How do we learn to forgive? Specific Scripture verses teach us how to forgive one another, including ourselves.

It’s in the heart that we feel love and give love. Our hearts are also the place where we hold the pain from our wounds. Ask the Lord to untangle your heart from any wounds and replace them with His truth, love, and mercy.

Every March since 1911, International Women’s Day has been held around the world. This is a very important and necessary recognition of the needs and struggles of women and girls. As women of faith we need to recognize the important qualities we bring and the essential contributions we can make to the Church’s mission and to God’s people, especially to other women and girls.  When thinking about women who have made a big impact by helping God’s people, one that is fresh in my mind is the story of Saint Frances Xavier Cabrini. A movie about her life, called Mother Cabrini, is being released in theaters starting on International Women’s Day, March 8, 2024.  Mother Cabrini was an Italian Sister who was sent to the United States by Pope Leo XIII in March 1889 to serve the Italian immigrants and orphans. And serve she did! Even though Mother Cabrini faced many disappointments and difficulties upon arriving, she was full of hope and anticipation for her missionary work. For example, shortly after her arrival she was off on a daring mission to convince the Mayor of New York City to provide housing and healthcare for hundreds of orphaned children. Mother Cabrini embodied the true spirit of missionary work without counting the cost. What a powerful example of women’s contribution to the church and to society in general.  A Different Story For Women and Girls  On the one hand we have come very far in helping women overcome the oppression they have experienced throughout history—seeing their value and helping them achieve their full potential. Unfortunately, on the other hand, women are still the most mistreated demographic. Never before have we seen so much violence toward women. According to the United Nations, one in three girls and women around the world has been subjected to sexual and/or physical abuse at least once in their lives. The numbers are so disturbing that Pope Francis has referred to this crisis as “almost satanic.” Studies show that women who have been through abuse (of all types) have higher levels of fear, are more isolated, and face greater mental health problems.  Women are suffering and struggling in unprecedented ways. Teenage girls and young adult women are among the groups who are hurting the most. And sadly, in the aftermath of any of these traumatic events, women will sometimes resort to hurting themselves through cutting, eating disorders, and addictions. The darkness can go on for years if the women don’t receive proper care and healing from their traumas.  Having been molested and sexually assaulted at the tender age of eight years old while growing up in Brazil, and having suffered alone for many years, I can say that the darkness I lived in for most of my life was as dark as you can probably imagine. By the grace of God and with the assistance of my amazing holy priest, Father John Putnam, I have received healing that has completely changed my life. And now I feel a strong responsibility to help other women who are still hurting. Responding To A Need  Healed and Restored was created in 2020 to fill a void and respond to a need that has been long overlooked in our society. It is a program that is 100% dedicated to helping women heal their bodies, minds, and spirits in the aftermath of abuse and other traumas. Our goal is to reach these young women as quickly as possible after they have gone through trauma. We help them realize that God desires to heal every single one of His beloved children. We teach them that the enemy is a master manipulator. As soon as a person gets hurt, the devil begins to plant all kinds of lies in her hurting soul. Some of these lies are: God doesn’t love you, everything that happened is your fault, you should be forever ashamed, and you will never find happiness.  Each of us has a story and our stories matter. You matter! The women we serve at Healed and Restored matter. Many are being inspired and compelled to share their stories with others. We are committed to sharing stories of hope and transformation so that women will know that lasting healing and full restoration is possible, because Christ is the One who provides this freedom.  The Mission  The Healed and Restored mission is to transform female victims of trauma and assault into strong survivors who positively impact the world, believe their worthiness, and feel God's love. The vision is to strengthen women who are suffering after physically and mentally traumatic experiences through therapy, workshops, and retreats. Grounded in Catholic teachings and holistic programs, women are being transformed and experiencing God's tremendous healing power as they learn to embrace their identity as beloved daughters of God.  Our ultimate goal is to provide a safe, faith-filled home for women to reside for a period of time and receive mind, body, spirit and soul care, free of charge. We are currently looking for a house to rent in the Charlotte area in North Carolina so we can get our residential program up and running.  As of now, women in need of our services come to us through various different sources—clergy, other ministries, social media, and word of mouth. Since 2020, Healed and Restored has offered women a path to healing by way of therapy sessions, at no cost to them, and with healing-focused retreats both locally and in other states. Women Helping Other Women As someone who was very far away from God for a long time, believing in the lies the evil one instilled in me in the aftermath of the sexual abuse I suffered, I know how other victims of abuse often feel the same way. Living in a broken world such as ours, it’s hard to find a person who hasn’t gone through some type of trauma that has left scars in need of healing.  Christ is inviting us to be still and process our pain so that we may find healing for those hurting places of our hearts. And after we find healing, He asks that we may go forward in faith to spread it to others by allowing God to use us as wounded healers to a world that is in desperate need of God’s mercy and healing hands. The many challenges women are facing in today’s society have made me realize a lot of different things. One of them is that we were never made to walk through the wilderness of our hurts and pain alone. At Healed and Restored we are building a community—a special sisterhood of women who are passionate about helping other women on their healing journey. Healed and Restored is assisting in the transformation of women’s lives. What a blessing and a privilege!  God has taken something the evil one meant for my destruction and is making it into something beautiful. When we find the type of community that welcomes us with love and provides us with a safe place to share our stories, that in turn becomes the encouragement we need to open up about our wounds and allow the perfect Wounded Healer Himself to heal us and remake us into the people He created us to be—before the wounds from trauma took over our bodies, minds, and spirits.  This past January, Healed and Restored hosted our Annual Bilingual Healing Retreat for Women at our Saint Mark parish in Huntersville, North Carolina. We had close to 140 women from all different ages and backgrounds join us for this important day. The Holy Spirit worked powerfully in all the speakers to bring the message of hope and healing to all the women present.  In many ways I am left amazed and in awe when witnessing how God is leading the mission of Healed and Restored in different ways as we support women in their healing journey. To be a part of God’s plan and to witness the enormous ripple effect that Healed and Restored is having in our communities makes my heart sing with joy.  Never could I have predicted that I would be where I am right now, dedicating so much of my time and energy to something that used to be my worst nightmare with such painful memories.  All of this has convinced me that there are times when God uses our deepest pain to propel us on the path to our greatest calling!  He only asks that we cooperate with Him by allowing Him to use our broken pieces so that He can make something beautiful out of it.  If you or someone you know could use the assistance of our highly trained and compassionate Catholic Therapists/Counselors and money is an issue, please do not hesitate to reach out to us by emailing info@healedandrestored.org for more information and guidance. Or if you feel called to be part of this mission by volunteering your time, talents, or treasures, we would love to hear from you. Together and guided by the Holy Spirit, we can make a difference in the life of those around us who are suffering. “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.”  // Matthew 11:28-29

