“[D]o not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say.” // Matthew 10:19
I love writing things in my head. Ever since childhood, I have had imaginary conversations where I plan out what I will say if ever asked about this and such. In these imaginary conversations, I am smart, well-spoken, articulate, and convincing. But in the life that exists outside of my head, when faced with a tough conversation, I generally pull back. It would be dishonest to say that I do this to listen more carefully. Generally, it is because I am in a state of fear that I am going to misspeak, reveal my ineptitude to the world, and fail to convince the listener. Better to keep one's mouth shut than to confirm others’ suspicions of my foolishness.
When I converted to Catholicism, I experienced a conversation that deviated from this script. It was a few days before the Holy Saturday night Easter Vigil and I was speaking with a loved one who is not Catholic. As I broached the subject of the Vigil Mass, I unintentionally opened myself up to hear a litany of reasons why I should never become Catholic. I stood in the doorway, car keys in hand and ready to leave, but rather than apologizing and making a rapid retreat, I listened with love. An unearthly peace came upon me and with each attack against my beloved new Church, I felt greater peace. Somehow I was able to answer each accusation with a calm and clear statement of truth from a place of love, not defensiveness or fear.
Jesus tells his disciples not to worry about how they will speak. This doesn't mean that they shouldn’t seek to understand the faith and His teachings. It doesn't mean that they shouldn't listen carefully and think clearly. It means that they should trust in Him, in His teaching, and in the Holy Spirit to guide them.
What worries are you holding in your mind that you can more fully entrust to the Holy Spirit? Ask Him to help guide your words and deeds this day.