When my husband, Matt, and I started dating on August 17, 2014, we decided it would be fun to celebrate our anniversary each month. While our festivities have ranged from sending e-cards to each other to having a picnic in a park, this idea of checking in each month and celebrating us has been so fruitful. Since we got married, we switched our month-er-versary to reflect our wedding date (the 11th), and we've come up with a few favorite ideas to relive that special day each month that I'd like to share: Share your favorite memories from the past month & goals for your next month. So much can happen in a month, and talking about it is a great way to keep those memories alive. Whether you spend a few minutes recapping your most recent trip to visit family or laughing about the hilarious things your toddler says, take the time to relive those moments as they are precious. Also, let each other know what goals you have for the next month, so you can support one another in achieving them. Read the readings from your wedding day together. Remember the Mass readings that were read at your wedding? Why not read them together and see how they speak to you today versus your wedding day. It never ceases to amaze me at how a particular verse may speak to my heart one month, and then a completely different one does the same thing the next month. Find a time that works best for you to read them together and see how the Holy Spirit is speaking to you! Wear your wedding shoes or jewelry from your wedding day! I absolutely adore the jewelry that my mom helped me pick out for our wedding, so I usually try to wear at least my earrings if not all of my jewelry on our month-er-versary. While I love my white ballet flats, they are not the most practical shoes for Minnesota winters, so I am hoping to start wearing them again once the weather warms! Wearing the jewelry makes me think back to getting ready and the excited feeling I had as I prepared to see Matt for the first time. Look at your wedding photos. Do you have a wedding album or favorite pictures from your wedding day? Looking at them together can be a great way to remember the details of your day. It can also be a great way to remember your loved ones that traveled to witness your marriage or perhaps those that have since passed away since your wedding. We usually flip through our wedding album right before bed, and it's so fun seeing how our nieces and nephew have grown or remembered the awesome gelato and cake we had for dessert. Do you have any favorite ways to celebrate your anniversary? We'd love to hear them below in the comments! Written by Joan Geiger. Find out more about her here. First published on Everything is Yours. Republished here with permission.

The bus doors opened. An impatient, tired, overnight bus driver sat behind the wheel and looked me over as I stood on the corner like a kid on the first day of school. “This bus ain’t going to no Cherry Creek,” she scoffed. I got on. She dropped me off on the block of an old church that had been converted into a day center offering food, clothing and financial assistance to those living in poverty within the city’s limits. Even the church looked tired in the early morning light, in the gray of the city-scape. I found the back entrance of the center and hoped that I would meet the expectations of the organization who had asked for a bi-lingual, social work-type to serve the tremendous community that relied on this organization to make ends meet. This dilapidated church would be the scene of both my greatest education and the most surprising love story in which my heart would be stretched, broken open and grown. I moved across the country to be part of a year-long volunteer program in which I imagined myself making a great difference in the lives of those I would serve. After all, I had newly-minted degrees in Social Work and Theology. Surely I would be an asset! What I had not anticipated was just how much I had yet to learn from those living on the margins, how I would fall in love with the cadence of my days in this quirky center and the message of the Gospel that would be revealed to me by folks who would be surprised to hear me say so. Imagine my astonishment when a nurse I knew from a local hospital showed up to pick up groceries from the food line one afternoon. Or when I was working on job applications with folks living on the street and the man sitting with me shared that he had gone to Harvard. It was not uncommon for a grizzled, recovering alcoholic who slept outside to make sure I got on the bus safely if I worked a dinner shift: “Goodnight, hija (daughter),” he would say. Suddenly I didn’t know so much. Suddenly the biting comments and stereotypes heard on sitcoms and at family gatherings about any number of marginalized people living in this country began to take on identities, to have stories, to have names and faces. I wasn’t serving ‘the poor,’ I was given the privilege of knowing these people and hearing the stories they chose to share, in their own words. The best description I have ever heard of this option of long-term service is this: “A year of lay formation.” And it’s true. Hands-down this was among the most formational decisions of my life (though I didn’t know it yet). I was too distracted by the unending string of questions about what exactly I had decided to do with my life. The decision not to take a job with a benefits package, but to agree to live a lifestyle of simplicity, prayer, community & service, without joining a religious order was foreign to basically everyone I knew plus or minus a couple of nuns and a campus minister. Were my parents convinced that this was a wise move on my part? No. Did I have student loans? Yes. Did I know a soul in the city I planned to move? No. Despite the mixed messages I was receiving concerning this decision, something in my heart knew that I had to do it. Even as a cradle Catholic, it remains among the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Not because I wasn’t compelled by a mission of service, but because it was 100% countercultural and was the source of one of the biggest disagreements I ever had with my parents. Conversely, I can tell you without hesitation that this one decision, which led to a thousand other decisions, changed the trajectory of my life for good. It’s May and graduation season is upon us. Whether you (or someone you know) are graduating from high school, college, trade school, discerning a vocation or even entering into retirement, I present you with five questions for discernment in thinking about whether long-term service is an option worth considering: Questions to Consider About Long-Term Service What gives you life about the possibility of participating in a year in service? This is a question that spiritual directors and soul friends are great at asking—what about this option gets you excited? In the heart of your prayer life, are you being invited to seriously consider this opportunity as an option? What kind of service can you imagine yourself doing? The idea of long-term service can easily be romanticized. What concrete thing can you imagine yourself doing, 40 hours each week, not for money, but because it is the greatest niche you can fill with your specific gifts? When you share this idea with trusted friends/family/minister, how do they respond? Very often the response of a good confidant can tell you a lot about whether what you’ve got is a fleeting idea or core to who you are. A friend who nods and pictures you easily in this new role is a resounding affirmation. Be attentive to the wisdom in their surprised or affirming response. In what circumstances do you thrive? In each long-term service opportunity volunteers live in a community. This may be a community of two-three or up to ten. It may be a women’s community, a men’s community, a co-ed community, age-specific, intergenerational, or shared space with a religious community. Some programs have tremendous structure, others provide minimal structure. In which of these scenarios can you imagine yourself being most nourished? What questions do you have about such a commitment? Does anything about the type of service, the expectation of spiritual commitment, living arrangements, charism, safety, city, loan deferments, stipends, concern you? Get in touch withh the organization you are looking at! Call them on the phone. If you are willing to pick up and move in an effort to be of service to a particular community, it is vital that you speak with a person and get solid answers to your questions so that you can make an informed decision and commitment to the folks that you are serving as well as the individuals who coordinate the program. For a directory of hundreds of long-term service opportunities, visit Catholic Volunteer Network . I continue to be grateful for the experience of formation and guidance I received from the community of volunteers with whom I lived as we committed to service, community, reflection and discussion, and prayer; the staff who supported us during our service year, and some of the most influential teachers I have come to know who happen to live on the streets or close to it. It is a big decision, but a transformational one. Is Jesus inviting to consider an experience of transformation at the service of the most vulnerable?