We can learn a lot from the wisdom of autumn. After a big celebration of colors, the trees let go of their leaves because they are no longer needed. Fall reminds us that we, too, need to let go sometimes. We thrive and grow the most when we learn to let go. Mother Church in her wisdom knew that in order for us to thrive and grow in our spiritual life, we would need structure. The liturgical calendar provides us that structure by guiding us through the different seasons of the liturgical year.  The recurring themes in the Church’s liturgy during the month of November invite us to draw closer to God and to reflect on the work God has done in us. The prayers and readings from Mass focus on death, judgment, hell, and purgatory with special attention on the communion of saints. Further, as the liturgical year comes to a close, we as Catholics are called to meditate over our final days and pray for those who have gone before us. Praying for those who have gone before me is something I unfortunately have been doing a lot of as of late. I lost both of my parents this year. No one is ever prepared to lose a parent, let alone lose both parents within a two month span. Dad had been sick with dementia for about nine years, with the last few of those years being very challenging. Mostly for him of course, but also for my mom, who was his main caregiver. My mom patiently watched the man she married when she was only nineteen lose his ability to do the most mundane of daily tasks, like buttoning his shirt and bathing without help. When I received a call from one of my brothers in May telling me that my dad had taken yet another bad fall and was once again in the hospital, I knew that this was not a good thing. We had been down that road a few times already. What I didn't know was that this time was different—he would not be coming back home. My dad’s body was shutting down after years of dealing with the terrible disease of dementia. The Lord called him home two days after being admitted to the hospital. Unfortunately, due to the fact of living in another country, I was not able to come home in time to say goodbye before he passed, but I was able to travel there for his funeral. I stayed in Brazil for about a week after my dad’s passing, mourning his loss and making sure my mom was okay. She surprised us by accepting everything with peace. She knew my dad was in a better place and was no longer suffering. What I could never have imagined or anticipated was that my mom would also be called to be with the Lord soon after. Excruciating pain doesn’t even describe what I felt when, just eight weeks after my dad’s passing, I was once again on a plane going to Brazil. The nine-hour flight from Charlotte to São Paulo was the longest nine hours ever. My mom had been admitted to the hospital with pneumonia and kidney failure and passed away peacefully before I arrived in Brazil. Once again I was not able to say my goodbyes in person! Words can’t even begin to  express the sorrow I felt. My mom had been my world! Everything good in me came from this amazing, unselfish woman that taught me so many things, including how to love unconditionally and sacrificially. How do you heal and go on after losing both of your parents so close together? How do you reconcile with the fact that the two people who brought you into the world and loved you unconditionally are now both gone? This kind of loss leaves you feeling like your whole foundation was ripped apart right from under you.  Acknowledging God’s goodness even in the midst of  suffering As painful as this past summer was, I still hold on to the truth that God is good. He has been there for me in ways only He could. The love of my family, my friends, and my faith has played a huge part in my grieving process. Grief is a funny thing. Some days I can look at my parents’ picture and smile as I reflect back on the legacy they left for me—my ten siblings, their many grandchildren, and those who were privileged to get to know them. Other days, I miss them so much I could scream. The fact that I’m writing about this painful season so soon after going through it is a confirmation of God’s goodness. He wants me to heal from the loss of my parents. Just like the tree letting go of those leaves, I know you and I are being called by the Lord to let go of the pain from losing a loved one just long enough for us to savor all the beautiful things they left behind.  I miss my parents dearly and daily! I don’t want the wonderful memories to ever go away and I intend to hold them to make sure of that. And while they are physically gone, I constantly feel my parents' presence around me. I find myself listening to the music I grew up singing along to with my mom as I helped her around the house. More and more I crave the foods she used to make for us growing up. I cherish the memory of my dad fondly telling me that I was just like his beloved grandmother—the woman who raised him. It was easy to see how much he loved and respected her every time he talked about her. My dad came from a generation of men who didn’t know how to show affection, but, in a way, the fact that he thought and voiced that I was just like his beloved grandmother was his way of saying that he loved me.  Finding comfort in Jesus If you are dealing with this kind of pain, I pray that you’ll find peace and comfort in knowing that the good Lord is right beside you as you go through this difficult season. Jesus knows your pain for He, too, cried when He found out his friend Lazarus had died (see John 11:35). This demonstrates our Lord’s loving nature, His compassion for people. Allow yourself some time and space to mourn. When I arrived back home from Brazil after my mom's passing, I was in a bad place. Some days I just wanted to stay in bed and not have to face the fact that I had just lost both of my parents. I will forever be grateful to all my dear friends who were so good about checking in on me, sending flowers, and making delicious meals for my family as we all dealt with the loss of my beloved parents. Knowing that Jesus wept over  Lazarus’s death gives me hope that even though I’m still in the middle of mourning the loss of my parents, I can, by the grace of God, at the same time look forward with anticipation to the new liturgical year that starts with my favorite season in the Church—Advent! HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

A Father Who Never Tires of Calling Us Back To Him Thankfully, God went looking for me, and like we read in Luke 15 in the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the good Lord saw me—broken, feeling hopeless, the innocence of my youth gone with the abuse. He never gave up on me. He will never give up on you either.  Allow Him to find you and give Him a chance to give back to you everything you feel that you have lost because of any trauma you have gone through. Let Him in! You will be amazed at the beautiful things God can create with your broken pieces. Maybe you have been believing in the lie that God only seeks other people—not you. Or that you are not special enough for Him to leave the ninety-nine to go looking for you.  The good news is that you are more than special enough! Remember—God sent His only son to die an awful death, for sins He never committed, as a way to prove His love for us. Pray that you can be attentive and recognize those people in your life that God may be using to draw you to Him. And those people may be physically present in our lives, but may also be the Saints who went before us. I love reading about the lives of the Saints and know the Saints are also my spiritual mentors as I try to go deeper into my relationship with the Lord. {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} Come Back To Him It is an understatement to say that we are living in some very tumultuous times. Families are in crises, and many individuals are struggling with anxiety and depression. You may find yourself in your own deserted place at this moment, looking for nourishment in all the wrong places. I can sympathize because I lived in that dry desert for years. It is precisely in the desert of our hearts, in our moments of desolation, that God desires for His Spirit to bloom. God, who created us and has given us everything, only asks that we freely give Him one thing—our hearts. He has been knocking on the doors of our hearts in a world that continually rejects Him, even though it belongs to Him (see John 1:5, 11). The Lord is always eager, always waiting, for us to return to Him. One of the ways that I know I can always return to Him is by intentionally spending time with Him in prayer. As Christians, we should place just as much, if not more, time and energy on caring for our souls as we do  our physical bodies. You will be amazed at what God can do with just a little extra time and attention we give to Him by setting aside time for prayer and to receive the Sacraments. In a culture where people increasingly focus on money and worldly success, with very little time left for God, I encourage you to consider the alternative. “If you live for the next world, you get this one in the deal; but if you live only for this world, you lose them both.” // C.S. Lewis

“In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places.” // John 14:2 The “many dwelling places” in this verse always remind me of all the different seasons in my own life and how God was always there, using different people and situations to invite me to come deeper into His home. Even when I didn’t believe in Him, He still loved me and had a place at His table set up just for me. Human beings can only come to God through other persons, whether other human beings, angels, or God Himself as one of the Persons of the Trinity. He always comes to people through people. It is this interaction between people that God is mostly interested in. He knows that for us to get to know Him, we sometimes have to be introduced to Him by another person who knows Him—someone whose faith and wisdom have brought them to a place of understanding the power of our personal testimony. Sharing chapters of our life stories, showing those parts where God showed up for us, is a way to point people to Jesus. We all have a story. You have a story and your story matters. Stories have the power to connect us to one another more than anything else. We shouldn’t be afraid that we are not worthy to speak God’s name or to share all He has done in our lives though sharing our stories. Making ourselves vulnerable and opening up with others in community by sharing our struggles and triumphs is how we can inspire and give others hope. When I first started writing books, a number of people didn't believe in me or in my talent as a writer. But God, the One who gave me that talent, went ahead and placed a few good people in my path who have supported me. That has made all the difference in my life. We all need people who believe in us. We need people who understand us well, validate us, and show us unconditional love and support when we need it the most. It is good to remember that sometimes God will send different people into our lives for a season only—that is okay. He always provides the right people at each period of your life who will best guide you towards Him. “God sends us friends to be our firm support in the whirlpool of struggle. In the company of friends we will find strength to attain our sublime ideal.”  {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} We need whole communities to understand how important it is to love, support, and disciple others so we can have hearts that are set aflame, ready to pass this fire on to others. There are so many lost souls in the world right now who could use guidance from people who have been lost before and, by the grace of God and the help of other people, have now found their way to Jesus. If you know someone who has been away from Christ and His Church, be patient with them. I have found through experience that it is usually a big misunderstanding or big wound that is the true culprit behind why someone walks away from God and His Church. As you wait and pray, ask God to do the heavy lifting and the convincing for you. All you need is a desire to be a true friend and bless them with your unconditional love and presence. In my own story, I spent close to two decades of my life away from God. The devastating trauma from the sexual abuse and rape I went through as a little girl, coupled with the lies the evil one led me to believe, made me doubt the mere existence of God. My trauma led me to ask questions such as these: Is there a God? And if there is, does He love me? And if He loves, why did He allow this terrible thing to happen to me when I was just a little girl? Each lost soul has their own reason why they have found themselves in that dark place. God knows our pain. He knows when we are living in a spiritual desert. And in His goodness, He loves us too much to just leave us there all alone in the wilderness. My relationships with all the wonderful men and women throughout the years who have taken their time to spiritually mentor me have been an essential part of my continuing conversion. I truly believe we can never succeed at anything alone. Together we are always stronger. God created us to need one another—and in this need and self gift to each other, we image Him, the Trinity.

