I spent many of my formative years during college and beyond under the guidance of priests and brothers from a Franciscan community in New York City. On Friday mornings I would drive over to one of their friaries, attend Mass with them and the other volunteers, and then after some prayers, we would get to work. Rolling up our sleeves, we would begin the tasks of preparing food, washing the dishes, setting out the tableware, and looking through the pantry for things that could be given away.  We then would trickle into the big hall to sit at tables with the needy of the neighborhood. Before our meal, we prayed together with Scripture through Lectio Divina. With no difference among us, we would close our eyes and imagine ourselves there in the Gospel reading. One by one, voices would begin to say out loud what the passage meant for them and what they wanted to share with the rest of the group. We were touched and in awe of what the Lord could say and do through those around us, even those whom—in the world’s standards—did not have anything to give thanks for. In their physical poverty, these men and women were not poor in their hearts but knew the greatest treasure: Jesus. The Poverty of Francis This is also true of the man whom we honor today: Saint Francis. When I think of the young man of Assisi who stripped himself naked to disown his possessions and inheritance after his conversion (source), I am struck with admiration. The very thing that most people fear in life—losing everything, becoming physically poor and in need—Francis embraced willingly as a response to the Lord’s personal call on his life. The Saint devoted himself to Christ through a life of poverty, obedience, and chastity as well as one of service to the needy. This was the narrow way through which He would arrive at true riches. In his rule of life for the friars that began to follow him, Francis wrote, “[ . . . ] let them not desire rich clothes in this world, that they may possess a garment in the kingdom of heaven” (source). He desired that the eyes of both him and his followers be fixed on their heavenly home not on their surroundings; their hearts kept captive by the riches of heaven and not by the charms of this world.  The Humility of Francis The humble heart of Francis was formed by his very clear understanding—through the various instances of conversion and encounter with the living God in his life—that he is a creature loved and known by his Creator. Everything in creation that surrounded Francis brought his heart to worship the Lord. His “Canticle of the Sun” calls us to give thanks to God for the mundane aspects of life which easily go unnoticed in our modern day busyness. Look up at the sky with me, sister, and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Can you also give praise today as did Francis so long ago for our “brother sun [ . . . ] which lights up the day”? (Source) Francis’ humility was also steeped in the knowledge of Christ’s real, abiding presence in the Eucharist. In one of his writings, Francis expressed himself in a rave of praise to our Lord: “O humble sublimity! O sublime humility! that the Lord of the universe, God and the Son of God, so humbles Himself that for our salvation He hides Himself under a morsel of bread. Consider, brothers, the humility of God and ‘pour out your hearts before Him, and be ye humbled that ye may be exalted by Him’” (source). We are called to humble ourselves before the Lord as He has done for each of us. {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} The Devotion of Francis Francis knew the extent of God’s radical love for humanity—and for him, personally—and so he wished to respond with all that he had. At the end of this praise of the Eucharist, Francis challenges his brothers with the following words: “Do not therefore keep back anything for yourselves that He may receive you entirely who gives Himself up entirely to you” (source). This is advice given from his own lived experience. Francis held nothing back from the Lord and even his body was given up to undergo suffering similar to Christ’s on the Cross by receiving the sacred stigmata.  His love and attentiveness to the poor was met with a continual need to retire in solitude to spend one-on-one time with his greatest Love and treasure. It was in the moments of solitude and prayer, away from the crowds, that Francis could perceive the voice of his Father calling him to greater intimacy. He had such a devotion for the Word of God that he asked his brothers to pick up with great reverence any parts of the Bible they might find scattered about in their travels. They were to preserve them, “[f]or many things are sanctified by the word of God” (source). His love for the Lord, the Holy Scriptures, and the Church was an inheritance he wished to pass down to his followers.  Following Saint Francis Today Yet, what does this all mean for us women in the world—who are striving to serve Christ in our day-to-day lives as students, employees, business owners, mothers, artists, athletes, etc.—to live a life of poverty, humility, and devotion like Francis did? How can we both aspire to be radically about the Gospel of Christ as Francis was and also live our call to be women living in the world? Perhaps the answer lies for us in the beatitudes of the Gospel of Matthew when our Lord says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3; emphasis added).  What Francis lived out physically in his actions and way of life was an expression of his internal disposition. His heart was rightly ordered, the eyes of his heart piercing through the earthly into the eternal realms, and therefore able to love God above all things and others in the right way. This is how you and I, sister, are called to love God—with eyes fixed on Him as our one thing even as we go about seemingly normal lives. We can place our gaze on heaven even while living here below. Francis accepted poverty so that there would be more space in his life for God. Maybe we can start by getting rid of material things we may not have need of. But let us not stop there. Let us also get rid of things that may be consuming our time and make space for the Lord to come meet us. This might look like less obsession with work, less time on the internet, more time in prayer, more frequent attendance at daily Mass, or more walks in solitude and silence.  As with Francis, our embracing poverty in our daily lives does not mean that we are not moved to compassion by the suffering and poverty of others. Therefore, to live a life like Francis we should also seek to serve the poor. This might not only mean the materially poor but also the lonely, the sick, and the hopeless (see CCC 2444). How can you and I spend more time with Christ in the poor around us this month, sister? Maybe find a soup kitchen, an elderly home, or simply the neighbor down the street from you who may need a visit, and let us bring the good news of Christ to these places. May we go to the least among us and find there Christ, our most prized possession.