I've heard that verse so often, "I came so that they might have life." But what struck me in the Gospel reading was the next line, "and have it more abundantly." Abundance. Far too often, I only focus on the sacrifices that it takes to live this walk with Christ. I see the things that seem to be taken away. But He didn't come just to give me a hard life full of difficulty. He came to give me a particular kind of life - an abundant life. An abundance of joy that comes with the suffering, an abundance of deep, rich love. He didn't come to give us a mediocre life, but one where He not only knows our needs and desires, but delivers to us all kinds of surprises of abundance. You can grab this free download for your phone and desktop to remember His abundance all week! Designed by Erica of Be A Heart.   Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

Like many women, my love of Jane Austen began in my teen years but it wasn’t until my 20’s that the lessons of her heroines and their leading men started to affect the way I viewed dating in my own life. A Little Backstory Back in the 90’s when I was in college and began to date more seriously, I had fallen away from my faith and dated guys without much thought to the type of men they were. If I were to relate to any of Jane Austen’s characters, I would definitely have been Marianne Dashwood dating a string of wrong-for-me Willoughbys. I had a knack for falling in love with man-boys who were poetically trying to “find themselves” and didn’t have any direction in their lives. In my early twenties, I came back to the faith in a strong way and narrowed the dating pool to Christian men. However, when it came down to getting more serious, our differing faiths always stopped us from continuing the relationships. During this time, God was also working on my heart at a deeper level. Specifically, I was wondering if I had a religious vocation. Frankly, the thought seemed absurd at first. I was Marianne Dashwood destined for romance and love! However, after two years of turning my life upside down and seriously discerning, I reached a point of total surrender to God and accepted a call to a religious vocation. It was a time of deep spiritual growth and God wanted my unreserved “Yes.” Ironically, once I reached that point God made it known to me (and my spiritual director) that I was called to the married life. This put me back into the dating scene, which scared me a little since I hadn’t had the best of luck. I remember my mom making an observation that I always picked guys who needed to be “fixed” and never a guy who motivated me to better myself. She said I needed to find qualities in a man that lifted me up and challenged me to be the best version of myself, a man who was seeking the Kingdom of God and who would work alongside me on our journey of faith. This was exactly what God had been putting on my heart and hearing my mom say the words out loud confirmed it. In Steps Mr. Knightly During this time in the mid to late 90’s, there was a slew of Jane Austen movie adaptations, Sense and Sensibility with Emma Thompson and Kate Winslette, Persuasion with Ciaron Hinds and Amanda Root, and Emma with Kate Beckinsale and Mark Strong, to name a few. I loved those movies but the 1995 Emma really took hold of my heart. A part of me didn’t like Mr. Knightly at first because he was so serious and judgmental of Emma. But another part of me admired him because he loved Emma enough to speak freely to her and to call her out when she was behaving badly. He loved her, faults and all, but challenged her to be a better version of herself. I watched the movie and read the book more than once and each time Mr. Knightly’s qualities shone brighter. There was a kindness and compassion in the way he cared for his tenants and rescued Jane Fairfax from her humiliation. He displayed quiet generosity in the way he did little things for his neighbors without fanfare. Plus, his maturity and wisdom allowed him to see beyond the obvious in situations, such as his suspicions of Jane and Frank. I thought of all these things as I stared at the TV screen and thought, I need to find a Mr. Knightly! It may sound like a joke, but the thought would not leave me. I was determined to break the cycle of dating the wrong kind of man. I knew I had a weakness for “needing” to be in a relationship even if it was a bad one. I knew I had to start dating with God and my faith in mind. I needed to understand that it was okay to be one my own and wait for the right kind of guy. So I sat down at my desk and made a list of all the qualities I should be looking for in a man I dated. I crossed out all the superficial things I loved (like he wore Doc Martens or Converse and listened to alternative music) and instead thought of Godly things that mattered. All these years later, I still have that list. It reads: God is #1 in his life. He is Catholic. He actually lives his faith and is seeing holiness. He has a job capable of supporting a family. He loves his family and respects his parents. He loves my family and mom likes him. He loves children and is open to life. He has a beautiful smile and a sense of humor. We have things in common to talk about and discuss. He has traits of Mr. Knightly that will inspire and encourage me to seek greater holiness. I copied the list onto a piece of paper that I would use as a book marker in my planner. I added a photo of Mr. Knightly from the movie as a reminder to stand firm and not give into the next cute agnostic poet who was out of a job and living in his parent’s basement. I knew I may not find someone with ALL these qualities but I needed to at least start working towards that goal. How Does the Story End? I wish I could say that after this revelation I found Mr. Right immediately but I did not. However, every day when I saw my little Mr. Knightly list, I prayed for my future husband. I asked that God strengthen him in his faith and prepare both our hearts for our future marriage. It was difficult, sometimes really difficult, to be patient and to trust in God when I saw no answer in sight, but I persevered. What I didn’t know at the time was that my future husband (Brian) was in the seminary and he was going through his own vocational discernment. He was praying to God for guidance. He eventually discerned that he was called to marriage and left the seminary to return home. He prayed a nine-day novena to Our Lord asking God to help him in finding his future wife. On the ninth and last day of his novena we happened to “meet” online. (Talk about answered prayer!) There began a friendship that was to blossom into love. I had found a man who was unlike any other guy I had ever dated. (My mom still marvels over that!) No man is perfect, but Brian was a perfect match for me. He possessed the qualities I was looking for and challenged me and inspired me to be a better person. He gave me roots to tame my flightiness. In turn, I challenged him to love and laugh more and to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. We complimented one another. I had found my version of Mr. Knightly and I’m happy to say that 18 years later he still makes my heart skip a beat. A Note to the Single Sisters If you find yourself dating the wrong kind of men, maybe it’s time to quiet yourself before God and ask Him why. Is there a deeper reason you keep choosing the wrong kind of guys? Do you feel like you don’t deserve anyone better? Do you have the need to be a guy’s savior? Do you need healing from past hurts or bad habits? I’d recommend finding someone to discuss these concerns with you, a spiritual director, a therapist, or a friend who is knowledgeable and strong in the faith. Maybe there is no deeper reason and you just need to be a little more discretionary in who you date. If it will help, make a list! Ask God what qualities you should be looking for in a man. Is he a Godly man? Does he take his faith seriously? Is he honest? Does he have integrity or are there red flags? Do you have things in common? Does he inspire you to love God more? These are the kind of qualities that will make a strong foundation for a relationship and eventually a marriage. No man is perfect (and you and I certainly aren’t) but you want someone willing to work towards holiness with you. Or perhaps, you aren’t dating Mr. Wrong and you know what you are looking for in a man but you still haven’t found Mr. Right. When I was single, I hated when people told me to be patient and wait for God’s timing. It’s easy to say but sometimes it sucks to live it out. However, I found that the waiting was less difficult when I, first, keep myself close to God and worked on my relationship with Christ. Second, when I kept myself busy with life and doing God’s will for me at that moment. Lastly, when I prayed for my future husband. When the heart ache came to me I offered it up to God for my future husband and whatever struggles he was going through at that moment. This helped keep hope in my heart, knowing that my prayers could help him even though we were separated at this time. As someone who felt like the least likely to find true love, I say wholeheartedly, don’t lose hope. God is capable of doing amazing things when you follow His path and trust His timing. Written by Bobbi Rol. Find out more about her here. This post was originally published at Revolution of Love.com. Reprinted here with permission.

