Welcome to our series on the beautiful midlife season! We will explore all the blessings, challenges, and changes that accompany this time in a woman's life, from the physical, to the relational, to the spiritual, and more. Come with your questions in the comments! The Middle Ages is a period of time in European history that began with the fall of the Roman Empire and continued through to the Renaissance. Much like the historical time period, the middle ages in human development brings with it a leaving behind old ways, and invites a newness of thought and priorities. The term "renaissance" actually means "rebirth." Similarly, this time between the ages of 40 and 60 can best be navigated when viewed as a time for rediscovery, recommitment, or rebirth of the self. Midlife Myths One of the phenomena in American culture most associated with being middle-aged is the mid-life crisis. This psychological crisis is stereotyped often as the middle-aged man who divorces his wife of 25 years, picks up a young trophy wife, and buys a flashy sports car. Although some of us may know individuals who show some of these behaviors, more commonly the middle years force us into a healthy examination of our own life—including our bodies, goals, and achievements. The crisis occurs when our expectations of our life don’t meet with reality and we reject the chance to grow and, instead, we regress. Another popular notion of mid-life is the empty-nest syndrome. This refers to feelings of life dissatisfaction following the raising of children. A couple devotes their life to a very child-centered way of living and once the children are gone, the couple finds themselves without a sense of purpose or even a sense of self. In reality, many families find themselves with adult children at home, still desiring that their children be more independent. In both these scenarios, the dissatisfaction comes from a disconnect between expectations of reality. Many had idolized visions of what life would look like when they reached midlife, without taking into consideration normal human development. Midlife Psychological Changes As we enter the middle years, there are fundamental things about our body and mind that change. We see changes in hormones and subsequent changes in sleep, hair loss/greying, sex drive, cognitive challenges, weight gain, loss of muscle mass, and hearing and vision difficulties. Some also struggle with unfulfilled dreams leading to further disappointment. All of this can lead to isolation, depression, an increase in stress, and general feelings of dissatisfaction. Living All of Life for the Beloved The reality of midlife can be beautiful, especially for those who strive to live a life in Christ. In the early years of adulthood, it is easy to be focused on physically providing for and caring for others, leaving little time or energy to spare. Midlife brings with it a different set of challenges, but those too can be opportunities for greater spiritual growth. In fact, there is little stability in religious identity in midlife; only about 20% of individuals remain stable. The other 80% split relatively equally between those who see a decline in their faith versus those who see an increase in their faith life. The trajectories for faith development seem to be influenced by the events experienced (for example, the death of a loved one or children and family dynamics). The biological changes can also act as a catalyst for deeper spiritual growth and a renaissance of our spiritual selves as we examine our lives, even our own mortality, and we make changes in order to grow closer to and in deeper intimacy with Our Beloved. Being Aware of and Attentive to the Shifts Having an awareness of the biological and social changes of midlife gives us a chance to be intentional about how we respond. These responses are influenced by our attitude, which in turn will either help us to navigate this stage successfully or not. For instance, if we see that we are experiencing cognitive difficulties, rather than letting the changes discourage us we can start to be intentional about using our brain more (not less) and trying to challenge it in new ways. If we notice our bodies are hurting from inactivity, we can commit to moving more intentionally during the day. When we notice our metabolism changing, we can change our diet to meet the metabolic needs of our stage in life. One of the first changes I recognized was a problem with my sleep. I committed to regular sleep times, spoke with my doctor, made lifestyle changes, and adjusted my attitude such that sleepless time at night became quiet prayer time that I embraced. A Great Gift Midlife brings with it social, emotional, physical and even spiritual challenges. It can also be a time of internal quiet, reflection, and recommitment to what really matters. Our vision of health shifts away from vanity to longevity. We gain wisdom given as a gift and practiced through decades of living. Consider approaching midlife as a time of renewal, or even a rebirth, rather than rebelling against nature. Find the beauty in this time and embrace your continued growth of mind, body, and spirit.   [bctt tweet="The Midlife Series // A Renaissance of the Self #BISblog //" via="no"]

The notion of “running on empty” is a common idea for many parents. We often feel like we are giving from a place of emptiness, and yet we alway seem to be able to give just a little more when it is required. As we enter into Lent, rather than fighting the emptiness, Blessed is She wants you to encourage you to cultivate the awareness of the emptiness, invite the Lord into those areas of poverty, and allow Him to fill you with His love and grace. This year, by focusing on various areas where we are invited to cultivate a poverty of spirit, we can grow closer to the Lord and help our children to do the same. It is hard to teach our children to do something that we ourselves can not yet do. Learning to do it together is the best and most authentic way to teach your children how to do anything. Revealed to the Little Children As one of the contributing authors for All She Had, I received the books included in the Lent bundle in mid-January. They were laid out on the table and my 10-year-old daughter was drawn immediately to the spiral bound version All You Have. “Can I have this, Mom?” she asked. I explained that this year, during Lent, I was going to focus on developing a greater poverty of spirit. This is a hard spiritual