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Worldly Comfort as an Ideal: How to Combat It - Blessed Is She
Worldly Comfort as an Ideal: How to Combat It

I remember when we got married, I joked with my husband that I missed the graffiti from my inner city neighborhood. It’s not that graffiti is something to be applauded (especially the kind that defaces property); however, it was a frequent reminder that my external environment reflected the people who lived around me. The neighborhood I grew up in never hid the daily struggles that the people were enduring. I took comfort in that. I took comfort in knowing that none of us pretended to live perfect lives and that we all dwelt in the discomfort of our obstacles together. Worldly (Dis)Comfort The realities of someone else’s suffering didn’t escape me. It didn’t disappear from my memory like driving by a homeless man off the highway and then moving on with my day. Instead, these social issues were in front of me daily—women pushing their children in grocery carts along with their folded laundry, homeless people walking to Catholic Charities, travelers walking to the nearby Greyhound station, homeless people begging near one of the highway off ramps (typically in pairs so they could split what little they received for the day), a pedestrian crossing the street while talking to himself (an indication of needing medical care and attention), stray dogs aimlessly looking for food as well as other social injustices that were part of everyday life. I didn’t have to go very far to see the needs of my community. All of this offered me plenty for me to pray for and opportunities for me to get over myself and identify with the plight of other human beings. Appearances Don’t Conceal the Need for Human Connection The first time I felt the disparity of where I came from was when I began to nanny outside of my neighborhood during my teenage years. I remember pulling into a guard gated community and looking at the wrought iron gates, wondering why anyone would need a security guard and gates. In my naiveté I thought, “Surely these people must have a lot that needs protecting.” I remember how perfect everything looked. Everyone’s trees were trimmed precisely, the lawns were all in sync and followed the same green color pattern as the rest of the homes I passed by (which I later realized was synthetic grass). To be clear, there is nothing wrong with desiring to live in a safe community or in a place that provides opportunities to live a comfortable lifestyle; however, there can be a detachment from what is going on in the rest of the world. This detachment can lead to a forgetfulness of other people who may not lead the same lifestyle. The security our surroundings offer us shouldn’t remove the innate desire each of us has to offer compassion and love to the other person. This sense of security can convince us that we don’t need to get to know our neighbor or the community around us. Getting Outside of Yourself and Your Comfort Zone Our surroundings shouldn’t keep us from being at the service of other people. It is through our presence and the way we live our lives daily that shows people we are Christians. Ultimately it doesn’t take having to live in an impoverished area or low-income neighborhood to learn the needs of the people around you. Anyone can write a check, but the difference is when you are on the ground. When you walk with people right where they are. When you spend time getting to know someone you can identify the longings and needs of that person regardless of their socioeconomic status. Our security should prompt us to give more and go outside of ourselves because we have the means to live in comfort and our hearts are moved to help other people have the basic human needs that they need for that day. In imitation of our Master, we Christians are called to confront the poverty of our brothers and sisters, to touch it, to make it our own and to take practical steps to alleviate it. // Pope Francis Ultimately it’s the way your witness attracts others to Christ. How do you treat the mailman, the waste collector, the Amazon delivery driver, the street sweeper, the store clerk, or the janitor? Do you look up from your grocery cart or your walk and acknowledge the people around you? Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile. // Mother Teresa Ideas to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone Adopt a local or refugee family Give toys to a foster care facility Send care packages to prisoners Keep bus passes on hand to help someone with transportation or gift cards to McDonalds to alleviate someone’s hunger Make hygiene kits for the homeless Organize a clothing drive for homeless youth It doesn’t take much more than sheer desire to do something for others It doesn’t always have to be monetary, either. Consider all the towels in your linen closet, the extra toothbrushes under your sink from your last dental visit, the fuzzy socks that keep you warm at night with your matching pajamas. The work of forgetting ourselves is done little by little. The commodities of our lives should move us towards selflessness; although, we know the closer we are to convenience, the further we become detached to the needs of others. Baking something or cooking a meal instead of buying it can show your generosity as well. Let it cost you your time and think about who you are giving it to. Do it with love. Instead of purchasing that non-essential item at Target that wasn’t on your list to begin with, put it back on the shelf and deny yourself that thing and think of someone else who doesn’t have the ability to get off of the list. Instead of drying your clothes line dry them and offer it up for someone who doesn’t have the convenience of a dryer and has to walk to the laundromat every week. I distrust a charity that costs nothing and does not hurt because real poverty hurts and dispossession—what we can give up in order to help and enrich others by our own poverty... would not be valid without this penitential dimension. This is the exhortation to bear witness to the Gospel message to those who live in material, moral and spiritual poverty. // Pope Francis Growth in Holiness It is a balance that can be difficult to achieve but once we ask Jesus to show us the way to make ourselves comfortable in the discomfort of our surroundings, we can begin to grow in virtue and holiness. The good news of the Gospel equips us to see beyond our own needs and difficulties, allowing us to make the struggles of others our own—not in a way that causes us grief or desperation, but in a way that allows us to love and be beacons of hope to others.   [bctt tweet="Worldly Comfort as an Ideal: How to Combat It #BISblog //" via="no"]

Finding Ways to Care for Yourself (Ideas Beyond Self-Care) - Blessed Is She
Finding Ways to Care for Yourself (Ideas Beyond Self-Care)

#selfcare. It’s what we might say when we buy the large mocha with an extra shot of espresso or impulsively buy the dress in the store window. Or if you’re like me, you’ve attempted to squeeze in self-care by watching a movie on the couch while simultaneously using your laptop, or by listening to an audiobook as you’re scrubbing the floor. Both are great forms of multi-tasking, but none of these examples actually achieve authentic care of self. #Selfcare Vs: #Treatyourself Oftentimes the culture seems to paint self-care as self-indulgence. Speaking from experience, certain indulgences like a new item of clothing and having a fancy espresso in hand can put a pep in my step. Yet these purchases are not a means of deeply caring for my body, mind, and soul. Multi-tasking while doing something I enjoy doesn’t fit the bill, either. While he may not have used the term selfcare, St. Paul of the Cross offers us guidance saying, “Refresh your mind with some innocent recreation and needful rest,” even “if it were only to saunter through the garden or the fields.” Of course, in the wintertime there are rarely any gardens or wildflower fields to be found, and maybe that wouldn’t be your form of renewal anyway, and that’s where we have to do a little work. True self-care requires self-discipline, we have to discover what caring for ourselves actually looks like. So while I became more aware of my tendency to do multiple things at once, I decided I wanted to correct my bad habit. Ways to Care for Yourself Here is how I am trying to take better care of my body, mind, and soul this year. Making A Priority While I am not one to make New Year’s Resolutions, I was noticing how I was longingly looking at books placed all over my house that I have been wanting to read for quite some time. The thought came to me to try to find audiobook versions so that I could get through the books more quickly. But relaxation and rejuvenation didn’t come to mind when I recalled the last time I cleaned the house while trying to keep my headphones in my ears. As my stack of books around the house started growing, I decided to do something that would provide me the time to actually sit down and savor them. In order for that to happen I had to make reading a priority. I decided to commit to reading for thirty minutes each day. This took self-discipline. I had to pause the washing of the dishes, or opt to sit down instead of jump on the elliptical, but once I got into the habit of doing it, it became a half hour that I protected and anticipated. Before long, I had finished the book on my nightstand, read through my spiritual reading book and the one lent to me from a friend. I already love reading, but once I saw how fast I could go through books when I actually read them, it became even more addictive. What is Your Form of Self-Care? Self-care can take on a variety of forms. Maybe your refreshment comes from something more along the lines of what Saint Thomas Aquinas says about sorrow being “alleviated by good sleep, a bath, and a glass of wine.” Or maybe it’s closing your eyes and listening to a relaxing playlist (I highly recommend Debussy’s Clair de Lune). Journaling or Letter Writing How often do we put pen to paper these days? When we want to add bread or milk to our grocery list we don’t even need to touch our screen, we can simply ask Siri. But there is something therapeutic in actual handwriting. Huffpost wrote that handwriting can help with memory retention, speeds up physical healing, promotes positivity, and improves overall quality of life. In fact, a study done by the University of California showed that those who keep a nightly gratitude journal were found to have better overall rest! Cooking Cooking is an art form! I do not claim to be a seasoned chef, but I have a growing love and appreciation for it. From intentional meal planning to pulling out a tender filet of salmon from the oven, I think there can be a sense of calm and joy throughout the process. Especially with bread baking! Oh the sweet satisfaction of watching a kneaded ball of dough transform into a beautifully braided and glossy Challah. Plus, there's the added stress-reliever of punching the dough and kneading it down. Watercoloring The subtlety of watercolors have the ability to make a wanting blank piece of paper into a masterpiece. I have several friends who are soothed through the peaceful process of this art form, one which can be savored in silence or accompanied with music or an audio book. I recently received the gift of watercolor pencils and have found calm through the soft blending of water and color and experimenting with different designs. Going For a Walk It is not news that exercise pumps up endorphins, leaving you with a spring in your step. That being said, I am writing from the Midwest where it is currently -2 degrees outside. It’s not exactly a good day for walking, and to be honest, cold weather isn’t easy for me. But come weather in the twenties and thirties, you’ll find me mustering up the courage to brave the chill, because I know it is always worth it. My daughter and I will bundle up and overcome the snowy hurdles as we change up our scenery from our four walls to the rolling hills and ponds of our neighborhood trails. Every walk we go on, I return home with the good feeling of blood pumping through my veins and renewed energy. God’s Goodness With the changing of the season comes a fresh and exciting opportunity to change up our rhythm of life and incorporate more rest and leisure. With leisure comes wonder, contemplation, and a greater appreciation for the goodness of God's creation. As author Josef Pieper wrote: When we really let our minds rest contemplatively on a rose in bud, on a child at play, on a divine mystery, we are rested and quickened as though by a dreamless sleep. How will you care for yourself today?   [bctt tweet="Finding Ways to Care for Yourself (Ideas Beyond Self-Care) #BISblog //" via="no"]