“It’s not just about the wedding, it’s about the sacrament.” Truth abounds in these words, and if you’re engaged, you’ve probably spoken them yourself. It’s a grounding thought; peaceful, reassuring, eyes fixed beyond the view that resides immediately outside the church doors. Practically speaking, though, what does that look like? How can you and your fiancé cultivate a heart for marriage, and not just your wedding day, during the engagement, particularly when your to-do list has dozens of other concerns to manage? With an intention-oriented mindset, it is possible to explore your vocation to marriage throughout your wedding planning. Like any vocation, marriage is a call. Within that call lie countless habits, varieties of spirituality, and past stories that make you entirely unique as a couple loving each other in the specifics. Here, concrete ways to answer that call in a way that speaks to who you and your beloved are: Find practical ways to develop good habits for married life The world says living together before marriage is the best preview of what a shared life will be like. Chastity and self-sacrifice notwithstanding when it comes to the matter of cohabitation, I’d argue that the best preview of a shared life is actually taking notice of your spouse-to-be’s attitude toward daily tasks you can share together now: cooking meals, shopping for or assembling items for your future home, planning your upcoming week. Developing hearts of service, compromise, and candor now won’t necessarily make the day-to-day of marriage perfectly easy later. Yet cultivating these habits during engagement through shared projects can help to ease the transition into sharing a home, a schedule, and their accompanying responsibilities. Develop a shared prayer and devotion routine A general habit of praying together is praiseworthy, but a specific routine can be even better. Amidst wedding planning and on into the daily obligations of married life, creating a ritual the two of you can share keeps you accountable for one another’s spiritual lives, gives you moments in the day to look forward to, and inspires stillness and presence. Quietly resting in the Lord is something all of us crave, yet it’s all too easy to push prayer time to later or until you have a large block of time free. A prayer routine looks different depending on every couple’s schedule and spirituality, and that’s good. Talk together about what devotions and saints you’re individually drawn to, and find ways to incorporate them into your prayer life together. Along with standbys like the Rosary or Divine Office, consider choosing a patron saint for your relationship, writing down each other’s and family and friends’ intentions in a visible spot in your home, and selecting a particular prayer (prescribed or your own) to say at the same time each day, even when you’re apart. Go off-syllabus Read a spiritual book together on love or marriage and meditate on the Catholic marriage Rite or on your wedding readings. If you’re looking to go theologically deep, the Church is rich with spiritual nourishment, both classic and new. I love Ven. Fulton Sheen’s Three to Get Married, Karee and Manuel Santos’ The Four Keys to Everlasting Love, and Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s Deus Caritas Est. Identify ways to give of yourself completely, now and later. Married love is intended to be free, faithful, fruitful, and total, a complete gift of self. The expression of this love looks different before and after marriage, yet starting during the engagement, you can embody self-gift even now. It’s worth identifying ways to empty yourself for love of your spouse, in nonphysical ways, throughout both engagement and marriage. One of the most concrete, most purifying ways my husband and I have found for doing this is the practice of identifying specific daily sacrifices we can make for each other. In addition to consciously offering up your day’s inconveniences for your spouse (traffic, tantrums, or misplaced belongings much?), you might consider fasting from one meal for him, once a week, rejecting unnecessary spending, or taking time to pray or do an act of service for him before settling into your daily leisure time. Talk about your future family culture Marriage prep materials are intended to prompt thoughtful discussion, but when the discussion time is relegated to a few minutes during the actual course, often within earshot of strangers, it’s hard to be candid and to dig deep into even general marital matters. Instead, spend some time when you’re alone and at your leisure to get a little more specific about what you envision for your married life. There’s great value, one that isn’t always acknowledged outright, to discovering and identifying what makes your relationship unique, and how that uniqueness will inform your life together. A family culture focuses less on the material aspects of marriage, and, God willing, parenting, and more on guiding principles and favorite things that can shape who the two of you are as man and wife. My husband and I, for instance, are Love and Responsibility devotees. We make active efforts to will the good of the other over ourselves, to see and to cherish each other in a specific, particular way, and try to teach our young children, in simple ways they can understand, that love is more than a feeling and that each person is created unique and unrepeatable. Pope Saint John Paul II’s wisdom has informed our family culture in a major way. Similarly, yours might include the philosophy or devotions of a particular saint or blessed, as well as traditions, meals, or movies that take on special meaning over time. Over time If during the engagement, it’s hard to envision a fullness of your future family culture or any other aspect of your life to come, that’s because it’s in your future! In marriage I have learned the value of not over-planning for what lies ahead, and, so long as my husband and I are actively discerning God’s will for us and our family, being at peace with where life leads and what preferences and dislikes arise from that. What avenue we will choose for our children’s education, for instance, is a matter that we have yet to determine, and we’ve found that at this time in our lives there is more peace in not yet knowing than in analyzing every possibility or reacting too emotionally to possibilities and decisions that haven’t yet come to pass. It’s okay, and good, not to have every single aspect of your life planned out before marriage! My prayer for you is this: that your engagement is an active, fruitful time of sacred anticipation, that the heavens open on your wedding day, and that your life together be abundantly blessed. Keep these suggestions in mind for keeping your vocation at the forefront of your wedding planning and find your peace in flexibility and waiting on the Father’s timing. Written by Stephanie Callis. She is the Co-founder and Editor in Chief of Spoken Bride and writer of INVITED: The Ultimate Catholic Wedding Planner.

In fifth grade, I met my future husband. We met through a mutual friend. I went to public school with our friend, who lived a few doors down from Bob. Our friendships survived a childhood of sleepover shenanigans, hanging out at the mall, trick-or-treating together, and dating various friends without ever actually being romantically involved. He was cute, but sort of a jerk, until we met up again after my first year of college. That cute little Bobby was now Bob, and he was all grown up. He was kind but strong, decisive and direct, but loving and complimentary. He was smart and handsome and driven. . . and he became mine. Faith was never an issue while dating because although Bob was Catholic and I was a non-denominational Protestant, he was a sort-of-almost-lapsed Catholic. Which in my unformed mind was sort of like being a Protestant. No conflict there. We would attend Mass with his family sometimes and attend church with mine on other days. For the first three years, we had a long distance relationship so church attendance was never really an issue. And then we got engaged. And suddenly faith became a little more important. Issues of where we would be married, and who would officiate our wedding, and how we would raise our children suddenly needed to be hashed out. My not-so-Catholic fiancé started talking about things like having our marriage ‘recognized’ by the Church. The vows included promising to raise our children Catholic! So what's a girl to do? I had to seriously consider what was most important. Was it more important that I married this man and begin to embrace Catholicism a bit at a time because it was important to him? Or was it critical that I dig in my heels in and reject the Church teachings that I had dismissed before seeking to understand? There was little room for compromise in our wedding ceremony because, well, rules are rules, but I knew that once we set up our home, I would have the influence over my children’s understanding of Christianity. Little did I know that five years after we were married the Holy Spirit would call me to be in full communion with the Church. I wrote about that already (here) so let's just jump to what you can do to help your loved one be or stay open to Catholicism during the dating years. Live Your Faith, Don't Talk It There is a campy song from my Protestant youth group days with the refrain "they will know we are Christians by our love." When we live our faith in plain sight, the joy that comes from living a sacramental life is transparent to those in our lives. Know Your Faith You have to be able to answer the questions of why we do what we do. Why can't women be priests? Why do we believe life begins at conception? Why don't we support the death penalty? Why do we believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist? Why do we believe in a triune God? Why do we venerate Mary? What is the Communion of Saints? Why do we pray for the dead? There is beauty and consistency and reason behind all of the teachings of the Church. They can be hard to accept, but they make rational sense once you begin to explore them. If you are hoping for conversion of a loved one, it is a good idea to dig a little deeper into what your faith actually believes. Signing up to be a sponsor for RCIA is a great way to become re-catechized and this will help you to fully understand the personal process that is conversation. Grow in Your Faith Go to Mass, read the daily readings, and develop your prayer life. One of the biggest complaints of our faith from our non-Catholic Christian brothers and sisters is that Catholics don't have a personal relationship with Christ, they don't know Him or His word. Get to know Christ and learn to hear His voice. Recognize it is a Personal Process We are each on our own journey down an individual path towards holiness. Sometimes our paths intersect with others; sometimes they run parallel. As a wife, now my job is to help with the sanctification of my husband. I am called to help him in is path toward holiness. I am not there to make decisions for him, to force him to participate, or fill his world with guilt. Pray for your loved one to hear God’s call and then have the will to respond with courage when he is called. Being called to the Faith isn’t something that you can will upon someone else. It is a personal thing. Dating a non-Catholic can spur you to a deeper understanding of your faith and help you to see what the aspects in which you need to study or grow. My actual conversion to the faith had very little to do with my husband. He introduced me to a priest who opened up my heart to the Holy Spirit. He let me know his faith was important. He prayed with me and for me. When I heard God’s call and told him I was converting, he didn’t make it about him, he knew it was all about God. He saw the beauty and goodness in the process and he supported it. Written by MaryRuth Hackett. Find out more about her here.

