Those who trust in him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with him in love: Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones, and his care is with his elect. // Wisdom 3:9 (from optional memorial)

*trigger warning—difficult birth*

Today we celebrate the Memorial of Saint Andrew Dũng-Lạc and the 116 others martyred in Vietnam. I have always admired the martyrs and thought that I would endure a “white martyrdom” of prayer and penance when I briefly entered the holy doors of the Carmelite enclosure. Then I thought I would do so while in the missions, in a far-off land surrounded by desert sands and faces that did not yet know Christ. But the closest I’ve actually come to dying for another was in my vocation of marriage, in a wealthy country, on a sterile hospital bed.

I had contractions for days. After lots of hormones, an epidural, and more hormones, I was pushing with my all but our precious boy wouldn’t come. As the doctor explained all of the details of the necessary emergency cesarean section, I nodded with a peace that was not my own. My only concern was for our baby’s safety. I was being laid down for his life. In that moment I told the Lord in my heart that I was ready—whatever He wanted. That was the work of His grace and mercy. 

As an atheist made the Sign of the Cross over me while my arms were strapped down cruciform, I rested. The Lord gave me such peace and a sense of surrender. It was, I think, a glimpse into that impetus of grace the martyrs receive in their last moments when it would be easier to turn away from Christ than to face impending death. These martyrs gave their all, trusting in the Lord’s goodness and love.

By God’s mercy the baby and I survived the ordeal. And I experienced that day the profound peace that comes when we entrust ourselves fully into the arms of a loving Father who is ready to embrace us at every moment, in every trial and circumstance.

Sister, let us walk in the boldness of the martyrs and entrust ourselves entirely into His hands, singing of His faithfulness (see Psalm 31:5).