Age is an interesting concept. What was once considered old, our modern experience now perceives as the prime of life. Likewise, what we currently qualify as middle-age, our ancestors might categorize as rather elderly. Thus, when seeking to fully understand another’s life–including important figures within our Faith–it is key to understand how they perceived the world. This includes one’s understanding of ages and life-expectancy. This newfound awareness would surely affect our understanding of the Saints and perhaps allow us to connect with their lives in novel ways. Saints Who Had Conversions Later in Life The Catholic canon of Saints is full of young, vibrant Saints like Carlo Acutis, Chiara Badano, and Pier Giorgio Frassati. Their youthful brilliance, though inspiring, may leave those of us who found Jesus later in life feeling a bit like we wasted too much time. To combat those negative thoughts, I have pulled together a list of Saints who were unconcerned with God until later in life in the hopes that it qualms those unfavorable inner voices. A Viking Queen, age 25-60 A viking princess married at 15 to Prince Igor of Kiev (an area covering parts of modern day Ukraine, Belarus, and Russia), Saint Olga was born sometime between 890 AD and 925 AD. When her husband was murdered by a neighboring tribe, Olga assumed the throne, acting as regent for their three-year-old son. The first woman to ever occupy the throne in that area, her hand in marriage was sought by another prince– the ruler of the Drevlians, the very people who had killed Igor. Publicly, she accepted the proposal, but in reality she plotted revenge. Utilizing her keen warrior sensibilities, Olga devised a plan to protect her territory. The first group of Devlians to arrive with the proposal were carried in their boat by her guards (a gesture they saw as an honor). Borne to her court, they were then thrown into a pit where Olga had them buried alive. Unaware of the fate of their tribesmen, the Devlians dispatched a second group whose task was to escort Olga to their prince. Olga had them burned alive in a bathhouse. After this, Olga and her people traveled to the Devlian territory where—at the funeral feast she had requested for her late husband—she had her severely intoxicated enemies slain. Needless to say, this action fueled a year-long siege which ended only because of Olga’s cunningness. Ordering a tribute of three sparrows and three pigeons from each household, the viking widow instructed her warriors to attach sulfur wrapped in cloth to each of the birds. At nightfall, they were set aflame. The birds returned to their nests in the city, and in doing so, burned the whole place to ashes. Over the following years, Olga accomplished amazing things as Queen of Kievan Rus. She was deeply respected by her subjects and truly feared by their enemies. In the 950s, Olga (who was somewhere between the ages of 25-60) traveled to Constantinople where she was exposed to Christian teaching. It was there that she was baptized and eventually brought Catholicism back to her kingdom. Her intensity never wavered. With the same fierce drive, she used her position and wealth to bring missionary efforts to her kingdom—a place quite resistant to the outsider’s religion. Olga gave money to the poor, built and funded hospitals, and sprinkled Christian teaching into her public announcements. Olga’s son never converted, and continued to rule Kievan Rus as a pagan nation. However, Olga’s efforts to bring peace and truth to her people never faltered. Because of her witness and instruction, her grandson Vladimir eventually converted. He inspired the conversion of the entire nation from the throne, and went on to become a Saint as well. Thus, in the Eastern Church, Olga is considered equal to the Apostles, as it was her efforts that brought Christianity to Ukraine, Belarus, and Russia. Not bad for an old lady. A Scholar, age 44 Saint John Henry Newman was a man who believed in God from a young age. Naturally shy, good natured, and diligent, he endured many conversion experiences over the course of his life which helped him to deepen his Christian Faith. Ordained an Angelican priest at the age of 24, he was highly intelligent, becoming one of the most well-known pastors at Oxford. So keen was his spiritual insight that people flocked to the pews in numerous throngs to hear his Sunday sermons. Eight volumes of his sermons were published, and one of his theological poems was even set to music by Sir Edward Elgar. Within the Anglican Church, Newman was a household name. A lover of truth and knowledge, Newman became a member of the Oxford Movement, a research group with great appreciation for the Early Church Fathers. It was research as a part of this establishment that led to a pivotal realization. He recognized that the beliefs and teachings of the Roman Catholic Church were the most cohesive with those of the Early Church Fathers, and as such, the most cohesive with the Church established by Christ through His Apostles. A truly humble man, Newman could not ignore his conscience. At the age of 44, he converted to Catholicism, shocking all of Great Britain. Two years later, Newman was ordained a Catholic priest and became arguably the most prominent English-speaking Theologian of the century. Unsurprisingly, he was elevated to the office of bishop and eventually cardinal. As a Catholic, Newman wrote thousands of letters and forty books which heavily influenced the direction of the Church in her catechetical and evangelical efforts. They also had a major influence on the Second Vatican Council. As such, Saint John Henry Newman’s conversion and influence has had a major impact on all of our faith journeys today, even if we didn’t realize it! A Runaway, age late 20s Saint Margaret of Cortona had a stepmother that was so cruel that Margaret sought love and acceptance outside her family. At the age of 17, she ran away from home and lived with the family of her lover, Arsenio. She desired marriage, but her beloved was in no rush to fulfill that which he had promised her. In the meantime, Margaret happily engaged in their sexual encounters and the two of them had a son. One day, when Margaret was in her late twenties (considered middle-aged at the time), Arsenio’s dog returned home without him. Margaret went in search of her companion and was traumatized when she discovered his murdered body in the woods. His death served as a wake-up call to her own mortality. When she returned to her family in repentance, she was rejected. She took her son to Cortona where she found love and support from the local Franciscan order. She became a Franciscan tertiary, serving the community in unending ways. Her son eventually became a monk. A Soldier, age 30 Saint Ignatius of Loyola was born to a Spanish noble family in the late 1500s. The youngest of thirteen children, Ignatius was highly ambitious with lofty dreams of knighthood and becoming a courtier. His family sent him to the King’s court to serve as a page. In the frivolous environment, Ignatius’ pride and desire for greatness was inflamed, eventually leading to his career as a soldier. Life in the military was full of action—both on and off the battlefield. Ignatius enjoyed the rivalry but had his life turned upside down during the Battle of Pamplona when a cannonball struck his leg and inflicted a career-ending injury. Throughout his recovery, laying in bed, there was nothing for him to do except read. The only books his caretakers had available were the Bible and a book about the Saints. This lack of literary diversity is what sparked Ignatius conversion at the age of thirty. Ignatius went on to become a spiritual master—hitting a few roadblocks because of his age along the way. His intense persistence and reliance on Christ lead to two incredible contributions to the Catholic Church: his founding of the Society of Jesus and his authorship of The Spiritual Exercises. A Social Climber, age 37 Saint Angela of Foligno lost her father at a young age and had a mother who was inattentive and uninvolved. Beautiful, vivacious, and incredibly vain, Angela was unconcerned with spiritual matters though brought up in the Church. Motivated greatly by a desire for wealth and social standing, she married young, choosing a prestigious local as her husband. Though she bore him several sons, Angela remained more concerned with mirth than her family. She spent the majority of her time scandalously within society—including dabbling in adultery. In her early thirties, Angela’s secure and lively life was hit with great difficulty. Foligno was struck by a severe earthquake. Shortly afterwards a hurricane hit. And before the community had fully recovered from either disaster, her Tuscan town was further weakened by ongoing war with the neighboring territory of Perugia. This immeasurable discontent paired with the guilt of a particularly devastating sin led Angela to attend the Sacrament of Confession. She was 37 at the time, and the graces of that Sacrament changed her entire life. Her new-found faith carried her through the next tragedy that struck—a plague which killed her mother, husband, and children. The only surviving member of her family, Angela sold all her possessions and at the age of 43 joined the order of Saint Francis of Assisi (a Saint who had appeared to her in a vision around the time of her conversion). Let No One Despise Your Age In a personal letter written to his beloved mentee, Saint Paul told Saint Timothy, “Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). The great Apostle knew that, when our efforts are united with God, age is never a limiting factor. In fact, God is precise in our stories, calling each person exactly when He means to. Although this Scripture verse alludes to the value of youthful witness, these stories of “older” Saints elucidate the value God sees in those of us who have been around for a little while longer. No matter our age, God multiples the sincere gifts we bring before Him. What other Saints who had conversions later in life do you love?!   [bctt tweet="Saints Who Had Conversions Later in Life #BISblog //" via="no"]