I was a little boy-crazy back in high school. I had an endless series of crushes. I dated. I flirted. I broke some hearts and I had my heart broken. I had those puppy-love relationships that felt real and serious and this is it. All of these boys were Catholic—either practicing or, at least, culturally Catholic. I actually met most of these boys through church. I figured, I’d meet some Catholic boy eventually, have the Catholic wedding, and have the Catholic babies and that’d be it. Well, that’s not exactly how it happened. At eighteen, I moved away for college and planned on focusing on school, having some fun, and getting into dental school. I would think about serious dating eventually and get married eventually. Eventually. During my first semester of college at a local club, I met him. He was handsome, friendly, athletic, smart, loyal, funny, caring, interesting, and not Catholic. And I was a goner. At first, I ignored it. He was non-denominational Christian and had a faith-filled upbringing. That was something right? But at some point I had to really decide if dating a non-Catholic was something I could do. Would we just end up hurt in the end? Would I end up compromising too much? I fell head-over-heels in love with this man. He was it for me. I had to ask myself some tough questions. What is his dating philosophy? When I first realized I loved my (now) husband, I knew that I wanted to pursue a real relationship with him. It was important to me that dating was considered a pre-cursor to marriage and not just a way to “rack ‘em up". I was not willing to date casually and constantly wonder whether he was faithful to me and our relationship. We spent about three months going on dates, spending time together, meeting each other’s friends, and getting to know one another. We had a conversation about exclusivity and when we both discussed that our dating relationship would be exclusive and serious, I knew that was a big step in the right direction. Labels were important to me. I wanted to be able to state this is my boyfriend. He did not shy away from that label and he proudly called me his girlfriend. Dating each other was a commitment to be honored and respected. How does he talk about his family and how does he treat them? My husband gushed about his parents. He loves them deeply. He looks up to his father and has a loving and devoted relationship to his mother. He loves his siblings and even while away at college, remained involved in their lives. He called his grandmother. He reminisced about summer get-a-ways with his grandfather. He visited aunts and uncles and played with his little cousins. He was a family man. That was important to me. I could already see the value he placed in family. He did not talk disrespectfully to his mother and he sought advice from his father. I come from a big, loud, and incredibly loving family. I wanted my boyfriend to be able to come to my family gatherings and not be scared away. I wanted to be able to meet his family and get to know them. I wanted us to become part of each other's families. How does he handle conflict resolution? I am a passionate, type-A, control freak. He is a stubborn, equally passionate, and resolute person. We had some conflicts in those dating days. We bickered and fought (still do) but he never took cheap shots. He never walked out. He never shut me out. He never used the silent treatment. He was never violent. He never betrayed my trust. Even when we were upset or mad or hurt, we took the time to hear one another out. He apologized for any wrong-doing. I apologized for my bad attitude. We remained committed to one another and that meant always and every time coming to the table and resolving our conflicts. Does he show curiosity and interest in my faith? Early on, he would come to Mass with me and I would go to church with him. He was respectful of my faith. He asked questions and never tried to change me. He never pressed me to abandon my beliefs. I went through a crisis of faith in college, but he would encourage me to pray about it. He never expressed interest in converting while we were dating and his mom was a bit wary, but he always respected that I was and always will be Catholic. If I were not able to talk about my faith or if I never was able to share it with him, I do not think we would have stayed in a relationship. (He has also has not said he won’t ever convert, so fingers crossed and prayers his way.) What are his beliefs about marriage and the roles of spouses? While I was applying to dental school, I had my first serious thoughts of marriage. We had been dating over two years when I started my application process. I applied to all the California dental schools, but some across the country. I did not want to have to date long-distance so our first serious conversations about marriage went along with my application cycle. We also did not want to live together prior to marriage so it was clear that if we were to move away to dental school together, it would be as husband and wife. It was also important to me that my future spouse had the same beliefs about marriage and the roles of spouses. To me, marriage was for life and not to be taken lightly. He believes the same. He wanted his wife to be his partner in life, through everything, good and bad. He believed that any money we made would be our money and any debt would be our debt. He wanted to have children and raise them to love the Lord. And one month after I was accepted into dental school, he proposed to me. Is he willing to make the Sacrament of marriage? Yay! We’re engaged! Let’s tell our families! Oh wait, just a little thing, was he willing to make the sacrament of marriage with me? Good news, he was. Although he had NO idea what that would entail, he was willing to do it all. He took the NFP class with me. We went on the engaged encounter weekend. We met multiple times with the deacon who was marrying us. We put down the deposit on the church. We did it all. He wanted to do it all. That meant the most to me. And speaking of sacraments, he was willing to baptize in the Catholic Church any children we were blessed with. At the end of the day, there are many factors that go into dating and choosing who to date—personalities, beliefs, values, life styles, etc. But when it comes to deciding to date a non-Catholic, maybe take some time to answer these questions. They helped me decide and now here we are almost six years later with two beautiful children and completely devoted to one another. He’s even doing the Sign of the Cross and attempting to follow along during Mass so . . . progress! Written by Samantha Aguinaldo-Wetterholm. Find out more about her here.

In June of 2014, I was at a loss when I looked around and searched for a women's Catholic community. I knew so many incredible Protestant ones -- women's communities that come together in prayer, to read the Word, to get together in study groups, etc. But I could not find one for Catholic women. I struggled to even find it in my diocese, which is very much alive with amazing ministries and hard-working priests and bishops. I had been blogging about cloth diapers and my kids and being a mom and a wife for nearly two years and had met some pretty incredible Catholic women around the blogosphere. I decided to reach out to them. Here is what my email said: I did not know what Blessed is She was called (obviously!), what it looked like, what we would even do for Catholic women on the internet, but I knew it had to be done. So we leapt. Twenty other women and I leapt into the unknown. We settled in to the name Blessed is She from the Gospel of Luke 1:45 that my friend thought of in prayer one day. It was perfect. We decided to use the lectionary readings instead of studying certain books of the Bible. The Church offers us so much beauty in the lectionary readings, and we thought it would be perfect to meld our Tradition with how the Word affects our daily lives. Twenty women and I, we wrote about the Word, what we hear the Lord speaking to us through it, how it applies to our lives today, what we are learning from this prayer. Here is the very first "daily devotion" sent out, on September 1, 2014. The same words ring true today, We will look at the daily readings and write reflections on them that apply to our lives. It will be soothing to our souls to sit and reflect on what the Lord is trying to speak to us through His beautiful Word. It will be essential for our growth as Christian women to continue to grow in Him as opposed to remaining stagnant. Open up your bible, sister. And I’ll join you. Let’s do this. This has been a great gift. Years later, we are still doing this. This is still our mission: to open up our bibles and to pray together. We have stayed true to what we crave and desire in our own lives: sisterhood and prayer. The past few years haven't come without bumps. They haven't come without bruises. The Blessed is She team has grown: we've doubled our writing team (college aged! sisters! grandmothers! single women! wives!), we now have a graphic designer who designs our study guides and products, we have a web manager who handles our website maintenance, we have a Managing Content Editor, a Director of Operations, and more. We are growing, steadily, hopefully, and in prayer, at the pace the Lord wants us to grow. The past six months have been a great learning experience for our ministry. Ideally, we would continue to provide the lectionary within each email so that women could read the daily readings right there every day. Our goal, right from the very beginning has been to facilitate going deeper into the Word, prayer, and community. However, after talking with different translators and copyright holders, we have determined that including the readings in our emails is no longer possible. The readings will continue to be on our website through an RSS feed provided by the the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, but they will not be in our emails. This has been a long road, these past six months, trying to navigate copyright permissions I never even knew existed when we started Blessed is She in June of 2014. I apologize for any confusion or frustration these past six months have caused for you in our attempt to navigate the waters of copyright law. I ask your forgiveness for the lack of explanation as we tried to find the best solution as quickly as possible. I ask for your continued love, support, and encouragement for this ministry whose mission has not wavered, even in turbulent waters. What has come of this ministry has been bigger than anything any of us anticipated: a sense of welcoming to any and all women, an open door for women to know more about the Word and how it affects them, right now, today. Even more so, this ministry has helped women (at least, it's helped me) to grow in relationship with our Lord and God. And that, my friends, that has made all the difference. If this ministry and community can help just one woman know she is loved deeply by the Father, then this ministry has done its job. One woman can rest in His arms, in security and deep faith. Any of the mess-ups or trip-ups of the past three years mean nothing in light of the goodness and the gift of Blessed is She. If you have any questions or concerns, I am all ears. Contact me here. Jenna Guizar is the wife to an amazing man named Mike, is the mother to four beautiful little girls (one is already in heaven), and is the founder and Creative Director of Blessed is She.

