How do I Die?

“Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” // John 12:24

I grew up with six brothers and sisters. Our home was always a happy cacophony of activity.  I love my family dearly and wouldn’t trade a thing.

But, in that environment, it took me a long, long time to learn that I was part-hermit, a true introvert, and far from being a liability, this was actually a great gift from God. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I craved silence and solitude far more than most. I had much lower needs for socializing than most of my friends and family, and I had to learn that this craving for quiet was how I was refreshed and renewed, so that I could go out into the world and do the work the Lord had for me.

It makes complete sense. I lead retreats, offer spiritual direction, and write books. It’s not that extroverts cannot do all of those things well, but I wonder if it isn’t the introverts around us that teach the world how to pray, how to find stillness.

Jesus tells us in the parable in today's Gospel that we need to die in order to rise again in fruitfulness (see John 12:24-26). The Christian life is made up of a thousand tiny deaths every day—to sin and to selfishness. But sometimes the way we need to die is to give up preconceived ideas about who we are, to discover who we are meant to be so that we can be free to develop and offer up our charisms.

Extroverts have taught me a great deal: how to negotiate, how to stand up to a bully, and so much more. But once I stopped fighting my introverted needs, my spiritual life began to flourish in untold ways; it began to “produce much fruit” (John 12:24).

How might the Lord be calling you to die? Are you fighting with your spiritual charisms or embracing and developing them? Ask the Lord if there are any ideas you are nurturing that need to fall to the ground and die.