A few months ago, I overheard my daughter Kristen talking over the phone with her friend. She beamed as she relayed how I had accepted her not-so-good grades with calm and composure. She explained that she was expected to work hard and give it her best shot, but that it was okay if things didn’t turn out the way she’d hoped for. That felt good. But it wasn’t always this way! When Kristen began pre-school, I felt compelled to see her succeed. The impulsive perfectionist within me believed success in school meant success in life. But all through kindergarten, Kristen couldn't hold a pen nor read or color as a child her age should. I panicked. I worried. And I beat myself up. Why isn’t she like the other kids? What’s wrong with me? Am I Enough? A recent survey revealed that 60% of 13,000 moms interviewed experienced deep guilt in the first year of parenthood. The pungent idea of "not enough" in our earn-your-way-up culture has a well-intentioned way of saying, "Life is hard, but you’ve got this because you’re a strong independent woman." While that may seem uplifting to women, it is not the full truth. We were made to be flawless crowns of creation. We were meant for higher things than just “enough.” We were meant to live in perfect harmony with God. But sin encroached creation and we became distorted versions of ourselves. We are not enough—not in ourselves. When we’ve tucked the kids in bed and still have laundry to do, when we’re lying awake at night but have that report to complete, when we’re toggling between the manic and mess of motherhood, it’s okay to recognize our "not-enoughness" before a God who desires to pour out nothing but endless reserves of His grace. Illusions of Control Over the years, I began to understand how my unrealistic expectations were, in fact, false illusions of control. I began to recognize dysfunctional patterns resulting from the way I was parented. As I came to grips with this humbling reality, I encountered a freedom to profess a larger truth: it is okay that I am not enough. Creating expectations of how life should turn out can open our hearts for disappointment. This is where Satan would want us to entertain that dangerous thought: Where is God in all this? We can end up justifying and distancing ourselves from God, reducing our relationship with Him merely to items on a checklist. I prayed, I served, I cooked, I cleaned. But do I want a life that is safe, predictable, and goes by the book? Or do I want a story that pushes me to rely on Him? As a mom, I am not always discerning enough to know what is the highest good of my children. But I can rest knowing that God does. My children know how to push my buttons, but God isn’t fazed by pushed buttons. When I mess up, I don’t have to brush away my sin with self-glorifying platitudes. I can run, I can turn to Him in my not-enoughness to find more-than-enough grace and mercy to carry on. Mothering a Prodigal A few years ago, parents of a young man visited our home. The mother sketched years of heartbreak recounting her oldest son’s waywardness. My heart broke as she lamented over her prodigal’s wasted years. Guilt loomed large as she remembered how fervently she had prayed for him and how she had doubled all her efforts to see him return to the heart of God. But the truth is: our protecting, trusting, hoping, and persevering don’t exempt us from living with grief and concern. There is pain this side of eternity, a result of the Fall and not necessarily our failure. The oft-quoted words of Proverbs 22:6, “Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray,” is not an exemption but an exhortation to be consistent with our plea before Heaven, an invitation to go deeper as intercessors. The addictive lifestyles, moral abandonment and anaemic faith are reasons for worry. I know, as a mother, how tempting it is to fix everything. I want to protect. I want my children to encounter Christ and radically change the world. But as noble as those thoughts are, I also know that faith is a personal journey. I cannot protect at all times, but I can pray. As we prayed that evening, the fog lifted and this grieving mother was able to see past the immediacy of her pain and capture instead a glimpse of her son as a searching and wandering soul whom Jesus loved dearly. She resolved to stop focusing on her son's choices and start focusing on God's compassion for Him instead. And she (and I) recognized that she needed to subsume her role as tormented mother under that of being a trusting daughter—waiting, leaning, surrendering—before a God in whose presence there is extravagant love. A Mother Who Understands Mary’s traditional title Theotokos or “God-bearer” underscores what Scripture tells us: Jesus is both Divine and human. The Holy One had her DNA and blood running through His veins. This great mystery invites us to ponder deeply on what it means for a woman to bear God—a task not just reserved for mothers but anyone who desires to carry Jesus, to become a vessel of God’s goodness to the world. When Mary said yes, she was overshadowed by the Holy Spirit and brought to the deepest levels of her poverty. Mary understands unmet expectations. In Mary, we see a woman braving the harshness of pregnancy, taking the arduous trip to Bethlehem and battling the terrifying flight to Egypt. In Mary, we see a mother light up as she watches Jesus grow in wisdom, heal the sick, and raise the dead all the while knowing that the "sword" she has treasured in her heart all these years will soon be cast out: the Cross will come. Mary’s choice to “bear God” is not without suffering. And neither is ours. Every day, children with the best sort of spiritual and moral instruction run away from home, become alcoholics, get addicted to drugs, break windows, and commit suicide. Every day the stones within our walls cry out with stories of losses and longing, for healing and for deliverance. The suffering we bear is real, but so is our glorious responsibility as mothers. We are part of a reality beyond the borders of our homes and the peripheries of our desires. We bear the suffering of others. We suffer with mothers estranged at refugee camps, we unite with those grieving beside frail sick bodies and we join with those on the margins—the vulnerable, the elderly, the homeless, the broken-hearted—bearing God, bringing Hope, living in trusting expectancy. The Sum of the Father's Love There is pain on this side of eternity. There is hope, too. We don’t have to wait until eternity to see with eternal eyes. Our King stands before us now, holding our drooping hands, strengthening our feeble knees, comforting our broken hearts. He is for us. He is with us carrying us through all the mysteries of motherhood even when we cannot see. Kristen is now several inches taller than me. I quake with gratitude seeing how loving and strong she’s turned out—a work of Grace, not my doing. She is not the sum of her "grades," she is the sum of the Heavenly Father’s love for her. I can rest in this truth. And I can find comfort knowing that in embracing my daily, cumbersome, inefficient crosses, I only join Him, whose burial culminates in glorious Resurrection. It is He who does exceedingly abundantly more than I could ever hope or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). How have you faced unmet expectations in motherhood?   [bctt tweet="Navigating Unmet Expectations in Motherhood #BISblog //" via="no"]

I walked along the edge of the water, approaching the park bench with trepidation. The sun reflected off the lake and covered the top of the water in bright bursts of light. The day was warm and lovely. However, amid the beauty my dear friend sat, hunched on the bench, shoulders shaking as she sobbed uncontrollably. Her eyes were swollen and bleary. Her face etched with anguish. She was experiencing deep suffering in her marriage. Remembering the Holy Spirit As I sat beside her, she placed her trembling hand in mine. Her words spilled out and her tears flowed. I felt myself trying to catch everything she was saying. Trying to think of a way to respond that would ease her burden. Trying to hold this sorrow-filled conversation in my inadequate hands. Doubt and apprehension seeped into my heart. I was worried I would say the wrong thing. Worried that my lack of wisdom would further wound her heart. However, the warmth from the summer breeze reminded me of the presence of the Holy Spirit. It reminded me of the great Helper, who blessed the Apostles with tongues of fire. By the power of the Holy Spirit they went forth and proclaimed the Gospel with their hearts enflamed with His gifts. This is the same Spirit that we meet as the healing waters of Baptism flow over our heads. The same Spirit that is nourished within us when we receive the Eucharist. The same Spirit that we are sealed with at our Confirmation. Asking for His Gifts The gifts of the Holy Spirit—wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord—are supernatural graces that are available to us. In that moment, I needed to be reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit. I needed the reminder to ask Him to sanctify my words, to sanctify that conversation, and to bless my tongue with His holy fire so that I would say what He desired. I needed to ask Him to bless and move in my every thought and pray by His power my words would be a healing balm to my friend. The Holy Spirit, the mighty Comforter, was with us. How would our conversations go if we intentionally invited the Holy Spirit to guide us? If we asked for a generous outpouring of His gifts before we spoke? Imagine how arguments, misunderstandings, and all the challenging conversations that we encounter in daily life would be transformed and anointed. Not Relying on Our Own Strength We can feel a deep sense of worry, confusion, or frustration when we must discuss something difficult or painful. In our overwhelm, our words might be laced with anger, or escape us completely as we find ourselves sinking into the abyss of uncertainty. Uncertainty about how to approach a conversation in a way that is loving and charitable. Uncertainty about how to comfort someone who is hurting. Uncertainty about how to share our own hearts, especially when we are deeply longing to do so. Praying for an increase in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and opening our hearts to be receptive to His movements and promptings will bless our conversations. A Daily Practice How do we do this in a practical sense? Stay close to the Sacraments. The Sacraments shower us with grace, which allows these gifts to grow deep roots in the rich soil of our souls. Think of the sweet, life-giving breath of Jesus entering your soul and enkindling the Spirit within you. Each time you receive His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity your soul is set ablaze with His love. Each time you approach the Sacrament of Penance, and His healing mercy floods your repentant heart, your soul is set ablaze with His love. I also encourage you to cultivate silence in your daily life. I know this is challenging in our very noisy world. Noise seems to intrude whether we desire it or not. Our lives feel full and busy. We may have little ones to tend to, work to finish, meetings to attend, and people to serve. I share this same struggle. Give yourself grace, and even if you are setting aside only a few minutes of silence at a time initially, trust in what Jesus can do with that time. Stepping away from the noise and entering prayerful silence gives us the chance to recognize the movements of the Holy Spirit. Silence allows us to see all the beautiful ways that gifts of the Holy Spirit are pouring into our souls and gives us the space to nurture them with prayer. We become more attentive listeners, and we can have conversations that are pleasing to the Lord. Ask the Holy Spirit to sanctify your day. Ask Him to sanctify your words and your thoughts. Ask for the fire of His love to be on your tongue as you speak. Ask Him to be present in every conversation and to help you speak in a way that glorifies God. Turn to the Spirit, sisters. Turn with your whole heart. Our Lord is a generous giver. He desires to make you holy. He desires to give you the graces you need to become a saint. Come, Holy Spirit. Have you ever seen the help of the Holy Spirit in the midst of a difficult conversation?   [bctt tweet="How to Bring the Gifts of the Holy Spirit into Hard Conversations #BISblog //" via="no"]

Mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It touches the lives of people in every corner of society: from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and sports figures. And, of course, those in our families and church community. Yet the subject of mental illness is still rarely spoken of, a taboo of sorts which threatens to continue its rampage unless we stop and take notice. The biggest stigma surrounding mental illness is that mental illness is a sign of weakness. In reality, the opposite is true. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to share our struggles. And once we share them, we find that a lot of people will express their gratitude for our willingness to go to those dark places. When we share our stories of pain and sorrow, we can become a much-needed healing balm to someone else who’s going through a similar experience. Trauma and Mental Health Depression, anxiety, and PTSD seem to be the most prevalent when it comes to long-term mental and emotional effects of trauma. In the last two years, our world has changed with unbelievable speed. Our lives have never seen so much disruption. Families are in crises, and many are struggling with anxiety and depression. It is precisely in times of crises that those who have gone through deep trauma in their lives and haven’t found the proper healing will suffer the most. My Own Crisis My bouts with depression happened in 2008 when my husband and I decided to move our growing family from South Florida to his hometown of Bismarck, ND to be closer to his parents. We felt it was important for the kids to grow up close to their grandparents if at all possible (my parents still live in Brazil). A few months after we moved, the first cold Bismarck hit and I had a rude awakening. Years earlier, I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and the pain is worse for people living in cold climates. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t know anyone except my in-laws, I felt very isolated. It was freezing outside, but inside, I felt like a spiritual desert. And that's when I began to fall into a very deep and dark depression. The complex condition of depression has mental and physical symptoms that can interfere with your ability to function. When I think back on my depression, Saint John of the Cross’s “dark night of the soul” comes to mind. I believe this amazing Saint was commissioned by God to go through his own terrible and long-lived depression so that the Church and her people could best understand this troublesome malady. Desolation and Desperation From my own experience, I can say that depression can be an absolute darkness that takes hold of your soul like an endless desolation. For me it also felt like a culmination of all the lies the evil one had planted in my soul: God doesn’t love you! You’ll never find happiness! You’ll never amount to anything! I would also describe my depression as a glimpse of what hell would be like: a complete disconnection from God Who is the One we desire. Saint Augustine said it perfectly: “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” I can say that my heart, at that time in my life, was very restless. I was desperately trying to figure out to whom and where I belonged. One of my many symptoms was this sadness that I just couldn’t shake. I would cry for no reason at all. I felt I was losing my mind, unable to control my emotions. To compound this I was very lethargic, always tired, and had no motivation to get up in the morning. Thank God my precious children were small; sometimes it was purely the fact of knowing how much they needed me that got me out of bed. Seeking Help with Past Trauma I hadn’t dealt with my childhood trauma in a proper way, and when I found myself in the middle of this huge life change, my mind just couldn't handle it. I remember going to my doctor’s office and telling her that I thought I was going crazy. After patiently and compassionately listening to me, she hugged me and told me that I was not going crazy but was depressed. In her wisdom, this lovely doctor (who also happens to be a devout Catholic) had recognized my affliction right away. I have to be honest: I was one of those people who didn’t believe depression was a real medical condition, or at least, I thought people exaggerated it. I had to find out the hard way that depression is very real. This wonderful doctor recommended a low dosage of an antidepressant. I was reluctant at first, but agreed to try it. And thank God for that, because this medicine probably saved my marriage. Much of my story is about the healing I have experienced through spiritual means, but here I want to make the point that there are very real and positive means to healing through medicine and therapy. We should never seek to overcome our pain purely through earthly things, yet God has blessed us (especially in this modern age) with powerful tools that can combat things like depression. Of course, we cannot abuse these things and become too dependent on them. We must always depend on God first. But we mustn’t write them off either, and we shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for taking them. Allowing Our Wounds to Console Others I had to learn from my own experience that, yes, depression is real. I now have a much better understanding of this and more compassion for anyone dealing with this terrible disease that’s so often still looked upon as a weakness or even as a personality flaw. If someone has cancer, we all offer them our love and support, and rightfully so. But why don't we see the same support and compassion shown to people suffering from this deep pain in our soul that we call depression? What I have learned from having depression is that the invisible can absolutely kill you if left untreated. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, or any other type of mental illness needs to be looked at seriously and compassionately. Freedom through Christ God desires that all his children live in freedom. This freedom was bought for us at a very high price with the shedding of the Blood of His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. The good news is that our God is a God of restoration. He is a Father who loves us more than we can fathom and would like nothing less than to be our Healer and Comforter. I believe that God allows us to go through some dark periods in our lives that may purify us, mostly from the illusion that we are in control of our lives. If you or someone you know is dealing with this type of pain, I want to encourage you to look for help. A good place to start is by confiding in a family member, a friend, a priest, or a trusted Christian counselor. Do not hesitate to acknowledge your pain and seek professional help. My hope is that by sharing some of my past struggles, I can, in some way, help lift the stigma and shame associated with mental illness. My prayer is that God will continue to equip each of us to assist our brothers and sisters who are struggling and are in the blink of despair because of the pain mental illness can inflict upon the souls of those going through it. Additional Spiritual Tools The devil, the world and the flesh may be trying to cause havoc in your life or that of your loved ones. If we persevere in faith and bring everything to the foot of the Cross, we will find Christ waiting for us there. At the Cross is where He offers us the weapons we need to fight and win the battle. When we bring our burdens to Him, is His goodness and out of His immense love for us He makes those burdens light (see Matthew 11:28-30). The good news is that if we place our faith and belief in God at the center of our entire lives—including our mental health—we can learn to use faith-based coping skills to help ease the pain of depression, anxiety, and all other types of mental illness. Here are just a few examples of those tools: the Bible, the Living Word the Mass and the Sacraments dedication to daily prayer faith-based counseling community spiritual direction spiritual reading Dear Lord, teach me how to best surrender all of me to You, especially my mental health. Help me to trust You more and to believe in the immense love You have for me. I choose to set my focus on You instead of my wounded emotions. Amen.   [bctt tweet="The Link Between Trauma + Mental Health #BISblog //" via="no"]

