Welcome to our first Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this first series, we're talking all about fertility. We'd love for you to join the conversation! I can honestly say that I’ve never taken a pregnancy test and gotten a positive result that was not a complete surprise. The first pregnancies shook up my world in a jumble of chaos that inevitably comes with new motherhood. I found myself very quickly with three babies under the age of three! I was overwhelmed of course, but I did have a supportive husband, stable life circumstances, and family support. I bobbed along the ocean of baby needs for those three years, knowing that these babies were meant to be because my husband and I had been trying our hardest to learn and practice NFP to postpone pregnancies. I was working with a very knowledgeable NFP teacher who was regularly going over my charts, teaching me about the variables of women's cycles, and encouraging me that what appeared to be indecipherable would one day become clear. To the Brink And then I became pregnant for the fourth time—completely unexpectedly and while following all the NFP rules—when my youngest child was 14 months old. Not only was I overwhelmed but completely emotionally exhausted. I felt like I couldn’t possibly be happy about another unexpected pregnancy. Processing bringing another life into the world by experiencing feelings of being completely out of control of my body, my life, and my family was all-encompassing. Practicing NFP and having any amount of trust that I would not spend my entire fertile years always pregnant felt hopeless. My fourth child was born safe and healthy, thanks be to God, but six short months later I was again pregnant when the chances of conception seemed beyond slim. I was at my breaking point emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My marriage felt as if it was on a brink, and the daily work of keeping four very small children alive while pregnant felt crushing. Making Choices My husband and I were going to have to make some hard choices. It was more than apparent through my charting and various medical testing that I had undetermined health issues that were affecting my cycles and the ability to effectively identify times of fertility. The upending hormonal cycles of pregnancy, postpartum, and breastfeeding for the past six years was making any clarity impossible to determine. Without some spacing between pregnancies my hormonal challenges and charting would remain difficult if not impossible to understand. Another pregnancy honestly felt like it could end either our marriage, my mental and physical health, or our family life. The stakes felt astronomical. The stakes were not just every part of our lives as a married couple but also our Faith. Every one of us knows that the option for birth control in its myriad forms is easily available at any time. But it was even easier to find people who told me that the choice of birth control was totally warranted in my situation. I was told it was no big deal, I had had enough kids, sex was important to keep a marriage together! The Teaching is Purposeful But the Church’s teaching on birth control is not an arbitrary teaching because old guys in the Vatican were mad about the sexual revolution. The Church’s teaching on birth control is wise and true because it reflects the importance of sex, the dignity of each spouse, and of course, the importance of the process that creates a new human life. Yes, the position I was in was extremely hard, but no matter where I looked in Scripture or the Catechism, I could not find a clause stating that when circumstances got difficult and hard choices and sacrifices were required, someone could stop adhering to the teaching they know to be true. Actually, Christ calls us precisely to do difficult, sacrificial, and hard things. The fact that my difficulty was found in marriage, sex, and family planning was not a good enough reason to choose to deny the Faith I professed. [bctt tweet="Nowhere in Scripture or the Catechism does it state that when circumstances get difficult and hard choices and sacrifices are required, someone can stop adhering to the teaching they know to be true. #blessedchats //" via="no"] WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Long-Term Abstinence The difficult decision my husband and I had to make was to abstain within marriage until we could understand what was going on with my body enough to practice NFP again with a reasonable amount of confidence. We made the choice together, with the support of a faithful priest and spiritual director, and it was a choice we continued to make for over two years. It was never easy. It caused frustration and pain. It was a decision that demanded we seek healing and confront disordered ways of relating to each other and made us have a lot of difficult conversations we otherwise could have ignored for years. We knew we were making a huge sacrifice by choosing abstinence because it was difficult on a daily basis! But we also knew that this mutual sacrifice was being done for the sake of our respective mental health, for the future of our marriage, for our current family which required so much of our time, attention, and presence, and ultimately for our souls. We loved each other enough that we were willing to make such a large sacrifice because we didn’t want the other to jeopardize their soul by using birth control. The Virtue of Chastity in Marriage This is what chastity lived out in marriage can look like. As Catholics we need to recognize that the virtue of chastity is a call for every person. Chastity is not simply for single people: it is the call of priests and religious, people with same-sex attraction, and people who are married. We don’t get to abandon a virtue simply because we get married. The Church is calling us no matter our vocation to integrate our sexuality properly to our stage of life. [bctt tweet="The virtue of chastity is a call for every person. #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"] NFP can be difficult to practice because there are many seasons of married life that can require abstinence, my experience is just one of them. My experience of married life is unique just as yours is unique, but what remains the same for all of us is the fact that marriage and the rest of our lives call us to growth in chastity because that is a part of growing in holiness. A Lifelong Journey to Growth in Holiness and Marriage NFP for me today looks like continuing to chart daily, continuing to work with doctors and NFP professionals, continuing to watch my health, and taking medication. I’m still happily married and we still have to have many difficult conversations about our sex life. We are still guided by God’s plan for our family while our youngest child is now seven. I haven’t arrived at a magical and unrealistic place where charting is unnecessary and sex can happen anytime I want; that is not the goal of NFP, marriage, or chastity. I’m still firmly on the road of practicing natural family planning not because it’s easy or fun but because it’s part of what practicing chastity looks like in my marriage. And if we’re called to the vocation of marriage, we need to recognize that it will be through marriage that we will be purified and made holy through the practice of all the virtues. How has practicing the difficult parts of NFP helped you grow in virtue? Please share your story with us in the comments below! If you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Fertility // An Honest Post about NFP #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

