January 13, 2026 // Optional Memorial of Saint Hilary, Bishop and Doctor of the Church
Read the Word // Open your Bible to today’s First Reading: 1 Samuel 1:9-20
Reflect on the Word //
Songs of sorrow and hope play on repeat as I draw pictures and overwrite them in large black letters taken from the Bible. Other verses I pen onto stark blank pages, crumpling and tossing away all but a few. I go for long silent walks and cry my way through the Liturgy of the Hours, sitting beside my husband who reads the prayers for us both. I attend daily Mass when I am able, acutely aware of my lack of ability to concentrate, yet trusting that the Mass is still efficacious. Grief’s intrusion drastically changes the way we pray, but because it’s lacking in pretenses, I’d argue that what I’ve termed “messy prayer” changes us for the better.
Hannah in today’s First Reading is loved by her husband yet knows grief. She pours out her troubles to the Lord, offering Him, incoherently, the deep sorrow and misery she can no longer contain (see 1 Samuel 1: 15-16). I’ve not been maligned nor misunderstood like Hannah. Neither have I known the empty pain of infertility. Yet, like Hannah, I’ve prayed in ways that could be mistaken for drunkenness. I’ve also bargained with God: If You answer my plea, I’ll give You everything! Please, please, please grant my desire! But God does not answer my prayer the way I desire. I’m dismayed, and ask, Why hasn’t Jesus granted my plea?
Jesus’ clear answer jolts me: “Are you envious because I am generous?” (Matthew 20:15b) The question lays bare an uncomfortable truth that when I hear of His goodness toward others, envy sometimes crowds out the loving response of joy He desires for me. Humbled and contrite, I pray. I’m so sorry! How desperately I need You! Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I see now that Hannah and her Samuel are gifts to me too, teaching me humility and trust.
Dear sister, our loving God desires our open hearts. He wants us just as we are, and loves us too much to leave us sick and wounded. It’s God’s prerogative to heal us in His way and in His time. We can trust Him with everything, including our messy prayers.
Relate to the Lord // Where do you feel messy? Can you share those parts with a friend today? Will you show them to God in prayer?
Lani Bogart was born in Hawaii and grew up in Ohio and Michigan. She was a small child when she began to love Jesus. She’s at home in Texas with her woodworker Deacon husband near their children and grandchildren, Lani is also an active spiritual director and trauma healing volunteer. You can read more at Lanibogart.blog
Lani Bogart nació en Hawaii y creció en Ohio y Michigan. Era una niña pequeña cuando empezó a amar a Jesús. Está en su casa en Texas con su esposo, un carpintero diácono, cerca de sus hijos y nietos. Lani también es una directora espiritual activa y voluntaria de curación de traumas. Puedes leer más en Lanibogart.blog
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