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard: “Be open to discerning everything all over again.” How could this be happening? I did everything correctly. I left my almost two-year-long relationship and found a spiritual director. I entered a house of discernment where I lived in an intentional community focused on prayer, service, and healing. Then, finally, I entered the Carmelite convent as a postulant. This was supposed to be it! How could five years of discerning my vocation lead to this moment filled with uncertainty, disquietude, and confusion? Could I actually just get up and leave the very thing I had pursued for so long? A Vocational Reality Check I had been in the convent almost a year by the time I was having this very-necessary conversation with my former spiritual director. The Sisters were having their formal meeting to assess whether they would invite me to enter into the novitiate. At the same time, they were awaiting my “yes”—my fiat. After the first months of learning and unlearning habits, missing my family and friends intensely, and the experience of culture shock (it’s really a thing!), I felt calm enough to begin diving into my new life. The more I dove, the more I could sense the lack of joy. I am a happy person by nature, yet I knew something was missing. Because I had many good Religious sisters and brothers in my life, I knew that I ought to have the sense of “being at home” and of profound joy even amidst hardships. Although this was not yet the case for me, I thought the day would come when the pieces would all fit together. Perhaps this was just a trial of my perseverance and faith? So I was determined to continue forward. The Moment of Truth Yet the wisdom of my Mother Superior was never lacking. She listened to my honesty and, after some silence, her response unsettled me. She reasoned, “It could be that this is just a trial, but it could also be that the Lord is trying to tell us something.” She called my former spiritual director and asked him to meet with me. After Father’s words to discern everything again surprised me, I left the parlor and sunk into my assigned place in the chapel. I began to weep at the reality of what this could mean. How could I come to terms with leaving, if, in fact, the Lord made that clear to me? I would have to begin again. I would have to go back home and tell everyone I was wrong. How could I go back? These were questions founded on my pride in that moment more than a true desire to follow the Lord’s will. Yet, I was in interior turmoil. My throat throbbed as I tried to hold back more tears while the heaviness of the decision and its implications bore down on me. The Lord Speaks In this very moment, I perceived the Lord speaking truth over me in His love and mercy. I was overcome with a sense of His fatherhood, His care, the fact that He knew me and loved me, and that I was His daughter. All of these questions took the back seat and I began to understand that what I thought was the most difficult thing I had ever done–saying goodbye to my family and friends and passing over the threshold of the Carmelite enclosure–was not actually it at all. The most difficult thing I would have to do now, thanks to my immense pride and fear of being wrong, was to actually cross back over that threshold into the world I left behind and say, “I was wrong.” Confidence in Who I Am in Him Although for a moment I was tempted to think that maybe it would be better to simply stay where I was rather than to “give up,” I knew that the Lord was inviting me to stand in courage and in truth. My decision to stay or leave could not be grounded on fear but on His faithfulness and love. I finally had to come to terms with the desires of my heart and the reality of religious life. I knew that the Lord was inviting me to make a free choice and to be honest about my desire for marriage, to own up to my longtime fear of displeasing Him that had followed me into the convent, and to truly trust in His fatherhood. [bctt tweet="My decision could not be grounded on fear but on His faithfulness and love. #BISblog //" via="no"] In this moment of anxiety and fear, light and clarity pierced through. I knew that I had to respond in faith. As His daughter, I was learning that I was not called to live and move under fear: fear of others’ rejection or disapproval or fear of the future. Instead, I was called to live from faith in the abiding and transforming love of the One who knows me better than I know myself. The Lord was holding my future and He also holds yours. It is one that is full of hope. What Decision are You Faced with Today? Is there something on your heart right now that you know deep in yourself the Lord is asking you to do or to leave behind yet you feel frozen or afraid? I will share with you the tender words the Father spoke over me and I pray that you can sit under this word and receive it deep in your soul: “You are my child…” May you be overshadowed by this declaration over you. The Father cares for you. You can trust Him with that decision that is burdening you or the fear that arrests your heart. If the hard thing you are avoiding or afraid of has anything to do with your vocation, I would highly recommend spending some time with a good spiritual discernment book. This gem from Mother Clare, a friend and fellow missionary, addresses religious life specifically. No matter what difficult step you are being faced with right now, no matter how uncertain the rest of the road may seem, take the leap. Shuffle that foot of yours even just a little forward. He will walk with you. What are you discerning with the Lord right now? How can you decide in love and confidence as a daughter rather than in fear?   [bctt tweet="Making Difficult Life-Changing Decisions #BISblog //" via="no"]

“Go where you can love God best.” My spiritual director shared this advice at a Holy Hour for discerning women. The thought rankled me. Shouldn’t I go where I could serve God best? Shouldn’t I go where I could pray best? “Love and do what you will.” Again, this sage command from Saint Augustine rankled me. The spiritual life is a lot more complicated than that, Saint Augustine. What about being a missionary? Should I go to Latin Mass or should I go to a charismatic Mass? Should I have a Franciscan or Dominican spirituality? “Enjoy yourself as much as you like, if only you keep from sin.” Umm, seems a little dangerous here, Saint John Bosco. What about custody of the senses, modesty? What about fasting? Shouldn’t I always pursue the hardest route; won’t that win more graces? What stirred in my heart when I came across these statements throughout the years was that they did not measure up to my personal definition of holiness. My definition of holiness included specific prayers and novenas, devotions and acts of service. Holiness looked a specific way: both exteriorly and interiorly. Yet these were very holy people placed in my life, and our definitions of holiness were not congruent. And since I don’t have the "Saint" in front of my name, the one in need of correction must be me. What Must I Do? Good teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life? // Matthew 19:16 At some point in our coming closer to the Lord, we have asked this same question. Some of us are rule followers, some are rule benders, but we all face the same struggle. We can get caught in the mire of all-the-things when, ultimately, all-the-things are there solely to bring us into a relationship with Christ. What does the Church have to say about this? In addition to the Ten Commandments, she gives us something that “guarantees to the faithful the very necessary minimum” (CCC 2141) for growth in holiness: the precepts of the Church. It seems strange to talk about the bare minimum in the context of holiness, but the Church, in her wisdom, shows us that what is below this baseline is sin. There is no limit to what is above the baseline, as there is no limit to holiness. This is an important consideration, especially for those who struggle with scruples. Am I living the precepts of the Church and following the Ten Commandments? Then, I am in grace. What are the Precepts of the Church? So what are the precepts of the Church? And what do the Saints—the holy men and women who have gone before us—say about them? "You shall attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation and rest from servile labor." Once, Saint Teresa was overwhelmed with God’s goodness and asked Our Lord, “How can I thank you?” Our Lord replied, “Attend one Mass.” “The Mass is the most perfect form of prayer.” // Pope Paul VI “Martyrdom is nothing in comparison with the Mass, because martyrdom is the sacrifice of man to God, whereas the Mass is the Sacrifice of God for man!” // Saint John Vianney "You shall confess your sins at least once a year." "In failing to confess, Lord, I would only hide You from myself, not myself from You." // Saint Augustine "My daughter, just as you prepare in My presence, so also you make your confession before Me. The person of the priest is, for Me, only a screen. Never analyze what sort of a priest it is that I am making use of; open your soul in confession as you would to Me, and I will fill it with My light. // Saint Faustina "Daughter, when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Tell souls that from this fount of mercy souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls. The proud remain always in poverty and misery, because My grace turns away from them to humble souls." // Saint Faustina “Our soul is like a hot air balloon. If by chance there is a mortal sin, the soul falls to the ground. Confession is like the fire underneath the balloon enabling the soul to rise again. . . It is important to go to confession often.” // Blessed Carlo Acutis "You shall receive the sacrament of the Eucharist at least during the Easter season." "There is nothing so great as the Eucharist. If God had something more precious, He would have given it to us." // Saint Jean Vianney "When you approach the tabernacle remember that he has been waiting for you for twenty centuries." // Saint Josemaria Escriva "If angels could be jealous of men, they would be so for one reason: Holy Communion." // Saint Maximilian Kolbe “The more Eucharist we receive, the more we will become like Jesus, so that on earth we will have a foretaste of heaven.” // Blessed Carlo Acutis "You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church." “Fasting cleanses the soul, raises the mind, subjects one’s flesh to the spirit, renders the heart contrite and humble, scatters the clouds of concupiscence, quenches the fire of lust, kindles the true light of chastity." // Saint Augustine “Never forget that there are only two philosophies to rule your life: the one of the cross, which starts with the fast and ends with the feast. The other of Satan, which starts with the feast and ends with the headache.” // Venerable Fulton Sheen "One of the meanings of penitential fasting is to help us recover an interior life. Moderation, recollection, and prayer go hand in hand.” // Pope Saint John Paul II "You shall help to provide for the needs of the Church." "We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.” // Saint Teresa of Calcutta “Love God, serve God; everything is in that.” // Saint Clare of Assisi “The future is in your hearts and in your hands. God is entrusting to you the task, at once difficult and uplifting, of working with Him in the building of the civilization of love.” // Pope Saint John Paul II "The precepts of the Church and the Ten Commandments are ordered to love. They are given to us a means to draw closer to the Lord, as a roadmap to His Heart. “Today Christ is asking each of you the same question: do you love Me? He is not asking you whether you know how to speak to crowds, whether you can direct an organization or manage an estate. He is asking you to love Him. All the rest will ensue.” // Pope Saint John Paul II May we not get caught up in the shoulds and coulds, the do-it-yourself holiness kits. The Church shows us the way. Let’s be His.   [bctt tweet="The (Actual) Essentials of Holiness #BISblog //" via="no"]