concept to explain even to adults, but children are able to understand these concepts when we explain them in simple ways. To be poor in spirit means that we have detached ourselves from wealth, comforts, and control in order to learn to entrust everything we have to God. We do this because the practice of doing so will help us grow in holiness and ultimately help us get to Heaven. Having a poverty of spirit means we know we can rely on God for everything. We surrender control of our days to Him, and learn to trust in Him. Childlike Trust Childhood gives us many opportunities to practice entrusting things to the Lord. Learning this skill not only helps us grow closer to the Lord as our trust deepens each time we entrust our worries to Him, but it also helps reduce anxiety and frustration. Learning how to live with a poverty of spirit takes time, and Lent is the perfect time to practice littles ways to surrender with intentionality. The Blessed is She Lent series takes both mother and child (and dads, get Born of Fire!) through five ways to grow in deeper trust related to: Promise Desire Security Hope Control For the Benefit of the Whole Family For instance, when we focus on poverty of control, that may mean that we learn to distinguish what is in our control, and what is not in our control. When we are angry about something we can’t always control the situation, but we can control our response to the situation and trust that the Lord will help us through. Growing in poverty of spirit means to learn to take care of the things we can control, and entrust everything else to the Lord. Cultivating Poverty of Spirit Together The children's book All You Have is written to parallel the adult book All She Had in themes and content. There are stories, memory Scriptures, reflection questions, journal sections, and areas for doodling and coloring as well. The concepts and ideas are both important and intense, but the artwork is light and engaging. Whether or not you journey through Lent with the All You Have/All She Had theme, consider taking some time to this Lent talk with your children about poverty of spirit, and what it means to trust deeply, live hopefully, and invite the Lord to live in greater intimacy every day.   [bctt tweet="For the Family Running on Empty #BISblog // " via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about finances. We'd love for you to join the conversation! When we were first married, we were broke. Actually, more than broke. We had a combined $65k in school debt, which was quite a lot 20 years ago. I was under-employed, working as a research assistant first, then adjunct professor part-time, all while in graduate school full-time. My husband was employed full-time and earning a dual masters degree concurrently. As newlyweds, we borrowed money for a down payment and bought a starter-home. We had car payments, student loan payments, tuition payments, mortgage payments, and lots of earning potential. Potential doesn’t put food on the table or keep the electricity on, though, so we were careful. We made a budget and prioritized the debt with the goal of paying it off as fast as possible. To use a term from my grandparent’s generation—we economized. We were intentional. Slowly, our loans began to shrink and we began to shift that part of the budget to savings, rather than to the lending agencies. A New Financial Perspective Around this time, I came into the church and we were faced with a new financial obligation. How much do we give the church when we ourselves have so many expenses? Our family began to grow at a fairly regular pace and no amount of economizing could keep our budget from needing to swell a bit as well. Taking care of our children was our primary obligation, but the need for us to take care of our neighbor didn’t disappear. The more we grew in our faith life as a couple, the clearer our obligation to our wider universal family became. For the first time, we began to recognize our role as stewards of that which we were given. As a single income home with four little mouths to feed as well, our giving required a shift in our thinking. What we had each month was to be carefully managed, not squandered. It was to be shared, saved, and enjoyed in equal measure. Tithing Fixed Our Financial Stress When we made the decision to tithe, it actually removed some of the financial stress. We knew that a certain percent was going to the work of the Church. A specific amount was required for monthly use, and some other was set aside each month for intentional savings. The remaining then could be used freely. When giving is drawn not from the first fruit, but from what is left over, it opens the giving to doubt and debate. Do we give that money to the church or do we buy new shoes for the kids? Do we give to the church or have a date night? We justify why the money can and should be responsibly spent in the family, because that is the more physically present need. But the needs of our neighbor, and of our church is great too. [elementor-template id="415212"] Time, Talent, and Treasure Some of us look at the time, talent, and treasure as three options. As we grow in maturity, in resources, and in spirit, we have more ways to give of ourselves. Giving freely of our time, talents, and treasures is one of the traits of a good steward. There may be times in your life when you can give in talent and time, but find yourself unable to give the treasures. When possible, a balance of all three is most excellent. Some are able to write big checks, and those individuals will still find their lives most enriched when they can also give of their time and talents as well. Giving Back Always, in a Variety of Ways As our family has grown over the last 20 years, careers have advanced, investments have provided returns and never once have we regretted giving to the church in time, talent, or treasure. We have started multiple ministries at the church, worked in outreach, and used our skills as we volunteer in the parish, diocese, and wider community. It has been important that as we raise our children we present tithing as a responsibility, and volunteering as a necessity when living in community. It isn’t an either/or, it is a both/and. As you consider your role as God’s stewart, how can you give just a little more? Maybe it is in the form of finances, maybe it is time in prayer, maybe it is offering your gifts differently. You were created purposefully for this world and you make it a better place with your abundant generosity! If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Finances // Taking Tithing Seriously #BISblog //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about fertility. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “Just don’t tell them you are on the pill or they won’t let you become Catholic.” His words circled my head as I sat in the RCIA director’s office for the first time. Rather than coming straight at the issue, I tiptoed. “I think I am fully committed to becoming Catholic, but there may be one or two... okay, just one of the teachings about which I am not 100% convicted. I am already raising two kids, and we have conceived three times now very easily in just a few years, and I am just not sure I can handle a bunch more of kids." I rambled slightly, but was met with a loving, understanding reply, “Many feel like you do when they start out. Just come to the classes, learn about actual Church teaching, and then make up your mind.” Facing Assumptions about Catholics and Fertility We had heard the assumptions about why some Catholics practice NFP: The Church just wants more Catholics. It’s a patriarchal system keeping the women barefoot and pregnant. Priests are obsessed with what goes on in the bedroom because they are celibate themselves. There were lots of suggestions from people outside the Church, but I had never heard a rational explanation. In preparation for the class Marriage and Family Life, I listened to a recorded talk by Janet Smith on the topic of contraception and it blew my mind. I subtly slid the CD of the talk to my husband to listen to on his commute. He came home as convicted as I was after really listening to the science. “You mean we are putting your life at risk for convenience? Let me see your pills.” The engineer in him wanted to look at the data. Sure enough, in teeny-tiny print, the risks were laid out. As a couple we completed the risk-reward evaluation and signed up for NFP classes. Many Roads Lead to NFP Many approach NFP from a purely spiritual dimension, embracing the trust, obedience, self-control, and discipline that comes from practicing NFP. The Church does not require that we commit to the tough stuff on faith alone. We use both faith and reason. We were motivated by the science behind NFP and were rewarded by an outflowing of grace and continued growth in trusting the Lord, obedience, self-control and discipline, which in turn help our faith life to flourish. We sometimes joke that my husband wanted two kids, I wanted three, and so we compromised with four. In a compromise though, no one gets what he or she wants without making concessions. In reality, we didn’t compromise in terms of family size. We opened our hearts to love, and to cooperating with the grace of God in the most intimate part of our life. And we got more than we could ever have thought to hope for. After switching to NFP, we gained two daughters to follow our two sons, attained a respect for natural fertility, came to a stronger understanding of the beauty of God’s design, and developed a deeper intimacy than we could have found otherwise. [elementor-template id="415212"] Fertility After Children About 10 years later, we found ourselves faced with another fertility challenge. After five pregnancies and four c-sections, my reproductive system was a mess. I was in pain, married life was suffering because of it, and my devout Catholic, “second opinion,” pelvic pain specialist had to break the news that it was time for a hysterectomy. I was fairly certain our family felt pretty full at the time, so I could be okay with not having more children naturally. We had always talked about adopting any future children anyway. Not only was pregnancy not sustainable for me, but my life would also be at risk if I did become pregnant. A lifetime of what had become chronic pain and risk could be avoided with a clear solution. After speaking with my parish priest, I was able to see that being open to life can take many forms. Sometimes it means showing prudence in a way that forces us to give the gift of self in another way. Marriage After Hysterectomy We experienced first hand how NFP changes the dynamics of a marriage and in particular how chastity and patience is cultivated when we were obedient to the teaching of the Church. What would happen when we entered an infertile time of life and those teachings were applied differently? And so it is, now in this third decade of togetherness, my husband and I find ourselves living without the restrictions placed on us by phases and body signs. After having grown in intimacy, respect, and lots and lots of patience, we have a very different relationship than when we first fell in love. Our time practicing NFP helped us to recognize our intimacy as a gift that we treasure. Our fertility, although passed, hasn’t been taken for granted. As I look at my parents and my husband’s parents, I see a deep respect they have for one another. They have a connection in their post-fertile lives that runs deeper than any goal-oriented intimacy or passion-based romance. Their love is found in the coffee they share in the mornings, the walks together in the evenings, working side by side in the garden or playing together with the grandchildren. I know they share intimacy in other ways too, but we don’t really talk about that! Growing Closer to God and Our Spouses In our years together, my husband and I have moved through phases of fertility and grown in both our love for one another and our love of the Church. Whether you are struggling with the teachings as we did initially, fully open to life, struggling to conceive, hyper-fertile, or living with infertility at any stage of marriage, your fertility likely is something that is, has been, or will be dynamic. Our attitude towards family life, family size, God’s providence and our own fertility is something that grows and develops as well if we let it. Our experiences can help us to grow closer as a couple and as children of God, or it can make us divided and bitter. As someone who has experienced many sides of fertility, I can say there are blessings in all situations. I encourage you to continue to let the Lord into your heart throughout your fertility journey, and when in doubt ask him to reveal the blessings in the moment. If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Fertility // Hysterectomy #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]