This morning I was reflecting on one of the Blessed Is She daily devotions that spoke about the Cross and seeing it as more than a decorative fixture in our house, but rather, as something that we live. I started thinking about some of the daily crosses I experience in my own life and wondered if a few of them were not meant for me to carry. For example, the other day I woke up extremely tired because one of my sons was sick with a fever in the night and I was up taking care of him. I finally got back to bed and it seemed like only moments later that the alarm clock was ringing. This was a normal cross of motherhood. You take care of your babies and sometimes it leaves you sleep deprived but God gives you the grace to endure. Another morning, I also woke up extremely tired but not because of a sick child. Rather, it was because I was binge watching a favorite show on Netflix. I went to bed way too late on a school night and the next morning I was tired and cranky. That tiredness was a cross I then had to carry but I was never meant to carry it. I was supposed to go to bed at the appointed hour and get a decent night’s sleep so I wouldn’t be acting like a zombie the next day. Is That Cross of My Own Making? As I considered this, other moments came to my mind with similar outcomes. One afternoon I was busy helping my in-laws and by the time I got home I was rushing around to get dinner on the table. I knew God wanted me to be a loving and helpful daughter-in-law and I’d just have to deal with the stress of getting dinner on the table in time. It was the sacrifice God was asking of me at that moment. Another afternoon, I was also rushing around frantic to get dinner on the table but that was because I spent way too much time on the computer when I was supposed to be cooking. That cross should never have happened. My sacrifice should have been turning off the computer and getting my butt in the kitchen. Or what about the day I was feeling ill because I came down with a flu bug? Sometimes illness is unavoidable. But what about the time I was feeling sick and run down because I was overindulging in junk food and desserts? That was not supposed to happen. The distinction is a helpful one when we're undergoing suffering. Take a Second Look. While there are unavoidable things in our lives that will go wrong or will be hard to deal with, sometimes it’s helpful to take a second look and ask ourselves if there’s something we can do to ease the chaos or lighten the cross. Are we overly stressed because we are mismanaging our time or over extending ourselves with outside activities? Are we upset and resentful that our husband isn’t pitching in yet we don’t actually tell him specifically how he can help us out and instead expect him to read our mind? Are we going crazy at work or school because we are getting sucked into someone else’s drama? Are we angry because there is so much stuff to organize and put away and we’re not dealing with the fact that we might just have too much stuff? Only you truly know your situation. You may be doing everything as well as you know how and life is still chaos simply because you have babies and toddlers running around the house. That’s pretty much comes with the territory. You are carrying the expected cross of motherhood. Or maybe you have a busy job with deadlines to meet. Or maybe you have tests to study for and a load of schoolwork to complete on time. True, those are things you can't avoid. However, whatever your situation, it doesn’t hurt to ask God to show you if there are any areas in your life where things could be eased up if you changed a few things around or did something differently. Ask yourself if this is a cross God is asking of you or is it a result of your own bad habits? By changing what we can, we can then put our energy into the following the path God gave us and be at peace that we're not straying onto difficult roads that weren’t meant for us. [bctt tweet="Ask yourself if this is a cross God is asking of you or is it a result of your own bad habits?"] Written by Bobbi Rol. Find out more about her here.

It's our 100th free wallpaper download! Today we have the verse from Saint Francis de Sales from the On The Way: The Road to Pentecost. "When you have received him, stir up your heart to do him homage; speak to him about your spiritual life. gazing upon him in your soul where he is present for your happiness; welcome him as warmly as possible, and behave outwardly in such a way that your actions may give proof to all of his presence." Download for free below! Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

One of the things that has always most struck me about Christianity is how often there are very simple, yet powerful truths I can so easily overlook or avoid. You know what I'm talking about right? Those teachings of Jesus we conceptualize in our hearts and absorb in our head. But sometimes, they just don't translate very well to our hearts. Mercy vs. Judgement. Pray for those who persecute you. Pick up your cross daily and follow Me. Love my neighbors the same way I love myself. Forgive 70 x 7. It is that last teaching of Jesus, particularly the devotion of Divine Mercy that has taught me how to forgive. Who knew I had so much to learn about mercy and forgiveness?! Well, I guess God did. During the Year of Mercy, I was going through a divorce and was awaiting a decision from the tribunal in regards to my annulment case. I have had to forgive a lot of people starting with my former spouse for pain and trauma. I had to offer kindness to my own healing for my own wrong doings and insecurities I dragged into my marriage. I had to forgive the Catholic Church both institutionally and personally. I had to forgive well-meaning people or priest's who made unknowingly insensitive comments to me. I began to really study and reflect on the teaching of Divine Mercy Jesus gave to Saint Faustina, His missionary on earth to remind us of the great mercy of our God. Praying the Chaplet of Divine Mercy was a constant way to let go and keep my heart soft. Mercy has changed me radically. Because just as Christ is merciful to me, I am called to show the same mercy to all people. If not, then all this following-Jesus-church-going stuff is a lie. There is no excuse, no reason to say it doesn't apply to me or my unique situation. Either it does or it doesn't. The message of Divine Mercy has taught me we have to forgive the unforgiveable in others because Jesus Christ has forgiven the unforgiveable in me, in you! And mercy and forgiveness do not mean you forget or allow yourself to be a door mat. No, but rather mercy and forgiveness are insurance for our hearts. Insurance protects things like our cars or homes. And we need spiritual insurance to protect our hearts and souls . . . and that is the power of mercy and forgiveness. In his Papal Bull for the Year of Mercy, Pope Francis writes: "We are called to show mercy because mercy has first been shown to us. Mercy is a key word that indicates God's action towards us. He does not limit himself to merely affirming his love, but makes it visible and tangible. By its very nature, it indicates something concrete: intentions, attitudes, and behaviors that are shown in daily living. Just as he is merciful, so we are called to be merciful to each other." No matter the pain or hurt you have faced sisters, we are called as Christian women to go be mercy out in the world. Go be mercy; live mercy; love mercy. [bctt tweet="Go be mercy; live mercy; love mercy."] Because our world is achingly desperate for it. Written by Patty Breen. Find out more about her here.