Is almsgiving something you practice seasonally during Advent and Lent? Is almsgiving something you give more thought to when the priest reminds you of the needs of the parish and greater community? Or is it a regular habit that you maintain? Wherever you fall in the action of almsgiving, it is important to take a moment to reflect upon why you give, how you give, or why you don’t. If you need some guidance, read this post about becoming interiorly poor. Our external way of giving is often reflective of our interior poverty. Giving alms to the poor is one of the chief witnesses to fraternal charity: it is also a work of justice pleasing to God. // Catechism of the Catholic Church, no 2462 Creative Ways to Give Alms this Lent (and Beyond) Understanding what drives our motives towards almsgiving can help us increase our desire to be charitable, or derail it completely if our intention(s) is mostly out of obligation. Spend some time thinking about these questions before you commit to the way you will give alms this Lenten season. It will make a difference in how you give and what you receive. Remember when you leave this earth, you can take with you nothing that you have received, only what you have given: a full heart, enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice, and courage. // Saint Francis of Assisi Treasure Going on a grocery run? Perhaps add a thoughtful meal for someone else in your cart. If you are already at the store, maybe double up on the recipe you are making to bless another family or someone in your circle of friends. We can accept the invitation to be charitable without needing to wait for a crisis. Being open to demonstrating love isn’t exclusive to a person who is grieving, recovering from surgery, experiencing job loss, or welcoming a brand new baby. Our day-to-day lives can be a bit mundane and the thoughtfulness we can offer to one another can change our attitude of complacency to a more joyful disposition. Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance. // Saint Francis of Assisi Books This is a hard one for me. I love my book stacks. I have stacks on my nightstand and on the floor in the living room. (No wonder my kids don’t understand why they have to put theirs away.) Some of them have accrued dust and some of them I rotate depending on the season I am in. There are so many books sitting on my shelf that I take more pride in owning them than in reading them at this point. All of those book recommendations from Instagram accounts I follow are waiting to be broken open. If I’m being radically honest, I probably won’t read them anytime soon and could pass them on to someone else who would benefit from reading them. If letting go of your precious books is too much to ask, then maybe consider lending them out so they aren’t just accumulating dust. This is a good way to ease into getting a feel for what it would be like to live without them. If, in a week or so, you don’t miss them, you can slowly make your way through other titles that you can donate. Almsgiving isn’t merely about giving; it helps cultivate a proper detachment. Even something as inconsequential as giving away books can properly order our desires and help us create more space in our lives. What Is Your Treasure? Books may not be your treasure, but what is it that you are attached to that makes you feel like you could never give it away? Sometimes we are attached to things because we were at a point in our lives where we had to really work hard for that item and, as a result, won’t give it away even if we no longer have any use for it. Almsgiving is a great way to invite Jesus into those areas of our lives that we cling onto stuff knowing it doesn’t do anything for us anymore. Give away those shoes that you are never going to wear again. I know you paid for them with your hard-earned money; but imagine what it will be like when you detach yourself from them. Imagine the freedom that will come with it. If it's not shoes, maybe it's your purse collection, clothes that may still have tags on them, or maybe clothes that you are holding onto from your 20s that you are hoping to fit into someday. Almsgiving doesn’t just serve our neighbor, it frees us from the bondage that can take root when we own too many things. Lent is a fitting time for self-denial; we would do well to ask ourselves what we can give up in order to help and enrich others by our own poverty. Let us not forget that real poverty hurts: no self-denial is real without this dimension of penance. I distrust a charity that costs nothing and does not hurt. // Pope Francis [bctt tweet="Let us not forget that real poverty hurts: no self-denial is real without this dimension of penance. I distrust a charity that costs nothing and does not hurt. // Pope Francis #BISblog //" via="no"] Time and Talent Giving of our time is probably one of the best ways to give generously, especially if money is tight or is something that you are still figuring out how to give on a regular basis if you don’t do so already. Time and talent offerings are usually spoken about separately, but technically, if you have time, then it may be a good way to put your talents to use as well. Tech Help Is there a nursing home nearby? If you are good with technology maybe you could offer a Spotify list for the home. Perhaps the staff could take song requests and the gift of your time and knowledge of using Sound Cloud, Spotify, or other music hub will gift others with nostalgia, comfort, promote memories, and give joy to any otherwise regular day at the nursing home. If your computer skills are more than just connecting to WiFi then maybe consider offering your help to someone who doesn’t know how to clear cookies or other potential viruses on their computer. Sometimes the time and patience we offer to our elderly through our talents is a way for them to feel important. If you aren’t sure where to begin, ask your parents or grandparents if they know of anyone who could use some tech help. Tutor at No Cost Are you good at math? English? A foreign language? Another subject? Offering your skills at no cost is another way to give freely and meaningfully. Perhaps there is a middle schooler in your neighborhood that could use help in math. Use the Lenten season to give of yourself in a way you have never done before. Take the time to pour yourself into someone who is behind in a certain subject or could use the nudge that only you know how to give in a certain subject. Music Do you play the piano, guitar, or another instrument? Offer your gift to someone with kids. Music lessons can be really expensive and most parents don’t always want to play taxi. You may not be a good babysitter but having a jam session with someone else’s kids can give you the opportunity to share music while giving a mama a break. If that’s not your thing, consider helping out at the parish as the Lenten season is busy and sometimes a backup pianist or cantor is a luxury. Local School Help Maybe you are part of a moms' group and understand the power of women on a mission. Call a local inner-city school and identify what the needs are. Maybe they could really use some new titles in their class library, fresh pencils, or notebooks. Something that would be financially feasible for a majority of us may not be when you are living below poverty. Sometimes one phone is all that it takes to open the door to help others. After you coordinate school supply donations, remember the teachers by baking them a fresh batch of cookies. Kind acts like these make almsgiving less of an obligation and more of a way for joy to overflow from us because of our love for our neighbor. Thoughtfulness is never restricted to one way of doing something for someone else or a group of people. The Giving of Your Presence What is one thing that only you can do? Not in a way that’s prideful, but in a way that is meaningful to your own unique identity that the Father has given you. We see in Scripture that Jesus offered His own presence. He didn’t offer monetary donations to the poor. Instead He would offer a word, eat with sinners, heal the outcast with just one touch of His Hand, etc. I know we aren’t Jesus, but what we learn from Him is the gift that we are to others. Can we offer our presence as a lasting form of almsgiving to someone close to us? It's easy to send flowers or an Amazon care package in the mail, but what about our presence? The presence of a lengthy phone call or video call or the presence of committing to something you have to show up to rather than writing a check (although the Church needs both). Additional Resources If you need other ideas on ways to give practically during Lent scroll down to read ideas to get out of your comfort zone. Use that coffee, boba tea, or other treat money towards a meaningful non-profit. Denying yourself that $6 beverage for forty days is $240 that could benefit one of these worthy causes: Vagabond Missions Mary's Meals The CFRs Sidewalk Advocates for Life Saint Bryce Missions However you decide to give alms this Lent, let it be from a place of detachment and a sincere desire to do a “work of justice that is pleasing to God.” [bctt tweet="Creative Ways to Give Alms this Lent #BISblog //" via="no"] MARY SHOWS US THE WAY Just as a mother might pass on a beloved family tradition to her daughters, Mary shares the recipe for growing in virtue with us. This study on Mary's Virtues will breathe new life into your everyday, beginning right in Mary's home. GET HOME STUDY

I run into many people who can’t believe I have “so many” kids. Whether at the grocery store, at the library, at church, or at public gatherings or parties, people have been impressed, confused, and shocked about the fact that I have eight kids. I realize we don’t come across large families very often. Of course, it depends on where you live and who you socialize with; but in general, the number of children per immediate family has decreased significantly. But for most of human history, most parents had quite a lot of kids. People have done it. People have done it for much longer than we haven’t done it. In the 1800s, families had, on average, seven or eight kids. Today, average families tend to have one or two kids. But, if you look around, you can still find big families. You can find them in your neighborhood, your city, and your state. In other countries and in other cultures, having a lot of children is still seen as a blessing and is even still the norm. The Difficulty of New Parenthood One reason people think they can't have a lot of kids is they envision having a newborn. And having a newborn might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in life. Or maybe it was your pregnancy. Maybe that was extremely uncomfortable and painful. Or maybe, right now, you have a teenager and it seems like there isn’t anything more exhausting that that. We extrapolate and assume. Our brains tell us we will feel that same difficulty again with 100% of the same problems recurring. But that’s not really what is going to happen. Having a newborn and only a newborn can be isolating, tiring, and almost impossible. That’s why we make meals, clean the house, have baby showers, and much more to help a first-time mom. That’s why some first-time moms hire doulas or have their mothers stay at their home for weeks at a time to help. Being a first-time parent is all-consuming and there isn’t much to prepare you other than books. But reading about it isn’t living it. Even watching others isn’t living it. Think of any other life experience, wouldn’t you say the first time was the hardest? The second time is always easier. There is a learning curve. There is a lack of confidence and experience. The Beauty of Family and Community Support With the second baby, all the adjustments you made as first time parents have already been made. You aren’t sacrificing your kid-free life anymore. All those activities you do and those things you spend money on when you don’t have kids are already gone, or maybe just adjusted. You have given them up or modified them. The baby equipment is probably in your house. You probably figured out breastfeeding and bottle feeding already. You most likely have baby sheets, blankets and clothes, and a car seat. You still have to grow that baby, deliver that baby, and take care of that baby. But it’s often significantly easier in terms of experience. My third pregnancy was twins, so that was harder. But, at the same time, I had three times the help. Everyone I had ever met and people I had never met just showed up at my house to help me and my husband. So, in a way, having the twins wasn’t as hard. With help, it was maybe 40% of the work that the first-time baby was. Although breastfeeding two babies and making sure they had their premie formula in the milk, pumping, and feeding constantly was a challenge. But people came and held them and helped with laundry, cooking, and cleaning. It Comes Down to Trust This idea isn't just applicable to the newborn stage. The same goes for the toddler stage, preschool stage, etc. Even teenagers. Once you’ve had a teenager and have gone through those murky waters, you already have somewhat of an idea what to expect. You are more prepared, more aware, and more competent. If you change your thinking about this topic and remind yourself everything is easier every time you do it, you’ll feel better, calmer, and more confident in having another kid. Whether it’s time, love, patience, money, or something else, you probably think there is something of which you don’t have enough. We all fall into that trap! In various areas of life we can tell ourselves that we don’t have enough of something. If you feel called to bringing another life into this world, my main advice is to trust. Trust you will have enough of all that is needed. Trust that you will be enough. And when you fall short, trust that our Lord will be enough for your children.   Lauren is a wife, mom and life coach from Northeast Ohio. Her hope is to show all women a better and healthier way to think and feel about themselves, the world and our Lord. You can read from her here.   [bctt tweet="Having Another Kid Without Losing It #BISblog //" via="no"]

