Knowing Our Boundaries

So Moses went back to the LORD and said,

"Ah, this people has indeed committed a grave sin

in making a god of gold for themselves!

If you would only forgive their sin!

If you will not, then strike me out of the book that you have written."

The LORD answered, "Him only who has sinned against me

will I strike out of my book.

Now, go and lead the people to the place I have told you.

My angel will go before you.

When it is time for me to punish, I will punish them for their sin." // Exodus 32:31-34

“You are acting like a bunch of children!” I cried, full of fury. As soon as the words escaped my mouth I felt the anger dissipate, and I found the ridiculousness in the comment. The four faces, filled with features that mirrored my own, looked up at me in a mixture of shame and amusement. Shame that they had angered me so, amusement at what I had just exclaimed. 

Yes. They were acting like a bunch of children. Because they were a bunch of children. 

Much of my focus on parenting in the early years was directed toward simply getting my children to behave. I desired a certain level of decorum and held them to a higher standard of behavior. Embarrassingly it was because I saw those sweet children as a reflection of me. Their behavior was a type of report card on my parenting skills. A temper tantrum in the grocery store—Mom gets an “F” for the day. Sibling bickering at a high—another “F”. The dropping of a curse word—well, you get the idea. 

My emotional boundaries were completely disordered. My self-esteem and very identity were unhealthily enmeshed in their obedience and behavior. The wrath I felt when they disobeyed came from a desperate fear that I wasn’t parenting well enough. Having boundaries with others is not simply about saying no when you are over-programmed. It can also be related to having clarity in your level of responsibility for the behavior of others. 

Moses pleaded with the Lord to forgive his people in the same way so many of us plead today with the Lord to have mercy on children, siblings, and friends who have gone astray. Their behavior is not a reflection of our goodness or worth. Unless we are leading others to sin, we are not responsible for the choices they make. Each of us is accountable only for the choices we make. 

Are there relationships about which you need to pray for guidance and clearer boundaries? Who can you pray for today? Who can you entrust to the Lord?