In the room that I shared with my sister while we were growing up, we had a small, glow-in-the-dark statue of Our Lady of Fatima with three little children kneeling in front of her. I only ever really noticed Our Lady and did not think much of the little children. Once, after visiting the National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima, which is in my home state of New Jersey, my mom came home with a book for me as a gift. It retold the story of Fatima and had a special focus on the children of Fatima and what our Lord revealed to them, as well as on how they responded. I became swept up by the devotion of these little children. What love they had for our Lord and for souls! Who Were They? Francisco and Jacinta were born to Manuel Marto and Olimpia de Jesus, bringing their grand total of children up to nine. Francisco was born on June 11th, 1908, and Jacinta was born on March 11th, two years later. Although they were siblings, Lucia, their cousin and the third visionary of Fatima, noted that the two were quite opposites. Francisco was a more quiet and docile type, happy to contemplate nature and walk about in silence or play his flute. Jacinta was lively and energetic, as well as a sensitive soul. Lucia admits that her cousin Jacinta was a little spoiled, as the youngest child of a big family, and that Francisco did not always love to pray (source).  And yet, we see that the hearts of these two young people were transformed as they received the message of Our Lady and the call to pray and do penance for the world. Francisco died at the young age of eleven and Jacinta, one year later—shortly before her tenth birthday. They were canonized by Pope Francis in 2017. Through their lives, lived out as an offering of love to console the Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, Jacinta and Francisco became an example of 1 Timothy 4:12: “Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” Our Lady’s Message Before Our Lady began appearing to the three in 1917, Jacinta, Francisco, and their older cousin Lucia were first approached by an angel. This angel taught them beautiful prayers of affection to Our Lord, to console His Heart and prepared them for the visions and messages they would later receive from Mother Mary. During these occasions of divine visitation, the angel would recite the prayers with the children while prostrate, a position which the children would later adopt while praying in private, adoring the Lord and begging graces for those in need. Our Lady’s visits to the children began in May of 1917 and culminated on October 13th of the same year with the renowned Miracle of the Sun, wherein the crowds present saw the sun as though dancing and then coming down towards them as though falling from the sky. During that time, the ground and the people, once drenched from the rain, became immediately dry and many among them received physical healing from their ailments. Throughout these apparitions to the three children, the messages which prevailed from Our Lady were a call to conversion, to pray the Rosary, to make sacrifices and prayers for sinners, and to console the Heart of Our Lord, so deeply offended. Our Lady prophesied the early death of Francisco and Jacinta, while promising the anxious heart of Lucia, “Do not lose heart, I will never forsake you! My Immaculate Heart will be your refuge and the way that will lead you to God.” (source).  {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} Responding to the Call Perhaps one of the most powerful moments of the apparitions was the vision of Hell granted to the young children. This sobering moment marked the children deeply, and their resolution, fervor, and devotion grew immensely from then on. For Francisco, the main focus of his mission was to console the Heart of Our Lord, Whom he saw so saddened in that vision by the loss of souls and their many offenses. Lucia once asked Francisco if he preferred to save souls or to console Our Lord. Francisco replied,“I’d rather console Our Lord . . . I want to console Our Lord first and then convert the sinners so that they won’t offend anymore.” During his final days he reassured Lucia, who had asked about his sufferings, that he offered all “for the love of Our Lady and Our Lord” (source). Such devotion and love from a heart so young! Jacinta’s mission had a twofold emphasis: devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and offering sacrifices for the conversion of sinners. Jacinta told Lucia as she was being taken away to the hospital in Lisbon, “Tell everyone that God grants us graces through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, that people should go to her . . . ...O, if only I could put into everyone’s hearts the fire that burns here inside of mine, making me love the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Heart of Mary so much!” Although granted an extraordinary grace of being chosen by Our Lord to see Our Lady and receive her messages, Jacinta and Francisco had a choice to respond to this invitation or not. They responded with a wholehearted yes, allowing the many graces bestowed on them to bring to fruition the holiness to which we all aspire as Christians: union with God.  Inspiration for Us One of the lessons taught to the little children by the angel was to offer everything to the Lord, including small sacrifices, as these could be offered to console the Heart of Christ and make reparation for the offenses made against Him (source). In the illness that took the lives of Francisco and Jacinta, in 1919 and 1920 respectively, the young Saints made the offering of their little lives complete. They suffered the pain of influenza and the discomfort of the treatments, as well as having to offer the deep desire to pray prostrate and continue with bodily mortifications that were no longer possible in their state. Jacinta was asked by Our Lady if she would be willing to remain on earth longer to suffer on behalf of sinners—to which she gave her consent (source). She was taken away from her family in Fatima and brought to Lisbon, where she also underwent the pain of solitude in her suffering.  At such young ages, Francisco and Jacinta were docile to the graces they had received at Baptism, which underwent further flourishing through the guidance of the angel and Our Lady. They were determined to love on Our Lord, to console His heart so greatly pained, and to save even just one person, bring back one sinner to the merciful arms of the Father. The vision the three were granted of Hell remained so deeply ingrained in their memories that to offer penances and physical mortification seemed as nothing compared to the pain they saw souls undergo. They were given a zeal for souls, to bring them to Jesus, to offer their own lives and daily inconveniences and suffering that others might come to know and love the Lord and change their lives. Sister, how much are you and I aware of the need to save souls—not by our own merits, of course, but through the unification of our sufferings with that of Christ, holding nothing back from the altar of sacrifice? Are we willing, then, to look upon these two young lambs of holiness and see there an icon for us, an invitation, a challenge? To place all that we are each and every day into the hands of a loving Lord who takes what we give and makes it powerful—a source of redemption and restoration for others? Sister, how will you pray and what will you offer this week for the intention of the salvation of souls and to console the Hearts of Jesus and Mary?

“Give me a drink.” (John 4:7) These are the words of the Lord to us this day as we come to rest with Him and spend precious time with Him in prayer. He is the One who invites us to this rendezvous. 

One might be tempted to think that it must have been easy for Mother Teresa to be united to the Lord. There were even occasions when “the Voice” (Come Be My Light, 85) spoke to her interiorly. Jesus communicated Himself in a very intimate way with her. If that was the case for us, we might argue, how easy things would be!

After my time as a missionary in a foreign country had come to an end and the convent life before that was already only a memory, I returned to the US with many questions and a lot to unload.

Mother Teresa spent hours each day in prayer before the start of her service to the poor and at the end of a long day. She did not use her work, immense physical labor, or fatigue as an excuse to forgo time with her Lover and Intimate Friend.

Most of us have seen some romantic comedies—whether as teenagers, in our hopeless college years, or perhaps even later on in life. Who doesn’t like a good, sappy romance movie during the Christmas season? As women, one of our deepest longings is to be pursued and to be loved and these movies stir up those exact desires. We may easily look to others to fulfill this expectation of “lover” while hesitating to see the Lord in this way. Maybe it is because we do not often get the butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of feeling when we go to Adoration or sit in silence to pray. Yet the truth is that, as a baptized person, I have become part of the Church, His Bride. If Christ, then, is our Bridegroom, the Lover par excellence, should I not seek to see Him as such? What does it mean to be a lover—a true one, not just the fabricated fantasy we find in novels or movie scripts? In the letter to the Ephesians, when instructing husbands and wives on how to be lovers to one another, Saint Paul tells them to do so in imitation of Christ (Ephesians 5:25). Jesus, the Lover of souls, (see Wisdom 11:26) expresses His love for the Church by giving His life for her and to her. He nourishes His bride and cherishes her (see Ephesians 5:29).  A true lover does not grow weary—even when we have grown cold in our devotion or tired in loving. Christ pursues us since He has won our hearts for Himself through His Incarnation, Passion, Death, and Resurrection. We are rightly His and yet He honors our will and comes daily as a beggar for our love.  As members of the Church, sister, you and I are called to respond to the Lord in His request for love. As Christ is a Lover, we too are called to be lovers of Christ. We are called to pursue, cherish, and nourish Him as He has done for us.  What does it mean to be a lover—a true one, not just the fabricated fantasy we find in novels or movie scripts? #BISblog #prayerpledge // -->> CLICK TO TWEET   Let Us Pray Lord, with what holy devotion we would burn for You if we truly allowed ourselves to be conquered by You. You are the Greatest of Lovers and so we pray humbly, that You would reveal more of Your love to us today that we might long for You and seek to be Yours all of our days. For Discussion Do you struggle to see the Lord as a Bridegroom or Lover? Why do you think that is? How can you begin today to foster an understanding of yourself as bride, called to love the Lord with your whole heart? Perhaps by repeating a short prayer or tender word to the Lord or writing a letter to Him from your heart?