Looking back at past Lents, I can recall doing Whole30, giving up alcohol, giving up sweets, and then there were a couple of years when I didn't up food at all due to pregnancy and breastfeeding. Lenten Penances and Practices ... and Pivots Pregnancy and breastfeeding are two conditions in which the Church provides an exemption from fasting, but it also excuses “the physically or mentally ill”. If you are reading this and suffer from conditions like diabetes or disordered eating, fasting from food this Lent would be unwise. The Church is looking out for you, and she cares about your health. Ultimately, as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI said in his 2009 Lenten Message, the penitential practices of prayer, almsgiving, and fasting are intended “to prepare us to better celebrate Easter and thus experience God’s power.” Lent isn’t about white knuckling your way through a difficult forty days. Lent is “directed to eating the ‘true food,’ which is to do the Father’s will,” just as it says in the Gospel of John 4:34. There are scriptural roots for fasting and even an ancient liturgical hymn speaks to Lenten fasting with the words: Utamur ergo parcius, / verbis cibis et potibus, / somno, iocis et arctius / perstemus in custodia Let us use sparingly words, food and drink, sleep and amusements. May we be more alert in the custody of our senses. Let’s talk about how we can grow in self-control of our senses, and we’ll start by focusing just on “words” and “amusements”. Use Sparingly Words Fast From Complaining During undergrad my roommate and I fasted from complaining. This would have been so much easier if we weren’t spending the Lenten season in the frigidly cold Midwest! While there were some early morning walks to class that made this Lenten practice challenging, it also altered our mindset. Over time, it almost felt less cold outside because we weren’t spending so much time talking about it. When we did feel cold, it was an opportunity to offer it up and also say a prayer of gratitude for the blessing of the shelter of a warm and heated house. Fast From Gossip Sometimes people fast from sugar and caffeine for Lent in the hopes of making a “lifestyle change” which would continue even after the Easter season. Fasting from gossip would be a game-changer if it could carry on beyond just 40 days. You’ve probably heard the saying, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” But what if you used this opportunity of fasting from gossip to give others the benefit of the doubt, and maybe even find a reason to help restore their good reputation and build them back up? Fast From Interrupting I am definitely writing directly to myself here. There are too many times when I find myself interjecting my voice as my husband is speaking. It’s not so much a malicious attempt to cut him off as it is impatience to have my own thoughts and voice heard. I know that if I work more intentionally to pause before cutting in I will probably learn more from hearing his complete thoughts, and in addition, be more faithful to my wedding vows by honoring him. Use Sparingly Amusements Fast From Social Media This is probably one of the most common Lenten practices that I witness my peers practicing. And for good reason! In Pope Francis’ Message For The 48th World Communications Day he said, “It is not enough to be passersby on the digital highways, simply ‘connected’; connections need to grow into true encounters. We cannot live apart, closed in on ourselves.” What I love about his message is that, while recognizing the pitfalls that we allow ourselves to fall into through social media use, social media can also provide an opportunity for evangelization. But it must be rightly ordered. A 40-day fast from social media could be a helpful way to re-examine why and how we use social media as well as how we might choose to re-enter into this public-sphere. Fast From T.V. Watching a favorite T.V. show together is one of the ways that my husband and I love to relax and spend time together at the end of the day. Even if you aren’t prone to binge-watching television, giving up an episode or two a week can be a sacrifice. Fortunately, there are other ways to fill up this time, even if it might take some more mental energy. Instead of collapsing onto the couch with remote in hand and eyes glued to the flashing lights of a screen, consider using this time to read, write a letter, pray and journal, or call a friend. Yes, it admittedly takes a little more work, but the payoff is much more rewarding. Fast From Secular Music/Podcasts/Radio Shows It can be almost impulsive to reach for my favorite form of audio when I get into my car. After all, a drive provides just the right amount of time to get through a short podcast, a chapter of an audiobook, or an upbeat song for which to raise the volume. Driving in silence feels almost monastic. This is probably why some of the people I respect the most say that they use their commute time for prayer and contemplation. In the words of Saint Teresa of Calcutta: The beginning of prayer is silence. If we really want to pray we must first learn to listen, for in the silence of the heart God speaks…we cannot speak unless we have listened, unless we have made that connection with God in the silence of our heart. How is Jesus asking you to connect with Him this Lent?  [bctt tweet="Fasting Ideas for Those Who Shouldn't Fast from Food #BISblog //" via="no"]

Our annual season of fasting and repentance is days away. Many of us have yet to determine what we will do to foster a closer relationship with God during this time. For those of us who are still undecided, I propose we follow the example of Christ in the desert and focus on memorizing passages of Scripture. After all: the blossoms, if we may call them that, of faith and piety do not grow in the desert places of a memory-less catechesis." // Catechesi Tradendae 55 I do not mean that Jesus spent His time in the desert memorizing Scripture–He didn’t. He had been memorizing Scripture throughout His childhood as a part of His Jewish education. Instead, I mean to draw attention to the fact that when Jesus was tempted by Satan in His most destitute moments, He was able to utilize the exact words of God to combat Lucifer’s lies (see Matthew 4:1-11). Jesus’ knowledge of God in the Scriptures is what allowed Him to be confident in the truth and resist temptation. Since Jesus used Scripture as a weapon to oppose His enemy, it makes sense that we should imitate His tactic—especially since Satan does not change tactics and consistently lies to all of us! Forty Short Bible Verses to Memorize During Lent Below is a compilation of forty Bible verses from both the Old and New Testaments. They are all short and encouraging. Most importantly, they speak truth that will come in handy during moments of self-doubt throughout our day. Exodus 14:14 // “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still.” John 3:16 // “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:17 // “For God sent the Son into the world, not to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.” Hosea 2:14 // “Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. 1 Chronicles 16:11 // “Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his presence continually!” 2 Timothy 1:7 // “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power and love and self-control.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 // “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Hebrews 13:8 // “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever.” Colossians 3:2 // “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Matthew 7:7-8 //“Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” Jeremiah 29:11 // “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Wear a reminder on your t-shirt, too!) Proverbs 3:5 // “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.” Philemon 1:25 // “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.” Psalm 37:4 // “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Deuteronomy 32:4 // “The Rock, his work is perfect; for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and right is he.” Psalm 119:105 // “Thy word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Matthew 18:20 // “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Psalm 56:3 // “When I am afraid, I put my trust in thee.” Psalm 139:8 // “If I ascend to heaven, thou art there! If I make my bed in Sheol, thou art there!” Matthew 11:30 // “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Philippians 4:13 // “I can do all things in him who strengthens me.” Romans 12:12 // “Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 // “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Proverbs 10:12 // “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” Joshua 24:15 // “...as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Proverbs 16:20 // “He who gives heed to the word will prosper, and happy is he who trusts in the Lord.” James 2:17 // “So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.” Proverbs 12:25 // “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” Deuteronomy 8:3 // “Man does not live by bread alone, but that man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.” Matthew 4:10 // “You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.” Isaiah 9:2 // “The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.” John 14:6 // “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.” Matthew 5:16 // “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.” Hosea 6:6 // For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God, rather than burnt offerings. Mark 10:27 // “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” Isaiah 53:5 // “But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that made us whole, and with his stripes we are healed.” Matthew 28:19-20 // “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.” John 21:25 // “But there are also many other things which Jesus did; were every one of them to be written, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written.” James 1:2-4 // “Count it all joy, my brethren, when you meet various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” Revelation 21:4 // “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away.” Practical Ways to Implement Scripture Forty verses were chosen for this post because of the symbolic meaning of that number and its significance to the season of Lent. However, it has to be acknowledged that memorizing forty verses in forty days could actually be a significant challenge, especially in this day and age when so much information that used to be memorized is now stored in our phones! If forty verses sounds like too many, never fear! There are many ways to work on committing Scripture verses to memory for the Lenten Season. Choose 10-15 verses from the bunch, put them in a jar, and draw them out one at a time throughout Lent. Don’t pull out another verse until the one drawn has been committed to memory (this could be the same day, or 3-4 days away). Work at your own pace. Of the verses, choose seven (another important Scriptural number) and memorize one per week for the seven weeks of Lent. Read through the list again and highlight all the ones that speak to your heart and your current situation in life. Use Lent to commit those to memory. More importantly, spend time meditating on their meaning for your relationship with God. Choose one verse that stands out, and use Lent to try and implement its meaning into your daily life. … or any other method and combination that suits you! Other Scripture Verses to Memorize Looking for other Scripture verses to memorize? Give a gander to these options! Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Mad at God Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Missing Someone Scripture Verses to Pray During Times of Anxiety Scripture Verses to Pray When You Have the Winter Blues Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Disappointed Scripture Verses to Pray for Your Marriage Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Grateful Scripture Verses to Pray When You're Cold [bctt tweet="40 Short Bible Verses to Memorize for Lent #BISblog //" via="no"] GOD'S WORD CHANGES LIVES When we let God form and shape our lives through His Word, we become changed women. His words are Spirit and Life, so let them give you life. The Blessed is She Bible is your trusted companion on your walk with Jesus. ORDER MY BIBLE