Word Before World - Blessed Is She
Word Before World

“In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus.” These song lyrics have been sitting on my heart lately. I long to begin my day by diving into quiet time spent with Jesus, but if I’m being completely honest, it feels like an impossible task most days of the week. Prior to the pandemic, I carved out 10 minutes before work to pray the daily readings and Blessed is She daily devotional. This, plus my mug of warm coffee, helped me start my day on a positive note. During my commute to work, I listened to a Rosary podcast. This gave me grace and strength to handle each day. However, like most people, when COVID-19 began, my morning routine fell apart. Since I was teaching remotely, my prayer time kept getting pushed later and later into my day. I was often greeted with a surplus of urgent emails that needed my attention before I was even out of bed. Without my morning commute, I struggled to find time to listen, let alone pray, the Rosary every day. Less than three short months later, our first daughter was born. While she is truly the greatest joy, her arrival added to my lack of morning prayer routine. Most days, I woke up groggy from interrupted sleep. By the time I fed her, changed her, did tummy time, and got her down for her first nap, I needed a nap myself. I knew without quick access to the sacraments and entering a new life stage, I desperately needed a way to bring more fruitful prayer time into my day. But how? How to Put the Word Before the World Are you also struggling to prioritize time with Jesus first thing in the morning? Is your heart longing for the comfort of His Word before the world gets in the way? Maybe as a student there doesn’t seem to be enough time to connect with Him before a busy day of class. Maybe you have a handful of children at home with you, and between virtual learning and parenting, it feels like there is never any time available for prayer. Or maybe you’ve never developed a consistent prayer routine and aren’t sure how to start. I understand where you are, sister. Let’s walk through an action plan to put His Word before the world’s. Start Small The most important thing I’ve realized since my daughter was born is that I have to handle tasks in small chunks. This can be a big struggle for me. I want to go all in, but this season of life and vocation God has called me to requires setting aside my desires for His. None of us would prepare for a marathon by starting with a 20-mile run, so why do we expect the same in our spirituality? Instead of planning 30 minutes of Lectio Divina every day, I start first with the Morning Offering. This short prayer is perfect to say as I hear my daughter stirring on the monitor. I love meditating on this simple prayer and starting my day with these words instead of an Instagram scroll. Prepare for Challenges During my years of teaching in a challenging elementary school, I learned to anticipate behavior so I could be proactive instead of reactive. Instead of hoping my student with behavioral difficulties would magically wake up on the right side of the bed, I found ways to prepare myself for the challenges before they happened. This is essential in our prayer routine, too! Are you frequently interrupted by text messages, urgent work emails, little toddlers, or a noisy roommate? Anticipate these challenges ahead of time and have back up plan for when you can’t devote your time to prayer in your preferred way. This may be by offering up the annoyance for the suffering of a friend or family member. It could be popping on Fr. Mike Schmitz’s Bible in a Year Podcast while you feed your children breakfast. It could mean starting your lunch break reading the Gospel instead of picking up your iPhone. Whatever it looks like for you, commit to one easy replacement for the tough days.   Find a Realistic Routine In the perfect world, I’d wake up every day an hour before my daughter to get dressed, have breakfast, and spend time with Jesus. But as much as I wish I lived in the perfect world, I certainly do not. Instead, I pick 1-2 days a week where I do get up before her. This time has become such a fruitful gift in my life. I am able to really sit with the readings and allow God’s Word to fill my heart before news headlines get thrown at me. I have found when I prioritize this time, I feel so much less anxious. Some days, I only get 10 minutes into this time before little cries come through the monitor earlier than normal. However, I can then reach for my back up plan. I also love to remember what my spiritual director shared with me when I was pregnant and anxious about finding time for prayer. She said, “You were called to this vocation on purpose. Jesus isn’t asking you to give Him perfect time every day. He might be asking you to sacrifice your need to finish all the laundry and just sit with Him. Or He could be asking you to offer up a prayer while you nurse your baby. If you’re open to Him, He’ll find a way to meet you where you are.” Limit Distractions If you only have 5-10 minutes to pray in the morning, make sure to keep your distractions at bay. Silence your iPhone, sit outside, hide in the bathroom, whatever it takes! I love reading the daily readings straight from my email on my iPhone, but I’ve learned it’s way too tempting to click on text messages that come through instead of staying present to God’s Word. Now, I put my phone in the other room and access the readings from my computer instead. Make Prayer a Part of Your Community Our spirituality isn’t meant to be experienced alone, and one of the best ways to engage in His Word is through friendship with others. If you’re in a season of life where you can participate in a virtual Bible Study or read the Mass readings with a friend over Facetime, do it! Can you go to Daily Mass once a week? Are you able to drop by Adoration for 15 minutes before heading into work? Is there a religious book you’ve been eyeing? Send a copy to a friend asking her to join you. There are so many ways to connect with others while striving towards your spiritual goals. Don’t be afraid to ask a friend to keep you accountable. My husband and I have recently devoted one day a week to saying the Rosary together. Having this time together to reflect on the mysteries provides grace for the tough days. Begin Again Friend, are you ready to join me in pursuing His Word before the world’s? Start simple, bring what you have, and know it will bear great fruit. We’ve already seen what He can do with a meager offering of loaves and fish, and He is waiting to bless you with an overflowing abundance too.   [bctt tweet="Word Before World: How to Pray at the Start of the Day #BISblog //" via="no"]   Mary Fuelling is a former teacher turned stay-at-home mom in Fort Worth, TX. Her favorites include coffee, dark chocolate almonds, and all things Marian. In her free time, she enjoys reading, exercising, and cooking. WANT TO DEEPEN YOUR PRAYER? Get ready to be radically changed by the Lord and His presence. Be drawn into intimacy with the Lord by way of weekly videos, a community within the Blessed is She app, and invitations into reading scripture in a whole new way. BEGIN THE WELL: ABIDE

One Year In - Blessed Is She
One Year In

On March 27, 2020, a rainy evening in Rome, Pope Francis stood overlooking an eerily-empty Saint Peter’s Square. Around the entire world, Catholics set aside their work and woke from their sleep to join the Holy Father from their homes. Mere weeks into the pandemic that forced people from practically every country to stay behind their closed doors, the Pope offered us an Urbi et Orbi message and a blessing. This month marks one year since the COVID-19 pandemic reached the United States, with some countries affected a few weeks prior, still others following soon after. For Americans, though, this is the month when everything changed. We had no idea at the time that we were looking at anything more than two weeks’ worth of canceled school and remote work. One step at a time, though, more pieces of our daily lives were chipped away at, and before we knew it, the virus had reached our own doorsteps. Whether that looked like our own illness, the illnesses of people we know, grief for lost loved ones, or grief for missed moments or dreams that we may never get back, this pandemic has affected us all. We are a year in, sisters—and while I wish those were words I never had to say, here we are. As we approach this milestone, I turned back to the encouragement and wisdom that our Holy Father shared with us last March. In the Eye of the Storm His message was based on the Gospel of Mark, chapter 4, in which Jesus and the Apostles loaded into a boat after a long day of preaching and serving. As Our Lord slept, a violent storm began. Violent winds whipped around them. Waves crashed over the edge of the boat, threatening to fill it with water. Remember, four of the Apostles were experienced fishermen. A few waves would not be enough to strike the fear of death into their hearts—this storm must have been truly terrifying. Finally, they ran to the Lord. They woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?’ // Mark 4:38 How familiar their cries sound! At this time last year, our prayers, too, were frantic, panicked. It felt as though we could sink at any moment. Pope Francis offered us this encouragement: It is easy to recognize ourselves in this story. What is harder to understand is Jesus’ attitude. While his disciples are quite naturally alarmed and desperate, he stands in the stern, in the part of the boat that sinks first. And what does he do? In spite of the tempest, he sleeps on soundly, trusting in the Father; this is the only time in the Gospels we see Jesus sleeping. When he wakes up, after calming the wind and the waters, he turns to the disciples in a reproaching voice: ‘Why are you afraid? Have you no faith?’ (Mark 4:40). Because He does respond—immediately. At the Apostles’ cry, Jesus rises and quite literally makes the storm that was threatening their lives only moments before disappear. When you think of that instant response now, a year into the pandemic, do you feel a little envious? I have to admit that I do.   We Are Still in the Boat In many ways, our storm has changed. If you've finally reached a rhythm of working remotely or being back in your office in a safe manner, perhaps it feels like a break in the rain, though the thunder is still rolling in the distance. Maybe you’re a year into homeschooling or overseeing virtual school for your children, doing your best to care for their hearts alongside their minds and bodies. In that case, it may feel more like a persistent drizzle that is manageable on most days, but won’t let up, no matter how many days you peer out the window hoping for sunshine. It may not be over yet, but maybe that means God isn’t quite finished with all that He has in store for us through this experience. “They were filled with great awe and said to one another, ‘Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?’” (Mark 4:41). Are we there yet? In awe of our powerful God, trusting that yes, even still, this is all in His loving hands? The storm may have changed, passed in some ways and howling on in others. Regardless of how the pandemic is currently affecting each of us, there is no denying that we are still in the boat. The comfort and familiarity of the shore remains a ways away. That means the water still surrounds us; so much could still change at a moment’s notice. Above all else, we must trust Him. We must pray for such deep faith in God’s care for us that we, too, can sleep in the stern, no matter what wind and waves rage around us. Let Him in the Boat, Too Let us invite Jesus into the boats of our lives. Let us hand over our fears to him so that He can conquer them. Like the disciples, we will experience that with Him on board there will be no shipwreck. Because this is God’s strength: turning to the good everything that happens to us, even the bad things. He brings serenity into our storms, because with God life never dies (Pope Francis). [bctt tweet="“They were filled with great awe and said to one another, ‘Who then is this whom even wind and sea obey?’” (Mark 4:41). Are we there yet? In awe of our powerful God, trusting that yes, even still, this is all in His loving hands? #BISblog //" via="no"] Embracing This Cross Especially at this one-year mark, falling, again, so appropriately during the season of Lent, take the time to pray about how you are going through your day-to-day life. Color-coded schedules and grand plans for how to fill the time at home are long behind us, but those things aren’t what matter to God. Have you been letting your frustrations with our situation affect the peace inside your home lately? How long has it been since you checked in on an elderly loved one, a friend or family member who lives alone, an acquaintance who works on the frontlines? Have you been skipping Mass because you’re tired of experiencing it through a screen? Are you putting off returning to church if it’s offered to you because staying home is “more convenient” for whatever reason? Are you using the pandemic as an excuse to not tithe any of your time, talents, or money? Pope Francis said, “Embracing his cross means finding the courage to embrace all the hardships of the present time, abandoning for a moment our eagerness for power and possessions in order to make room for the creativity that only the Spirit is capable of inspiring.” We’ve been carrying this cross for a long time now, sister. He knows our weary hearts. But He still calls us to embrace it. Offer whatever areas of your life you currently lack courage, focus, or creativity to Him. For Such a Time As This I pray that by the time March 2022 arrives, there will be no need for another post like this one. But no matter how long the effects of the pandemic linger on, we can carry on with the confidence that we were made for a time such as this. We can carry on with endurance, bravery, and, most of all, faith. We have an anchor: by his cross, we have been saved. We have a rudder: by his cross, we have been redeemed. We have a hope: by his cross, we have been healed and embraced so that nothing and no one can separate us from his redeeming love. // Pope Francis   [bctt tweet="One Year In #BISblog //" via="no"] WANT TO DEEPEN YOUR PRAYER? Get ready to be radically changed by the Lord and His presence. Be drawn into intimacy with the Lord by way of weekly videos, a community within the Blessed is She app, and invitations into reading scripture in a whole new way. BEGIN THE WELL: ABIDE