The first time I was “stopped in my tracks” by Mother Teresa was when I was a teenager. I sat next to my mom to watch a documentary about her life that came up on television. Her genuine desire to leave all that she knew to go serve the Lord in a country that was not her own moved me. She was determined. She knew that if the Lord called her, she must not hesitate to respond. This theme would follow her for the rest of her life. Later, she made a vow under the pain of mortal sin (with the permission of her spiritual director) to never refuse Jesus anything (Come Be My Light, 60).   Mother Teresa was born in northern Macedonia to Albanian parents. From a very young age she desired to belong to Jesus completely and become a missionary. She felt a particular call to aid the Church in India. At eighteen, she left her home for Ireland where she entered the religious order of the Sisters of Loreto who had missions in India. She was soon sent to India and fulfilled her childhood dream of bringing Christ’s love to that land. She was a beloved teacher and eventually became the principal of the all-girls school where she taught. And yet, the Lord had more for her. Mother Teresa received what she called “a call within a call” from Christ to leave the comfort of the convent and school and tend to Him in the poorest of the poor (Come Be My Light, 78). Although this call was clear and direct, she submitted this desire to bring poor souls to Christ to her spiritual director, superiors, and bishop. Mother Teresa was determined, as always, but ultimately wanted the will of God. Her patience bore fruit and she was given permission to begin her work in the slums. It was there, in the dark places, that the Missionaries of Charity were born. She was to be Christ’s light in the darkness (Come Be My Light, 85) and this, in fact, is what she became through her daily small acts of love and kindness.  Mother Teresa was to be Christ’s light in the darkness and this, in fact, is what she became through her daily small acts of love and kindness. #BISblog #prayerpledge // -->> CLICK TO TWEET Let Us Pray Jesus, Intimate Friend of my heart, You know my fears and my dreams. In the depths of my heart You are willing to come in and dine with me. May I spend time with You there, that I may learn to hear Your voice gently guiding me. For Discussion Sister, do you feel inspired by the testimony of Mother Teresa in radically following the Lord’s particular call on her life? Or do you feel deflated, thinking you could never respond as she responded?  Are you able to bring either sentiment to the Lord today in prayer and ask Him to give you the grace to respond to His call? Are you aware of the daily call to spend time with Him and unite yourself and your desires to His? Awaken Love: The 2023 Prayer Pledge // Day 10 #BISblog #prayerpledge // -->> CLICK TO TWEET

Therefore, I will now allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her… And I will take you for my wife forever; I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord. // Hosea 2:14, 19-20 These words from the prophet Hosea strike the depths of the human condition. As he addressed the divided kingdom—Israel in the north and the kingdom of Judah in the south—he also addresses us now, wherever we find ourselves. The lament of the Lord expressed through Hosea is that the people of Israel have gone astray. They have given themselves over to the worship of false gods (see Hosea 2:13) and are accused of crimes against the commandments (see Hosea 4:1-2). They have forgotten the love of their youth and no longer know the Lord. In the midst of life’s troubles, the duties of everyday living, and even the stress and demands of ministry in the Church, we may find ourselves like the kingdom of Israel: divided, distracted, and disillusioned. We begin to give precedence to people-pleasing and comforts, pride and a getting-ahead attitude, laziness and a plethora of excuses to not spend time with Him. We become disillusioned with Him and seek satisfaction elsewhere. We flex our Martha muscles and forget that we are called to be Mary at His feet, with devoted eyes and a heart fixed on His face (see Luke 10:38-42). We come to accept the lie that we must choose between God and others, divide our time between work and prayer, when in reality, only one thing is necessary (see Luke 10:42): remaining with Him.  Divine intimacy is about learning to remain with the Lord in our inmost selves—in the secret place where Jesus tells us we should go and pray (see Matthew 6:6). This is the wilderness into which the Lord invites us: the dryness, the stillness of our own hearts where the quiet breeze can pass through, carrying the whisper of His voice speaking tenderly to us (see Hosea 2:14).  The Lord makes a bold promise to us in this passage as He did to the wayward people of Israel: “…and you shall know the Lord” (Hosea 2:20). This does not just mean head knowledge, but heart knowledge. Knowing someone, in the Biblical sense, means you really know them; it means intimacy. In Mother Teresa we see an example of how the Lord brings us into this wilderness of heart, precisely to know Him more. Divine intimacy is about learning to remain with the Lord in our inmost selves... #BISblog // -->> CLICK TO TWEET {formbuilder:MTAxMDA1} Let Us Pray Jesus, I want to know You. I want to see You each day in those whom I serve and live with, in the big and small things, learning to remain with You in the secret place where You alone are Lord. Espouse me in love and mercy. Amen. For Discussion How can you place yourself in the Presence of the Lord throughout the day that He may “speak tenderly” to you, even in the midst of mundane tasks? Can you observe seasons in your life when you have forgotten the Lord? How did He restore you to intimacy with Him? Awaken Love: The 2023 Prayer Pledge // Day 9 #BISblog #prayerpledge // -->> CLICK TO TWEET

