My Unfiltered Self

O Lord, you have probed me and you know me; you know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My journeys and my rest you scrutinize, with all my ways you are familiar. // Psalms 139:1-3

“Oh, this is perfect!” she gushed. “Your work is so organized and detailed. You must have a perfectly organized home!” 

I laughed. Sure, the project I completed for work looked great and I love plans and details, but I am a mess at home. There are piles everywhere and too much stuff in a small space, but she doesn’t know that side of me. 

We’ve all done it. We’ve all had those moments when we projected an image of ourselves that was a better version of our unfiltered self. Perhaps it’s the carefully curated Instagram post that removes the flaws in ourselves or our surroundings. Or maybe it’s when we use our patient parent voice in public, while we yell like a drill sergeant behind closed doors. Or we gossip about someone at school or work, but when that person walks into the room, we change the subject and smile innocently. 

There will always be a real version of ourselves that we show a family member, best friend, or spouse, that others don't see. However, even then we can still hide parts of ourselves. But there is One Who sees it all. There’s One Who knows every thought and is familiar with “all my ways” (Psalm 139:3).

My first reaction to this realization is to be embarrassed and feel guilty. I imagine God being tired of my nonsense, like a parent whose disobedient child is getting on their last nerve. But I can’t judge God’s ways with my own. He has the ability to know us intimately and still love us and delight in us. 

Take a moment to think about an aspect of yourself that you show no one (or few) and bring it before God.   

Lord, You know the parts of me that I hide from others. Give me the courage to not hide them from You. Help me to believe that You love me unconditionally and if there is shame in my heart, bring it to light and heal me. I love You. Amen.