O LORD, you have probed me and you know me; you know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. // Psalm 139:1-3
When I started college a few years ago, I began the typical freshman year experience of meeting new people at every turn. I slowly became obsessed with explaining myself so that people wouldn’t assume things about me or read me the wrong way.
“Oh sorry, that’s just not me.”
I wanted to be sure that people knew I was an introvert so they didn’t expect me to pick up the phone if they called randomly.
I told people “I’m not a morning person” relentlessly so they wouldn’t hear a rude tone before class and assume that I’m always an irritable person.
I created my picture-perfect list of traits to describe myself so that I could keep control of who I am and who people know me to be.
As my college years went on, I felt unexpectedly outgoing and creative, but I would shut myself down because it didn’t fit this existing image of me. I began seeing all these different versions of myself from other people’s perspectives, and none of them aligned with who I thought I was. Most importantly, I saw myself more through God’s eyes, who already understands my thoughts completely, as the Psalmist writes.
To this day, as God constantly shakes up this ideal version of my life that I try to craft, He is drawing me closer to Himself. God knows when I sit and stand, and He sees more clearly than anyone the versions of myself that I’ve been and the versions of myself that I will be. His view reveals the complete, complicated daughter who is fully loved by Him.
Seeing ourselves change can feel overwhelming. I pray you find comfort in knowing that God understood you before, and He understands you still as you grow before His eyes. You don’t need excuses to be known and delighted in by God. Draw nearer to Him so He can reveal the woman He is calling you to be.
You don’t need excuses to be known and delighted in by God. // Aubrey MajorClick to tweet
Aubrey Major is an artist and designer living life joyfully in the Midwest. She has a new favorite color every week, loves laughing any chance she can get, and scrolls through Spotify playlists way more than any social media. She is passionate about loving the world through her creativity and designing unique things that help others see the goodness in their lives. Join her in making art and collecting inspiration here.
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