What if we could live the Mass as our highest prayer no matter the circumstance? The stress from work, the drama with friends, the exams nearing at school, the list of errands and chores that don’t end would all take a backseat if we could enter the Mass and live it as if it were our last. A Simple Prayer Maybe that is exactly where we should start. I once heard a story told at our parish of an older man who assisted Mass every morning. He always sat in the first pew, covered in a holy web of scapulars with devotional books in hand. One day, the man went up to receive Holy Communion and when he got back to his seat to pray, died peacefully. We so often partake in the Mass with lukewarm devotion because we assume that we will be at Mass again next Sunday to do the same routine all over again. We may even fool ourselves into thinking that it is no big deal if we miss a Sunday here or there. What if we could change our attitude towards the Mass by beginning to pray a simple prayer? One that has greatly helped me is the following prayer: “Lord, help me to live this Mass as if it were my first Mass and also my last one on this earth.” You can formulate it anyway you like. The point is that we must learn to ask for the grace to live the Mass better. We must desire to live it as our highest form of prayer since it is our “source and summit” as Catholic Christians (see CCC 1324). Remembrance By taking a moment before the start of Mass to say a short prayer such as this one, you give the Lord permission to take you deeper into the sacred mysteries and to experience the Mass as a lived prayer, not just empty recitations. This starting point flows into the second which is to take even just one minute–in between the chaos of arriving at Mass on time or barely making it through the door before the Gospel–to quiet yourself down. Remind yourself in Whose Presence you are in and that you stand before the Holy of Holies with the veil torn open (see Hebrews 6:19-20). Do not try to tune out the noise around you but precisely there, in the midst of it all, for one moment, allow your heart to remember. The Mass itself is about remembering, a memory that is not dead or out of fashion but one that is living and ever-new. The Mass is where the Church as Bride remembers her Bridegroom, His sacrifice to the Father, and His command to “do this in memory” of Him (see Luke 22:19). That is, to make present once more the mystery of His Passion, Death, and Resurrection through the consecration of the bread and wine by the priest who stands in His stead. The bread and wine become what He Himself promised in the beautiful dialogue of John 6: “I am the Bread of Life…this bread is My body…” (verses 48, 51). “Offer It Up” As Catholics, we may be very familiar with this term “offer it up.” It may be easy for us to think about offering up to the Lord our moments of pain or humiliation. We may even be good about offering up our joys to the Lord. Yet, sometimes we forget to offer up the one thing that is the most valuable gift we have: Christ Himself in the Eucharist! When we slip into Mass, do we realize that this is the greatest prayer we can offer to the Father since it is Christ Himself–altar, victim, and priest–that becomes present? The very words of the Mass communicate this essence. Although the four Eucharistic prayers express this differently, the intention is the same: we offer to the Father, “[...] this pure victim, this holy victim, this spotless victim, the holy Bread of eternal life, and the Chalice of everlasting salvation.” Each time we go to Mass, we should be offering up this perfect sacrifice for something or someone. It is as if we have been given a precious jewel and wish to keep it safely in our hands, instead of extending our hands out to others so that they too may benefit from the beauty of the gem. We should not hold on to the graces of the Holy Mass for ourselves, but instead offer up this highest prayer for the countless intentions bogging us down: for the needy, the stranger, the orphan, the friend in depression, the priest on the verge of despair or mortal sin, and so on. This treasure house is ours for the offering. Becoming What We Offer In the third Eucharistic prayer, after the acclamation of faith, the priest prays a similar prayer of offering as the one mentioned above. It contains this beautiful line, speaking of Christ the Victim: “May He make of us an eternal offering to You…” What we will discover is that the more we offer up the Mass as our highest prayer on behalf of others, the more we ourselves will be transformed into an offering. Instead of only offering Christ to the Father, we will wish to offer our very selves together with Him on that altar. The Mass–if we truly allow these words to be more than just words but efficacious prayers–becomes the place where we ourselves become what we offer. We become Who we offer: victims with the Victim. We can pray with greater boldness, then, to the Father since we no longer rely on ourselves and our merits but on Christ. How to Live the Mass More Fully, Practically So if you would like to live the Mass more attentively, aware that it is your own place of offering to the Father, I invite you to join me in these practical steps in addition to what I have mentioned above: Take some time to pray with your favorite part of the Mass or the most striking line in a prayer. Perhaps journal down your thoughts or simply meditate on the words of the prayer that move your heart until they become your own. Study the parts of the Mass and take time to read about the meaning of the gestures and prayers. Here is a great book! Commit a prayer to memory that can help you meditate on the reality of Christ’s Eucharistic Presence within you after Holy Communion. This may be an age-old prayer like the Anima Christi prayer, a short prayer as the one the Angel taught the three children of Fatima, or one of your own. Make time before Mass to look over the readings. You can even make it a habit of doing lectio divina, as a group or on your own. It will make your heart and mind that much more attentive when the words are read out loud in the congregation. What else would you add to the list? Let’s pray together: Lord Jesus, help us to live each Mass as our first and our last as we remember You. Father, allow Your Spirit to make of us an eternal offering to You in union with Christ. Amen.   [bctt tweet="How to Live the Mass More Fully #BISblog //" via="no"]

I always had a problem with my name growing up. I wondered why my parents didn’t give me an easy-to-pronounce name. Rocio, although beautiful when pronounced rightly in Spanish, felt like a burden when teachers at school tried different variations: Rocchio, Roxio, Rokio. I could get started on a list of funny and embarrassing moments tied to my name, but the point is that it was a struggle. I did not want to accept my name. It wasn’t until I was a young adult beginning my journey of discerning religious life that the Lord started to do something unexpected: He began to connect the dots between my name, my identity, and my mission. Accepting My Own Name Through a series of events, including a prophetic encounter you can read about here, I began to take ownership of my name and what the Lord had entrusted me with. I discovered that in my name, which translates to "dew," He was inviting me to be a consolation to others and to be intimately attune to the Holy Spirit of which dew is a Biblical and liturgical image. The things I learned during those years remain with me even now, since the Lord was redeeming such an essential part of my identity: my name. When we think about the feast day of the Most Holy Name of Mary, some might think, what’s the big fuss? Why have a whole day dedicated to her name? We love her and all of that, but isn’t that a bit excessive? Well, maybe I would have been on board with that same thinking before– but not anymore. Now, I know well from experience the connection and importance between who we are, the name we are given, and the mission we are entrusted with. The woman chosen from all time for the most important task of bearing in her body, feeding at her breasts, and holding to her heart the Savior of the world and the Son of the Most High did not just happen to have the name Mary (Mariam in Greek/Miryam in Hebrew). It must have been for a reason. Although the exact definitions of the name of Mary vary, I think it would help us in our devotion to take a look at the different meanings and what they can tell us about her identity and mission. The Holy Name of Mary // Sea of Bitterness or Drop of the Sea? Among some of the translations found for the name of Mary, the connection to water is common. Some say Our Lady’s name could mean either a sea of bitterness or a drop of the sea. I invite you to reflect with me today on the possibility of Our Lady’s name meaning "a sea of bitterness." Why would this be a fitting name for the Mother of Christ? The sorrows our Mother was to undergo were possibly alluded to in her name. It would suffice to remember the words of Simeon in the temple at the entrance of the holy pair with the Messiah in their arms to understand why Our Lady’s identity and mission could be tied to bitterness. After being moved by the Spirit to proclaim what Jesus would be, namely salvation (see Luke 2:27, 30), Simeon looks to Mary and confesses rightly that a sword will pierce her own heart (2:35). To think of Our Lady as being a “sea of bitterness” is not to deem that her heart was full of bitterness and ill-will because of the suffering she was going to pass through. Instead, we can understand it to be a reference to the immense sorrows of Our Lady’s heart: the sorrow that came with knowing in anticipation the suffering the Messiah was to undergo, witnessing the rejection of His own people, and the torments of her Son during the Passion. Being unable to relieve her child of this suffering would be enough to cause an increase of pain in her own heart–an experience comparable to a sea of pain, a whole ocean of bitterness. She who experienced immense heartache was entrusted with a mission: to accompany all of the children entrusted to her from the Cross (see John 19:26) on their own journey of heartache and bitterness. She would be the model for her children on how to carry these things in one’s heart (see Luke 2:51). Some translations say she “treasured” them in her heart. The things she did not understand, the pain of separation already experienced by them in the young life of Jesus, the expectation of all that was to come– she treasured all of these things. She did not become bitter because of it, although she was only just beginning to walk on the shores of this sea. May we learn from her the mysterious art and mission of remaining joyful in the midst of bitter anguish. The Name of Mary: Beloved The name of Mother Mary can be found in the Old Testament, belonging also to the sister of Moses (see Numbers 26:59). Miriam was considered a prophet and led the people in praise of the Lord who had freed them (see Exodus 15:20-21). Because the Israelites were in Egypt during this time, it is important to take into consideration what the Egyptian root of the name Mary/Miriam could be. One of the possibilities of the Egyptian meaning of the name is "beloved" (source). One of my favorite titles of Mary is her as the Beloved Daughter of the Father. It cannot be denied that she was beloved by God. Here one might be tempted to say that she was so loved by the Father because of the importance of her mission. But we would be forgetting one important thing: her identity precedes her mission. Mary is loved first because of who she is. Her belovedness was not bound up to how faithfully and fruitfully she would fulfill her mission–which she did perfectly beyond exaggeration–but her loveable-ness is found first in the essence of her being Mary. The Father looked upon her and loved her. In the same way, before all that we do and any mission we may feel called to fulfill, you and I are loved first and foremost because of who we are. We are loved because we exist and we exist because we were loved into existence. Our origin and our destiny is love. How fitting it is, then, for Our Lady’s name to mean “beloved” since we know this to be true about ourselves! She is the beloved daughter of a very good Father, the beloved mother and sister (see Matthew 12:50) of Christ her Savior, and the beloved espoused by the Spirit. Her Name Remains a Model Can you and I see in Mother Mary a model of living out one’s belovedness? She lived this in total trust and abandonment to the Father. May we also learn to live from our identity, dependent not on our own strength or the loftiness of our mission to somehow earn His love but by realizing we are already the beloved right here and now. May she who held a sea of bitterness in her heart and was at the same time beloved, pray for us to receive and accept our names, our identities, and our mission on this earth. Consider honoring the name of Mary today by praying with some of the beautiful devotions and quotes from the Saints listed here.   [bctt tweet="The Holy Name of Mary #BISblog //" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