What if I told you we all have to change our mindsets and the narratives we believe when it comes to NFP? What if I told you we’ve all been raised on the culture of death, contraception, and sex-on-demand, and that it deeply affects the way we view NFP... even as Catholics faithful to the Church’s teaching on sex and marriage? What if I told you that changing the narrative that we believe, and the way we talk about NFP and sex, would actually go further in helping us accept unexpected pregnancies and necessary times of abstinence? Our Culture Has Separated Sex from Life No matter how committed we are to the Church’s teachings on sex and contraception (that sex cannot be separated from its life-giving nature by using artificial means such as birth control pills, IUDs, or condoms), we’re all living and breathing in a culture committed to the contrary. Our world has completely separated sex from new life. Birth control has become a supposed “human right.” Sex on demand a foundational way of expressing one’s identity as a human person. Babies—if desired at all—must come when and only when parents want them. As Catholics, we know these are not ways to view our lives and the purpose of sex and love. But we can’t help but be affected by it. And it has impacted the way we view and practice natural family planning. This View Has Influenced Our View of NFP We’ve come to expect natural family planning to be as easy to use, as predictable, and as instant a way of postponing pregnancy as birth control. This is based on some of the clinical research based numbers put forward by NFP methods and organizations. These numbers and science are supported. But they depend upon the knowledge of the couple using the method, working with a trained NFP professional, and the physical health of the woman. We aren’t told—and rarely understand—how unique our body’s physiology is as women. Understanding a method and then being able to chart and understand our own fertility may take time. Time that’s measured in cycles, months, and sometimes years. Not simply a once-every-three-years IUD implantation appointment. Sex is a Major Part of Marriage We don’t understand before we’re married that sex is something that affects every aspect of our married lives. It's key to our relationship with our spouse. Conversely, our lives and relationship may make demands upon how we practice NFP. We rarely can imagine how difficult abstinence might be during times of fertility. Or how much we want to express our physical married love when the time for conception may be easy. We fail to estimate the cost abstaining demands. We fail to estimate the sacrifice of love it can be for our spouse, ourselves, and our family when we discover the need to postpone another pregnancy. These are just some of the many factors that impact how we use NFP in our marriages. A few of the many ways practicing NFP in real life can be so much more demanding and strenuous than taking a pill and forgetting it with birth control. Has NFP Failed Us? (No.) As Catholics, we say we believe in openness to life. But it is easy to become embittered when we feel “NFP has failed us,” resulting in an unexpected pregnancy. Or when it means prolonged times of abstinence when responsibility towards our family demands that sacrifice. I believe this is, in part, due to the narrative with which we view natural family planning. It is often one of complete control and convenience. The same one that the contraceptive culture we live in brought us up on. We haven’t been formed by a world that recognizes the reality of the purpose and importance of sex. Rather, it denies its power and suppresses it through contraception. Changing the Narrative This change in the narrative from one of focusing on how much we can control our fertility and maximize our sex lives, to one of understanding that sex really does equal babies, is radically divergent from the poisonous culture we have been raised in. It requires immense self-knowledge, deeper marital communication, and continued daily sacrifice. This is in addition to discernment, acceptance of God’s will for our lives, and living with the power of our combined fertility as two unique people called to the vocation of marriage. The way in which that we view our sex lives, family planning, and marriages needs to change from one control to one of sacrifice and self-giving. We need to shift our mindset from sex within marriage as an on-demand entitlement to a mutual gift and expression of love. One that may require us to make difficult, adult decisions about whether or not right now is a responsible time to engage in the thing that creates new human life. Abstinence in Marriage We need to change the way we see abstinence within marriage. From an unjust act of self denial to a tangible expression of sacrificial love for our spouse, children, and ourselves. We need to understand that our intimacy as married people is not solely expressed through physical intimacy. We need to change our concept of NFP. From a failsafe program that should guarantee us as much sex as possible, only yielding babies when we want them, to the reality that it is a science that enables us to understand our own unique fertility. Then we make decisions based on this knowledge. A Life-Long Process Changing our internal narratives and beliefs about sex, fertility, and natural family planning may take our entire lives. It’s not an overnight decision that frees us from the toxic messages we’re surrounded by. But living in the truth and freedom of what the Catholic Church teaches when it comes to the beauty and power of sex can give us the gift of living in harmony with reality. And this fulfills our potential to be fully human in the way God created us to be. [bctt tweet="Let's Talk about NFP: Here's What Needs to Change #BISblog //" via="no"]

All of us have, at one time or another, needed a good book as we explore the Faith. Or perhaps we need a good book recommendation for someone searching for answers about the Catholic Faith. Catholic publishing is working hard to create more titles that appeal to more people. There is a plethora of books for Catholic converts that examine different aspects of Church doctrine to memoirs of conversion experiences. Awesome Books for Catholic Converts Today I’ve compiled a list of popular books that have a fairly wide appeal in hopes something on this list can help you or someone your know answer some of the big questions about Catholicism. Personal Stories Rome Sweet Home: Our Journey To Catholicism by Dr. Scott and Kimberley Hahn This quintessential conversion story has remained one of the most popular books about conversion for over 25 years with converts and lapsed Catholics alike. As a Presbyterian minister and biblical scholar Scott Hahn assumed the Catholic Church was incorrect about everything, until he begins to see that the Church has the answers to all his questions. The book also shares the difficulty Kimberley had with Scott’s conversion, how she grappled with his coming to the Church and her own acceptance of Church teaching. Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It by Jennifer Fulwiler This is perhaps the best written and most readable memoir of faith and conversion written in recent memory. Fulwiler does a phenomenal job of detailing what led her to seek truth after growing up an atheist. Her humour and candor make her conversion process imminently relatable. Her intellectual honesty is sure to touch a reader of any faith or non-faith background. Catholicism Overviews What Catholics Really Believe—Setting the Record Straight: 52 Answers to Common Misconceptions About the Catholic Faith by Karl Keating This handbook of common misconceptions regarding Catholicism gives clear answers of what the Church actually teaches to be a true. This is a great starting out point for someone who has basic questions about the faith. It also gives the whys behind Church teaching at a quick search. Fundamentals of Faith: Essays in Christian Apologetics by Peter Kreeft A selection of essays that lay the foundation not just for Catholicism, but for the need of faith and religion and how religion works. A clear framework answering questions about the need for faith in your life, or to answer questions other's may be tossing your way. Dr. Kreeft’s work is always aimed at helping readers understand the faith more clearly and deeply. Catholicism: A Journey to the Heart of the Faith by Bishop Robert Barron Most Catholics know Bishop Barron. But he’s also making great inroads with people who have no belief. He talks about today’s culture from a Catholic perspective. In his book Catholicism, Bishop Barron synthesizes the beauty and teachings of the faith so that someone who has no idea what the Church is about can gain a clear understanding of the Faith. This book is a great reference for the history of the Church, and also discusses the lives of famous saints. Introduction to Christianity by Pope Benedict XVI This book provides a deep dive into the Apostle’s Creed and what Christianity is. It's written by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. This book provides a beautiful, intellectual basis of what Christianity believes. Pope Emeritus Benedict’s insight and genius in his understanding of theology and Scripture is a gift not just to the Church but to Christianity as a whole. Diving into any of his books will provide the reader with new ways of seeing faith, Scripture, and the Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church So many Catholic converts point to the Catechism of the Catholic Church. There, they found beautiful, full, and profound explanations of the Faith written in digestible sections, leaving them something to ponder and pray with. Specific Topics Jesus and the Jewish Roots of the Eucharist: Unlocking the Secrets of the Last Supper by Brant Pitre A fascinating look at the Scriptural and Jewish roots and meaning of the Eucharist. As the Eucharist is one of the most important teachings of the Catholic faith, this book helps flesh out the importance of Christ’s words and actions at the Last Supper. Seeing the continuation in tradition and teaching from the Old Testament to the Church today makes for a great introduction to the faith and for deepening your understanding of Jesus in the Eucharist. By What Authority? An Evangelical Discovers Catholic Tradition by Mark Shea Where does the Catholic Church get the authority to teach her doctrines anyway? Mark Shea shares his personal conversion story as he investigates Sola Scriptura. He shows how biblical authority is the source of the Church’s magisterial teaching and tradition. A book with wit and an easy to read style that answers and appeals to Evangelicals and their questions about Catholicism. Walking with Mary: A Biblical Journey from Nazareth to the Cross by Edward Sri A great book for those with questions on Mary’s role in the Church and salvation history from a Biblical perspective. This book follows Mary’s life through Scripture, her journey of faith, her presence in the life of Christ, and what we can learn from her. A great place to begin if you wonder what devotion to Mary is all about. Signs of Life: 40 Catholic Customs and Their Biblical Roots by Scott Hahn Another invaluable book by Dr. Scott Hahn, Signs of Life looks at different customs and practices of the Catholic Church and the biblical basis for them. Each chapter explores a different tradition, such as devotion to the saints or the celebration of Holy Week and Easter. A great place to begin if you’ve wondered about all this “Catholic stuff” or if you want to know the deeper meaning behind aspects of the faith. More Great Titles Ready for more reading? These other books are informative and inspiring for those considering converting to Catholicism. Hail, Holy Queen by Scott Hahn Why We're Catholic by Trent Horn The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn I'm Not Being Fed by Jeff Cavins The Fathers Know Best by Jimmy Akin Crossing the Tiber by Steven Ray A Biblical Walk through the Mass by Edward Sri Are you a Catholic convert? What books would you add to the list?   [bctt tweet="Awesome Books for Catholic Converts #BISblog //" via="no"] This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!