…all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. // Psalm 139:16 God is the ultimate Author—the most romantic and creative. He is also the ultimate planner: precise, detailed, and organized. God is behind everything truly beautiful that causes us to marvel. The unexpected shooting star, the cliffs of Moher, the elderly married couple slow dancing at their 50th wedding anniversary. When we see something truly good and beautiful we know that the Lord has orchestrated it. Trusting in a Good Plan It’s in the moments of suffering where we tend to forget where beauty comes from and are left to wonder if God’s plan is actually good for us. More practically, this is often the case for single Christians who desire authentic love but only see a world that marvels at sin. I’ve seen it time and time again: Christians begin to doubt, hearing the whispers of society: “It’s just not practical in this day and age to be chaste... Men only want sex, and if you can’t give it to them they will find it from someone else… loosen up don’t be a prude.” We start to question. Maybe they’re right? Wrangling to Write Our Own Story This is when the devil waltzes in, as he did with Eve in the Garden. Suddenly the lies of the world seem slightly more manageable and a life of faith a little far-fetched. As a response—if our faith isn’t strong enough—we fall into desperation and attempt to “take the pen.” As God is writing our story according to His divine will and plan for our lives, we are anxiously tempted to rip the pen out of His hand and manically try to write our own story on our own terms and timeline. Forgetting God and prayer, we try to take matters into our own hands. We decide on shortcuts instead of following the path God sets for us. Instead of entrusting ourselves to God in our singleness, instead of looking for a compatible partner who is faithful and virtuous, we take the pen and grasp for any relationship. In our pursuit of love, we lower our standards and allow others to treat us badly. Then we continually allow the people who have hurt us to re-enter our lives with no consequences, all because we are afraid to be alone. We subtly start to justify our sins and our changes in character. We begin to live with a dreaded, pitted feeling in our gut. Something within us tells us, “This isn’t right, this isn’t what God wants.” But we learn how to brush off the feeling through another act of self-sabotage. There is No Fear in Love This process of taking the pen is slow and hard to realize. It’s a series of one small compromise after another as we teach ourselves how to believe our own lies. This is not the will of God. We forget is that when we run from the will of God we run from ourselves. We are running from our heart’s true desires and running from eternal life with Christ. We grasp for the pen like Eve grasped for the fruit. Maybe Eve let herself believe that her taking matters into her own hands was an act of independence, but it was really an act of fear. And there is no fear in love (see 1 John 4:18). Ways to Increase Trust in the Author What if we lived fearlessly in our singleness instead of settling for the standards of the world or settling for the wrong person? What if we learned to trust that God is currently doing something beautiful with our lives? How does this work? How do we live in God’s grace and get what we want from life? 1. Accept Your Individual Story First, we have to accept that our story is going to be unique and incomparable to anyone else. We have to stop falling into the sinkholes of comparison. What are the obstacles that cause your foot to slip? Have you seen one too many Instagram proposal posts? Are you finding yourself comparing your timeline to your siblings or friends? Be vigilant about these feelings. Don’t brush them off like they mean nothing. Listen to your longings, but remind yourself that God hasn’t stopped working. 2. Watch the Company You Keep Second, don’t entertain bad company. When we feel desperate, our defenses let down and our fortress is left vulnerable. Your heart is that fortress. Bad company can comprise of: the "friends" who make those not-so-subtle snide remarks those who are fun to be around but don’t support your path to Christ the date that made you second guess yourself and your values the date who has you on a roster as if you’re not a person, but a number. Bad company and a vulnerable disposition can confuse you into thinking you deserve nothing but the worse. 3. Draw Close to Him Finally, pray more. This can be one of the points we want to brush off. I’m not suggesting that if you pray more rosaries your spouse will show up sooner. When we pray, we are close to the Lord, when we are close to the Lord we receive grace. We can’t see grace, we can’t touch it, we can’t measure it, but grace is the fuel of our faith. God especially gives His grace when we are at our lowest so we can overcome the hurdles of this life. This grace gives us patience in our singleness, discernment in confusion, joy in the present, trust in the Lord’s process, and, finally, peace in whatever comes out of your story. Have have you learned to let God remain the Author of your life throughout your single years?   Madeleine Hamm was born and raised in Northern Virginia. After leaving home to become a missionary in Rome, she spent six years living in several countries throughout Europe. The experience fostered a deep love for culture, language, and storytelling. Madeleine is also the kind of girl who is not afraid to express her undying love for pop culture, her rescue puppy, Dorothy, and Taylor Swift. LITURGICAL PLANNERS Our Liturgical Planners are based on the Litany of Humility. Enter into prayer every day alongside this beautiful Litany. Order your days in His peace. GET YOUR PLANNER

In my years teaching in public schools, I started to notice a subtle but steady presence of cultural orphan mentality. I talked with 5th graders who did not know anything about George Washington or history in general. I taught 3rd graders who had no understanding of fairy tales and, when asked what lesson a story taught, did not know the meaning of the word "lesson." As a point of clarification, I taught students with some form of a learning challenge but that does not mean all had significant disabilities. Many were in regular classrooms who needed a little extra support. This was often provided in a pull-out model of instruction for a limited period of time weekly. In other words, most of the time they were in their grade-level class. I’m not suggesting rigorous content was absent but something was definitely going on here. I am also aware that many things have to be reinforced at home in order for children to realize and remember how important they are. Without that, schools have limited ability to pass on knowledge that matters. Why We Remember But still, I saw it happening. As technology pervaded daily life more and more, it seemed to be impacting the development of minds and souls. Almost like forgetting anything that came before. Cultural memory includes the stories, events, and people that are remembered in a society. This can be heroes and villains, art, music, literature, and holidays. It can be seen in celebrations, memorials, and what is mourned. Scripture is full of this theme of remembering. Catastrophic things happen when God’s people forget their story, Who they came from, and where they are going. Think of the Israelites leaving Egypt and heading toward the Promised Land. So many of them forgot their purpose and the strength of their God. It led to hard heartedness and death. The Solution is Simple What are we to do about this? I suggest leaning into sacred order and actionable steps that connect with what is eternal. Steward language, write the play, sing the song, light the candle, read the prayer. Bear witness to faith not just with head bowed in silence but also in communal gatherings of remembrance. Feast days can be opportunities for building tradition and memory as well as acts of courage. We can develop immunity to words in our culture that have become weapons of ideology. We know sin is the real problem of humanity, which exists within the religious and without. And for the younger generations who grew up with technology in our relatively new world of iPhones and social media, I invite you to build cultural memory in communal acts together. To practice hospitality and transparent conversations. To believe there is more than individualism and materialism that is being sold as the way to true happiness. To lay your phone down and go have real experiences. To reach out for spiritual mothers and fathers if that is what you need. My life would be lacking in richness without relationships that span ages and experiences. Old and young are necessary to build the kind of cultural memory that lasts and gets passed on. Hear the Trinitarian call in your heart and remember, remember, remember. How are you building cultural memory today?   Jenny Richeson is a Catholic writer who is a lover of language and its mysteries. By day she provides speech pathology and cognitive intervention services to kids. Her main goal in life is to be a speaking stargazer caught up in wonder whenever possible. She makes her home in Kentucky with her husband, Matt. Together they find God in gardening and all manner of outdoor activities whenever they can. Stargazing is a favorite pastime too. You can find out more about her here.   [bctt tweet="Building Cultural Memory #BISblog //" via="no"]

Adoration offers time for deep, focused meditation. I often close my eyes. Sometimes, I have visions or dream-like encounters that I believe are guided by the Holy Spirit. Recently, I reflected on the physical face masks we’ve adorned over the last couple of years. My thoughts were led to the invisible symbolic “masks” that we carry with us. We all developed personalities and ways of being in the world when we were young. We learned how to react and respond to situations based on our environment. Some of us learned healthy responses and most of us learned at least some unhealthy responses. These things helped us navigate childhood and develop into the person we are today. But are those responses still serving us as adults? Are the masks we learned to wear allowing us to grow into the person God is calling us to be? The Types of Masks We Wear It is important to acknowledge and embrace the masks we wear now and those we wore in the past. They are a part of us, but they do not define us, nor do we have to continue to hold on to them. Take some time to ponder what your masks include at this point. Perhaps write them down and reflect upon their origination. Here are some examples that many women encounter. Mask of Friendship Are we friends with certain people because we believe they will benefit us in some way? Do we put on a particular face in specific crowds to fit in even if the actions and discussion do not match our values and beliefs? Or do we hide behind our friends such that our own thoughts and beliefs are covered up by others? This is not how God created us to live together. One of the most significant verses in the Bible about friendship is John 15:11-13: I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. The power of true friendship is embedded in a deep love for one another. God’s version of love embraces all of who we are, past mistakes, current sins, and challenges. Mask of Perfection Do we portray ourselves as having everything together? Does our social media account depict pictures of smiling children in a perfectly clean house when moments before or after included tears and huge mess? These images can be beautiful and impactful, unless they are the foundation of a false identity. Do we refuse to leave the house without make-up, feel the need to dress a certain way, and come across as though we effortlessly glide through life? Saint Paul notes: I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ my dwell with me. // 2 Corinthians 12:9 Only God is truly perfect, and He wants to reside within us. Once we fully wrap ourselves around this truth, we can work to release perfectionism. Mask of Independence Do we take on too much to try and prove ourselves to others? Do we feel the need to achieve and do more to earn love and respect? As women, we often feel pressured to take on the weight of the world. We feel responsible for everything to do with our children, family, and household. We think we need to partake in various church activities and school volunteering opportunities. We feel pressure to join in numerous social engagements, neighborhood events, and so much more. It is not a reflection of our motherhood or self-worth to accept the help and support of others. Asking for help and learning to set boundaries can increase our confidence, along with our mental and emotional health. God created us to live and work in community. We need help from God Himself as we are encouraged in 1 John 5:14-15: And we have this confidence in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in regard to whatever we ask, we know that what we have asked Him for is ours. The Love of God for the Truest Us We all have a choice, we can grow, change, learn, and reveal our true identities over time. We must also love ourselves as we are right now, weaknesses, challenges, masks, and all. This can be difficult. Sometimes, it’s easier to forgive and love others—despite their weaknesses—than it is to forgive and love ourselves. Let’s remember that God knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and the greatest sins. Yet, He embraces us and adores us far beyond our understanding. May you have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. // Ephesians 3:18-19 Once we begin to love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and appreciate our growth, we can move forward. Take time to ponder, as Mary did. Reflect and pray about your own masks, asking God to reveal them to you and help you overcome them, unveiling the unique woman that He created for a specific purpose. Adoration is a wonderful time to be still and listen to the Spirit within you. Even if you only have a few minutes, the quiet time spent with God demonstrates your love for Him and infuses you even more with His love for you. Whatever your masks may be, and wherever you are on your journey, know that you are loved beyond measure, as you are, this very moment. Every effort made to increase your faith and fulfill God’s purpose will further unveil the glorious woman you were created to be.   Barbara Yurasek Conklin is a loving wife and mother of three kids who currently returning to graduate school to finish her Master of Arts in Theology after 16 years of focusing on parenting and leading a direct sales team. She loves hiking, traveling, coffee, deep conversations, adoration, reading, writing, and public speaking. She is passionate about marriage ministry and encouraging women as they discover their unique purpose in life and the beauty of God in their own soul.   [bctt tweet="The Many Masks We Wear #BISblog // " via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