In the tradition of the Church, Bartholomew and Nathaniel are the same person. Think of Nathaniel as his first name and Bartholomew as his last name, since it designates his sonship. We have many obscure Saints in our Church, but it is always fascinating when, even among the first Twelve Apostles of Our Lord, there can be so little known about them. The Invitation Although we may not know so much about the life of this Saint after the Ascension of Our Lord, and he is barely highlighted in the Gospels besides being listed among the Twelve in a handful of passages, Nathaniel has a lot to teach us. When we think of what it means to follow Jesus, we may often turn to Peter, Paul, or John for our first look. But take a look at Nathaniel. The interaction between him and Our Lord recounted in the Gospel of John (see John 1:43-51) deserves our attention. In an echo of the events that unfolded for Andrew and Simon Peter (see John 1:35-42), Nathaniel is approached by a friend, Philip, who just encountered the Lord. In this encounter, Philip became convinced that Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah and wished for Nathaniel to also come and meet the Christ. There were certain words that made him pause, however: “Jesus son of Joseph from Nazareth” (John 1:45). The future disciple wondered if anything good could come from such a place. Can you relate, sister? How often do we not find ourselves questioning if the Lord could use this person or that situation for anything worthwhile? Yet, here we must pause to honor the simple words of Philip that made all of the difference: “Come and see” (John 1:46). This is the same invitation made to us when we are uncertain if the Lord can do something astounding or if He is truly present in our lives. The Response Nathaniel models for us a prompt response to this invitation. Putting aside his questions on the worthiness of Nazareth to be the home of the Messiah, he goes to find out for himself. He is then met by the gaze of Christ, a gaze that truly sees him. One of my favorite titles of the Lord in the Scriptures is found in Genesis 16:13, when the slave-woman Hagar calls the Lord El-Roi, which means, “The God Who Sees.” Sister, like Nathaniel, can we believe that as we approach the Lord, as we turn our hearts to Him, He sees us? This moment must have been more than we can comprehend through the text alone since at seeing Nathaniel, Jesus makes a declaration that astounds him and stirs him to faith. Jesus compliments Nathaniel with a phrase He does not repeat of any other person: he is an “Israelite in whom there is no deceit” (John 1: 47). Jesus looked at him and saw him–not his hang ups or his questioning and doubts. Our Lord saw Nathaniel’s heart and found there an authentic, faithful man. The Question and the Answer How striking would it be to hear these same words spoken of us, sister? “Here is one in whom there is no deceit.” How disarming, striking, yet also alarming as it discloses that the Lord knows me entirely–in my coming and going, in my showing off and in my hiding, at the pulpit and in my secret place, He knows me. The Lord sees me and He sees you, sister, just as He saw Nathaniel. As Nathaniel asks Jesus where it was that He got to know him, I can almost hear the hesitancy in his voice and perhaps the expectation of the answer. What if something good can come out of Nazareth? What if Philip was right and this man is the Messiah? What if he really does know me? “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you” (John 1:48). Jesus’ answer undid Nathaniel’s hesitancy, that uneasiness he felt with a Stranger claiming to know him so deeply so as to see the intentions of his heart. What must have happened under that fig tree between the Lord and Nathaniel? What secret prayer had he prayed from his depths? Maybe he was bowing in prayer asking for the coming of the Messiah and the deliverance of Israel? Perhaps he was surrendering something dear to him or making an act of true worship to the Lord, there in this place where he thought he was alone with God. A Revelation of Love Yet, Jesus saw him under the fig tree and this declaration was enough to rouse in Nathaniel such deep faith and assurance of the identity of Jesus that he exclaimed, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel” (John 1:49). It was first curiosity that led Nathaniel to “go and see” who this Jesus was. As he was now faced with an immediate revelation–a revelation of his own heart and of Jesus’ divine identity–Nathaniel’s heart was moved to see Christ. He saw him now not just as merely the man of whom Philip spoke, but as Someone who was much more than what could be seen with earthly eyes and also Someone who knew him intimately. Sister, on this feast of Saint Bartholomew, may we entertain for a moment the thought that we ourselves are approaching the Lord. What does He say about you when He sees you? Do you also see that more than the list of faults you think He is focused on? The Lord, in His tender mercy and intimate love, is focused on you–who you really are in your depths. Let Him undo your own hesitancy and fill your days with faith that He truly is El-Roi, the God Who sees. Will you take time to pray with this passage from the Gospel of John today?   [bctt tweet="On Saint Bartholomew #BISblog //" via="no"]