In the online world, women frequently come across talk about the importance of self-care. We are often told that, in order to function properly, we need to set aside time to take care of ourselves. This tends to elicit two initial reactions: A desperate sigh because, like, who even has time for that? Or, An eye-roll, because self-care is only for the fragile and there’s too much important work to be done. As much as I hate to admit it, these are often my own first thoughts when I reflect upon self-care. I tend to think that self-care is vital for other women, but that I can handle more, suck it up more, push through more. Ha. And I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. I’ve spoken with many women who think they are exempt from the need for self-care either because they can’t imagine how to fit anything else into their overflowing schedules, or they believe that serving others is more important and thus taking time for themselves is taking time away from more important work. Is Self-Care Selfish? As Christians, our lives our imbued with a notion of self-sacrifice. We are a missional Church. We follow Christ’s example, laying down our lives for our friends. We are called to provide support for the marginalized. Our vocations radiate service. Self-sacrifice is a fiber of our being as Christians, as it very-well should be. We pause at the notion of stepping back and focusing on our own bodies, minds, and souls. We are quick to indulge the distorted idea that self-care isn’t Christian because it’s “not directly at service of Christ and His Church.” But I think God might disagree for two reasons. 1. We are called to be stewards. At its core, self-care is all about being good stewards of our bodies, minds, and souls in order to become the best version of ourselves. In Genesis, God commands us to take care of all His creation. And guess what? That includes ourselves. We are His handiwork, and He wants us to flourish and thrive in beauty and love, not be tossed aside or neglected, whatever the motivation. 2. We can’t give what we don’t have. We’ve all heard that we can't give what we don’t have, and this remains true when it comes to taking care of others. There are so many demands on our time and attention as women—family, work, children, friends, volunteer work—and if we don’t take the time to tend to ourselves, our well will dry up rather quickly. We will have nothing left to give. When it comes to things we care about like our family and our work, none of us aim to give the very last leftover bits of ourselves. Rather, we desire to give the very best of ourselves. So when we take care of ourselves, we are filled up, renewed, and restored so we can offer the Lord and the people around us the very best of who we are. The Example of Jesus. If these reasons aren’t enough to convince us of the deep Christian values self care holds, then we can simply look at the life of Christ. If we are meant to live as He lived, then that includes looking at the details of His daily life. He understood the importance of self-care: Many times throughout the Gospels, Jesus retreated from everyone else to rest alone or to pray by Himself (see Mark 1:9-13, Mark 1:35, Mark 6:30-32, Mark 6:45-46, Mark 14:32-42). Jesus took time to sleep, even when it was inconvenient (Matthew 8:23-27). Jesus encouraged others to rest, like when He told Martha not to be anxious about the housework, but to come and relax with Him (Luke 10: 38-42; see also Mark 2:27). When His Apostles were in the midst of major transition (wrapping their heads around Jesus’ death and Resurrection), He fed them (John 21:5-14). These moments recorded thousands of years ago were not included haphazardly. They are a part of Scripture for a reason. Jesus is the Way for us, and that way includes making time for self-care. The Lord loves us so much, He desires only our good, and this means stewarding our whole health. How Do We Live this Out Practically? You might be thinking: “I get it, and I know it’s important. It sounds great, actually. But how do I make this a reality within my specific life circumstances?” That’s the tricky part, isn’t it? Because women are born with maternal instincts, we are quick to set our own needs aside constantly in order to meet the needs of others. Figuring out how to care for ourselves can prove to be an obstacle that seems insurmountable. Thankfully, there are vast and simple ways to be intentional about caring for ourselves. Sometimes, we just need some inspiration, encouragement, and ideas. If you’re wanting to dive deeper into this idea of self care, join us on April 19th (that’s tomorrow!) for a workshop all about it. I’ll be there (hi!), and we’ll have a great time chatting about why self care is important for Christians, and I’ll get to answer your specific questions, too! In the workshop we will discuss: What self care actually is (and what it is not) Why self care is biblical and Catholic What self care might look like for various states in life How you can begin to find your own rhythm of self care When we begin being intentional about the wonderful creation that is us, the need for self-care becomes apparent. Taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish; it’s at the service of providing others only the best of who God created us to be. Even God Incarnate knew He needed moments of restoration. We are wise to follow Him. [bctt tweet="When we take care of ourselves, we are filled up, renewed, and restored to give to others."] I hope you can join more of your sisters on the 19th to hash out this topic together. Self-care can sometimes feel like a mythical unicorn, and we are going to do our best to help you make it a reality in your life. See you there! Written by Olivia Spears. Find out more about her here.

We are the Easter people and alleluia is our song. Download this free Easter wallpaper below for your phone and desktop. This lettering by Erica is from our Easter journal by Colleen C. Mitchell, On The Way: The Road to Pentecost. There are a few hard copies of the beautiful book left in the shop and the digital version is now available! Phone wallpaper Desktop wallpaper

