Don't Be Lazy in Love

Clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another. // 1 Peter 5:5b

“I just don’t want to see her. I don’t want to be in the same room with her.”

I was hashing through a relationship struggle in my prayer, trying to get to the bottom of what exactly was bothering me and how I could fix it.

There had been conflict. Intense, biting words had been spoken on both sides. Voices were raised and feelings were hurt. Months had passed, and I had made a few attempts at reconciliation, at a fresh start. Every attempt had been rebuffed, and now there was an unavoidable encounter on the horizon. I would have to see her, to try and pretend that nothing had ever happened. I felt trapped.

“I need to get everything out in the open. I can’t move forward until we’ve dealt with these issues honestly. I can’t forgive her until she apologizes.”

In my heart, I heard Jesus say, Can’t you?

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of talk in the mental health arena about boundaries. People seem all too willing to cut people off, to label relationships as “toxic,” to give up when it gets hard. Obviously we all need boundaries. We cannot allow abuse, and we are capable of breaking damaging generational patterns of behavior with intention.

But we mustn’t be lazy in love.

Jesus calls us to humility in all our relationships. “Blessed are you when they insult you” (Matthew 5:11). “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you” (5:44). “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you” (6:14). When asked how often we should forgive one who sins against us, Jesus says, “Not seven times but seventy-seven times,” (18:22) a number that symbolizes perfection.

We may not see an earthly reward for our humility and our commitment to forgiveness. But the treasure that awaits us in our heavenly home is well worth the effort. And I bet that the peace you’ll experience when you forgive without waiting for an apology will be sweeter than you can imagine.