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Being a Catholic Witness in the Workplace - Blessed Is She
Being a Catholic Witness in the Workplace

It was an ordinary day at work. Svend was frantically shuffling through the papers, his eyes fixated but his body language giving way to the tension that filled the air. In my new role as HR Business Partner, I quickly learned that Svend occupied the position of Drilling Manager for a reason—he was one of the brightest minds in the industry. But I was also aware that he was rough, rude, and curt. That morning, I heard that his son was critically ill. As the sound of papers filled the air, my heartbeat grew louder. After much resistance I finally uttered, “I heard your son is ill. I hope he is alright.” I often think back to that moment and wonder why I struggled to speak. Was I afraid to lose my job or afraid to look too "religious"? How could I show integrity without hiding parts of myself? As a believer I didn't want to live with two lives: my work life and my spiritual life. I wanted my life to be integrated. A Mission Mindset From Jesus, we learn courage and faithfulness at the workplace. The Gospels beautifully portray Him working as a carpenter, giving us a glimpse into His "secular" labor. Think about the men He chose. They were called straight out from their workplace with no "religious" credentials. The biblical command is clear: we are to reflect Christ in our day-to-day lives. How much more, then, at our workplaces, where we spend the majority of our adult lives? How can we use that time wisely? Second Vatican Council’s Gaudium et Spes states: One of the gravest errors of our time is the dichotomy between the faith which many profess and the practice of their daily lives. The biblical worldview leaves no room for secular-sacred dualistic thinking. Saint Paul iterates: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. // Colossians 3:22-24 The world is desperate for witnesses. We need to see our workplaces as mission fields if we desire opportunities of influence. Having a mission mindset will also allow us to see purpose in our work, our co-workers and our stewardship. Witnessing Versus Witness Working in a multinational company with people from different religions has allowed me to think deeply about how my actions reflect Christian principles and how I can be an example to others. As a new believer, I was tempted to be radical and assertive: avoiding people who were not like-minded and using Christian jargon to ensure my spirituality was evident. Over the years, God has been teaching me to maintain a strong God-honoring character both in my personal and professional life. He has used the many challenges and conflicts at work to teach me what it means to be a “witness”. Pope Francis says, “Today’s world stands in great need of witnesses… It’s not so much about speaking, but rather speaking with our whole lives." We can confuse witness with witnessing. Witnessing is doing—say this; do that. Witness on the other hand is being. It is organic. We can only be who God calls us to be and rest knowing that it is God who changes hearts. The question is not, "Did you witness?" but rather, "Are you a witness?" What Do Others See? In the last 10 years, I have served bosses of other faiths. My present boss is Muslim, a remarkable woman through whom I have learnt integrity, commitment, and consistency. We have shared many experiences, even spiritual, without imposing our beliefs on each other. I have been intrigued by her appraisal of my work, which she often attributes to my Faith. Our good attitude matters. Faithfulness, selflessness, and charity are markers of Christian influence. On the other hand, dishonesty, unpunctuality, gossip, desire for power, and inappropriate language can rob us of being the light that Christ desires. Deadlines and profits are important but we must be careful that they do not fuel competition and comparison, causing us to work in silos rather than in unity. Our colleagues will recall not only how well we did our job but also how we treated them in the process. Do those around you see a positive reflection of God in your work ethic? Spirit-Led Conversations I am learning to ask, “What do I want people to remember about Michelle?” I mentioned about Svend and how I reluctantly inquired about his son. "He’s not too good; thanks," was the cold response I received. At first, I was tempted to end the conversation, but I could sense the Holy Spirit asking me to surrender that moment. As I yielded, Grace took over and I responded, "Svend, I will pray for him. God heals." That afternoon, Svend sent me a thank you email expressing that no one had ever said that to him before. That conversation was the beginning of a lifelong friendship with this man who was twice my age, a widower who lived alone, and who I discovered as one of the most generous men I would ever encounter. Over the months, Svend accepted Jesus as Savior and eventually came to the Catholic Church. Ways to Witness in the Workplace This experience taught me to invite the Holy Spirit into my conversations to discover the human person before me, beyond skill and work experience. Instead of getting stuck in the “me versus them” mentality, I have been intentional to practice regular heart checks. How can I work with people whose worldviews are different from mine? Where do I need to give up control and let God in? I need the fruit of the Spirit in my witness. I need His Presence to see opportunities as they arise. Here are some ways you can grow in your witness at the workplace. 1. Prayer Begin your day with God. Pray sincerely for your boss and colleagues. Even a simple prayer like, “Come Holy Spirit,” can help you mindfully walk the path of freedom and holiness. 2. Honesty If someone invites you to a gathering that clashes with your commitment at church, instead of saying, “I’m busy,” simply say, “I have to go to church.” Just be honest. 3. Heart Checks When you are tempted to lie, exaggerate, or altogether avoid people, reflect: why am I behaving this way? Am I a witness? 4. Excellence True success and fulfillment requires that we develop and practice the virtue of excellence. You can witness powerfully with your reliability, punctuality, hard work, and humility. 5. Forgiveness When you face conflict, it is essential that you seek resolution, face-to-face. Asking for and extending forgiveness is a gateway for God’s peace and His wisdom into that situation. A Higher Calling Let’s face it. Bringing God into our workplace is a challenge. Even so, we can be freed to embrace successes, challenges, and failures while resting on the blessed assurance that we are held in the loving Heart of God. Dear sisters, whether you are qualified or have no degree, whether you are a business woman or struggling to make ends meet, I urge you to invite the Holy Spirit into your workplace daily. We need His Power to break through the narrow limits of biases, religions, and cultures. This Lenten season, let Him drive your witness with selfless (agape) love and lead you to your higher call of holiness. Your workplace needs your witness and your time begins now!   [bctt tweet="Being a Catholic Witness in the Workplace #BISblog //" via="no"]

Showing Compassion for Another Woman's Pain - Blessed Is She
Showing Compassion for Another Woman's Pain

A few years ago I had an experience that completely woke me up to the fact that not everyone knows how to show compassion to another person’s pain. This incident also highlights the painful fact that there’s a big stigma associated with victims of abuse. It’s almost like people genuinely believe that if they don’t talk about abuse, somehow it will just go away. This of course is the furthest from the truth, as I can attest from my own experience. One of my priorities since giving my testimony is to help educate both men and women of the dire need to do a better job at dissipating this stigma. I would love to see a day where this topic is no longer a taboo and we can freely talk about it at dinner parties, just like a normal conversation. My Experience with Compassion (and a Lack of It) One day, I was in a group of five women in an environment that I thought was safe to share about the abuse I suffered as a little girl. What happened after I opened up to these women (as I was choking back tears), is what motivates me to want to help people understand how to appropriately respond when someone shares this kind of personal and painful story with you. We were sitting at a round table and three of the women had a blank stare in their faces and a couple of them just put their heads down and wouldn't look me in the eye. Did they simply not know how to show compassion with such delicate and personal news? I’m not sure, as I obviously don’t know why they reacted that way. In God’s goodness, one of the ladies did know how to react, as she jumped to her feet and came around to hug me. Her reaction of compassion and empathy made all the difference in the world. As long as I live that moment will be etched in my mind! Layers of Trauma When you grow up carrying the shame of abuse, and try to share your story with other people, and they do not react with compassion and empathy, this becomes yet another layer to your trauma. It becomes another reason why you rationalize that sharing this is not a good idea. For the victim of abuse this is detrimental to their healing. I’m not proposing we all become therapists. What I am proposing is that we need to keep in mind that as women of faith, we are all each other’s keepers, and we need to do better. Victims of abuse need to trust people so they can open up and talk about their experience as part of their healing process. Be that person that will show them compassion while listening to their story. When you avoid making eye contact or talking to a person who has been abused because of your own hesitations, you don’t help the situation, in fact this can hinder the potential for more healing for that person. What To Do The first thing you do when another woman opens up to you about their deepest pain is to look them in the eye and sincerely say something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry for the suffering you’ve gone through." This helps to dispel the shame that comes with trauma from abuse. If the situation allows, please give them a hug! Another step would be to say, “ I want you to know I’m here for you, should you ever want to go further in your sharing.” Even better would be to ask if it’s okay to say a prayer for her, right there and then. In my experience, no one ever refuses a prayer. The Healing Power of Compassion The simplicity and healing power of someone’s compassion has an enormous benefit to victims of abuse. We need to have reverence for someone's grief and pain; it is sacred territory. When you encounter someone with a pierced sword, I beg you to show them the best reverence in their pain. Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into a place of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion and anguish. Compassion challenges us to cry out with those in misery, to mourn with those who are lonely, to weep with those in tears. Compassion requires us to be weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human. // Henri Nouwen   [bctt tweet="Showing Compassion for Another Woman's Pain #BISblog //" via="no"]   Elza Spaedy is a sexual abuse survivor with a lifechanging story to share. Since becoming Unbound in 2017, Elza has been on fire for the Lord, ready to spread the good news of her incredible healing with other victims. She is the loving wife of David, and a devoted mother to their three beautiful children Bella, Bree, and Tristan. In addition to being an author and public speaker, Elza works as a realtor in Huntersville, North Carolina. She spends her free time with her family volunteering for many different ministries at Saint Mark Catholic Church. Her mission from the Holy Spirit is to share her powerful testimony of hope and healing with others who are still hurting.