Imagine it is a hot day, one of those time-stands-still-sweat-pouring-out-of-you kind of days. You go to reach in your bag for the thermos you filled with ice and cold water for your trip. Your hand scrummaging through your purse, at first calmly, and then anxiously as you begin to realize the possibility that in the midst of all of the mayhem, you left the thermos on the countertop. Phew! At last, your hand touches the metal container and a sigh of relief escapes your lips as you open it up for a big gulp of cold, refreshing water. It is in those simple moments that my heart is filled with gratitude and I often cannot help but say a prayer, “Thank You, Lord, for water.” Sister, let us think together today about the ways that we can help our homeless brothers and sisters to experience a similar relief in the midst of the hottest days of the year when death numbers rise due to overheating and dehydration. Intentional Homeless Outreach in the Summer As I offer you four tips for homeless outreach this summer, I invite you to consider the words of Our Lord in the Gospel of Matthew on which the judgment of the nations will be founded: I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me. // Matthew 25:35-36 Tip Number One I think we have all been in a scenario similar to the one I asked you to imagine. There is nothing like a nice cold drink on a blazing, hot day. So how do we maintain both ourselves and others less fortunate than us hydrated? Go ahead and buy some extra bottles of water the next time you do your shopping. Estimate how much is needed for your household and then include some extra for the homeless you may meet or seek out in the coming days. If you don’t own a cooling bag already, do yourself a favor this summer and purchase one. Usually, the cooling packs that go in the freezer are included in your purchase of the bag. It will be a game-changer for you in the heat. Not only will it be useful for your usual trips to the beach or sport events, but you can also use this simple bag to be able to offer the homeless in your area a cold beverage to drink. If you are going for a ride around town, keep the bag close to you in the passenger seat in order to be able to easily reach over at a red light where homeless men and women can often be found on a hot day. If you are more like me and take the train everywhere, find a drawstring cooler bag that is small enough to fit in your backpack or purse or simply make one using a jumbo sized zip lock bag and a gel cooler pack. Then you can have close at hand one cold drink for yourself and one for the thirsty stranger you may meet along the way. Coconut water or lightly sweetened lemonade may be a great alternative to plain water! Tip Number Two If you and some friends are gathering for a night at the movies or a stroll through the city, or you are the mom on duty for drop off after the kids’ game, consider packing some sandwiches beforehand which you are able to keep in a cooling container or can quickly hand out (so as to avoid any food spoilage if left out in the heat). This is not something only for the summertime, of course, but here is the tip for this season: add some fruit or extra vegetables! Because the summer’s heat can lead to dehydration and the electrolytes lost through sweating should be replenished, the human body needs more than water to remain hydrated. Throw in a small container with pre-cut pieces of strawberries, melon, or banana. Add avocado slices in some of the sandwiches you prepare. Include a yogurt that has been kept cool throughout the day–and don’t forget the disposable spoon! One thing to remember here is that any fruit that is to be given to our homeless brothers and sisters should be fresh, as spoiled fruit can lead to stomach problems and we are hoping to make their summer better, not worse. The fruit should be peeled and cut into smaller pieces since you cannot guarantee they are able to bite down into a whole fruit. I still remember the disappointment in a man on the street to whom I offered a whole apple once. "I can’t eat that,” he said, in spite of his hunger. As he opened his mouth to tell me this, I was able to see why: he was missing his front teeth. Tip Number Three Because of the constant sweat our bodies are producing during these hot days, one of the privileges we have that may often go overlooked is the opportunity to change into a new set of clothes. We can go home after an afternoon run in the sun, shower, and put on fresh-smelling, breezy clothes. One way that you and I may consider helping our homeless brothers and sisters during these months is by providing them with extra T-shirts or breezy dresses and wide pants. If you have the means, you can go to your local clothing store and purchase some items or simply go through your closet and set aside summer clothes that are in good condition. Divide them in bags according to size and sex and have them in the trunk of your car ready to be given away when a need presents itself. Or perhaps you can drive them down to the local homeless shelter or even to your parish which may be a place frequently visited by those who are homeless. Tip Number Four Maybe, like me, you need a little more motivation than the powerfully provoking words of Jesus in Matthew 25. The best way to remedy this is to get another friend involved. You can also create a day activity for your children and your friend’s kids as well. Why not make it a big family affair? I once was a babysitter for a lovely family that held a camp in their home every summer. There was always one day of the week that the children were tasked with preparing sandwiches and cold drinks for the homeless and delivering it to a nearby soup kitchen. A fun idea to get others involved is to set up a weekly, free lemonade stand in a part of town where the less fortunate can also have access to a delicious, homemade drink. The point is, we are stronger in numbers. If you are not so brave so as to go up to a stranger and offer them a cold drink or a meal, think of someone who is! Ask them to join you one afternoon a week for this endeavor. Perhaps you can propose some of these ideas to your local prayer group or women’s group and could even work through a relevant study together. Maybe your pastor would be willing to make an announcement on Sunday calling for those interested to see you after Mass. The possibilities are endless, we really have only to take to heart Jesus’ words: “You did it to me” (Matthew 25:40). What will you commit to doing this summer for those in need?   [bctt tweet="Homeless Outreach During the Summer #BISblog //" via="no"]

As I sat in the back of the empty desert chapel, I remembered I was not alone, but with Jesus. I let my tears fall and with them, my grasping for the future. I had left the convent only some months before, accepting that I was not called to the religious life as I had thought and planned for years. My heart was brimming over with hopes for the future and a longing for marriage that had returned almost with a vengeance. So what in the world was I doing miles away from home, in a desert-village in southern Ethiopia? I didn’t have all of the answers but I knew He had called me to this mission, for this time. Yet, I was at a loss about what to do with this deep-heart longing. I was torn between surrender and a tantrum. Would I ever meet anyone? What was I supposed to do with all of this aching for love? Then I remembered some dramatically simple yet powerful words I heard from a retreat director. I was told to not be afraid of the ache and to make peace with it. In short, I was to reconcile myself with the immense longing in my heart for true intimacy and love. To the measure I could make peace with this longing, I would discover that ultimately it is the Lord alone who can satisfy—starting in this life and then fully in Heaven. [bctt tweet="To the measure I could make peace with this longing, I would discover that ultimately it is the Lord alone who can satisfy—starting in this life and then fully in Heaven. #BISblog //" via="no"] [elementor-template id="707561"] I could no longer only sit in my ache with my eyes on the future. I had to begin to live from the ache. Instead of throwing myself a pity party for not yet being married, having seemingly “lost” my religious vocation, and being far from any future dating prospect in a foreign country, I had to make a decision. If I died today, unmarried and sourly single, I reasoned, could I say that I still gave my best to Jesus? Would I give all of myself, here and now? I decided my answer would be a “yes.” I would not let myself run ahead with daydreams but, instead, remain right where the Lord is with me in the ache. And it was precisely in this season, as my two years in that beautiful country were coming to an end and I held onto a newfound trust in His timing for my life, that Peter showed up. As a Dominican from the U.S., meeting a German in Ethiopia was not what I had expected. But I would not change anything about the Lord’s generous providence and learning to remain with Him in the present. // Can you perceive how His faithfulness has been with you and is with you even now, in this present moment? // What longings is the Lord asking you to lean into and to surrender to His care?   P.S. Grab this free wallpaper for your phone or computer to remind you of your focus during this summer series (and beyond)!   [bctt tweet="REMAIN Series // Living in the Longing #BISblog //" via="no"]

