I Will Do It With A Heart Wide Open

“Beloved: Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come from? Is it not from your passions that make war within your members?” // James 4:1

I knew what I had to do; I just didn’t want to do it. A hard conversation with a dear friend was looming and it felt like a monstrosity of a task at the time. It was as if a war raged within me—I knew what I ought to do, it was just easier not to.

I knew what I had to do; I just didn’t want to do it. I’d committed to a weekly obligation that I was now frustrated with myself for making. Six more months of this!? I thought to myself. It was my commitment to keep against my desire to bail.

I knew what I had to do; I just didn’t want to do it. It was that time within my day that I’d blocked off for a workout. No part of me wanted anything to do with it. No one would know. It was my word to myself against my deep desire to do something else.

I knew what I had to do; I just didn’t want to do it. Our five-year-old wanted another glass of milk, but I had just finally sat down for the first time that day. I grumbled as I got up again—forgetting the fact that I was living in an answered prayer.

We are human, and some days are better than others—Jesus understands. Yet how often is it that I allow my passions, my personal wants, and my pursuits to overtake what I know He needs me to do today? And how often do I show up with fists clenched, dragging my feet, rather than with hands wide open at a pace that He alone has set for me?

Jesus, teach me today to receive Your abundant love, so that I may empty myself in the ways You call me to. May I not fear the emptiness. Help me to recognize each duty and responsibility I have as placed in my hands purposefully by You. Guide me today to appreciate each gift a bit more—that I may fight the wars within knowing You're here by my side.