Ideas for Participating in Lent - Blessed Is She
Ideas for Participating in Lent

Last Easter, I distinctly remember getting dumped with snow, spending a large part of the day online (whether Zoom or Mass), and scratching my head about what just happened to the Triduum as I packed up the ham I purchased with a bigger crowd in mind. Although I sincerely feel more hopeful about celebrating Lent and Easter this go around than I did this time last year, there is still a lot yet to be determined as far as favorite traditions and accommodations given the various protocols of gathering or celebrating during the pandemic. We have been at this liturgical living from home business for over a year now, so it seems realistic that we are up to the challenge. Ideas for Participating in Lent This Year Particularly, because much of the past year has been likened to its own Lent, we will need to be intentional when it comes to making meaning and making do when it comes to celebrating within set guidelines. To set this season apart from the drudgery or monotony that we have become familiar with, I have come up with a handful of ideas that could be worth incorporating as we journey together toward the cross this Lent. When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to others to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you. // Matthew 6:16-18   Think Outside Many churches, retreat centers, and religious communities have outdoor Stations of the Cross on their grounds, or prayer gardens that are ideal for prayer that is both liturgical and "socially distant." Try putting together your own Stations that you can use throughout the 40 days. DIY For folks who enjoy putting together egg hunts/scavenger hunts, Resurrections Eggs are a fun kid-approved way to combine the fun of Easter eggs with the telling of the story of the Paschal Mystery (and can be used before Easter). *Also available for purchase if crafting isn’t your thing. Pray/Fast/Give Ideas like this or this are fantastic ways to put faith into practice and conversation at home. Gather online with a friend or family member near or far to pray together or go through a Lenten devotional together. A quick online search will deliver more Lenten reflections than you can shake a stick at. Eat Differently Catholic Relief Services Rice Bowl Recipes from around the world offer an awesome opportunity to go meatless while adding some culture to Lenten cuisine. Praying for and learning about the cultures represented each year is a beautiful act of solidarity that goes beyond giving up meat. Spread Joy Maybe this is the year to spread joy—a year we know people are in desperate search for hope. Would that they see our joy rather than our gloom that set us apart as we fast, give, pray for the brokenness in the world to be healed by the One Who overcame death. Whatever that looks like for you: pay it forward in the drive through lane, roll down your window and talk with the person asking for assistance, shovel a neighbor’s driveway anonymously, send a card of encouragement, make a double batch of soup and drop it off at a neighbor’s house. The possibilities are truly endless. Lenten Beans to Jelly Beans This is Lent’s version of adding manger straw to the manger at Christmas for doing good deeds, being caught doing something good. Instead of using straw, try using a jar full of dry beans to acknowledge sacrifices and opportunities taken to die to ourselves. Celebrate a Seder Meal on Holy Thursday Celebrating our Jewish history alongside of the Last Supper. The Seder meal is intended to be prayerful and symbolic walk through the Passover tradition that Jesus celebrated with His disciples on Holy Thursday. This is a two-fold opportunity to learn from our Jewish brothers and sisters, while connecting Jesus’ last meal to the institution of the Eucharist. Are We Ever Ready? I don’t know about you, but I never quite feel "ready" for Lent The truth is we never are. But we are changed by the season in unforeseen and necessary ways. Heading into Lent can feel like heading into an exam that you have studied for, but is still going to put you through your paces. And, in so many ways this is our moment. The Christian community has the tools to lead the charge into the hopelessness and helplessness that have become so closely associated with these lenty and "unprecedented times." I suspect, at least I hope, that if we play our cards right these practices might rightly lead into the Easter season and beyond. Let’s make this a season that leaves those around us murmuring, "See how they love one another." How are you celebrating Lent this year? What's different than usual for you?   [bctt tweet="Ideas for Participating in Lent #BISblog //" via="no"]

Blessed Chats: College // Moving Away from Home - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // Moving Away from Home

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! It was the night before I was about to move from home and away from my parents, friends, and family. As I laid in bed I had a pit in my stomach. What was I thinking? Sure, the summer had been exciting and full of hope as I anticipated the new adventure of transferring to a school a state away. Yet in the twelve hours before that move was to be made, I could feel doubt and fear rising up within me. I loved my life. I grew up in a loud and joy-filled home with my parents and six siblings. We lived within walking distance of our cousins and were part of a large community of families who lived life together ever since I was a baby. Now here I was about to say goodbye to it all. I was afraid that all I had held on to so tightly would slip right through my fingers. When You're Moving Away from Home for College In my moment of fear, I was forgetting God’s provision. You can’t look forward when you are looking back. I was forgetting that He had opened the doors for me to enter into a new chapter of my life, a part of my story that He desired for me. While slightly nervous, I was determined to embrace this path that I knew the Lord had set me on. So, from one who was very prone to home-sickness, here is what helped me to find community, purpose, and joy when I transferred schools my Junior year of college. Stay in touch with family. Moving away from home doesn’t mean you check out of your family and friends’ lives. I recommend calling regularly, but in moderation. Having a specific day of the week to call home can give you something to look forward to and be a helpful benchmark. The moderation part is key because it can be tempting to call too often when we feel a pang of homesickness. But when it feels challenging, it is really important to invest in the people around you whether this be a friend you’ve just met or housemates. Allow them to bring you comfort. If you only share your heart with your loved ones back home, it will prove extremely difficult to form relationships. Early on, it was hard for me to call my parents and I would get choked up. But maintaining that connection with them outweighed the ache. In time, that ache subsided. Don’t go home for six weeks. This was the advice one of my old friends received from her mom when she moved to a different state for school. Her mom’s point was that if you come home every weekend because you are home-sick or afraid of missing out on something, you are holding yourself back from developing connection and community where you are. When I moved away I chose to embrace this idea, and it was really rewarding. To help distract myself from breaking this commitment, I spent those first six weeks pouring into on-campus activities, learning about groups and clubs to sign up for, and saying yes to coffee, lunch, and dinner invitations. That’s where my next tip comes in. Be brave. Join a Bible study, extracurricular, or intramural sport. My housemate invited me to join the Bible study she was leading on campus. I looked forward to these weekday evenings when my friend and I would walk to the dorm where our study was held to talk Scripture for a couple of hours. It was at one of these Bible studies that I met one of my dearest friends. I participated in the Students for Human Life group that was on campus and got to know my classmates better by spending time with them at our meetings and events. Committing to the same group of people for a consistent period of time is one of the best things you can do to meet people and build friendships. For those of you who are more athletically inclined (not me), intramural sports can also be a great way to meet people. Be gentle with yourself and rest. It was the weekend two or three weeks after having moved and I was exhausted. I called my dad to vent. “All I want to do is stay home and not do anything,” I said to him. I had been pouring myself into so many different events and introducing myself to so many people, but I still felt guilty for wanting to stay home on a weekend. Thankfully, he offered me the wisdom I needed and let me know it was okay and important to take a night off from social activities. That was a turning point for me! My dad’s advice to be gentle with myself helped keep me from getting burned out from over committing and re-energized me for the coming week. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Be intentional with your roommates. When I transferred my Junior year, I moved into a house a few blocks off campus with three girls who I barely knew. Thankfully, each of them were wonderful and warmly welcomed me into their lives, introducing me to their friends and inviting me to join them at the fair, movies, or out to eat. The key to keeping our house running smoothly was our weekly house dinners. Each week we would rotate who was cooking. On the weeks when we skipped a house-dinner, I could feel tensions rising. The space between our shared meals created space for misunderstanding. I would convince myself that one of my roommates was upset with me, even if we hadn’t had any disagreements. Then, when we would all sit down again for dinner, we all caught up like normal and I would realize that my anxious feelings were due to the fact that I hadn’t been intentionally communicating. Make a budget for restaurants and entertainment. Looking back on my college experience, I wish I had been slightly less frugal. That might sound crazy, but I was very focused on making my dollar stretch and paying off student loans as quickly as possible. Financial responsibility is incredibly important and I don’t want to make light of saving, but it is good to set aside at least a small amount of money to have fun, too! There were many evenings where I would decline invitations out to dinner with friends, or forego going to a movie on opening night. Sometimes these decisions needed to be made, and sometimes I needed to make the splurge in order to get to know people better. Create an allowance for a night out, and when money is in a pinch, plan a pizza making party or girls night in. A part-time job can also be a great way to earn a little extra cash for these types of splurges, and be an opportunity to meet people! Find an Adoration chapel. First and foremost, remember that wherever you are, Jesus is. In times of struggle, run to Him and He will meet you. When the world isn’t bringing you comfort, let Him be your saving grace. There were many a night when my peace, security, and joy were found in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament. As you prepare for this move, spend a few minutes researching where your closest Adoration chapel is to campus. Maybe there is even one on-site!   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: College // Moving Away from Home #BISblog #blessedchats" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

Blessed Chats: College // Cultivating Your Faith on Campus - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // Cultivating Your Faith on Campus

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! It does not feel that long ago when I was a young adult woman beginning a new chapter in life on my college campus. I was eager to exercise my newfound independence by moving away from home and into my home-away-from-home for the next four years. I looked forward to selecting interesting courses and meeting new friends. The reality is that time is funny, and even though this does not feel that long ago, it was. Because now my own daughter is a senior in high school and preparing to begin this new chapter in her life. As I reflect upon my own college experience, I write this blog post for you, as your sister in Christ—with a few more years of collected experience and wisdom. Whether you are just beginning your college experience or nearing the end. Whether you are fulfilling a gap year in ministry, service, or the working world. Or whether you have chosen another path, I pray that these words give you confidence and courage to stay strong in your faith no matter where life brings you, during these exciting, unique years of life. Hindsight is 20-20 I intentionally chose a Catholic college because my Faith was important to me. But I quickly discovered that living out the Catholic Faith was not the priority of every student on campus. Even at a supposedly Catholic university, I still had to actively seek out like-minded people who wanted to attend Mass each Sunday and be involved in other faith-enriching activities. Despite having a handful of good friends, I still walked some of my faith journey alone during those years. At one point, I sought the spiritual guidance of a religious sister who lived in my college’s convent, when I needed help discerning how to listen to God’s voice in the midst of so much noise. Overall, I had a pretty good experience staying committed to my Faith during my college years. However, hindsight is always 20-20, isn’t it? And I wish I would have had a more experienced sister in Christ to encourage and challenge me in my faith, during a time when so many other ideologies were vying for my attention. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY How to Cultivate Your Faith in the College Years So, here are some concrete tips for you. Ones that worked for me, and ones I wish someone would have shared with me. I hope you find them helpful and encouraging, as you navigate these significant, formative years. Keep Going to Mass Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. // Matthew 6:33 If you attend a college that offers on-campus Mass, go! If you do not, find the closest (orthodox) parish, and attend Sunday Mass there. The Eucharist is the heart of our Catholic Faith. “It is our duty and salvation,” the primary way we give God our gratitude and praise. The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass centers us and keeps our eyes fixed on Christ. In addition to finding a church where you can attend Mass, find out schedules for Confession and Eucharistic Adoration. Regularly frequent these opportunities for grace. Commit to Personal Prayer But whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. // Matthew 6:6 This season of life is full of change. Your location and surroundings change. Your schedule changes. Your friends and acquaintances change, too. Amidst all of this transition, it is so important to maintain a consistent prayer routine. Make prayer a priority and a habit. Figure out where and when you can pray each morning or evening. Entrust your whole life to the Lord. Talk with Him about the highs and lows of college life. Seek His guidance and direction. Go to Eucharistic Adoration when you can. Read Sacred Scripture. Pray the Rosary. Seek Out Like-Minded Friends For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. // Matthew 18:20 Whether you attend a Catholic or secular university, seek out other Catholic young adults. Most colleges across the United States have some type of Catholic outreach program that offers Bible studies, prayer meetings, and other discipleship opportunities: Newman Center Saint Paul’s Outreach FOCUS Even if your Catholic friendship circle starts small, with one other sister in Christ, she will make all the difference in your life (and vice versa). And eventually, you will encounter more Catholic friends. Connect Online For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, and I rejoice to see your morale and the firmness of your faith in Christ. // Colossians 2:5 Living in a digital age, there are a plethora of ways to keep in touch with sisters in Christ across the miles. Offer prayer support to friends back home via a group chat. Follow uplifting Catholic accounts on social media. Join a Blessed is She group to pursue authentic Catholic friendships. Listen to Catholic podcasts to receive regular doses of solid Catholic teaching. Unite Your Loneliness to Christ’s Realization of our oneness in Christ is the only cure for human loneliness. // Caryll Houselander I have to be honest with you, dear sister. You may experience periods of loneliness because of your Faith during these college-age years. While others are at parties or giving into a variety of temptations, you may be the only one in the dorm on any given night. You may have to say no to the crowd, in order to say yes to Christ. When this happens, unite your loneliness with Christ’s loneliness, when the crowd turned against Him. Trust that He, and countless Saints who have gone before us, understand this sacrifice and can help you through it. Because it is worth every lonely moment to stay true to yourself, to your relationship with the Lord, and to your Catholic values. Your loneliness will be temporary, and you will be so glad you persevered in the end. Be Confident in Your Faith Keep alert, stand firm in your faith, be courageous, be strong. // 1 Corinthians 16:13 As you embark (or continue) on your journey, my dear sister in Christ, please be assured of my prayers for you. As I think of my own daughter, as she prepares to graduate and begin a year of ministry, I will think of you, too, in whatever plans God has for you.   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: College // Cultivating Your Faith on Campus #BISblog #blessedchats" via="no"] HIS WORD CHANGES LIVES God is speaking to you through His Word. In this personal study, you will learn to hear God's voice by reading slowly and praying deeply. BEGIN THE JOURNEY