Growing up with a mom who loved being a wife and a mother was a blessing and a privilege. Most of everything I know comes from this amazing, unselfish woman who got married to my dad at age nineteen and had her first baby before the age of twenty, followed by ten other children.  As you can imagine, my mom was very busy caring for her large family. Looking back, it seems like she was always in the kitchen preparing the next meal for us. My love for cooking most definitely came from her.  From a young age, I realized that the best place for me to spend quality time with my mom was in the kitchen. I took full advantage of my sisters not enjoying this task and became my mom’s helper. She taught me not only this very important skill of cooking, but also so many other lessons as we spent time together in the kitchen.  One of those lessons had to do with the true meaning of beauty. Brazil is known for its beautiful women. Famous supermodels like Gisele Bündchen, Adriana Lima, and Alessandra Ambrosio were all born there. I, too, was born and raised in Brazil, and in my personal experience, the emphasis in that country on outer beauty borders on obsessiveness.  It’s not so different here in the United States. The unrealistic standard of beauty puts a tremendous amount of pressure on women to look perfect. In Brazil, it is very common to hear of women going under the knife after having babies to get breast implants and tummy tucks.  I will never forget the day, back when I was twelve or thirteen and becoming a young lady, when I decided to ask my very humble and selfless mom if she would ever consider having one of these procedures. Keep in mind, my mom had eleven babies in less than fifteen years! Looking back, I realize how laughable that question must have been to a selfless woman like her.  My mom simply looked at me, smiled, and said, “Oh honey, no, I wouldn’t do that. What kind of message would I be sending to you and your sisters? Someday you’ll understand.” {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} Falling for the Lies  That “someday” came twenty-three years later when I was married to my husband and living in South Florida, a place also known for its beautiful women. I was in my mid-thirties and had just given birth to our second daughter, my precious Bree. Some of my friends and neighbors were getting plastic surgery, changing things on their bodies they considered to be “wrong.” Because my faith wasn’t as strong as it is today, I considered having a procedure or two myself.  One night, I confided to my husband that after we were done having kids, I wanted to invest in a few physical “enhancements.” I was clearly falling into the word’s trap of thinking there was something wrong with my post-baby body. Thanks to the Holy Spirit, my mom’s words of wisdom came flooding back, and I suddenly realized what she had meant all those years ago. I was the mother of two precious baby girls who would grow up to be women looking to me as their first role model. This world may want us to believe that our moms are not supposed to be our role models, but my mom is and always will be one for me.  Fast-forward to today. My daughters are now in their late teens, and I thank God I remembered my mom’s words of wisdom during that confusing time when I was bombarded with so many cultural lies. My daughters have enough pressure coming from the outside world telling them they need to look perfect.  I want my daughters and all women to know that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with our post-baby bodies. Our sons also need to grow up knowing that women are so much more than body parts and to never put any pressure on the women they love to “enhance” their bodies.  Unfortunately, our modern society is very intent on making us feel unworthy if we don’t look a certain way. And the biggest lie is the one that says we will be less loved if we don’t look perfect on the outside. We fail to remember that the most important beauty is the one that shines from within us.  Looking to Mary as Our Perfect Example  Imagine our beautiful Blessed Mother feeling pressure to undergo one of those procedures after giving birth to Jesus—that’s absolutely ridiculous! She knew God had chosen her to be the vessel to bring salvation into the world, and I’m sure she didn’t think any less of her body afterward.  On the contrary, I’m sure she was in awe of the entire experience and couldn't stop thanking God for it! Cardinal Joseph Mindszenty said it best: “Mothers are closer to God the creator than all other creatures. God joins forces with mothers in performing his act of creation. What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother?”  Let us not be fooled by these worldly lies that try so hard to demean a mother’s position of being chosen by God. We need to pray for the strength and courage necessary to be honest with ourselves and help each other by sharing our stories.  My hope is that if you or someone you know is contemplating changing their physical appearance because of the societal pressures placed on women, maybe, just maybe, this story will help guide your decision-making.  Prayer  Dear Lord, teach us how to shift our focus from our physical appearance and instead place more emphasis on our heart and soul. Amen.

Even though suffering is such a big part of all of our lives on this side of heaven, no one necessarily likes talking about suffering. As if we don’t talk about it, then suffering will just disappear from our lives. And of course that’s furthest from the truth! My goal with this blog is to guide you and help you change the way you think about suffering. I don’t pretend to know what your personal struggles and wounds are, but as someone who knows a lot about suffering, I can sympathize. We live in a society that tells us we need to avoid suffering at all costs. Most of the time suffering is looked upon with resentment and the sentiment of “why me?” One of the many beautiful things about our Christian/Catholic faith is that it teaches us how, because of Christ’s sacrifice, suffering can be redemptive. Which means that despite the pain suffering brings, if we allow it by uniting it with Christ’s suffering, that same pain from our wounds can transform us and those around us.  God can use our experiences to draw us closer to Him. He can also make us into wounded healers for others.  Suffering is unavoidable  Once we get past the fact that suffering is unavoidable, then we can move on to praying that God will teach us how to suffer well. To suffer well is to understand that God can use our sufferings for the sanctification of our souls and that of others. Suffering can also transform us into better missionary disciples.Those who have suffered much are usually the ones who can love deeply and abundantly. With all the suffering and pain we are seeing all around us, it can be tempting to assume that God is no longer listening or that maybe He just doesn’t care. Of course that is not true. He does listen and He cares—1 John 5:14 says: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”  Sometimes, in our human nature and because we can only see parts of the puzzle which make up our lives here on earth, we find ourselves asking questions such as: Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does God allow so much suffering? And the list goes on.  One thing we can all agree on is that suffering is just part of our lives on this side of Heaven. We all go through it. What we do with our sufferings is what makes all the difference. {formbuilder:OTk3ODc=} You are never alone in your suffering Friends, whatever struggles you are facing in this season of life, it’s good to remember that you are never alone. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.'' This verse is one I cling to when I find myself in a dark place.  And remember this: Your sufferings and struggles are not a detour, but they are the most important part of your journey. It is from those struggles that the good Lord can make beautiful things. Our struggles also have the power to purify us—mostly from the illusion that we are in control of our lives. Simply put, we cannot become the best version of ourselves without going through those rough waters of our life journeys. We need to learn how to see God’s glory, even in the midst of our sufferings. Those struggles are unique to each one of us, and they might include pain from any of the following:  The sadness of losing a loved one  The devastation of being sexually, physically, or mentally abused  All types of addiction, including alcohol, drugs, and addiction to pornography  Depression and anxiety  Neglect and rejection  Chronic illness such as cancer  Going through a divorce or watching your parents go through a divorce And of course the list goes on…  In this fallen world we live in, it is difficult to find someone who doesn’t have some big wound that needs healing. If we allow it, those personal sufferings can become redemptive. We can get to a point in life where we are actually thankful for our scars, because we can clearly see that those same scars have brought us closer to Christ. After all I have been through in the aftermath of being raped and sexually abused at the tender age of eight years old while growing up in Brazil, I have come to believe that the worst part of suffering is not necessarily the suffering, but suffering alone. Our suffering, united with Jesus’ suffering, can bear immense fruit in this life and the next!  I love what Fr. Jacques Philippe says in one of his books, Interior Freedom: We need to stop dreaming of a life without suffering or conflict. That is the life of heaven, not earth. We must take up our cross and follow Christ courageously every day; the bitterness of that cross will sooner or later be transformed into sweetness.  Jesus was clear when He said in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have tribulations. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” In saying that in this world we would have tribulations I don’t think Jesus was trying to scare us. I think His goal was to prepare us. What Jesus is saying to you and me is this: “Yes, there will be suffering in this life, but remember that I have overcome suffering. Therefore, if you truly believe and trust in me, even though you will go through suffering, it will not destroy you.” And the reason why it will not destroy you is because with Jesus anything is possible. When we don’t see a way out of a situation, He’s there to show us the way. Jesus Himself will prepare us to go through all those trials and tribulations that are sure to come our way throughout our life journey. We need only do one thing: we need to welcome Jesus into our hearts and wounds and give Him permission to take over for us. When we have our foundation in Christ’s words to us we can stand any type of storm that comes our way. Friends, we all have a story, and our stories matter! You matter! The enemy will have you think that only other people’s stories matter. That’s another one of his lies. Healing happens not only internally, but also in communal sharing. That means when we share our stories, they have the power to inspire and give others hope. My story was never supposed to be told. You see, the enemy made me believe that I needed to keep my story hidden in his darkness. But then the Lord showed up and told me something completely different—He wanted me to tell my story so that other men and women like you would know that no matter what they have gone through, healing is available and possible to all God’s children. My story is the perfect example of how God can create amazing things with and from our broken pieces. Don’t be afraid of your broken pieces. Bring those broken pieces to the foot of the Cross. You will be amazed and in awe at what the Lord can do with those broken and hurting pieces of our hearts.  No matter what’s going on in your life right now, I pray that you can rest knowing that God sees your pain and that He desires to be your healer and comforter! Here are a few simple ways to unite your suffering to Christ as you are walking through your own dark valley. Place Christ at the center of everything in your life—that means your emotions, your struggles, your well-being.  Let the Divine Physician make you whole.  Shift from self-reliance to reliance on Christ.  Pray every day.  Read the Scriptures every day.  Cultivate awareness, consistency, patience, perseverance, compassion, and most importantly, trust.  Every night before going to sleep, surrender everything to the Father and sleep in His peace.

