The heat from my body radiated as I stormed into the church pew. I knelt down on the kneeler.
On the outside, I looked peaceful as I prayed, but on the inside, there was a little girl who felt hopeless. She screamed at her Heavenly Father, “Why?! What is all this?! How could you do this to our family? How could my Grandma be dying from cancer?” I had never been so infuriated with God. My faith was so weak. I feared everything.
Two years later, I wasn’t expecting to lose someone else I loved.
The Holy Spirit has been guiding me to develop a stronger faith. This work of the Spirit was very apparent this past March. My entire body went numb as I heard the word suicide over the phone. It was during the quarantine, and I had gone two days without knowing that one of my best friends had passed away.
Today’s Responsorial Psalm says, “He guides me in the paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side with your rod and staff that give me courage” (Psalm 23:4).
The moment I heard the devastating news, the song “It is Well” came into my head. The lyrics leading up to the chorus are, “And through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You. And it is well, It is well. So let go my soul and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name.”
How beautifully true those lyrics are. Through the suffering, I looked towards Heaven. The Lord held my hand. He walked with me as I went into the depths of the unknown because the only way I was able to make it out of my heartbreak was to follow Him. Meandering through this unknown was intimidating, but I knew I was holding the hand of Someone Who is bigger than all the misery.
Grab His hand; see where He’ll take you. You won’t be disappointed.
Grab His hand; see where He’ll take you. // Bella RolClick to tweet
Remind yourself of the power of the Holy Spirit from our 2019 Prayer Pledge campaign.
Bella Rol is a college student from Monterey, CA. She is studying Early Childhood Education as she pursues her dream of working with children and one day having her own to care for. In the meantime, she is the big sister to three younger brothers. In her free time she is usually found with her sketchbook and art supplies as she doodles away.
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