Blessed Chats: College // Authentic Female Friendships - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // Authentic Female Friendships

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! The Saving Graces, written by Patricia Gaffney, is a story of four girlfriends who for a decade shared deep affection that helped them deal with the ebb and flow of life, uniting them as years went by. Their story profoundly impacted the way I viewed friendship. I was deeply enthused by their depth, loyalty, vulnerability and how quickly they chose to forgive. I have often wondered why such stories leave indelible marks on our soul . What is it about such relationships that invoke in us a deep desire for belonging? Why was I drawn to it? Being The Beloved In 2019, following my talk on relationships at a youth conference, a young girl came to me saying “I don’t have any friends, what is wrong with me?” Her question brought a myriad of memories without delay. During college, I had superficial relationships and very few that resembled "friendships." I floated between different groups across campuses, trying to fit in but was shattered many times by girls who elevated themselves by tearing others down. On the other hand, my broken home, coupled with my atheistic lifestyle, prevented me from seeing myself as a "gift." It left a deep void within me. I constantly tried to fill this emptiness with the comfort of shallow friendships, those who knew me only by my appearance, not my heart. I was the queen of comparison, constantly seeking validation, settling for mediocrity. I set unrealistic—if not idolatrous—expectations on friends, expecting them to comfort, provide and love the way I wanted. The Healing of Christ When I encountered Christ in 2004, my view on friendship still needed work. Having lived my whole life with a performance mentality, I entered ministry life as well, approaching people like programs, finding worth in “doing” rather than being. I experienced hurt and heartache, many from women, leaving me wondering if authentic female friendships were even a reality in the Church. My healing journey with Christ has taught me that I cannot give from an empty well. Hurting people hurt other people. I need to first receive my deepest identity as a beloved of the Father. The more I abide in His friendship, the more I am able to see friendship as an overflow of His love. The more I see myself as the beloved, the more I am able to embrace people as Christ does, without destructive expectations. How fitting that in the grand story of salvation, then, wounds are not erased, they become tools that God uses to tell His story, bringing Hope. As Christ continues to heal my heart, I’m learning to ask: How can I love like Him? How can I be that true loving friend? Sustaining Digital Friendships Life Coach Jim Roan says, "Show me five people you hang out with the most and I'll tell you where you'll end up." We don’t just choose friends; we also adopt their lifestyle and worldview. We become who we choose. As a Youth Mentor, I am aware of the challenge to sustain friendships in our digital age. With so much focus on connection and so little on communion, young people tend to confuse strangers with friends—people who have access to their feed, but don’t have access to the deepest parts of their story. In Hebrew the word for friend is very closely related to the word “secrets” because a friend is someone we can trust not just with information, but with our life. But think about how easy it is today to violate trust. It takes a second to text or tweet something confidential but a lifetime to repair the damage. How do we sustain lifelong relationships as pilgrims on the digital highway? In his encyclical Fratelli Tutti, Pope Francis writes, “Life is stronger than death when built on true relationships and bonds of fidelity.” It is no secret that we have been wounded by female friendships. But it is for this very reason that the sisterhood needs the authenticity of our witness to create a culture of encounter where trust and truth can foster faith, friendship and commitment in relationships. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Love Beyond Borders Friendship in its purest form is love. But what do we mean by love? I love chocolate, I love my sister, and God loves me. Are those the same kind of loves? A friendship which requires moving beyond the ‘self’, toward others is perhaps the most overlooked opportunity in our busy world. We need encounters of love, discovering beyond what we can see, being open to dialogue and being better listeners. In Mary’s life, we see how God’s love not only permeated her innermost being; it also propelled her forward for the good of another. Following the Annunciation, Mary didn’t run first to the leaders or her parents or even the man she was promised to marry. Despite the cost, she went in haste to Elizabeth (Luke 1:39), to bring affirmation, to testify and to burst forth into song, together. This is the beauty of a soul filled with love; this is sisterhood—going beyond oneself, building bridges, emerging stronger. Mary’s friendship is a timely reminder for our modern friendships. She invites us to challenge the cultural status quo that says, "What can I get out of this," to arrive at, "how can I be a friend to you?" I have begged God to bring holy women into my life and after much heartbreak I am so grateful for my inner circle today, women who not only call me higher, but continually lead me to Christ’s Sacred Heart. Their willingness to call me out in truth is such a tremendous gift. It is life-giving, transforming and therapy to my soul. We are tempted for quick wins, but deep friendships take time, they are born through shared adversity, deepened through forgiveness and consistent vulnerability. We need connections that bleed love. Jesus, Friend Forever Sister, if you are struggling in your friendships, compromising under pressure, or grieving the losses of friends gone, I want to encourage you. God sees your heart and your ache for authentic sisterhood. You are not alone. The manger and eventually the Cross are the supreme reminders of God's involvement, intimacy, and saving graces on our journey. Remember, Jesus had three close friends who professed to love Him all the way, but at the most crucial moments of His life, they abandoned Him. Yet, He called them friends (John 15:15). He gave them access to His heart and offered them His trust. Take heart, knowing that in our moments of loneliness, when we turn to cry out in abandonment, we find ourselves face to face with a tortured, bloody man on a cross, in whose death our friendships are redefined and redeemed. Even in the deepest moment of abandonment, we meet the one who is called "God with Us" Ask the Lord for Good Friends in College This is the work of the Holy Spirit, conforming us to the One who is Love and setting ablaze our hearts to love like He does. His fire runs deep, purging our selfishness, helping us forgive, burning away fears and breaking down filters that prevent us from being the friend we’ve always wanted. Pray for good friends. And consider how you can be a good friend today.   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: College // Authentic Female Friendships #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Blessed Chats: College // Non-Traditional Higher Education - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // Non-Traditional Higher Education

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! “You know, you don’t have to go to college right away. You can always take a gap year.” I remember my high school theology teacher saying this to me after I returned home from my final college visit, dejected and scared. I had everything planned out. I would go to a good Catholic university, get a degree in history or law, get a Masters and hopefully get my Mrs degree while I was at it. Instead, I was overwhelmingly disappointed and angry that I toured my dream school and hated it. It was just a few months until graduation and all of my best laid plans were not panning out. I did not know what to do. As a former type-A planner, this was not a fun experience. All of a sudden, everything had to be reevaluated. Should I just go to school anyways and suck it up? What do I want to be when I grow up? Will this disappoint my parents? How am I going to provide for myself? What Do I Do Next? As I cried to my teacher about how nervous I was, she ever so gently suggested this idea of taking some time off of school to figure out what the Lord wanted me to do with my life. My heart peaked at that idea but I immediately shrugged it off because there was no way I could do something so uncertain, countercultural, and risky. As all of these questions were circulating in my brain, I grasped at so many concrete answers in an attempt to find some peace. It did not come. So, for the first time in my life and pretty reluctantly, I prayed very honestly and simply with the Lord. All I asked is that His plan would become clear. Not my plan, but His plan. I began to trust Him with my deepest desires, dreams, and hopes because I had nothing to lose. Not long after, doors began to open much faster than I expected. It was one just “yes” at a time and one day at a time. With those individual fiats came amazing jobs, incomes, mentors, and so much more. I had nothing planned out. It was all total surrender and radical trust in the promises of the Lord. Non-Traditional Higher Education Four years post high school graduation, I am a full-time photographer and working for Blessed is She. I still do not have an undergraduate degree. My life has been more exciting, beautiful, and stable than I could have ever accomplished of my own accord. I have no idea what is coming next or what is going to happen in regards to my education, career, vocation, finances, and so on because He is taking care of every detail. He has shown me time and time again that He is faithful to the promises He has made each of us (see Jeremiah 29:11). It wasn’t a Strengths Finder quiz or formula that helped me be successful without a college degree. It was simply walking through the doors that Jesus opened for me. Now, I am free to do His will. I am detached from my plans. And that is freedom, my friend. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Don't Be Afraid to Do Something Different Breaking away from societal norms and doing life non-traditionally can bring unique challenges and you most likely will face opposition from others, including close friends and family. This can be painful and discouraging. Remember that it can be hard for others to understand your discernment. It can be hard for others to not do things “in order” or “the right way.” Most people are coming from a place of love when they question your non-traditional ways, but trust your discernment. Talk to trusted people such as friends, priests, or spiritual directors. Most of all, really talk to the Lord about it. He is bigger than all of the opposition you may face. You are unique and unrepeatable and the plan for your life is just the same. Surrendering control and your plan is incredibly hard and humbling. We want to know everything and we want to do it ourselves because we think we know what is best. But the picture He wants to paint with your life is a masterpiece. Remember that He is starting with a blank canvas, so it can be hard to see at first what exactly He is painting. But slowly over time, you will see what He is creating. What He is creating is good and it is much more magnificent than you could ever imagine. We can trust Him with it. We just have to allow Him to use us as the instruments for His masterpiece. Really Pray About It If you too are feeling this desire in your heart to take a bit more non traditional route after high school or college, pray about it. If He opens doors, walk through them. Chances are, the places you will go are better than you dreamed.   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today. LITURGICAL PLANNERS Our Liturgical Planners are based on the Litany of Humility. Enter into prayer every day alongside this beautiful Litany. Order your days in His peace. GET YOUR PLANNER