We sat in complete darkness listening to the Old Testament readings, one after another revealing the prophecy of the Messiah. My husband stood, flashlight in hand, and walked up to the ambo to speak of Moses and the Pharaoh, the chariots and the charioteers. It is his favorite reading in the Old Testament and he read it at every Easter Vigil Mass for the past several years without exception. All dressed in our Easter finery, I held Jerry’s hand as I thought of all those years preceding. As my mind wandered in the dark, I thought of the many traditions our little family had created surrounding this most holy of days: The egg dyeing on Good Friday, the Food Basket Blessing on Holy Saturday, followed by the making of my Grandmother Stuecken’s German donuts, all ready for the next morning. There was the sewing of fancy dresses and Easter bonnets for our daughter, Courtney, and the search for the most handsome suit we could afford for our son, Jonathan. There was also the hiding of the chocolate bunnies so a certain son with a wicked sweet tooth would not find them before the Easter Bunny arrived. A tear slipped down my face as the readings continued and the memories rolled through my mind’s eye. In that moment, I was so grateful for the dark, for it mirrored my heart. There would be no Easter Bunny this year. There were no new clothes. There were no donuts waiting for the next morning. Nothing was the same in that moment, because our lives were not the same. Our Courtney, our beautiful 22-year-old special needs daughter, our shining star, the heart of our little family, was dead. Celebrating was not something any of us were prepared to do this very first Easter without her. Jerry, Jonathan, and I sat in the same dress clothes we’d worn for her funeral four months earlier. Our hearts were hurting and we were all struggling to find a smile in those early days. Yet here we sat, on this most holy of nights, waiting to celebrate the Resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I didn’t feel holy. I didn’t feel joy. I felt cheated by a God who said that He loved me more than anything else, yet took my only daughter from me. I felt like the sun would never rise again, and that the veil of tears that threatened to fall any second would be my undoing. Courtney loved church. She loved to hear the choir singing. Our happy princess loved all the hugs and kisses everyone would bestow upon her. She loved to wait until it was silent before calling loudly, sounding like Chewbacca from Star Wars, just to make sure God and all His Angels and Saints knew she was there singing and praising in the only way she knew how. Most of all, Courtney loved to hear the bells, especially when rung at consecration. She would lean forward in her wheelchair, smile and laugh, knowing that the King of Kings had arrived. Her glee could not be contained in that moment. I imagine that if she could have spoken, she would have cried out, “Jesus was in the building, people! Praise Him now and forever!” In the darkness, the tears continued to fall. Everything was so different now. I felt naked without my daughter beside me. We had been the best of friends and partners in crime for 22 years. Her care required great physical and emotional sacrifice from me as well as Jerry and Jonathan, and none of us knew what to do without her. Who was I without her? This night, this most holy night, I felt bereft without her. How was I going to get through the rest of the Mass? I felt the need to run. To just get up and leave. My hands were shaking, and everything in me was screaming: “Just go. Just go. Just go.” The last thing I wanted to do was stumble and fall in the dark, thereby making a bigger fool of myself than I was just by sitting there crying quietly. I knew I would not run, and I hated that. I hated knowing I had no choice but to remain seated and continue to listen. I placed my head upon my husband’s shoulder and closed my eyes. I began to silently pour out my heart to my daughter. In my mind’s eye, we were sitting on a park bench and the sun was shining. I knew she was sitting next to me but I couldn’t see her face. I just knew she was there. I told her how much I missed her and how mad I was at God for taking her from me. I told her everything that had happened with me, her big brother, and her daddy since she left us. I told her I wanted her back and asked, “Why can’t you come back?” I told her all this while sitting in the dark at Easter Vigil Mass. It felt like I had spent hours talking to her, but in reality it was only a few minutes. I asked her to tell me she was OK. “Give me a sign, Courtney. Anything, Sweetie. Just let me know you are OK.” I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and wiped my tears away, knowing that no sign was coming. I looked up at my husband’s face and thanked him in a whisper for never leaving my side. He squeezed my hand and smiled. I took another deep breath and waited for the readings to be over. I opened my ears again, listening to the ache of the Jewish people calling out for their Messiah in one reading after another. I understood that ache. I felt the same way about the loss of my child. How much longer, Lord, do I have to wait to be with her again? How much longer? In voicing that lament, I felt the strangest thing happen. I was overcome by a calm I had not felt in months. In the next few moments, I felt like I stepped outside my body and was watching someone else. And then I realized there were bells ringing. So many bells. The lights came up, the congregation was standing, and the Gloria was being sung for the first time in 40 days. Jerry had tears streaming down his face and he gripped my hand, leaning in to say above the din, “Remember the bells, Mary. Courtney loved the bells. She is here, right now, with us. She’s probably ringing the things herself. Listen to the bells, Babe.” He sang the Gloria, in his beautiful baritone, and I just wept. The bells. How could I forget the bells, Courtney? I lifted my hands in praise. I praised Him for the gift of knowing that my girl was OK and dancing at the foot of the throne, right then at that very moment. I sang the Gloria through my tears and felt joy for the first time since my daughter took her last breath in my arms. After Mass, we were greeted by many parishioners who shared how they felt Courtney’s presence so strongly that night during the Gloria and again at the consecration. “Remember how she would sing with joy or laugh whenever the bells rang?” they said over and over. I smile every time I think of that Easter. It was the hardest one of my life and yet the most joy filled in memory. We are approaching our third Easter without our beautiful Courtney. The family traditions have been simplified to meet our family’s changing needs. Instead of a purchasing a fancy dress or a new suit, we buy and bring a beautiful bouquet of flowers to our daughter’s grave. If the weather cooperates we sit, have coffee while enjoying Grandma Stuecken’s German donuts, and tell stories of our girl and enjoy being a family of four again for the briefest of moments. I am no longer mad at God for I see the beauty of His plan revealed to me a little more every day. I am forever grateful for His faithfulness to our family during our struggle. Courtney’s story continues to be shared far and wide. I feel her presence during every Mass I attend as she praises God just beyond the veil. Our daughter may have left our arms, but she is still with us, residing always in our hearts. If you find yourself grieving for a loved one this Easter, know that you are not alone. Grief has a funny way of showing up during the most solemn of days. Know that I am praying for you and your wounded heart. May you hear God’s love song in the beauty of the bells. Written by Mary Lenaburg. Find out more about her here.

As a child, I used to wonder why we called Good Friday good. As I get older and grow more and more in love with God, days like those of the Sacred Triduum have become a time of deep adoration and contemplation. Not only did the God of the universe become incarnate in the womb of a poor, young virgin, but He also eventually suffered, died, and rose again to save us. The paradoxes of our faith enable me to embrace the often-perplexing mysteries of everyday life. [bctt tweet="God works through weakness."] In my fifteen years in my religious community, I have had the opportunity to go to other countries a few times. I found myself in a very difficult interior space during one of these times abroad. My family and friends back home also seemed to be enduring storms, and it was difficult to be so far away from them. Amid all of the interior and exterior difficulties, my body started to react in a way I had never experienced before. I had, up to that point of my life, been blessed with good health. I noticed myself feeling more and more physically weak, and I tried to become more mindful of eating well and resting enough. But one day as I was going upstairs, I noticed that I was gripping the banisters on the staircase and pulling myself up. I was shocked when I realized I was trying to divide my body weight between my legs and my arms to get upstairs. To this day, I am profoundly grateful for the compassion and help of the Sister who was in charge, and to this day, that period of my life and the physical challenge is a bit of a mystery. Although you and I have probably never put our hand into Christ’s side, we do have opportunities to draw near and experience the power of His love. The compassion and goodness of others is a marvelous gift. This Sister who was in charge was drawing from her own experience of inexplicable sickness and difficult moments in her life to walk with me, and she taught me the power of gentle goodness that day. Her smiles, gentle jokes, listening ear, and calm presence illustrated the Lord’s way of patient love and loving patience. I am confident, from experience, that God never fails us and that God’s mercy is indeed, as our Blessed Mother said, “From age to age on those who fear Him.” (Lk 1:50) But I am sure He can periodically lift the clouds in our souls to encourage us as we take up our cross to follow Him. God always gave enough in those months. Enough interior strength, enough friends and supports, enough grace. One day as I walked into our community chapel, I felt the Lord speak in my heart, “I am with you.” These words consoled me so deeply that they illumined the darkness and the pain of being so far away from my friends and family who were suffering. These words reawakened me to the strength of God’s ever-present but quiet grace in my soul. I felt known and understood. He was accompanying me, and so my heart was in harmony with those powerful words of Saint Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” along the sentiment of the line in the Anima Christi, “Passion of Christ be my strength.” The darkness of Good Friday gives us the light by which to decipher the next best step of the present moment. I regained my physical strength only gradually and perhaps will not see the same level of energy again. But the Lord clearly and decisively gave me the grace to know that my task was: to lovingly do whatever He was going to put under my nose in each present moment. This became enough for me because He was enough for me. The Lord allowed Himself to feel the darkness of feeling like the Father was distant: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Although in our brighter moments we know God never abandons us, sometimes we go through dark nights where we feel forsaken. These words of Sacred Scripture spoken by the Divine Word Himself are sweet courage for me today. They remind me that it’s okay to tell God when I feel weak because then I can discover like Saint Paul that in Christ “[W]hen I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:10) Good Friday is good because on Good Friday God teaches us His way. God draws nearest to us with compassion and love, especially when we feel we have nothing. God’s power, then, is not so much a mightiness that causes us to shudder in fear and trembling, but a sweet desire on God’s part to use His almighty presence to encourage us. God changed my heart through the experience that I had and has allowed me to ask for the grace to not be afraid of weakness and darkness either in myself or in those I serve. He has shown me what the Psalmist prays: “The darkness is not dark to you, and the night is as bright as day.” (Ps 139:12) Written by Sr. Maria Kim-Ngân Bùi. Find out more about her here.

