. There is no shame in it, only much freedom waiting on the other side. Beyond this incredibly helpful professional counseling relationship, I began to employ a spiritual discipline that changed my life. Besides the Sacraments and prayer, this practice was the most efficacious habit I formed to help curb my anxiety during what I deemed my own “Dark Ages”. It is so simple, but so very powerful. Engaging in the Battle It became very clear that there was a deep, deep battle raging in my mind. Much of my fear and anxiety were stemming from frightful thought-patterns that had cemented themselves into my daily existence. They were so subtle, so alluring in a way, that I would never have noticed them. But it was time. Time to fight. I began to think about my anxious thoughts. Examining My Anxious Thoughts Being intentional about your thought pattern may not be a new concept for you. But at the time, this was something I desperately needed to learn. I began to identify the spaces in my life where my thoughts began to swirl. Typically these were spots I was alone: in the shower, getting ready for the day, and driving in my car. Once I began to identify these spaces, and pay attention to what small voices were echoing around in my head, I realized I was consistently speaking lies about myself, my worth, and my dignity. Say It Out Loud In order to make these statements even more obvious, I forced myself to say them out loud. Something about taking the muted, reverberating thoughts out of your head, and forcing them into reality creates a stark realization. “So many friends are so upset with me. Obviously I’m not worthy of their love.” “My experience of loneliness just shows how I drive people away. I’m not able to have true, lasting relationships. Maybe I’m too messed up.” “At the end of the day, no one will stand by you. You need to learn to never let anyone in close. They will only hurt you.” What ridiculous statements! Lies literally from the pit of hell. But when they hide in the confines of your mind, slip in on the edge, swirl down so deep before you catch them and expose them, you start to internalize them. You start to believe them. So what did I do? What can we do? Once we expose these lies, once we speak them out and identify them for what they are, how do we fight? The Armor of God Ephesians 6 details for us the armor of God. It teaches us how we engage with those forces seeking to destroy us. Take in a key point, however. In the powerful description St. Paul gives us of this armor, only one tool is offensive. “The sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” The word of God! Scripture became my offensive tool. It was how I fought back. There was one verse specifically that became my anthem for radically changing the pattern of my anxious thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 states, “We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle to the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ”. We reject those things that would stand in the way of us knowing truth, and we make our thoughts submit to what Jesus would say about us. We make them obedient to Christ. It is a powerful exercise in self-discipline to curb anxiety, and replace lies with truth. The Sword of the Spirit Every time I would hear myself state a lie regarding any aspect of my life, I would stop. I would state this verse out loud (I encourage you to memorize it!). And I would replace that lie with God’s truth. For example: Thought swirling: “That relationship has died. They obviously reject and hate me. I remember how they said those words to me and how much I felt abandoned. Look how abandoned I still am. How abandoned I will always be.” Stop and recite: “We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle to the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ”. Replacing lies with truth: “Jesus, you gave Your life to reach me, to be close to me. You will never reject me or leave me. You call me Your own. Those memories of abandonment no longer have the power to hurt me because I am choosing to live in forgiveness.” So simple, right? Picture that process happening twenty times a day, sometimes more. That is how twisted my mental space had become as I had let Satan have free-reign inside of it. I had become a slave to my thoughts, thinking that they controlled me. That they got to hold any space they wanted in my brain. No more! I was thinking about my thoughts, and by taking control, I was only giving space to those thoughts that held up to God’s truth. Use This Tool! I simply cannot communicate how much this changed my life. This highly practical tool gave me a method to fight back, and I submit it to you if you ever find yourself a slave to lies you may have never even noticed. Jesus wants more for you. He wants you to be free. Pick up the sword of the Spirit, that is, the Word of God, and fight back. Do you struggle with anxiety? How do you fight back? Have you ever thought about your anxious thoughts? Have you submitted them to Jesus in order to hear what He would tell you about them? [bctt tweet="Thinking About My Anxious Thoughts #BISblog //" via="no"] Sarah Scarbrough is a wife, mother of three, and registered nurse. A convert to the Church, she found her way home with the help of the early church fathers, Saint Teresa of Avila, Chesterton, and Dorothy Day. She's committed to transparency and truth in living: we're all messes, striving for Heaven together.