My husband and I were only four months into our marriage when we suffered our first miscarriage. We had so many hopes and so much excitement. After one week of joy, the bleeding began. As I navigated this brand new season of grief in my life–one that involved death in my own body–I clung to the words a priest-friend sent me when he heard the news of our loss. He wrote, “You are a mother… the tiny life is with God now and will forever call you ‘mother.’” These words held me, as I longed to hold my child. From Now On, Always a Mother Although my baby was no longer alive, the gift of motherhood which had been given to me was not taken away. Instead, my new, motherly heart remained. My body and mind also testified to this truth. So much so that, on the one year anniversary, I began to grieve subconsciously! I had not yet realized that the day of this first loss had been carved in my memory. My body knew it was time to grieve even without me having to reach for my calendar. Mothers do not forget. We remember the losses, the milestones, the little things. This is why, often, Mother’s Day can be filled both with joys and with sorrows. Because we both mother and we grieve. My First Mother’s Day In the months after this first miscarriage, Mother’s Day crept around. I remember fearing this day and wishing we could just skip it all together. A dear friend, who also knew the pain of pregnancy loss, sent my husband a monetary gift. She asked that he buy me flowers on her behalf for Mother’s Day. I had no idea about this beautiful, thoughtful gesture until the day I was dreading finally came. Then, in waltzed my husband with two gigantic bouquets of flowers, one bunch from him and one from my friend. We danced and we rejoiced as he recognized me as a mother; the mother of our unborn baby now with Jesus. I was expecting a day full of pain and grief. But instead, my heart was turned upwards to think of Heaven and so I was in turn filled with joy and gratitude. The reality of our circumstance and the suffering of miscarriage could not change what had already come into existence. The soul of our baby continues to exist even after death. Truly, therefore, I was still a mother. I will always be the mother of these two souls whom I pray to one day meet in Heaven when I also meet Him face to face, and also His Mother. For many of us, Mother’s Day is not a “cut and dry” happy day of bliss or solely one of sorrow. It might even look differently each year–one happier than the next or some filled with more sorrow than anticipated.     The Heart of Mary Perhaps it would do us good, sisters, to see that our Mother’s Day–and our identity as mothers– is more like Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart: covered both with flowers and a sword. There is beauty, there is gratitude, there is love overflowing from our motherly hearts. But there is also profound grief. This cannot be done away with; rather, we must learn to embrace it. The grief is, in fact, a sign that we have loved. [bctt tweet="There is beauty and love overflowing from our motherly hearts. But there is also profound grief. This cannot be done away with; rather, we must learn to embrace it. The grief is, in fact, a sign that we have loved. #BISblog //" via="no"] Whether a mother has lost her child through miscarriage, still-birth, a horrible illness in the early years of life, an accident in adolescence, through a violent crime or death in the stillness of the night, a sword has pierced her heart and she can never be the same. This does not mean that she will never know profound joy again. It means that her joys will taste sweeter because the grief and suffering have made way for a more attuned heart, a more refined sight. And she will see that life is not made unbearable by the loved ones we have lost and now grieve for. But instead, our lives are made all the more full and beautiful because we have made space for others and have grown to love in a way that is stronger than death (see Song of Solomon 8:6). We love our children and death cannot stop our love. Our lives are turned upside down, yes, but from the other side, we gain new vision and a new heart–one more like Hers. She was the perfect mother who did not love her Son until the Cross but loved Him all the way through death and into the Resurrection. She never stopped loving. How Can I Celebrate Mother’s Day? As we gather with our families or simply celebrate at home with our spouse, take a moment this Mother’s Day to give thanks. Remember that even if the day may bring heartache or difficult memories, it is because of one reason: you were entrusted with a life; one that, from the moment of its creation, will no longer cease to exist even after death. Recognizing the magnitude of this gift allows us to bow in awe of the Lord’s goodness, even in our grief. I invite you, sister, if your Mother’s Day is also marred in its beauty, to turn to Our Lady, especially on this day. Allow her Immaculate Heart to console you. Take time to pray a Rosary or make a shorter prayer of devotion to her Sorrows. Lastly, if there is a woman in your life whom you know also struggles on Mother’s Day because of her own story of grief, perhaps you may go out of your way to pay her a holy visit, bring her some flowers, send her a sweet gift, or simply write her a message. Remind her that she is still a mother, despite her loss. Her grief is the evidence that she has loved and still does. How will you celebrate this Mother’s Day together with our Mother Mary?   [bctt tweet="To Mother and to Grieve #BISblog //" via="no"] MARY SHOWS US THE WAY Just as a mother might pass on a beloved family tradition to her daughters, Mary shares the recipe for growing in virtue with us. This study on Mary's Virtues will breathe new life into your everyday, beginning right in Mary's home. GET HOME STUDY