It was Holy Week 2012. I was grieving a child I would never get to hold, and whose face I would never get to see. Holy Week 2011 I had been pregnant. I carried a secret that only my husband and I knew about. That Holy Week we smiled at each other excitedly throughout the services of the Triduum. On Easter Sunday, we told family and friends that we were expecting. And then, only few weeks later, we lost that baby. The year that ensued was one filled with a lot of doctors' appointments, a lot of negative pregnancy tests, and a lot of tears. By the time Holy Week 2012 rolled around we still had no baby in our arms, and the bitterness of infertility was starting to set in. It seemed like everyone around us was announcing pregnancies and bringing home babies from the hospital. There was baby shower after baby shower. Everyone was happy and excited, and it was killing me. Lent came to me as a relief that year. I didn’t feel like being happy, and Lent was something that I didn’t have to force a smile for. I could just be sad. But it turns out the Lord wasn’t going to just let me wallow, like I had hoped. He is in the business of bringing redemption out of suffering. My Holy week journey would include the road to Calvary, but it would also include the joy of the Empty Tomb. Survey that wonderful Cross. Stations of the Cross is something most Catholics pray only during Lent, but I think it would do us a lot of good to pray the Stations many times throughout the year. After all, crosses are not just for Lent. We all deal with them, all the time. They’re heavy, ugly, and painful. But they can also bring us closer to Jesus, if we let them. No one enjoys suffering, but when I think about my life, it’s been during those times of carrying a heavy cross that I have felt closest to God. That’s because “the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18) When life is awesome, we often forget our need for God. But when life rocks us with grief, when suffering has depleted us of our own strength, we are forced to rely on Him, and He gives us the grace we need. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Co 12:9) When I felt like I couldn’t face another smiling pregnant woman, or endure another person asking me “Don’t you want kids?” when the pain of wanting a baby was so overwhelming, when grief had zapped all of my strength, Jesus was there, pumping grace into my soul. I had to rely on Him because there really wasn’t anything else I could do. That Holy Week, as Jesus carried His Cross to Calvary, I walked with Him, carrying my own cross of infertility. The pain didn’t go away, but there was comfort knowing Jesus was beside me. Don’t forget about Mary. Being a convert, I’ve been a little slow to pick up on Marian devotions. I was most wary of the devotion to her in Catholicism as I went through my catechesis. I believed she was Theotokos, God-bearer, and that she was full of grace, but I had never felt drawn to her for spiritual support, until that Holy Week. “Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother.” It’s the fourth station in the Stations of the Cross. After praying it every Friday during Lent it finally hit me, Mary was a grieving mother, just like me. Her child died, just like mine. How she must have suffered, how she must have longed to hold her Son again, just like I longed to hold my baby. Mary gets me. And what’s more, she is in Heaven, praying for me. The Litany of the Saints gets real. Remember when I said that Holy Week is a journey from darkness to light, from grief to joy? Well, it had been a pretty dark year, I had done a lot of grieving, and I was ready for some joy. And God delivered in a completely unexpected way. We were about two hours into the Easter Vigil, an amazingly beautiful, and amazingly long liturgy, when it was time to sing the Litany of the Saints, and I was starting to get a little sleepy. I half heard each name as it was chanted, and I in turn chanted the response, “Pray for us.” And then we got to Saint Anastasia, and I began to weep. I never named the baby that we lost. My miscarriage was quick, messy, and confusing. I never even saw that baby. There was no way for me to know if it was a boy or a girl. But as I heard the name 'Anastasia' I knew that that was what we should name that baby. And I knew that that soul which I had carried for a such short time was in Heaven with all the Saints, before the throne of God, praying for me. My infertility wasn’t cured that day, and I wasn’t magically given a baby to hold in my arms, but I was reminded that God had used my husband and me to create a new soul. There was joy in the knowledge that I was a mother, and that my baby was in Heaven. There is life after death, that’s the promise of Easter. The journey of Holy Week. That Holy Week I found so much grace in my cross of infertility. Grace forcing me to rely on Jesus in a way I never had before. Grace opening my eyes to elements of my faith I had not seen before. Grace bringing joy out of suffering. Darkness to light. Grief to joy. Death to life. This is the journey of Holy Week. [bctt tweet="Darkness to light. Grief to joy. Death to life. This is the journey of Holy Week."] Written by Anna Coyne. Find out more about her here.

Ever since I succumbed to a physical and mental breakdown in December and have been undergoing intensive psychotherapy, I have learned an interesting fact about people: they do not like you to call yourself crazy when the context is that you are actually crazy. I mean, crazy can mean something good on so many other occasions: “Your hair looks crazy good today.” “Girl, you are so crazy, I love you for it.” “You won a LuLaRoe shopping spree? That is CRAZY.” People are comfortable to use the word crazy in any number of contexts. But when I use it in place of "post-traumatic stress induced mood and anxiety disorders with depressive cycles and obsessive-compulsive tendencies," everyone freaks out like I am a baby who has just licked something disgusting off the floor, running toward me, shaking their hands, “No, no, no, don’t say that about yourself, you are not crazy. You have an illness. And look at you, you are in therapy. You are working so hard. And you are going get better.” These comments leave me thinking two things: First, these people are a bit like an attending healthcare provider who hasn't experienced labor promising you it won’t be that painful. Second, these people are missing the point entirely. The point being that this entire situation actually does qualify as crazy, and I am not being self-deprecating when I call myself that. When you are a highly adaptive, over-achieving extrovert, wife of almost twenty years, homeschooling mom to five sons, Catholic missionary and non-profit founder, writer and speaker, and it’s a week before Christmas and you suddenly find yourself in the hospital because you just, well, cracked under accumulated anxiety and stress and also no one ever really diagnosed that long list of things mentioned above, life gets really crazy. Second of all, we still live in a culture, especially a religious culture, where talking openly about mental illness is awkward for everyone, if not totally taboo. If you are the person who had the mental breakdown and is going through all the intensive therapy and people who are not sure what to say and are always asking things like, “How are you?” “Let me know how things are.” “Do you need anything?” in hushed, drawn out tones that allow you to see the concern lines furrowed between their brows even in a Facebook message, you get to decide what response works for you. Because you are the one in the heat of this battle for your brain and your body and your life and you are often tired and too emotionally foggy to know the answer to any of those questions. For me, using the term "crazy" works. There's a hinge of humor behind it. It feels appropriately vitriolic when I need it too. And dramatically artistic as a side-bonus. It is, in fact, an offering and an acceptance of mercy. When I call myself crazy, it is my reminder to extend myself a little extra kindness and compassion for all the ways it seems I have negatively affected my family’s life over the last few months and for the stress I have caused other people. When I call myself crazy, I am moving toward acceptance that I can be all that string of words in the diagnosis above and at the same time still be all the string of words in the description of myself above. I just need a little more care and rest and medication to do it than most people. And for right now, I cannot be all of that at once. I have to pick and choose slowly and carefully as I recover. And there is a softness, a mercy, in "crazy" that allows me that mercy for myself. I can use the term to interact with others in this sensitive time and be honest about what I am dealing with, but leave the deep vulnerability of acceptance and the work of getting well, the stuff of the big, long words, safely between me, myself and God. Crazy is not so much an adjective I plan to cling to as my identity forever as it is a safe place I have created as I recover. Maybe one day, I won’t need the safety of the word the way I need it right now. But if you hear me calling myself crazy any time soon, this is your permission to just smile or laugh or hug me or sit silently depending on the context and not try to take it away from me. Because this is my cross, and I have fallen, and I am making my way back up from my knees so I can keep walking. And this is my moment to burrow close in my heart next to my suffering Jesus and let Him tell me I’ll be okay until I believe it. And calling myself crazy is the act of mercy that keeps me from hiding from the world while we do that work. [bctt tweet="This is my cross, + I've fallen, + I'm making my way back up from my knees to keep walking. @colleencmitch"] Plus, it’s more off-putting than it is frightening to people, and that makes me feel less awkward and less likely to fill that awkward space by saying actually crazy things, so let’s go with. At least until Easter comes, and then maybe I’ll be ready to sing “alleluia” crazy-loud with the rest of the world. Written by Colleen Mitchell. Find out more about her here.