Comparison is like a thief that comes in the middle of the night to steal your joy. Whenever we compare ourselves to another person we basically allow the thief in ourselves. It took me a long time and lots of prayer to realize that I sometimes fall into the trap of comparison. The good thing about growing older and (hopefully) wiser is that we begin to see these things more clearly and can then put an end to them before they can cause great damage to us. I’m not sure that men struggle with this as much as women do. But one thing is for sure: living in the era of social media has exacerbated this struggle 100 times more for women than before social media came around. We tend to look at those feeds and think things such as: her life is perfect; her husband is perfect; her kids are perfect; her vacations are always amazing; she seems to be so much holier than I am (this one, I feel, is more dangerous than we think)... and the list goes on. Is Comparison Crippling Your Calling? The Lord in His goodness has shown me that every time I compare myself or my life to someone else’s, I’m basically turning my back on all the beautiful gifts and talents He has bestowed upon me. I’ve come to realize that this is also one of the worst forms of wasting my time. Ask yourself if comparing yourself to someone else is getting you closer to where you want to be. We need to stay focused in our resolve to not allow comparison to get in the way or diminish our desire to serve the Lord in whatever capacity he’s calling us to. Another thing to consider is that when we fall into the comparison trap we put ourselves in great danger of being dragged down the dirty road of envy and jealousy. When we see the grace of God being fulfilled in one of our brothers or sisters in Christ, the right and ordered reaction is to rejoice! When we see something good, say so. Affirm it, encourage it, and most of all support it! Just as some people’s brokenness can keep them from giving a loving response to our failures, other people’s brokenness can also keep them from giving a loving response to our successes. The Cure for Comparison The practice of gratitude is one that can help us counteract comparison, jealousy, and envy. When we strive to live our lives with a grateful heart and spirit, we find that these dangerous things will have no room in our hearts and lives. It will serve us well never to worry or be envious of the gifts God has given to other people. Instead, we need to concentrate on those gifts He has graciously bestowed upon each of us individually. That way, we don’t waste time or, worse yet, risk falling into the trap of being so preoccupied with someone else’s life and gifts that we neglect and forget to use the ones we have been given. I love what Father Jacques Phillippe writes in one of his books, In the School of the Holy Spirit: God loves everyone with unique love, He wants to lead them all to perfection, but at the same time has very different paths for different people. This means that the frequency and characteristics of the inspirations of grace will differ from one person to another. We cannot force the Spirit, God is the master of His gifts. This means that God is the master of everything in our lives. And He makes no mistakes. So regardless of what your life looks like at this moment, you are never less valued or less loved than any woman who may “appear” to you to have been more blessed than you in different areas. It’s all about perspective. I am convinced that comparison in any shape or form is truly not from the Lord. Instead, I feel that it is the evil one who loves when we are trapped in the world of comparison. That way, he can manipulate us to be in constant competition with one another, forgetting that, as sons and daughters of the same Father, we are all in this together. Learning to Live Your Strengths Years back, I was introduced to a book that has really helped me understand how God has given all of us different gifts and talents for a reason: to serve Him and His people to the best of our abilities (not someone else’s ability). Living Your Strengths (Catholic Edition), by Albert Winseman, Don Clifton, and Curt Lisveld, will help you discover your God-given talents so you can best serve and inspire your community. This book will also show you how to concentrate on your strengths and not on your weaknesses. The book also comes with a strengths-finder evaluation. God is not looking for another Mother Teresa. He’s looking to use you, exactly where you are on your journey. But for this to happen, you need to get to know yourself better, discover what you are good at, what areas you thrive the most and so on. Let us pray that we will learn to keep the thief we call comparison as far away from us as possible. How do you avoid the trap of comparison on a daily basis? What practices have been helpful to you?   [bctt tweet="The Cure for Comparison #BISblog //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

By nature, human beings are storytellers. Stories have the power to connect us to one another more than anything else. They can help us understand who we are. We shouldn’t be afraid that we are not worthy to speak His name or to share all God has done in our lives through sharing our stories. Sharing our stories is a natural way to evangelize and help people understand what has shaped our convictions and behaviors. Ultimately, we are all looking for the same thing, and that thing is God. That void we all have in our hearts can only be filled by Him. Saint Augustine said it beautifully: Our hearts are restless until they rest in you, Lord. More than ever, men and women everywhere are looking at their own hearts’ restlessness and deep discontentment. Being Missionary Disciples Engaging in a culture that so often turns from God is not an easy thing, but it is what we are called to do. We have a call: “ To love God with all our hearts, minds, souls and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves” (Mark 12:30-31). It is this call to love that motivates me, and I’m sure so many other Christian writers, to engage in the world. We are to assist the Church in speaking Truth in love. We are to be missionary disciples. I have always had a love for reading. With a good book in my hand, I feel I’m always learning. And yet, the more I read the more I realize just how little I do know. I love reading about the lives of the Saints and find them very inspiring. I look at the saints as my Spiritual mentors. Seeing the variety of people the Lord has called to serve Him in the Saints gives me hope that I, too, can serve Him, despite all my limitations and shortcomings. Be Not Afraid to Share Your Faith Modern men and women are eager to hear from other Christians who are living in today’s world and facing the difficult challenges of our time. How can you and I be more like the Saints and hope to join their rank someday? One of the ways to achieve this sometimes daunting task is by returning daily to the living water of the Gospel and by not being afraid to proclaim Christ to a world that is in desperate need of Him. Faith is transmitted and lived through worship and communion of the people of God. Saint Thomas Aquinas, whose intellect and use of reason helped him understand and deepen his Faith explains it perfectly: Faith is a habit of the mind whereby eternal life is begun in us, making the intellect assent to what is non-apparent. Those who proclaim to be spiritual, but not religious, are mostly using this line as a copout. It’s just another way to say that you have all the answers and therefore don’t need to seek God. The opposite is true for us who are believers. We understand that we don’t have all the answers, and therefore, need our religion to show us how to best get to know our Creator, and how to best follow in Jesus’ footsteps. Jesus is Our Teacher In the Gospels, we find that Jesus is constantly teaching us. Unfortunately, in today’s anti-religious, anti-God world, many mistakenly view religion as a cold organization with rules and restrictions. In His goodness, God didn’t wait for me to find my way to Him. Looking back on my life, I can clearly see how He was always pursuing and coming after me. He was always using different people and situations to help me get to know Him and His Church. Our Catholic Faith, by nature, involves community. Little by little, I was learning how much I needed that community of faith. The more I was learning about my Faith, the more I fell in love with it. Our Creator always has our best interest at heart. I love what Saint John of the Cross says: In the first place it should be known that if a person is seeking God, His beloved is seeking him much more. If we desire to be good disciples and evangelize well, then we first need to learn about our Faith and have a real relationship with the person who gave us that Faith, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Perhaps one of the answers to all the confusion we see in our society today—about the most basic questions such as identity and the nature of family—could be found in our failure to evangelize. We are all called to evangelize. Yet, we cannot give what we don’t have. Steadfast in Our Beliefs If anything, today more than ever before, we need our Catholic Church to remain steadfast in her beliefs and teachings to help us navigate the changing tides of the world. The goal of a missionary disciple is to live in deeper freedom. They must find joy in walking alongside those who find themselves lost, helping them discover their true purpose in life, according to God’s will for them. People wander the wrong way—myself included. We need to learn how to be a beacon of light that helps people find their way home. It would be foolish to try to evangelize to others without first connecting with the Lord in prayer and through a dedication and love for His Word contained in the Scriptures and Sacraments. The more we get to know the Lord’s mission, the more equipped we will be to help spread that mission to others. There’s no better time and place to start than here and now! Start exactly where you are. In your communities, families, and cities.   [bctt tweet="Steadfast in Sharing Your Faith #BISblog // " via="no"]