February is upon us. The month of heart-shaped candies printed with the classic texts reading “call me,” “soul mate,” and “sweet love.” Throughout my life, Valentine’s Day has stirred up a variety of emotions in me. Some years it has inspired me to plan a wine and dessert night with my girlfriends, other years it provoked loneliness as I compared my single-self to my dating friends, and now I look at it as an excuse for my husband and I to splurge at our favorite restaurant. Regardless of how you are feeling about this year’s holiday, there are so many different kinds of relationships to celebrate: grandparents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, and of course, God and our neighbor. Saint Quotes about Love Here are a few quotations to inspire some good-natured feelings towards February fourteenth. Love for Grandparents While he may not be a Saint, I so appreciate Pope Francis’ respect and admiration for grandparents. Both he and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI have placed an emphasis on how important the role of being a grandparent is, both for their own family, and for the generations to come. “How important grandparents are for family life, for passing on the human and religious heritage which is so essential for each and every society! How important it is to have intergenerational exchanges and dialogues, especially within the context of the family.” // Pope Francis “Children’s children are the crown of the elderly, and the glory of children is their parentage.” // Solomon in the Book of Proverbs Love Within the Home At least for me, sometimes it can be hardest to be patient, humble, and merciful to those who are closest to me. Those in my immediate family know me best, and in knowing me best, they also have seen my worst and have chosen to love me anyway. I also know it can be a temptation to take those closest to you for granted. These words from the Saints help me refocus on selflessness and gratitude. “Wash the plate not because it is dirty nor because you are told to wash it, but because you love the person who will use it next.” // Saint Teresa of Calcutta “You know well enough that our Lord does not look so much on the greatness of our actions nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.” // Saint Therese of Lisieux “The charity which burned in the household at Nazareth should be an inspiration for every family. All the Christian virtues should flourish in the family, unity should thrive, and the example of its virtuous living should shine brightly.” // Saint John XXIII Motherhood: Physically and Spiritually The Saints have a lot to say when it comes to motherhood, both spiritually or physically. In Claire Dwyer’s book, This Present Paradise, she writes about how Saint Elizabeth of the Trinity praised the Lord through her simple, daily responsibilities. While we often look for signs, “more likely our path is made of breadcrumbs and fingerprints, pointing the way to heaven in smudges of peanut butter. It’s the little things.” These quotations are a reminder that even in our most hidden moments, we can bring great glory to God. “Our body is a cenacle, a monstrance: through its crystal the world should see God.” // Saint Gianna Molla “Women’s bodies, heavy with children, dragged down by children, are a weight like a cross to be carried about. From morning until night they are preoccupied with cares, but it is care for others, for the duties God has given them… The point I want to make is that a woman can achieve the highest spirituality and union with God through her house and children.” // Servant of God Dorothy Day “Love our Lady. And she will obtain abundant grace to help you conquer in your daily struggle.” // Saint Josemaria Escriva "Every woman in the world was made to be a mother either physically or spiritually. Here we are not talking of physical motherhood, we are speaking of spiritual motherhood. A women in professional life is happy when she has the occasion to be feminine. The man is the guardian of nature, but the woman is the custodian of life. Therefore in whatever she does, she must have some occasion to be kind and merciful to others.” // Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen Spousal Love Just this past December, Pope Francis wrote a letter specifically to married couples. He encourages couples to live out their “vocation with enthusiasm.” To be joyful. When one’s vocation is lived out well, this is a witness of hope to the world. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches, “Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man” (CCC 1604). “Love that leads to marriage is a gift from God and a great act of faith toward other human beings.” // Saint John Paul II “We become what we love and who we love shapes what we become.” // Saint Clare of Assisi “When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.” // Venerable Fulton Sheen “As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her.” // Saint Paul in his Letter to the Ephesians Love Between Friends Friendship is a gift. Here is what the Saints have to say about it, starting all the way back in the fourth century. “God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.” // Saint Maximilian Kolbe “You only love your friend truly, when you love God in your friend, either because He is in him, or in order that He may be in him. That is true love and respect. There is no true friendship unless you weld it between souls that cling together by the charity poured forth in their hearts by the Holy Spirit.” // Saint Augustine “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship” // Saint Thomas Aquinas Love for God Saint Bernard of Clairvaux speaks of the four degrees of love. I sometimes still struggle with moving beyond the second degree, which is loving God for your own good and because of your dependence on Him. I am working to be more constantly in the third degree of loving God for His own sake! These Saints remind me to keep striving for this, by reminding me how much God has given to me through His Son. “When a great suffering or some very little suffering is offered to us, oh, let us think very quickly that ‘this is our Hour’ the hour when we are going to prove our love for Him who has ‘loved us exceedingly.’” // Saint Elizabeth of the Trinity “Pure love…knows that only one thing is needed to please God: to do even the smallest things out of great love - love, and always love.” // Saint Faustina “What has He done for me? He has loved me and given me His whole self. What shall I do for Him? I shall love Him and give myself to Him without reserve.” // Saint Ignatius of Loyola “Our Savior’s passion raises men and women from the depths, lifts them up from the earth, and sets them in the heights.” // Saint Maximus of Turin Love for Neighbor In the Gospel of Matthew we are presented with the second commandment, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). The next verse goes on to say that the entire law and prophets depend on the first two commandments (the first being to love the Lord). Here, the Saints tell us how. “We must love our neighbor as being made in the image of God and as an object of His love.” // Saint Vincent de Paul “If we wish to serve God and love our neighbor well, we must manifest our joy in the service we render to Him and them. Let us open wide our hearts. It is joy which invites us. Press forward and fear nothing.” // Saint Katherine Drexel “What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has the eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men. That is what love looks like.” // Saint Augustine “Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels.” // Saint Paul in his Letter to the Hebrews No matter your state in life, I hope you find strength and consolation through these words of wisdom which have been passed on to us. They are certainly better words to cling to than the candy heart words reading “puppy love” and “be true,” but if you happen to find one that says “you rock,” then go ahead and soak it up! What are some of your favorite Saint quotes about love? Share them in the comments below!   [bctt tweet="Saint Quotes about Love #BISblog //" via="no"]

If you want to know how Valentine's Day can make single women feel, watch 30 Rock. In the 13th episode of the hit American television series, the unattached Liz Lemon goes to great extremes to avoid Valentine’s Day... even if it means sedation via oral surgery. Better to be unconscious than lonely. Singleness’ greatest sorrows are secretly reinforced every February in the souls of the not-yet-married and those who stare into the abyss of probable disappointment on the most polarized holiday of the year. The chick flicks, charming cards, and chocolate hearts only accentuate further sadness, shame, and spite. Why am I still single? Am I unattractive? Am I unlovable? Lack, Longing, and Love You’ve probably heard this before: "God loves you." But what does this mean, especially on Valentine’s Day, when our lack is heightened and our longing for love further fueled? Lack can drive even the most legitimate feelings into lecherous longings. Lack can trigger insidious insecurities causing us to stumble under the tyranny of “If only....”, all the while masquerading an aching heart. This is where Satan does his victory dance. Satan wreaks havoc in the hearts of women, magnifying their inadequacies, controlling their emotional appetites, and distracting them from the all-consuming, never-ending love of God. Longing for romance, companionship, and marriage isn’t wrong nor is the feeling of loneliness without it. However, when we are in a state of weakness, verging on the precipice of discouragement, these longings can consume us and quickly become dangers. Through meaningless relationships we end up exploiting others to satisfy the security we crave without seeking to love them above ourselves. The cheap pleasures of pornography serve as band-aids and good things like movies and chocolate become alluring escape routes to combat feelings of discontentment. What am I doing that’s feeding my expectations? Do I believe the “if only” lie? But the truth is, regardless of what your relationship status on earth looks like; nothing changes your heavenly destiny. The purest form of love isn’t found in Cupid’s invitation, but in the Father’s unparalleled, unchanging affirmation of you as a beloved daughter. God whispers to us—especially in our longing—setting in motion the surges of our heart. Singleness isn’t a status; it is a throbbing ache for what ultimately satisfies. In bitter-sweet surrender before the Lover of our soul we are awakened to a love that meets all lack and a grace that exceeds all expectations. Free, Favored, and Fruitful Last year, a single friend visited me broken and beaten under the age-old lie: the longer you stay single, the lesser chance you have to find someone good. She looked upon her singleness as a burden. A cross. A thorn in the flesh. God’s refining fire. As she watched friend after friend get hitched, she was convinced that she was worthless and wasn’t going to be whole until she found “the one.” She confessed that she had succumbed to the subconscious lie that she couldn’t experience real wholeness outside of marriage. Sure, marriage is a gift, but it is not the end goal. The maturity that comes from marriage is unique, but so is the gift of divine development available to single people. As much as God loves marriage, He didn’t design it to bear the burden of an eternal purpose. From the beginning, marriage has been the lens through which we experience and express a far greater union—with God, His Son, and His Holy Spirit. The key to experiencing true freedom is walking in the newness of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:16). It is turning away from the desires of the flesh to fill ourselves with new fruit—love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self–control (see Galatians 5:22). Perhaps the greatest sorrow of the single life is putting off pursuing the produce of the Spirit until marriage. We foolishly think finding love will mysteriously unlock these fruits. In reality, none of these fruits are reserved only for marriage. They’re the produce of conversion. They’re the fruit of faith. They’re the labor of love. When we expect a groom to make us fruitful, we’re only looking for love, joy, and peace in the wrong places. Let this Valentine’s serve as a fitting reminder that we are favored not because of what we own and who we have by our side on Valentine’s Day, but because we are His beloved. We are created to bear fruit because we are His. The grand mission of life is not marriage. It is fruit-bearing. Instead of seeing the single life as a myriad of agonizing incompleteness, why not see it as a soulful endeavor to wholeness? Instead of seeing it as a shameful waiting room, why not see it as a gracious gift to pursue sanctity and holiness? Instead of waiting for love, why not resolve to give love, to foster the fruit of the Spirit? The Single Salty Life Legend has it that Emperor Claudius in the third century outlawed marriage, believing that his young male soldiers’ sticky family ties would impair their commitment to protecting his borders. Saint Valentine intervened and married the couples in secret. While Emperor Claudius demonstrated self-love, Saint Valentine directed his love towards others. His love was not mere affection but a willingness to die rather than deny Christ. His life bore rich testimony to Christ’s love, a love that overcomes all things—even death. Pope Benedict XVI wrote: Our life now belongs to Christ; it is no longer to ourselves... At His side, and indeed, drawn up in His love, we are freed from fear. He enfolds us and carries us wherever we may go—He who is Life itself! // April 7, 2007 By virtue of our Baptism, the integrated Catholic life isn't anything murky or undefined but one of great adventure, defined by great belonging. A life poured out. Your single life does not have to be a makeshift affair. It can grow into a great quest for compassion, creativity and boundless charity if you allow it. You can press into the wild ride of sisterhood. You can dream dreams and build bridges. You can leave lasting legacies. You can demonstrate that a single salty life in Christ is undoubtedly possible in a self-seeking, self-reliant world. The world hungers for your story. The Church needs your spirit. What interests you? How can you pour out your life in service of others? What if you allowed your single life to be interrupted by needy children, distraught mothers, sick women, and the lonely elderly? His Power in Our Pain Maybe the women’s community at your parish is only restricted to wives and moms. Maybe you’re tired that all people care about is your relationship status. Maybe you’re angry that people make assumptions about your past because you are single. But what if you used this opportunity to reorient your thoughts and redirect your gaze? What if you thanked God for the desires that wreck your heart for happiness because this only means you are fashioned for transcendent gains? What if you chose to see your "light and momentary affliction"—on Valentine’s Day or otherwise—as a stepping stone to sainthood, to prepare you for the heights of Heaven, to be satisfied in such a way that cannot fully be attained on earth? Sister, the luminous Resurrection isn’t something that only happened 2,000 years ago. It is a palpable, present-day reality. The same power that toppled open the empty tomb is the same power that is here, even now as you read, transforming your pain, fueling you forward. You don’t have to numb your aches or drown out your sorrows through television drama. You, (we) can take our sadness to the Cross and dwell on His sacrifice. We can seek His satisfaction, savor His tenderness and seize the glorious opportunity to become part of the most grand, romantic, eternal love story ever known.   [bctt tweet="When You're Dreading Valentine's Day... #BISblog //" via="no"]