Every Divine Mercy Sunday, I am filled with gratitude for the Gospel that is read at Mass. I have always deeply loved the Apostle Thomas. His exclamation to the other eleven (see John 11:26) after they questioned Jesus’ willingness to return to Judea where He had almost been stoned to death, paired with Thomas’ bold prayers in the Resurrection account (see John 20:24,28) won me over. My fondness for Thomas is also due to the fact that I identify with him. What’s There to Say about Thomas? He was devoted. He was maybe a bit fiery in his statements and quick to show his passion, but a chicken when it came down to the moment of standing by Christ on the Cross. During the first years of my conversion, I was on fire. I wanted to serve the Lord for the rest of my life–but it was my way or the highway! My prayers were often filled with great desires and big proclamations but I fell short when it came to fleeing from sin and bowing low in humility or handing over my plans to the Lord and trusting Him. When I think of Thomas, who had been more or less faithful to the similar degree of the others and yet was not accounted for when Jesus showed up to the party, I can almost feel the sting! I can understand and empathize with his prayer made in passion; he also likely felt sadness as his friends were blessed with Christ’s presence once more but he somehow missed the call. Why them and not me? Jesus Showed Up... But Where was Thomas? After the massive, history-changing, divine life-restoring ordeal of the Cross, the disciples–most of whom did not yet understand the immense mercy that had just been poured out on the whole world–met in fear, locked away somewhere (see John 20:19). Thomas was out and about. Maybe he was “hangry” and went out for a bite to eat or really needed to get some fresh air after being locked up in that room all day. All we know is that Thomas missed it. The Risen Lord showed up and he was not there. I know how much I would have stomped my feet and pouted if Jesus would have come into that room without me being there! Thomas then makes the bold statement: Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe. // John 20:24 It was a request and a prayer as much as it was a glaring declaration. Was Thomas just being stubborn or entitled? Could he really be so incredulous after seeing so many miracles? Could he doubt, even now, after hearing the declaration of truth made by his brothers: “We have seen the Lord!” (John 20:24). These very same brothers who were once filled with fear now confirmed the proclamation of the Magdalene (see John 20:18). I wonder if there was not more to this request. What was Thomas Really Seeking? I do not think Thomas was demanding a sign for the sign’s sake. I believe he was really seeking intimacy; demanding to be remembered, to be seen. His act of faith, “My Lord and my God!” arose immediately after Jesus came in their midst and addressed to Thomas a unique invitation. Our Lord used almost word for word the tri-fold prayer Thomas made just a week before (see John 20:27). The Gospel account does not relate that Thomas actually put his hands in the side of Christ, although the Carvaggio depiction is beautiful. One could infer, then, that Thomas’ act of profound faith came as a result of an experience. In that moment–in that exchange of words and silence–Thomas knew that Jesus knew him, saw him, heard his prayer and remembered him. What are We Seeking? This Divine Mercy Sunday, as we hear about the message of Our Lord to the polish Saint, Faustina, let us put ourselves in Thomas’ shoes (well, more like sandals). What would we demand of Jesus in order to believe that He is truly alive and well? Would it be about seeing Him and placing our hands in His wounds? Or, rather, would it be to know that He has heard every prayer we have ever prayed and that He has not forgotten about us? That one prayer that you have not even managed to say out loud but have kept as a hidden thought in your heart? He knows it and He remembers. Return to the rooms of fear, betrayal, and distrust in your life. Go to those places where you feel that the Lord has forgotten you, does not care for you, or does not know you in your depths. Go there and ask Jesus, Risen and Glorious in His Wounds, to speak to you the very same words of intimacy and invitation that He made to Thomas. From Doubt to Faith on this Divine Mercy Feast Thomas was dubbed “doubtful” but, in fact, he was filled with faith after this encounter with “Love and Mercy Itself” (Diary of St. Faustina, 1074). As we welcome Our Risen Lord into these places in our hearts, may we be ready to be astounded and to be transformed by His mercy. When we speak of mercy, we speak of a help that cannot be earned but is generously given; a gesture that is extravagant in its fruit and expansive in its scope. It is also immensely personal. The Lord, Who is all “tenderness and compassion” (see Joel 2:13), full of mercy and endless love, sees you. He knows you. May this encounter with the Risen Lord free us more deeply and bring us to greater faith. I invite you to take time this weekend to pray with this Gospel and discover the ways in which the Lord abounds in mercy towards you. Perhaps you may even consider availing yourself of the plenary indulgence that has become bound with this holy day. Take in all of His mercy today and always–it is for you!   [bctt tweet="On Thomas + Divine Mercy #BISblog //" via="no"]

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard: “Be open to discerning everything all over again.” How could this be happening? I did everything correctly. I left my almost two-year-long relationship and found a spiritual director. I entered a house of discernment where I lived in an intentional community focused on prayer, service, and healing. Then, finally, I entered the Carmelite convent as a postulant. This was supposed to be it! How could five years of discerning my vocation lead to this moment filled with uncertainty, disquietude, and confusion? Could I actually just get up and leave the very thing I had pursued for so long? A Vocational Reality Check I had been in the convent almost a year by the time I was having this very-necessary conversation with my former spiritual director. The Sisters were having their formal meeting to assess whether they would invite me to enter into the novitiate. At the same time, they were awaiting my “yes”—my fiat. After the first months of learning and unlearning habits, missing my family and friends intensely, and the experience of culture shock (it’s really a thing!), I felt calm enough to begin diving into my new life. The more I dove, the more I could sense the lack of joy. I am a happy person by nature, yet I knew something was missing. Because I had many good Religious sisters and brothers in my life, I knew that I ought to have the sense of “being at home” and of profound joy even amidst hardships. Although this was not yet the case for me, I thought the day would come when the pieces would all fit together. Perhaps this was just a trial of my perseverance and faith? So I was determined to continue forward. The Moment of Truth Yet the wisdom of my Mother Superior was never lacking. She listened to my honesty and, after some silence, her response unsettled me. She reasoned, “It could be that this is just a trial, but it could also be that the Lord is trying to tell us something.” She called my former spiritual director and asked him to meet with me. After Father’s words to discern everything again surprised me, I left the parlor and sunk into my assigned place in the chapel. I began to weep at the reality of what this could mean. How could I come to terms with leaving, if, in fact, the Lord made that clear to me? I would have to begin again. I would have to go back home and tell everyone I was wrong. How could I go back? These were questions founded on my pride in that moment more than a true desire to follow the Lord’s will. Yet, I was in interior turmoil. My throat throbbed as I tried to hold back more tears while the heaviness of the decision and its implications bore down on me. The Lord Speaks In this very moment, I perceived the Lord speaking truth over me in His love and mercy. I was overcome with a sense of His fatherhood, His care, the fact that He knew me and loved me, and that I was His daughter. All of these questions took the back seat and I began to understand that what I thought was the most difficult thing I had ever done–saying goodbye to my family and friends and passing over the threshold of the Carmelite enclosure–was not actually it at all. The most difficult thing I would have to do now, thanks to my immense pride and fear of being wrong, was to actually cross back over that threshold into the world I left behind and say, “I was wrong.” Confidence in Who I Am in Him Although for a moment I was tempted to think that maybe it would be better to simply stay where I was rather than to “give up,” I knew that the Lord was inviting me to stand in courage and in truth. My decision to stay or leave could not be grounded on fear but on His faithfulness and love. I finally had to come to terms with the desires of my heart and the reality of religious life. I knew that the Lord was inviting me to make a free choice and to be honest about my desire for marriage, to own up to my longtime fear of displeasing Him that had followed me into the convent, and to truly trust in His fatherhood. [bctt tweet="My decision could not be grounded on fear but on His faithfulness and love. #BISblog //" via="no"] In this moment of anxiety and fear, light and clarity pierced through. I knew that I had to respond in faith. As His daughter, I was learning that I was not called to live and move under fear: fear of others’ rejection or disapproval or fear of the future. Instead, I was called to live from faith in the abiding and transforming love of the One who knows me better than I know myself. The Lord was holding my future and He also holds yours. It is one that is full of hope. What Decision are You Faced with Today? Is there something on your heart right now that you know deep in yourself the Lord is asking you to do or to leave behind yet you feel frozen or afraid? I will share with you the tender words the Father spoke over me and I pray that you can sit under this word and receive it deep in your soul: “You are my child…” May you be overshadowed by this declaration over you. The Father cares for you. You can trust Him with that decision that is burdening you or the fear that arrests your heart. If the hard thing you are avoiding or afraid of has anything to do with your vocation, I would highly recommend spending some time with a good spiritual discernment book. This gem from Mother Clare, a friend and fellow missionary, addresses religious life specifically. No matter what difficult step you are being faced with right now, no matter how uncertain the rest of the road may seem, take the leap. Shuffle that foot of yours even just a little forward. He will walk with you. What are you discerning with the Lord right now? How can you decide in love and confidence as a daughter rather than in fear?   [bctt tweet="Making Difficult Life-Changing Decisions #BISblog //" via="no"]