Welcome to our series on the beautiful midlife season! We will explore all the blessings, challenges, and changes that accompany this time in a woman's life, from the physical, to the relational, to the spiritual, and more. Come with your questions in the comments! As designed by God, our lives and our bodies go through changes that are unavoidable. Just like with the weather, each season of our lives brings with it its challenges and delights. Change can sometimes bring with it anxiety and uncertainty. The good news is that, throughout all those life changes, we can be sure that Our Lord is by our side, guiding us and showing us the way. Preparing for those inevitable changes is also a good idea. A New Phase of Motherhood As I write, my family is getting ready to go through a big change as our oldest daughter, Bella, just graduated high school and is leaving home for college this fall. And even though my husband and I have been preparing ourselves for this change, I know that her absence will not be easy. I will miss her sweet smile the most! Bella has been my go-to for help the last few years, driving her siblings around and picking up groceries at the store. She has such a giving heart. I will also miss those late night talks when she comes home from being out with her friends. And the phone call that comes everyday right at 6 p.m. when she's done with her part time job and is about to come home. Her first question is always, "What’s for dinner, Mom?" And as Bella moves on to the next phase of her life, I pray that God will give me the peace of mind that comes from knowing that He loves her so much more than I could ever love her. And out of that love for her, He will watch over her and guide her steps. He has beautiful plans for her life, just like He has beautiful plans for each and every one of His beloved children. A New Phase of Daughterhood Last month, while I was in Brazil visiting my parents, I had some time to reflect on how much their lives have changed. My dad is 95 years old and has had dementia for the last 7 years. Thankfully, for now, he can still shower and dress himself (although I did notice that he has a hard time buttoning his shirts). He does need to be watched to make sure he doesn't wander off onto the streets. Dad can no longer shave by himself, for fear that he may get hurt, so my siblings arranged to have someone come to the house to shave him once a week. It's hard to watch a man who, before dementia took over his mind, had so much to say. He could recall stories from 50 years ago and tell them like they just happened yesterday. Now, he is reduced to just sitting there with a blank stare on his face. I hate this terrible disease and what it has done to my dad’s mind! My mom, who is 84 years old, still has a mind as sharp as ever. Unfortunately, her physical health has been declining in the last few years. Without a doubt, being dad’s primary caretaker has taken a toll on her health. Remembering all the sacrifices they both made to care for their large family of eleven kids made me want to be there for them even more. As I was getting ready to leave Brazil after my two-week stay, I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty that I would be leaving my elderly parents. Knowing that my husband and kids were anxiously waiting for my return made me feel a little better. I always say that half of my heart is here in the United States with my husband and our kids and the other half is in Brazil with my parents and siblings. And so is the life of the immigrant. My Own Midlife Change Our bodies go through a lot of changes during menopause. There are extreme shifts in hormone levels. We may not sleep well because of the hot flashes and may also experience mood swings. In the last few months, I have noticed that I have begun my midlife change with missed periods. I have to be honest and say that this part about missing periods is all bittersweet for me. It’s a sad realization that my body will no longer be able to collaborate with God in bringing more babies into the world. The hot flashes are very real. My husband and I used to sleep with the temperature in our room at 74 degrees. Now I’m finding that I need it to be around 70 degrees to help alleviate those crazy middle of the night hot flashes. Moving Forward in Peace With all that is going on with these mid-life changes, I feel ever so blessed to be exactly where I am. In the last few years, God has done miraculous things in my life. He used my amazing, holy pastor to completely heal me from the trauma of the sexual abuse I suffered as little girl. At 52 years old, I find myself with a new found purpose: to allow God to use me and my story to heal those who are still hurting from all types of trauma-induced wounds. I'm getting ready to publish my third book, Healed and Restored: A Journey through Trauma, Resilience and Transformative Healing. My heart is filled with gratitude. I am grateful that God who has been kind enough to look upon His lowly servant with eyes of mercy. Just thinking about what else God may have planned for me in the years ahead fills my soul with joyful anticipation. I have heard about many who get to this point in their life and still don’t know what their true purpose is. I am privileged to be in a season of giving back and encouraging others. And I have a strong feeling that my life story has truly just begun. A Prayer for the Season As you read this, you may be going through a tough season, dealing with crisis you didn’t anticipate, or a major life change that is shaking your foundation. Try to focus on the positive and thank God for bringing you this far. The same God who was there for you in the past is also present in the here and now, and in all the changes in between. Dear Heavenly Father, help me to let go of any fear and anxiety and replace them with a bigger trust in You. Amen. Here are a few excerpts from the Litany of Trust that relate to this season, too: From the fear that trusting You will leave me more destitute, Deliver me, Jesus. From anxiety about the future, Deliver me, Jesus. From the false security that I have what it takes, Deliver me, Jesus. From discouragement, Deliver me, Jesus. That not knowing what tomorrow brings is an invitation, Deliver me, Jesus. To lean on You, Jesus, I trust in You. That my life is a gift, Jesus, I trust in You. That You will teach me how to trust You, Jesus, I trust in You. That I am Your beloved on, Jesus, I trust in You.   [bctt tweet="The Midlife Series // A Foot in Two Seasons #BISblog //" via="no"]

In His goodness, God has turned the shame I carried all my life into His fame. He has made me into a survivor with a purpose: to let men and women everywhere know that no matter what they have gone through, healing is available and possible to all God’s children. I can finally say that I am thankful for my scars. Of course, it wasn’t always this way. It took me years to understand and realize how shame was hijacking my happiness and stealing my joy. Jesus invites you to bring the things you are most ashamed of into His healing light and His love. He gave this power to His priests through His Church in the Sacrament of Confession (see John 20:23). Jesus is longing to show you His merciful love, especially in those dark places where shame has taken root. As a trauma survivor, the biggest problem I see with this type of toxic shame is that most of us don’t know that it doesn’t come from God. Shame comes from the evil one who hates all God’s children and would do just about anything to keep us away from God and from experiencing His love and mercy. Guilt Versus Shame There is also a great misunderstanding that needs to be clarified. That is the belief that guilt and shame are the same. The biggest difference is that guilt needs to be forgiven and shame needs to be healed. Guilt is inspired by God through a well-formed conscience. Guilt is remorse for having committed some offense or wrong, real or imagined. Guilt is able to separate the act from the person. We shouldn't feel any less of a person for sinning, for we know that we are imperfect. We are weak and in need of God’s grace to avoid sin. The second, which is so often confused with guilt, is shame. Shame finds its roots in Satan, for he was the one who first tempted our first parents to sin and to this day he continues to shame us every time we sin. Shame tells us we are unforgivable and unlovable. Shame also tells us that everyone would be ashamed of us if they knew of our deep wounds from sin. Shame makes us hide not only from God but also from our brothers and sisters in Christ. The Destruction Caused by Shame Shame is a powerful, sometimes debilitating emotion that can cause us to withdraw from others. From my own experience, shame is what kept me from talking about the abuse I suffered as a little girl and finding the help I so desperately needed. Shame is also what led me to believe that God didn’t love me and that I would never find happiness. This belief led me to think that I didn’t deserve to be happy. Finally, in my late-20s, I began to realize how I was sabotaging my own happiness by being drawn to people who would hurt me. Most of us have been deeply scarred by shame. Some more than others. Shame can also lead to some devastating self-destructive behavior, such as self-pity, self-hatred, lack of self-confidence, and so on. This toxic shame becomes the lies we carry around with us everywhere we go, and it creeps into every relationship we have with other people. Consequently, these lies become chains. These chains can then separate us from the love of Christ. Christ Can Heal His Children The good news is that, with God’s grace, we can learn how to let go of this type of toxic shame. Our God is a God of restoration and He desires to show us how to replace these lies of shame with His truth and mercy. All we need to do is sincerely turn to Him in prayer. How do we get these truths to go from our heads to our hearts? As with everything, we look to Scripture for our answer. The Apostle Paul talks a lot about the power of prayer. In Ephesians 1:17, he says that he prays “that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation resulting in knowledge of him.” The spirit of wisdom is one that gives us insight. The gift of revelation will help you see like never before—the truth will be unveiled. By praying that God would give us the gift of wisdom and revelation, we are essentially asking God that all His truth about who He is and who we are in relation to Him will move from our heads and into our hearts. Be patient with yourself, since this will most likely take time and practice. Nothing Can Separate Us from the Love of Christ For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, can separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. // Romans 8:38-39 Our wounds and past sins do not separate us from the love God the Father has for us. But, if we allow it, our past can become an obstacle in our love for Him. Once you welcome God into those deep wounds and ask Him to remove the toxic shame you have been carrying, you will then begin to feel free to accept the love and healing He has for you. At this point shame will no longer hold you captive. I don’t pretend to know what type of shame you are carrying. One thing I know for sure is that you matter. Your story matters. Your wounds matter. God wants to come into those places in your heart that shame has taken root and uproot those nasty lies caused by shame. It is helpful to remember that sometimes our hearts are broken by sinning against Our Lord, ourselves, and others. In His endless mercy and through the Sacrament of Confession, the good Lord brings forgiveness to our broken hearts. Open your hearts wide and be ready to receive it! Dear Lord, teach me how to let go of any toxic shame I have been holding on to. Help me to trust in your endless love and mercy. Amen!   [bctt tweet="The Problem with Toxic Shame #BISblog //" via="no"]