One of the things I have observed about my parents’ marriage and eventual divorce is the fact that they rarely argued in front of my sister and me. I used to think this was something admirable about their relationship until I realized it seriously stunted my ability to address conflict within my own relationships. I was never shown how to argue in a healthy way. Growing up in a household where issues were swept under the rug and never addressed only taught me how to avoid conflict. Is my Marriage Doomed? One of the hardest adjustments in my own marriage was realizing that we would bring up issues—and sometimes the same issues—over and over again. Every time we would start having an argument, my anxiety would fly through the roof. I would hope that we could give each other space to cool off and then, later, pretend it never happened. Of course, with this method we were never going to actually resolve anything. I would wonder, “Is this always going to be a problem? What’s the point of trying if we’re going to fight about it again in a few months?” When my husband and I would sit down to talk things out, I thought my marriage was doomed to the same fate as my parents’. Ironically, it was doing the exact opposite. Having these arguments was forcing us to actually address the issues before they became irreparable. Fighting for Our Marriage I would have these unexpected experiences where I felt deeper closeness and more love for my husband after our fights. I realized it was because he wasn’t fighting to win an argument. He was fighting for me and for our marriage, especially when I felt tempted to just give up. I realized how vulnerable I could be. He would be exposed to some of my ugliest thoughts and actions... and he would still love me. The more we argued, the more we began to understand each other. We communicated better, we learned what triggers us, and even began to anticipate what the other person needs and what love languages to speak. This, ultimately, would lead us to feeling greater love and intimacy with one another. What I have come to accept is that we are human, we make mistakes, and we are creatures of habit (sometimes, not so great habits). We come into marriage as complex individuals with unresolved issues and wounds that have yet to heal, and suddenly, we're trying to figure out how to bring all those things together harmoniously. It is not easy! And that’s ok. We weren’t made for just the “easy.” We were made for greatness, and greatness takes work. Jesus is My Bridegroom This led me to evaluate my relationship with the Lord. How do I go “deeper” in my relationship with Him? The idea of it actually made me quite nervous because I used to think that the “deeper” you go, the more likely you are to make mistakes. I wanted a perfect relationship that always felt nice. And that meant that I would keep Him at arms length. In a twisted way, I thought that if I avoided acknowledging the sin in my life, I could avoid disappointing Him. But much like marriage, Jesus doesn’t want an “easy” relationship with us. He wants all of us. And Jesus is ultimately our Spouse, is He not? He is the Bridegroom and we are His bride. No more shall men call you “Forsaken,” or you land “Desolate,” But you shall be called “My Delight,” and your land “Espoused.” For the Lord delights in you, and makes your land his spouse. As a young man marries a virgin, your Builder shall marry you; And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride so shall your God rejoice in you. // Isaiah 62:4-5 How Confession Saved My Marriage Like with any marriage, there will be moments of conflict within our relationships with God. There are highs and lows. And Jesus is ok with that. God doesn’t want us to hate ourselves or to fall into despair. He sees the good, the bad, and the ugly in us. He sees it all... and He still loves us. There's no greater vulnerability and intimacy than that. But just like we need to do the work in marriage, we need to do the work of repenting and repairing our relationship with Him. The more I would run to Jesus in Confession and do an honest Examination of Conscience, the easier it was for me to own up to my mistakes and say, “I’m sorry,” to my husband. The more I received the graces of His mercy, the easier it was for me to say, “I forgive you.” We are all called to imitate Jesus; we are all called to holiness. When we struggled in our marriage and had to learn to stretch ourselves in order to grow in that holiness, we were reminded of how Jesus stretched His arms on the Cross in order to receive us fully and totally. Conflict is an Opportunity This changed my whole perspective on conflict. It was no longer something I needed to be afraid of. I began to view each conflict or sin in my life as an invitation. It is an opportunity to grow. Repentance and Confession is our chance to be vulnerable and honest with Him. And with our Bridegroom’s forgiveness, we grow in deeper intimacy and relationship with Him. These are important and valuable lessons that I hope to teach my children. My husband and I have gotten better at addressing conflict over the years. It still takes work to prevent our egos from getting in the way and letting it turn into heated arguments, but we are still learning and growing every day. Better yet, we are able to model for our children what it means to work things out in marriage, friendships, familial relationships, and most importantly, in our relationship with God. Have you been fearful of conflict in the past? Are you afraid of it now? Why do you think that is? How might the Lord be inviting you into greater intimacy with Him through your messiness and complication?   [bctt tweet="How Conflict in Marriage Can Lead to Greater Intimacy with Jesus #BISblog //" via="no"]

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. // Matthew 5:3 When we think of poverty, we usually imagine a lack of financial security and material goods. But if we consider a broader definition of poverty, we quickly realize that, along with the aforementioned, poverty is a deeper reality that affects all of us in one capacity or another. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the formal definition of poverty is “a lack of something.” When put in those words, who isn’t affected by poverty? We all lack something. We all need something. All too often what we lack—and what we need—is a greater dependence on God, a greater poverty of spirit. What is Spiritual Poverty? Put simply, spiritual poverty is an emptying of self, especially self-reliance, so that God can fill us with His grace. Saint Augustine said: Thou must be emptied of that wherewith thou art full, that thou mayest be filled with that whereof thou art empty. But in a culture that applauds self-sufficiency, we can easily forget that apart from God we can do nothing (see John 15:5). And so we strive in various capacities of life, thinking we have to rely on our own strength to accomplish this or that. When in reality, we need to remember that we are dependent on God for everything, including our life and our very next breath. He is the Giver of all gifts, after all, and the Source of everything in our lives. Becoming more aware of this, we cannot help but unite our song with the Psalmist’s: Let everything that breathes praise the Lord! // Psalm 150:6 Our Lack of Something Can Lead to More Reliance on God Often, we reach a realization that we must lean more on God and less on ourselves in the midst of suffering. Perhaps we are humbled by misfortune or humiliation. Perhaps we reach a point of burnout. Perhaps we have tried everything and have nowhere else to turn. Reaching this point may be difficult, but it is also a great grace. Because when we become more dependent, we become poor in spirit, which can lead to freedom and peace. But how do we get from Point A to Point B? When life feels so hard, how do we let go and begin to let go of control and lean more and more on God?   Let the Saints Be Our Guides Each Saint in Heaven faced challenges on earth. They experienced circumstances in their lives that they had to surrender in order to grow in spiritual poverty, holiness, and love of God. It was not easy for them. In fact, Saint John Vianney said: The saints did not all begin well, but they all ended well. But now they are in Heaven, eager to accompany us on our path to becoming spiritually poor. Below are beautiful examples of Saints who lived in various forms of poverty. At some point in their lives, these holy men and women discovered that dependence on God—becoming childlike and poor in spirit—increased the virtues they needed to draw closer to the Lord and His perfect Will for their lives. Wholehearted Poverty While we do not know many details about the hidden life of the Holy Family, the Newborn King was not born in a palace but in a stable, “because there was no place for them in the inn" (Luke 2:7). According to Saint Alphonsus Liguori in The Glories of Mary, “at her purification, in the temple [Mary] did not offer a lamb, which was the offering prescribed in Leviticus for those who could afford it … but she offered two turtle doves, which was the oblation prescribed for the poor.” But their poverty was not only material. Mary and Saint Joseph completely surrendered their own plans when God asked them to take on the role of Mother of God and Foster Father of the Redeemer. In addition, they depended completely on God’s Providence when an angel told them to flee into Egypt to protect the Christ Child (see Matthew 2). Companion to the Poor Saint Katherine Drexel was born into abundant wealth. She had private tutors and traveled the world. In addition, her parents were devout Catholics and gave generously to the poor. As Katherine witnessed her stepmother’s severe battle with cancer, she realized that no amount of money could protect her from pain and suffering. After her father passed away, she used her inheritance to help Native and African Americans, but she soon realized that they needed personal interaction, not just financial help. At the encouragement of Pope Saint Leo XIII, Katherine founded the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament. She only maintained her wealth in order to help others by establishing schools and missions and financially supporting other religious orders doing similar work. At the hour of her death, she had given it all away for love of God and love of neighbor. For Better or For Worse Probably the most well-known Saint who endured poverty in marriage is Saint Monica. She put up with her immoral, pagan husband, her critical mother in law, and her three impulsive children, including the rebellious Augustine. Monica bore the stress of her familial relationships, but at times, she struggled with controlling the situation. After years of persistent prayer, she realized that only God could change her family’s hearts. This allowed Monica to surrender her family fully to the Lord and completely trust that God would change the hearts of her husband, son, and mother in law—which eventually, He did. From Addiction to Freedom As a soldier, Saint John of God took part in gambling, drinking, and other ungodly activities, and his reputation as a drunkard grew. One day, when he was thrown off a stolen horse, he made an impulsive—but permanent—decision to change his life. Despite his initial conversion, he struggled with spiritual growth. John was visited by Saint John the Evangelist, who encouraged him to be focused more on the needs of others than on his personal hardships. As he began working for the poor, John gained peace of heart. John’s Corporal Works of Mercy were fueled by a deep interior prayer life. Depression Leads to Spiritual Understanding Saint Ignatius of Loyola was born into Spanish aristocracy and had dreams of becoming an accomplished military officer. He did not think of God or living a holy life, until he was brutally injured in battle. During his recovery, he was given the Bible and a book about the Saints, but he resisted reading them. Eventually, the stories within those pages changed his heart. After his initial conversion, Ignatius struggled with severe scrupulosity and depression. Eventually, God drew him out of this darkness, and his experience helped him cultivate an understanding of desolation (and consolation) in the spiritual life. Similar to depression, desolation is a state of restlessness, irritation, doubt, and lack of perseverance in fulfilling spiritual practices. God does not cause desolation (or depression), but sometimes He allows it as a reminder of our profound need for Him. More Saints Who Lacked Something This is only a small sampling of the many human struggles the Saints endured, which ultimately led them to deeper dependence on God. As we prepare for the upcoming liturgical season of Lent, perhaps it is a good time to consider how the Lord is inviting us to grow in spiritual poverty—a greater and deeper dependence on Him for everything. Perhaps one of these beautiful souls can accompany you on your journey toward letting go, surrendering, and deeper settling into a life of spiritual poverty. Or maybe there is another Saint who more closely relates to your personal “lack of something”: Anxiety // Saint Martha Distraction in prayer // Saint Therese of Liseiux Illness // Blessed Benedetta Bianchi Porro Loneliness and rejection // The hemorrhaging woman in Mark 5:25-34 Pregnancy difficulties // Saints Zachariah and Elizabeth Spiritual dryness // Saint John of the Cross Letting Go of All She Had Along with the Saints, the Blessed is She community wants to journey with you this Lent, as we explore more deeply the spiritual practice of poverty through the Lenten devotional, All She Had. Visit the shop to order your copy, along with a devotional for men and one for children. All you holy men and women, pray for us!   [bctt tweet="Saints Who Lived Poverty in Various Capacities #BISblog //" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY