“And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.” // Matthew 4:6
Like a choreographed dance, the groups of women all turned towards each other, forming tight circles of four or five. Arms folded across their chests, then heads tossed back in laughter, a shifting of weight from one foot to the next, and then a tightening up again.
As I walked past, trying to find a place to stand, the women seemed to step in closer, and then stepping back to a wider circle once I’d passed. I studied their earrings and jackets and shoes. Perhaps I was excluded because I wore the wrong thing or because of my girth? I picked a spot off to the side and wondered if I didn’t fit in because my kids received free lunches. I folded my arms, too, hoping I looked confident but realized that my problem was likely the nerdy way I imagined their movements as a country dance in a Jane Austen novel.
I am (almost) 100% sure that no one was intentionally ignoring or excluding me all those afternoons at school pick-up. But in a season when I already felt like an awkward wallflower, not being included made me feel extra lonely and humiliated. And in those moments, I thought of my Father Who sees in secret (Matthew 4:6).
The Father saw the quiet, secret, hurting places in my heart. He heard the secret prayers. He saw the small ways I was trying. Jesus was speaking to His disciples in today’s Gospel but from 3:00pm to 3:15pm every Monday through Friday, I stood outside my children’s school and held on to His words as if they were for me and only me. He was teaching about prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, but then I clung to the truth that what I was thinking and doing in secret, the Father saw. I was not alone or unseen and neither are you, friend.
Our Father Who sees in secret sees us and the hopes and fears we’ve hidden deep in our hearts. What would you like to share with Him today?
Our Father sees the hopes and fears we’ve hidden our hearts. // Bonnie EngstromClick to tweet
Bonnie Engstrom is a writer, baker, speaker, and homemaker. She lives with her husband and eight children in Illinois. Bonnie is the author of 61 Minutes to a Miracle which tells the story of her son’s miracle that was approved by Pope Francis for the beatification of Venerable Fulton Sheen. She is the author of Blessed Conversations Mystery: Believe. Find out more about her here.
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