My own earthly father (whom I love very much) was, out of his own brokenness, ill-equipped to be a spiritual father. Growing up, my dad claimed he didn’t believe in organized religion. Sadly, I have no recollection of him ever going to church or praying with us. That was my mom’s job. Years ago, as I was growing in my faith and in my relationship with God the Father, I realized how that had left me with a large father-wound that needed healing. Our experiences with our earthly fathers have a major impact in the way we see our heavenly Father. For some people, having a father-wound tends to make them shy away from getting close to our heavenly Father. Fortunately for me, it made me realize just how much I needed to find my identity in the One Who created me and loves me more than I can fathom. Discovering My Identity I have been blessed to have experienced sweet intimacy with Our Lord in my own heart through my friendship with Him. By having a real relationship with Him, I have come to discover one of the most important things I could ever learn: my identity lies in being His precious daughter. I am a beloved daughter of a Father Who willed me into existence, loves me through and through, and even knows how many strands of hair are on my head. My identity lies in a God Who knew me before He knitted me together in my mother’s womb. That is one amazing Father! The Ministerial Priesthood By the nature of their ordination, every Catholic priest becomes a father. In His goodness, Our Lord instituted the Eucharist as His true Body and Blood and the Sacrament of Holy Orders all at the same time: during His Last Supper with His disciples. During the Last Supper, Jesus offered himself as the Passover sacrifice, the sacrificial Lamb, and taught that every ordained priest is to follow the same sacrifice in the exact same way. Priests are God’s Gift to Us Many are called, few are chosen. What a grace and blessing must be to be called to be one of His priests. Without our priests, we would not be able to participate in the celebration of the Holy Mass and receive Our Lord in the Eucharist. We would not have a way to receive another beautiful gift of our faith: the Sacrament of Reconciliation. When we walk into the confessional, we are walking to talk to Jesus about our sins. This is where we come when we know we have fallen short and fallen into the temptation of sin. Through the priest, we ask Our Lord to have mercy on us and to forgive us. I love what Saint Isidore of Seville had to say about Confession: Confession heals, confession justifies, confession grants pardon of sin. All hope consists in confession. In confession there is a chance for mercy. Believe it firmly, do not doubt, do not hesitate, never despair of the mercy of God. Of course, in our human weakness, we sometimes keep committing the same sins over and over again. God knew this about us, and that is precisely why He instituted the Sacrament of Confession. In His endless mercy and through the Sacrament of Confession, the good Lord brings forgiveness to our broken hearts, hearts that have been broken by sinning against Him, ourselves, and others. Holy Friendships We moved from Florida to my husband’s hometown of Bismarck, ND in 2008. There, for the first time in my life, I began having the privilege of experiencing amazing and holy friendships with our priests. My husband has a good childhood friend who became a priest, and we had the gift of having him and many other priests in and out of our home. Breaking bread with them, laughing, and witnessing the beauty of a faithfully-lived vocation (while also learning that they as human) was truly a blessing. Once, we had our friend and pastor, Father Guthrie, over for dinner. We enjoyed a nice meal together with great conversation and, as I walked away from the table to clear the dishes, I began to hear the two of them go on and on about their favorite movie quotes. It became clear that both had watched The Godfather many times. They were unabashedly trying to outdo one another as to who could recite more quotes from this iconic movie. I remember thinking how cool it was to watch my husband and our priest being just like two regular guys. Serving Our Priests As I started volunteering in different capacities at our parish, I had the opportunity to join a handful of women in our diocese who started a ministry which concentrated on caring for our priests' daily needs, including cooking for them twice a week. We would take turns cooking for different priests. Watching the pure joy and appreciation in their faces as they got together with other brother priests to enjoy a nice homemade meal was truly beautiful. I began to realize that these holy men were indispensable and a big reason why I love my Catholic Faith. They show us and model to us what it is to live a life of sacrificial love. They give up everything to serve Our Lord in the most unselfish and profound way. The Beauty of Sacrificial Love In a world that is becoming more and more selfish and unwilling to understand the true meaning of sacrificial love, I can see why a vocation to the priesthood will always be inviting to so many faithful Catholic young men who are growing tired of this world’s empty promises. Since moving to the Charlotte, NC area, my family and I now have the blessing of having Fr. John Putnam as our pastor. As a leader of a large parish that now has over 5,000 families, he has proven to be an amazing spiritual leader. Fr. Putnam was the one chosen by God to be used as His instrument to completely heal me from the terrible trauma of the sexual abuse I suffered as a little girl. He walked me through an amazing healing process that has completely changed my life. Thank God for our holy priests, who in their wisdom know how to minister to us when we need it most. Fr. Putnam has played the part of the supportive father, but most importantly, he understands that his first and most important job is to teach and guide his children towards God. I feel the Lord has used him to help prune me and best prepare me for a life of discipleship. I’m blessed beyond belief that God would be so kind as to give me such an amazing spiritual father. Dear Lord, bless and protect all priests. Provide them with all the graces necessary to remain faithful and steadfast in their vocation with fidelity, love and zeal. Amen.   [bctt tweet="My Spiritual Father, My Priest #BISblog //" via="no"]

Mental illness doesn’t discriminate. It touches the lives of people in every corner of society: from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and sports figures. And, of course, those in our families and church community. Yet the subject of mental illness is still rarely spoken of, a taboo of sorts which threatens to continue its rampage unless we stop and take notice. The biggest stigma surrounding mental illness is that mental illness is a sign of weakness. In reality, the opposite is true. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to share our struggles. And once we share them, we find that a lot of people will express their gratitude for our willingness to go to those dark places. When we share our stories of pain and sorrow, we can become a much-needed healing balm to someone else who’s going through a similar experience. Trauma and Mental Health Depression, anxiety, and PTSD seem to be the most prevalent when it comes to long-term mental and emotional effects of trauma. In the last two years, our world has changed with unbelievable speed. Our lives have never seen so much disruption. Families are in crises, and many are struggling with anxiety and depression. It is precisely in times of crises that those who have gone through deep trauma in their lives and haven’t found the proper healing will suffer the most. My Own Crisis My bouts with depression happened in 2008 when my husband and I decided to move our growing family from South Florida to his hometown of Bismarck, ND to be closer to his parents. We felt it was important for the kids to grow up close to their grandparents if at all possible (my parents still live in Brazil). A few months after we moved, the first cold Bismarck hit and I had a rude awakening. Years earlier, I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and the pain is worse for people living in cold climates. Coupled with the fact that I didn’t know anyone except my in-laws, I felt very isolated. It was freezing outside, but inside, I felt like a spiritual desert. And that's when I began to fall into a very deep and dark depression. The complex condition of depression has mental and physical symptoms that can interfere with your ability to function. When I think back on my depression, Saint John of the Cross’s “dark night of the soul” comes to mind. I believe this amazing Saint was commissioned by God to go through his own terrible and long-lived depression so that the Church and her people could best understand this troublesome malady. Desolation and Desperation From my own experience, I can say that depression can be an absolute darkness that takes hold of your soul like an endless desolation. For me it also felt like a culmination of all the lies the evil one had planted in my soul: God doesn’t love you! You’ll never find happiness! You’ll never amount to anything! I would also describe my depression as a glimpse of what hell would be like: a complete disconnection from God Who is the One we desire. Saint Augustine said it perfectly: “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” I can say that my heart, at that time in my life, was very restless. I was desperately trying to figure out to whom and where I belonged. One of my many symptoms was this sadness that I just couldn’t shake. I would cry for no reason at all. I felt I was losing my mind, unable to control my emotions. To compound this I was very lethargic, always tired, and had no motivation to get up in the morning. Thank God my precious children were small; sometimes it was purely the fact of knowing how much they needed me that got me out of bed. Seeking Help with Past Trauma I hadn’t dealt with my childhood trauma in a proper way, and when I found myself in the middle of this huge life change, my mind just couldn't handle it. I remember going to my doctor’s office and telling her that I thought I was going crazy. After patiently and compassionately listening to me, she hugged me and told me that I was not going crazy but was depressed. In her wisdom, this lovely doctor (who also happens to be a devout Catholic) had recognized my affliction right away. I have to be honest: I was one of those people who didn’t believe depression was a real medical condition, or at least, I thought people exaggerated it. I had to find out the hard way that depression is very real. This wonderful doctor recommended a low dosage of an antidepressant. I was reluctant at first, but agreed to try it. And thank God for that, because this medicine probably saved my marriage. Much of my story is about the healing I have experienced through spiritual means, but here I want to make the point that there are very real and positive means to healing through medicine and therapy. We should never seek to overcome our pain purely through earthly things, yet God has blessed us (especially in this modern age) with powerful tools that can combat things like depression. Of course, we cannot abuse these things and become too dependent on them. We must always depend on God first. But we mustn’t write them off either, and we shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed for taking them. Allowing Our Wounds to Console Others I had to learn from my own experience that, yes, depression is real. I now have a much better understanding of this and more compassion for anyone dealing with this terrible disease that’s so often still looked upon as a weakness or even as a personality flaw. If someone has cancer, we all offer them our love and support, and rightfully so. But why don't we see the same support and compassion shown to people suffering from this deep pain in our soul that we call depression? What I have learned from having depression is that the invisible can absolutely kill you if left untreated. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, or any other type of mental illness needs to be looked at seriously and compassionately. Freedom through Christ God desires that all his children live in freedom. This freedom was bought for us at a very high price with the shedding of the Blood of His only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ. The good news is that our God is a God of restoration. He is a Father who loves us more than we can fathom and would like nothing less than to be our Healer and Comforter. I believe that God allows us to go through some dark periods in our lives that may purify us, mostly from the illusion that we are in control of our lives. If you or someone you know is dealing with this type of pain, I want to encourage you to look for help. A good place to start is by confiding in a family member, a friend, a priest, or a trusted Christian counselor. Do not hesitate to acknowledge your pain and seek professional help. My hope is that by sharing some of my past struggles, I can, in some way, help lift the stigma and shame associated with mental illness. My prayer is that God will continue to equip each of us to assist our brothers and sisters who are struggling and are in the blink of despair because of the pain mental illness can inflict upon the souls of those going through it. Additional Spiritual Tools The devil, the world and the flesh may be trying to cause havoc in your life or that of your loved ones. If we persevere in faith and bring everything to the foot of the Cross, we will find Christ waiting for us there. At the Cross is where He offers us the weapons we need to fight and win the battle. When we bring our burdens to Him, is His goodness and out of His immense love for us He makes those burdens light (see Matthew 11:28-30). The good news is that if we place our faith and belief in God at the center of our entire lives—including our mental health—we can learn to use faith-based coping skills to help ease the pain of depression, anxiety, and all other types of mental illness. Here are just a few examples of those tools: the Bible, the Living Word the Mass and the Sacraments dedication to daily prayer faith-based counseling community spiritual direction spiritual reading Dear Lord, teach me how to best surrender all of me to You, especially my mental health. Help me to trust You more and to believe in the immense love You have for me. I choose to set my focus on You instead of my wounded emotions. Amen.   [bctt tweet="The Link Between Trauma + Mental Health #BISblog //" via="no"]

The Lenten Cookbook is a brilliant collaboration of David Geisser and Scott Hahn to share their tremendous gifts to inspire joy in fasting. As a world-renowned chef who has had the honor of serving Pope Francis and hosts his very own television show in his native country of Switzerland, David Geisser takes cooking to a new level. Coupled with Scott Hahn’s deep knowledge of our Catholic Faith, this cookbook brings the sacred to life. The Faith Behind the Fasting In reading through Scott Hahn’s essays, the reader will discover the beauty of the ancient Catholic tradition of fasting and its roots. Scott Hahn’s vast historical perspective of the joys of fasting will inspire you. With each word, I felt more and more blessed to be a part of the sacred Body of Christ that is the Catholic Church. This cookbook surpassed all my expectations since I found it to be both aesthetically beautiful and useful at the same time. In my house, I’m known for always saying that food needs to first look pretty. That's the invitation to get your palate ready for the delicious food you are about to taste. Roy Matter did an outstanding job with all the photography. I completely agree that what he does is nothing less than food art. For a foodie like me, being asked to review this cookbook was a dream come true. The Lenten Cookbook is the cookbook we were all missing in our kitchens. This book will help millions of Catholics look at fasting in a whole different light, remembering that, although fasting can be an inconvenience, it is necessary on the path to holiness. Good Food Brings People Together As I browsed all of David’s carefully chosen recipes (which, by the way, are all very easy to follow with very clear and helpful cooking directions), fond childhood memories flashed through my mind. Growing up in a large family in Brazil with a mom who taught me not only how to cook but to have a love for cooking was a privilege and a blessing. She used to say that there were few things that can connect and bring people together in a profound way... and food is one of them. Now that I have my own family, I can appreciate all those times I spent in the kitchen being my mom's helper and learning all her different techniques. Cooking for 13 of us everyday made my mom very aware of the need to be creative in the kitchen. From my mom, I learned how to use an over medium fried egg to elevate even the most simple of meals like rice and beans (a Brazilian staple) and almost any soup. I love showing my family and friends this simple trick, not only for Lent but also for those times when you feel a little short of inspiration. You Won't Be Bored in the Kitchen this Lent Throughout the book, I noticed how many of these meals were actually very similar to meals I grew up eating while growing up in Brazil. The Pot-au-Feu-Style Vegetable Stew with Sea Bass reminded me a lot of another one of my favorite Brazilian staples for Lent called Moqueca de Peixe (fish stew). There are many versions throughout the country but most will have fish (sea bass or tilapia), shrimp, or crab (and sometimes all three). Everything is cooked with onions and different colored peppers for a pop of color in fish stock and coconut milk and served over white rice. The Lenten Cookbook is a 5-star experience! Bon Apetite my dear brothers and sisters in Christ!   [bctt tweet="BIS Reads // The Lenten Cookbook #BISblog //" via="no"]

The word "mentor" is defined as "a wise and trusted counselor or teacher." To me, a female mentor is supposed to share the Gospel and her life, just like a nurturing mother, teaching and learning from her spiritual daughters that both may walk in God’s ways. She should be an authentic missionary disciple who has been converted, strengthened, and transformed in the Lord. We live in a world that has a very different definition of what it means to be someone’s mentor. Eternal Development People pay high dollar amounts to attend seminars to learn from other successful business people about how they can be better at what they do and amass their own fortune. There isn't anything wrong with trying to be the best that you can be in your career. However, I do think there’s something wrong with being so focused on being successful in this life that we forget that more attention should be given to preparing our souls to spend eternity with God. Most of the books on this subject focus on mentorship as a way to help someone do well in life, achieve financial freedom, and so on. What about the kind of mentoring that focuses on living our life in preparation for our final home in Heaven? A mentorship that’s all about heart and spiritual formation, through prayer and fellowship with the Church through discipleship. My Journey of Faith We can gain a lot of wisdom by looking back and reflecting on our own lives. I am privileged to be in a season of life that is affording me to give back and encourage others. Looking back on my own faith journey, I can see how God, in His goodness, didn’t wait for me to find my way to Him. Instead, I can clearly see how He was always pursuing me and coming after me, using different situations and people to help me get to know Him and His Church. My lack of understanding and knowledge of my Catholic Faith started changing in 2008 when my husband and I decided to move our young family from South Florida to his hometown of Bismarck, ND to be close to his parents. We felt it was important for the kids to grow up near their grandparents if at all possible, and my parents still live in Brazil. Of all places, Bismarck was where God had big plans for my faith life to take flight. The Catholic Faith is alive and well there. We belonged to a vibrant parish and made friends with many great people. My in-laws introduced us to Jerry and Sara, a dynamic couple who were very involved in the parish. David and I were invited to a gathering they held at their house each month, simply called “young adults." Group Discipleship Every month, Sara and Jerry would open their home to dozens of people seeking a closer relationship with God and with their community. They would recruit amazing speakers for our gatherings (most of whom were young priests from the Bismarck diocese). Some of the wives in this group would get together every week at each other’s homes for what we called: coffee. At coffee, we would pray, laugh, cry, discuss the Church’s teachings with great enthusiasm, and watch our little ones play together. Through those monthly “young adults" gatherings and the weekly coffee with my new friends, God was slowly inviting me to the fullness of His community: the body of Christ. These women I met in Bismarck, who would become some of my best friends, knew how to beautifully integrate their Catholic Faith into the fabric of their everyday life. I found this to be very inspiring and hoped it was contagious. They were becoming my spiritual mentors. Here I was, in my 30’s, and for the first time in my adult life, I found myself surrounded by all these beautiful and faithful Catholic women who were not afraid to talk about their faith and their love for Jesus. Being in their presence and learning so much about my Faith made me realize just how starved for spiritual mentoring I had been all my life. The Power of Spiritual Mentoring through Storytelling By nature, human beings are storytellers. Stories have the power to connect us to one another more than anything else. They can help us understand who we are. We shouldn't be afraid that we are not worthy to speak His name or to share all God has done in our lives through sharing our stories. Families are in crisis. Men and women are suffering. Society in general is seeing unprecedented unrest. Now more than ever we need the Truth of the Gospel. It is my hope that God gives us the graces necessary to be a light in our homes, families, workplaces, and communities. One way for us to do that is by learning how to be spiritual mentors to one another. I can honestly say that having all the wonderful men and women who throughout the years have taken their time to spiritual mentor me has been essential in developing my full potential and navigating the variety of pitfalls we all encounter in ministry life. I truly believe we can never succeed in anything alone. A few years ago, I was blessed with the inspiration to write my first book, Wisdom From the Women We Love. The theme of spiritual mentoring is woven throughout this book. Wisdom From The Women We Love is a collection of personal stories from 26 women of different ages and backgrounds who ,by sharing their wisdom, were in a way mentoring us spiritually through their stories. To Need Each Other I love what the Lord said to Saint Catherine of Siena: I could have easily created men possessed of all that they should need for both body and soul, but I wish that one should need each other and that they should be my ministers to administer the graces and gifts that they have received from me. I can see how God was instructing Saint Catherine of Sienna on the need for us to have spiritual mentors. Spiritual mentors are essential if we want to come to a deeper faith in Jesus. My spiritual mentors remain vital today as I try to grow as a missionary disciple. I pray that you are blessed with men and women who will make the time to spiritual mentor you, and that in return you’ll welcome the idea of spiritually mentoring others as well. Have you ever had someone spiritually mentor you? If so, what was that like? Have you thought about the possibility of being a spiritual mentor to someone?   [bctt tweet="The Importance of Spiritual Mentoring #BISblog //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

I love this feast day that honors the Blessed Virgin Mary under the aspect of her motherhood of Jesus. By virtue of her divine motherhood, Mary has become mother of us all. What an amazing gift that is. Mary has been referred to as the first Christian, since she was the first one who opened her life and heart to Jesus by giving him her perfect yes. I love that we can call her by so many different names, such as: Mother of Love, Mother of Sorrow, Mother of Mercy, Mother most Holy, just to name a few. Sometimes I like to call her simply Mama Mary! [bctt tweet="By virtue of her divine motherhood, Mary has become mother of us all. #BISblog //" via="no"] The Motherhood of Mary For as long as I can remember I have loved Mary. But I have to say that my love and appreciation for her has blossomed since becoming a mother to my oldest daughter almost 18 years ago. I suddenly realized that if I wanted to become the best mom to my children, I had to call on Mary to help me with my motherhood. There have been countless times when, not knowing how to proceed, I have turned to Mary to supply her wisdom for my poor human deficiencies. Entrusting my family to her on a daily basis has become one of my favorite prayers. Mary, who was conceived without the stain of Original Sin, did nothing to deserve this gift. She was simply chosen by God to merit this grace. God desires that His mercy triumphs through her as our mother. And just like a good Catholic mother, Mary desires to form all of us into another Christ. Her perfection and skills surpasses that of all earthly mothers. Measuring Up in Motherhood My own earthly mother, who has taught me so much of what I know, is someone I have a true admiration for as well as a stronger appreciation for now that I am a mother myself. My parents had all eleven of us in a fifteen-year span (that alone blows my mind). Growing up in Brazil, I remember hearing people ask my mom why she and dad had so many kids. She would answer them with a question: “And which one of the eleven do you think I should have said no to?” I have always seen my mom’s answer as a powerful testimony about children as a blessing and gift from God, each of us made in his likeness and for a special purpose. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but in the depths of my heart I had many anxieties about not being able to be as good of a mom as my mother was to me. Sometimes I feel burdened by my own insecurities and shortcomings and will assume that any struggle my kids are having is a reflection of my parenting. By God’s grace and with Mary’s help, I have learned that is not from the Lord. The evil one, who is a master manipulator and the father of all lies, would like nothing less than for us to feel inadequate in pretty much everything we do, motherhood included. That’s not to say that I haven’t made and will continue to make plenty of mistakes in mothering my children. However, I have come to learn and accept that God is ultimately my children’s true Parent. He loves them more than I can ever come close to loving them in my human weakness. The Perfect Example of Holiness Mary is a sublime and perfect example of holiness. She can aid us in becoming more like her. Just like Mary, all of us women have an enormous capacity for compassion, sacrifice, and so much more. I believe we all have a special role in God’s plan, just like Mary did. Saint John Paul II said it beautifully in Redemptoris Mater: In the light of Mary, the Church sees in the face of women the reflections of a beauty which mirror the loftiest sentiments of which the human heart is capable: the self-offering totality of love; the strength that is capable of bearing the greatest sorrows; limitless fidelity and tireless devotion to work; the ability to combine penetrating intuition with words of support and encouragement. I am always awed and deeply-inspired by our Blessed Mother’s courage as we see in the Gospel of Luke. God used the angel Gabriel to deliver His risky ministry invitation. He asked if she would be willing to be the mother of the Savior of the world. The young Mary knew that her yes to the Lord would mean risk of harsh judgment from others and of personal scandal. Still this brave young woman responded with, “May it be done to me according to your will.” Following Mary’s Example It is Mary’s example that I was trying to emulate when I felt God calling me to establish Healed and Restored, a much-needed nonprofit program to help women from all over the country heal from the deep wounds from the trauma of all types of abuse, including sex trafficking. And as I have seen many times before, God never gives us more than we can handle with Him and through His help. When He calls us to a certain mission, He always provides all that is necessary for us to accomplish His mission. I have learned that just like with Mary, the only thing God is looking for is our yes. Once we have given Him our yes, He takes care of all the details. The fact that God invited me to be a part of his plan is both humbling and encouraging. I pray that 2022 will be the year that we will continue to learn how to best listen to God’s voice speaking to us in the midst of all the noise that surrounds us every day. May we, like Mary, open ourselves to say a confident yes to the Lord, even when what He’s asking is something completely different than what you thought He would ask of you. You will be amazed at all the beautiful things He will do in you and through you—all for His Glory and to bring other souls to Him. Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!   [bctt tweet="The Motherhood of Mary #BISblog //" via="no"]