Blessed Chats: College // School Discernment - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // School Discernment

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! Here is my full disclosure: I attended three different universities in my five years of undergraduate education. While that may make it sound as though I’m very unskilled at college discernment, I prefer to look at my experience through a more positive lens. It gave me more practice than most with discerning a school! If you are hoping for a perfect formula to tell you what to do if you’re feeling stuck or undecided, you will not find that here. What you will find, however, are the tips I gathered through my unique college journey, as well as some wisdom I’ve gained about discernment in the decade-plus since then. Where to go to college is a big decision; there is no doubt about that. In many cases, it may be the first major life decision that you have made on your own, or that you have the final say about. That responsibility may feel invigorating, or it may feel paralyzing. No matter which side of the spectrum you fall on, here is my greatest encouragement to you, sister: God can work in your life and use you for His purpose at any college. There may be a “best” option, but there is no “wrong” option. Narrowing Down Your Choices This video by Father Mike Schmitz contains one of my favorite teachings on discernment. In it, Father Mike shares how to discern a path by considering the following: is this a good door, is this an open door, is this a wise door, and finally, is this a door that I want? When it comes to choosing a college to attend, the last three questions tend to be the most relevant. An “open” door may refer to a variety of factors. Does a school have the major you want to pursue? Could you afford to attend? And, of course, when it comes time to actually decide on a school, were you accepted? If the answer to the last question is no, it may not mean you are never supposed to go there, but it does mean that the door is closed to you for now. Identifying a “wise” door is more challenging. Pray for the gift of wisdom—to know yourself, to recall the struggles or temptations you’ve faced throughout your high school career, and to clearly see the areas in which you have thrived. With that knowledge, try to assess each school on your list. For example, if partying has been a source of temptation or sin over the past four years, it may be wise to steer clear of schools with a wild reputation. If you are very close to your family and anxious about being too far from home, consider sticking to a school within a few hours’ driving distance, even if all of your friends are applying across the country. You have grown so much over the past four years. Now is the time to take what you have learned, what you have experienced, and what God has taught you, and use that wisdom to guide this decision. When He Makes His Will Clear I spent most of high school perusing liberal arts colleges with strong writing programs up and down the East Coast. It wasn’t until the summer before my senior year that God made it very clear, very quickly that He wanted me at a small Catholic university—the same one I had told myself I would never consider. I honestly had not even prayed about it before that day. Quite literally, I woke up one morning, felt deep in my heart that I had to go there, and submitted my application within the week. I was accepted before my first day of my senior year. Done and done (or so I thought). I wish it was this easy for every student. In fact, I wish it was this easy with more of the decisions I’ve had to make in my life since then. Looking back, I knew it was God’s prompting because it was the total opposite of my own plan, and yet, I felt complete clarity, peace, and conviction about it. The door was good, open, and wise, and as I prayed about the school, my desire to go there grew exponentially. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY The Grace of Seasons If you are struggling with this decision, I would love to offer you this lesson from my experience. Once you choose a school, you are not stuck there. I never imagined, when I set foot on campus for the first time as a freshman, that this wouldn’t be the same campus I would leave in a cap and gown, diploma in hand. God had made it so clear that I was supposed to be there! Why would I ever need to leave? As it turns out, God was calling me to that school for a season and a purpose. But then, He wanted me elsewhere. On your first day of college, you have no idea how the next four-plus years will play out. You may end up changing or refining your field of study and need to go somewhere else to pursue that (the case for me). You may realize you want or need things from a school that you hadn’t considered before. You may find yourself convicted about being closer to home or to your best friends....or further away from them so that you can forge your own path in a new way. If any of these situations is the case, it does not mean that the time you spent at the first school you chose was a waste. Perhaps you’ll meet a lifelong friend, your future spouse, or a professor who will change your life (again, all the case for me!). You may create sweet memories, or be drawn closer to the Lord if the season turns out to be a painful one. No matter what happens, He uses us wherever we are. He is present to us wherever we are. Where Do You Want to Go? Between my sophomore and junior years, I transferred from the small Catholic school to a large public university in the next state over. I had discovered a passion for magazine journalism and was eager to immerse myself in a nonfiction writing curriculum and as many internships as I could get my hands on. And although both of those aspects of school #2 were wonderful, there was something missing. Community. I went from living in a dorm surrounded by household sisters to living a public bus ride away from campus in a sketchy little apartment that I had never seen before my move-in day. My packed class and internship schedule quickly filled my calendar, leaving little space for finding, let alone making, friends. I joined clubs, went to church, and talked to people after class, but six months in, I still hadn’t found my place. This wasn’t what I wanted from my college experience. Here is where Father Mike’s fourth question about discernment came into play for me. “Is this a door that I want?” No matter how many check marks in the “pros” column this school had, I was unhappy there. Through many prayers, tears, and some embarassment, I decided to transfer again, this time to one of my reach schools. Looking back, I now see the beautiful purpose that God had for me at school #2. He has redeemed so much of that experience since then and I am grateful for what He did in my life during that challenging year. He had not made a mistake by prompting me there, and I did not make a mistake by going. But what I wanted at the time mattered too. School #3, my beloved alma mater, is where I received my magazine journalism degree, where I joined a Catholic sorority and lived with three sweet friends, where I completed dream-come-true internships, and where I made so many wonderful memories. It was worth the journey, even with as many twists and turns as it had. Stay Open Sisters headed to college, you are so dear to Our Lord! He cares so much about this next season of your life. No matter which school you choose, stay close to Him in prayer and the Sacraments. Stay open to His promptings, even (especially) if they look different from your plans. He is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9)!   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: College // School Discernment #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Blessed Chats: College // Financial Discernment - Blessed Is She
Blessed Chats: College // Financial Discernment

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking about college. We'd love for you to join the conversation! Attending college was never a question for me; however, I needed to find a way to pay for it. My parents didn’t have the opportunity to attend a university or college, so it was something they always desired for me and my siblings. They believed that having a higher education meant more doors would be open for us. They knew that education was a path to success—not necessarily the kind that means earning thousands of dollars overnight, but the kind that enables you to stretch yourself in ways you never have before and transfer those skills wherever you go. Staying Within My Means I explored options outside my home state but it wasn’t feasible for me to leave. I didn’t generate enough income to pay for an apartment, bills, or furnishings, and I didn’t feel like I needed to leave home to have the university experience I hoped to have. Being realistic with myself was hard. I had several universities that I dreamed about attending. I could envision myself reading under a tree that was hundreds of years old and having access to a library that was used by the greatest minds in the country. Although my university didn’t have the academic reputation of USC, Notre Dame, or Boston College, it was what I could afford and I had to work with that. I knew if I put forth the effort I could make my experience just as good as what I envisioned at the universities I dreamed about. Don’t owe anyone after you’ve earned your diploma. The best advice my sister gave me was to graduate from undergrad without any debt, if it was possible. There is so much freedom in knowing when you invest in something as important as school that you aren’t tied to it financially anymore once you are done. I may have traded my dream university experience for one that was free from debt, but in hindsight, I don’t regret that decision at all. Do you really want it? Consider whether attending college is something you’re doing to meet your own goals or to avoid disappointing parents or family members who would like you to continue a legacy streak at a certain school. Ultimately, no one will be burning the midnight oil for you when it's time to put the work into a ten page research paper that includes a Powerpoint (and don’t forget the bibliography page)! It will be your hard work and effort alone that gets you through your classes successfully. Committing to something as financially burdensome as college because someone else is encouraging you to do so may lead to financial hardship and even resentment toward the vocation you are pursuing. WRITE + PRAY We invite you to sit with the Word and unpack it in a uniquely personal way, finding your own story. Discover your story within His. GET WRITE AND PRAY Save your money and live with your parents or family. For many, college is a rite of passage in which you leave home and explore the world on your own. However, don’t let outside pressure discourage you from living with your parents while you attend school. Living on your own is a huge financial commitment and only you can decide whether it is worth getting into debt. The bills for rent or on-campus living will be addressed only to you and not to those who may be judging you or are being critical because you chose to live at home. Where you choose to live is not an indicator of the kind of adult you are or a measure of success. Living with my parents saved me a substantial amount of money. I was able to save most of my money from nannying during high school and into college. I always filled out my FAFSA and was granted work study jobs on campus, which I thoroughly enjoyed because it meant that I would make a little money while catching up on my homework. It was not easy to see everything I saved go so quickly toward books and parking passes, but this is what I wanted and the expense was worth it. Don’t be afraid to wait until you can afford to attend. It’s okay to have the desire to go to school but to wait and save money until it is financially responsible to go. There is no formula that says you can only attend a college at a certain time in your life. Don’t let the cost of school deter you from pursuing a degree if that is what you desire. There are many different ways of pursuing higher education including scholarships. Although it may be time-consuming to apply for scholarships, they may mean the difference between being able to attend school or dismissing the opportunity to receive financial assistance. I didn’t want my college years to leave me drowning in debt. I maintained the same mentality with my masters program and even applied the same strategy when the time came to plan my wedding. Ask the Holy Spirit If you’re struggling with a particular decision, bring it to prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to help guide your discernment. Consider all your options and determine what is immediately feasible and what may take longer to plan. Financial discernment can be challenging, but with practice, it can be more natural.   This is just one of many stories about college life and discernment. We want to hear YOUR story. Please share in the comments below! And if you want more help with finding your own story, our popular Write + Pray course offers 9 topics, nearly an hour of guided video, and almost 50 Scripture verses and questions for you featuring Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Find your story today.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: College // Financial Discernment #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]

Healed and Restored - Blessed Is She
Healed and Restored

I first shared my story on Sunday, May 20, 2018: the Feast of Pentecost. That moment came after God sent a number of holy people into my life to help me find the courage and words to not only tell my story, but to work through the psychological, emotional, and spiritual pieces of it. My hope is that God will use me and my story as an instrument to heal others from their deep wounds. Just five days before I opened up about my story, I wrote this note in adoration: “I knew I needed to stop at adoration today, and as I sat down to spend time with our Lord and grabbed the diary of St. Faustina as I often like to do while in the chapel this is where the Lord took me: Page 179. Jesus says to St. Faustina, ‘My chosen one, I will give you even greater graces that you may be the witness of my infinite mercy.’ I took it as a special consolation as if Jesus was telling me that even though this would be hard for me to do, the graces that would come from me sharing my story would be more than worth it.” That hour gave me complete peace, knowing that God would provide for all that I needed to go through with everything on Pentecost. I also prayed for all the victims of sexual abuse everywhere and that God would use my story to heal others the way he has me. The Trauma and the Lies I’m sure you’ve heard that there's no healing without forgiveness, and I am living proof of that. What is forgiveness if not Divine Mercy? We mirror God’s mercy to us when we bestow mercy on those who have hurt us. I grew up in a big family with seven brothers, three sisters, and two loving parents in Brazil. My childhood was just like any other until the age of eight when someone who worked for my dad’s business took advantage of me by molesting and raping me. As you can imagine, this was a devastating experience. So from the tender age of eight, I started believing in the lies that the evil one instilled in me through this trauma. Lying is Satan’s primary weapon against God’s children. He uses this tactic to separate us from our heavenly Father. And he was having a field day with me. First lie: It must have been my fault. // For crying out loud, I was right years old. How could that have been my fault? Second lie: I should be forever ashamed. // This one probably hurt me the most because shame is what kept me from talking about what happened and finding the help that I so desperately needed. Third lie: I’ll never find happiness. // This lie made me believe that God didn’t really love me since He allowed this to happen to me. Witnesses to Forgiveness I believed in those lies so much that, in my early 20s, I realized I was sabotaging my own happiness by being drawn to people that would hurt me. I was in a bad and dark place then and was crying out to God for help. And in my cry for help, he led me to the Holocaust. I had this thrist and desire to understand human suffering better and found myself reading everything I could get my hands on about the terrible evils of the Holocaust. Looking back now, I see God was leading me on my own journey to freedom through forgiveness, even then. After I read and watched everything I thought I could stand about the Holocaust, God started leading me towards the stories from the survivors. That’s when I realized that a common theme among them was forgiveness. The ones who were able to go on and live with purpose, joy and, most importantly, love were the ones who understood that they needed to forgive all the people responsible for the unspeakable evil done to them, their families, and their countries. And then something happened that changed my life forever. In the Face of Unspeakable Evil and Heartbreak My mom called from Brazil to tell some devastating news. My aunt Ilsa, had just lost her only daughter, her daughter’s husband, and their 5-year old son, who were all killed by a drunk driver as they were walking home one evening. A whole family gone in an instant. I was devastated. My cousin Claudenice and I were very close growing up, and I struggled to understand why God would allow such terrible things to happen to good people. After hanging up with my mom, I called my aunt who had just lost her family, and after lots of tears, I asked her how she felt about the man who was responsible for killing not one but three of her family members. Her response was so immediate and shocking that I had to ask a second time. “I have forgiven him already, my Faith demands it.” My aunt is a devout Catholic. I had never heard anyone put it that way before, and immediately two things came to my mind: Oh God, how I wish I could have that kind of faith. If my aunt could forgive the man that just devastated her family, there must be a way for me to forgive the man who did those terrible things to me when I was just a little girl. The Chain of Unforgiveness One of the heaviest chains we tend to carry around with us is unforgiveness. We all have been wronged, and some of us have been deeply hurt by other people. Unforgiveness becomes a poison to yourself, much like a cancer to the soul. We need to constantly ask God for the graces necessary to forgive one another if we are to attain peace in our hearts.We have to realize that forgiveness is a choice and a process. It all starts with the desire to forgive. The more we grow as children of God, we must realize that we need to pray everyday for the courage to be open to forgive and to ask for forgiveness when we have wronged someone. All Things for Good Romans 8:28 says that, “We know that all things work for good for those who love God.” Looking back now and knowing how God is and just how much He loves each and everyone of us, I realized that He used a horrible situation and this family tragedy to speak directly to my heart of the need to forgive my abuser. In His goodness, He always uses terrible situations and events for the good of somebody, and in this case that somebody was me. From that day on, I made a conscious decision to forgive my abuser and move on from victim to survivor with a purpose. And as I did that, I began to experience more peace, and most importantly, I was ready to get close to God. I trusted Him more, I looked for Him more, and I was curious to see what He meant when, so many times through my darkest nights, I heard Him say to me: “If you only knew the wonderful plans I have for you. “ I began to dream about God’s plans for me and asked myself: What do those plans look like? Is He going to bring me a good man for a husband? Am I ever going to be truly healed from this? Is he going to bless me with children? In the years that followed I would have the answers to all these questions. When I made that conscious decision to forgive, I was able to start believing and receiving all God’s blessings, and one of them is my wonderful husband, David! God knew my wounds, and He was extremely good to me by giving me someone like David. David patiently loved me through my brokenness, even in the first years of marriage when I was still trying to sabotage my own happiness by believing in those lies Satan had been telling me since childhood. And then God showed His goodness and mercy to me again by blessing us with three beautiful and kind children whom I adore. Only when we forgive can we begin to hope for a future full of God’s blessings. Forgiveness helps us to get unstuck from the chains that prevent us from living life to its fullness and claiming what’s rightfully ours, which is freedom through Christ. Deeper Healing Even after all of God’s blessings in David and our children, He had more healing in store for me. Just before Lent 2017, I approached my pastor for help. He and another priest walked me through one of the most painful healing experiences I ever had. They used a method similar to what it’s found in the book Unbound by Neal Lozano. As a teacher of deliverance, Neal shows how to find and close those doors that may have been open to evil influences. In my case, that door was my childhood trauma, and consequently, Satan’s underhanded strategies. Had I known how hard that process was going to be, I probably would have said, “No thanks.” But again, Our Lord with His abundant mercies and the Blessed Mother carried me through those excruciating days to bring me to where I am today. Sharing Your Story Just when I thought my healing process was finished and everything was behind me, Go whispered to me in my quiet prayer time that now that I was truly healed and found a place of freedom, He wanted me to share my store to glorify Him and to bring healing to others. I hope that my story inspires you to let God heal you also! Jesus’ fountain of mercy is endless! He wants to free each of us from all the lies that keeps us from being the best version of ourselves and receiving all the blessings He has already planned for us since before we were born. I know that not everyone who has been abused will be called to witness to others, but I do hope that every victim of any type of abuse will find the courage and strength to share their story with their loved ones, their priest, or a trusted friend. The evil one loves everything that’s in the dark because he knows he can manipulate us into believing that God doesn’t love us, and by doing that, he can cause great havoc in our lives. On the contrary, our good Lord wants us to bring those dark, hurting places of our hearts to Him so He can show us just how much He loves us by healing us. As we read in 1Thessalonians 5:5: For all of you are children of the light and children of the day. We are not of night and darkness. I lived in the darkness for so long, and now there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help others come out of their dark place.   I share my full story in Freedom Through Christ: A Memoir of Healing in the Aftermath of Sexual Abuse. In July 2020, I felt God was calling me to take my healing to a new level. I was being called to establish a home for young women who need healing and restoration following a traumatic event in their lives. Understanding their journey to healing, I have a deep desire to share this gift in a society where human trafficking and physical and sexual abuse are prevalent in astounding rates. Our mission, Healed and Restored, will be a premier care home in the Charlotte, NC area for women suffering from traumatic experiences. We will serve young women ages 13-30 free of charge from across the country. Through programs rooted in mind, body, spirit, and soul care, women will be transformed and experience God’s tremendous healing power and embrace their identity as beloved daughters of the Father. Holistic programs grounded in our beautiful Catholic Faith will include counseling, spiritual exercises, movement therapy, as well a multitude of outdoor experiences. If you would like to know more about this glorious program or if you desire to join this sisterhood of women serving God by serving other women, you can learn more here. In closing, let me ask you a series of questions: Who do you need to forgive? Do you truly desire God’s healing and freedom through Christ? Do you wish to break free from all those chains that have kept you a prisoner? Do you believe that God wants nothing more than to be your healer and comforter? Will you allow Him? Are you ready to start saying yes to the Lord, trusting that He will provide for all that you need? Are you ready to start believing that broken people like you and I are exactly the people He wants to use to accomplish His will and heal others? Ask yourself these questions over the next few days. The answers might just change your life.   [bctt tweet="Healed and Restored #BISblog //" via="no"]   Elza Spaedy is a sexual abuse survivor with a lifechanging story to share. Since becoming Unbound in 2017, Elza has been on fire for the Lord, ready to spread the good news of her incredible healing with other victims. She is the loving wife of David, and a devoted mother to their three beautiful children Bella, Bree, and Tristan. In addition to being an author and public speaker, Elza works as a realtor in Huntersville, North Carolina. She spends her free time with her family volunteering for many different ministries at Saint Mark Catholic Church. Her mission from the Holy Spirit is to share her powerful testimony of hope and healing with others who are still hurting.   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

Litany of Saints for Expectant Mothers - Blessed Is She
Litany of Saints for Expectant Mothers

I love this time of year. Despite the gray days and cold weather, the first few months of each year always have me a little giddy with quiet expectation. It may be weird to say, but it is entirely because I know something good is coming. At some point during these months, someone that I know and love—even if it’s a long-lost friend I only keep in contact with through social media—will announce the news that they’re expecting a baby. I never know who it will be mind you (that’s the surprise), but I am certain the announcements will come. Yearly birthing trends have told me so. From year to year, September is consistently the month with the highest number of births, followed closely by August and July. I hypothesize that the combination of the cold weather and the excitement of the holidays have a lot to do with this occurrence. Keeping this in mind, I know there are currently many in their first trimester of pregnancy. It's a joyful, but also vulnerable time! A litany of Saints who were also mothers might be exactly the support these expectant mothers need. Litany of Saints for Expectant Mothers There are many holy men who are associated with pregnancy and childbirth within our Catholic Faith. Saint Gerard is often referred to as “the mothers’ saint,” Saint Raymond Nonnatus is sometimes called upon by those undergoing emergency caesarian sections, and Saint Erasmus apparently experienced abdominal pain similar to labor. All of these men are certainly worthy intercessors to call upon. However, I decided not to include them in this litany simply because sometimes you just want the empathy and support of someone who has gone through the same experience as you. No offense to these manly Saints, but none of them actually went through the process of giving birth. However, these saintly ladies below know exactly what it is like to become a mother and raise children. Thus, I am sure they would be willing to fly to the side of any spiritual sister in need. Our Lady of Childbirth A beloved sculpture of Our Lady holding an infant stands in the Basilica of Sant'Agostino in Rome. It is surrounded by and adorned with papers, cards, flowers and other gifts, all from parents who are seeking the intercession of the Blessed Virgin in regards to their unborn children. Due to this tradition, the sculpture has become known as Our Lady of Childbirth. Thus, expectant mothers have title of Mary to call upon as they enter into the delivery room! Our Lady of Guadalupe This teal and gold adorned Mother appeared to Juan Diego, not only dressed as an Aztec princess, but also as an expectant mother. The sash around her waist is an indication of an infant growing in her womb—an indication of the imminent “birth” of Jesus in the hearts of the Aztec descendants who quickly adhered themselves to the Catholic Faith because of this apparition. It is because of her pregnancy that Our Lady of Guadalupe is known as the patroness of the unborn. Our Lady of the Milk and Happy Delivery It was Spanish settlers in Florida who began a devotion to Our Lady of La Leche, an image of Mary nursing the infant Jesus. In the early 1600s, a shrine was erected in her honor in St. Augustine—the first Marian shrine in the United States! It remains a spot of pilgrimage for all people, but especially mothers looking for love from their heavenly Queen. Saints Perpetua & Felicity Residents of North Africa in the third century, Perpetua and Felicity were imprisoned and sentenced to die for their Christian Faith. Perpetua was a twenty-two year old Roman noblewoman with an infant son. Felicity, her servant, was eight months pregnant at the time and was thrilled to give birth before her execution and have her daughter adopted by another Christian family. It is clear from Perpetua’s autobiography that both women were loving and devoted mothers, but that love of Christ and devotion to Truth was truly at the center of their lives. Saint Margaret of Clitherow The wife of an English butcher and wealthy chamberlin, Margaret bore three children. Her life was incredibly normal, except for the fact that she converted to Catholicism shortly after it had been condemned and renounced by Henry VIII. She was an anchor for the Faith within her community, organizing Masses in her home, hiding priests, and encouraging other secret Catholics. She was arrested many times, even giving birth to one of her children in prison. On her final arrest charges, she pled guilty immediately in order to protect her children (who were also Catholic) from being tortured for information. She died on Good Friday, pregnant with her fourth child. Her two sons grew up to become priests and her daughter entered the convent. Saint Anna Pak A-Gi A Korean mother of five who herself admitted a lack of intellect. Anna declared that what she lacked in knowledge of Jesus, she would make up for in her loving actions for His glory. She raised her children virtuously and taught them about the love martyrs had for the Lord, even claiming to desire to join them one day. Eventually, she was arrested alongside her husband and eldest son. Both of them apostaized under torture and her children begged her to do the same. With tears in her eyes, she begged them to reconsider their apostasy. She was beheaded after years of grusome torture, but died a happy martyr. Saint Emilia Often referred to as “the mother of saints,” this fourth century woman had ten children, five of which grew up to be canonized Saints! Saints Macrina, Basil, Peter of Sebaste, Gregory of Nyssa, and Theosebia all clearly benefited from her zealous and virtuous instruction. When her children were grown and out of the house, she divided her property among them before founding a monastery for women. She died in the arms of her eldest daughter and youngest son after praying God would bestow on them a special blessing. Saint Brigid of Kildare Very little is known for certain about this patroness of Ireland, but for centuries she’s been claimed as the patron Saint of midwives and babies. Perhaps because she was born on the day of the pagan goddess Brid who was considered a goddess of fertility. Saint Bridget of Sweden A mystic during the Middle Ages, Saint Bridget married a swiss governor and bore eight children.When her children were grown and her husband died, she founded a new religious order. Her daughter Catherine (listed below) assisted in this process, joining the order as well and eventually becoming the abbess. What a unique experience to belong to the same religious order as your daughter! Saint Catherine of Sweden A celibate nun herself, Catherine became a source of spiritual counsel for many mothers in the 14th century who had experienced miscarriages or other complications in their pregnancies. Thus, she is the patron Saint of miscarraige and can be called upon for aid with a healthy pregnancy. Saint Frances of Rome A loving wife and mother of three, Frances gave lavishly from her family’s own possessions so much so that it sometimes angered her household. One particular occurrence happened during a famine when she completely emptied their storehouse of grain. Her husband objected in frustration, but upon entering the granary he found it full of wheat so immaculate, he remarked that it had to have been harvested by angels. A similar occurrence happened when Frances gave away the last of their wine from the cellar. Her father-in-law became angry, so Frances turned the spicket of an empty cask and wine miraculously poured forth. Upon tasting it, the patriarch was shocked to discover it was the best wine he had every tasted. Saint Frances knew that she could never be more generous than God. Saint Rita of Cascia A saintly wife and mother of two boys, accounts tell of how Rita’s virtue and countenance were a great comfort to her husband, especially because of his highly stressful job. Tragically, political unrest made her husband a target for some unhappy men who ambushed and killed him. Rita’s sons were teenagers at the time, and very hot-headed. She feared they would seek revenge and murder the men who killed their father. Rita prayed, and both boys ended up dying of natural causes before those sins could take place. Though mourning their presence on earth, she rejoiced in their (most likely) saved souls. She joined the order of Augustian nuns and lived out the reminder of her life with their order. Saint Jane Frances de Chantal Beautiful Jane was raised by her widowed father and married off to the son of his friend. Her husband Christopher was a French courtier and spent much of his time in service to the king. Jane dutifully looked after their home and raised their four children where she was known for her fairness and generosity. Tragically, her husband died in a hunting accident which left Jane struck with anxiety for much of her life. It was due to the help of Saint Francis deSales that she found healing and eventually started a religious order alongside him. However, she did not abandon her children. Before joining her order she ensured marriages and households for all her children where they were well looked after. Saint Marie of the Incarnation Marie’s holiness was apparent from a young age as she had her first mystical experience at the age of seven. Ten years later she was married to a French silk merchant and bore him a son before becoming a widow just two years into her marriage. When her son was grown, she joined the Ursuline sisters and was assigned to sail to Canada. There she helped to build their first convent in the country and also educated the Indigenous people (specifically the Iroquis and Algonquin). Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton The first American born person to become a canonized Saint within the Church, there are loads of reasons to admire this woman. She lived on Wall Street and was a prominent socialite. She was also a devout member of her Episcapol church and dedicated to her step-mother’s social ministry—nursing the sick and dying among family, friends, and needy neighbors. Elizabeth herself birthed five children before the death of her husband, which was caused by his lifelong tuberculosis worsening due to the stress of losing their business. Elizabeth’s entire world collapsed around her, but it was in this collapse that her late husband’s Italian business partners introduced her to Catholicism. Elizabeth soon converted. She is perhaps most famous for her founding of the first parochial school in the United States. Saint Joaquina Vedruna de Mas Attracted to religious life, Joaquina was saddened when she was rejected by the order she had wished to join. A couple of years later, she met her husband and discovered how much they had in common—including the fact that both of them had desired to join religious communities. They decided to marry and together had nine children that they raised in a loving home. During the French Revolution, when Napoleon invaded Spain, the Vedruna family moved to the countryside to try and avoid the harsh effects of war. Joaquina’s husband went to join the troops and defend their country, and she navigated keeping their family safe and healthy during the tumult. Her husband did return alive, but his health was frail and he died unexpectedly when she was thirty-three. Joaquina used her inheritance to set her children up for success, and after all her children were adults with families and professions, Joaquina founded a religious order that cared for the sick and educated children. Blessed Concepcion Cabrera de Armida A joyful spirit who grew up during the Mexican Civil War, she lived through the religious persecutions that accompanied the civil unrest. She was married for twenty-two years, a mother to nine children, and author of thousands of mystical meditations about the Spirituality of the Cross. Saint Ann This list would not be complete without the biological grandmother of Jesus. Saint Ann had Mary in her old age and thus understands the difficulties of infertility as well as the joy of unexpected pregnancy. She’s a suited intercessor for motherhood, if not only for the reason that she passed on her faith and love for God so well that Mary chose faithfulness herself. Saint Elizabeth A patroness of infertility, Elizabeth was a cousin of Mary, possibly helped to raise her, and was also pregnant alongside her. Scripture tells us of Mary’s famous visit to see her impossibly pregnant cousin, and also that Mary stayed until John was born. Is it plausible that Mary was in the room when Elizabeth gave birth to this miraculously conceived child? Absolutely! Thus we can ask Saint Elizabeth to pray for a similar situation for each one of us! Saint Helena of the True Cross Helena was the mother of Constantine the Great, the emperor who legalized Christianity within the Roman empire and ended the official persecutions of the Early Church. A convert herself, Helena traveled to the Holy Land with the patronage and protection of her son. In her early sixties, this was no easy journey, as the city of Jerusalem and much of the surrounding areas had been destroyed in centuries past due to revolt. The region was unsafe, due to outside people as well as the structural shambles of destroyed buildings. Pagan temples had been erected over sites such as calvary and the tomb of Jesus, but Helena uncovered many relics and holy pieces -- including the true cross of Jesus which elicited many miracles at its discovery. Saint Monica The single Christian in her household, Monica’s husband, mother-in-law, and three children were all unsupportive of her Faith. In fact, sometimes they were even combative and insulting in regards to her belief. Monica bore it all with virtue, struggling greatly through it all. But in the end, her faithfulness and love inspired the conversions of her entire family, including her most famous son, Saint Augustine. Saint Olga of Kiev In the Eastern Orthodox Church, Olga is venerated at the same level as the Apostles. This is because her grandson Vladimir brought Christianity to all of Russia. Why is this also attributed to her? It was through her fierce, motherly protection (which included burning and burying enemies alive) that she was able to protect the kingdom for her son after her husband was murdered by an enemy. Saint Adelaide Though an Empress, Adelaide’s life was far from easy, in fact, it would make for an exciting screenplay! It included the death of her first husband, being locked in a tower for refusing to marry another, a swampy escape, and the marriage proposal of another faithful man at the other side. Adelaide was the mother of five children, two of whom went on to become nuns. But it was not all happily-ever-after, either. Not only was she widowed a second time, she also endured a tumultuous relationship with her daughter-in-law, which including her being sent away from court for a time. In another turn of events,the two women united at the death of her son and worked together to protect his young heir and prevent usurpation. Saint Margaret of Scotland Margaret was a princess of Wessex who escaped to Scotland after an invading king conquered her homeland. King Malcom of Scotland fell in love with Margaret as she was beautiful both inside and out. Together they had eight children, and Margaret’s grace and virtue transformed the Scottish court from a place of rowdiness and promiscuity to a place of civilized grace. Saint Elizabeth of Hungary A princess who got to marry the man she loved, Elizabeth birthed and raised three children. With the support of her husband the king, Elizabeth did not live a lavish or relaxed life. Instead she worked among the poor and sick in hospitals, peasant homes, and even the streets. The stories of her generosity and service are so great that Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI pinpointed her as the model for all people in leadership positions. Saint Jadwiga of Poland Poland’s first female monarch, Queen Jadwiga inherited the throne at the age of ten upon the death of her father. She broke off her engagement to a foreign friend she had grown up alongside in order to marry a Polish man who had much more interest in what was best for their country. Jadwiga was a prayerful woman and devoted queen who did much to restore the Catholic Faith in her homeland. She and her husband had one daughter. Blessed Anna Maria Taigi Blessed Anna Maria Taigi is honored as having been an exemplary wife and mother to seven, though in the earlier years of her marriage she had an adulterous affair due to the verbal and emotional abuse of her husband. Through prayer and outside help, they were able to heal their marriage. From that point on, Anna Maria grew monumentally in the Faith, to the point where she was frequently in ecstasy, worked miracles of healing, read hearts, foretold deaths, and saw visions on the coming of future events. She became an advisor to cardinals, world leaders, and even three popes. Saint Zelie Martin An accomplished artisan and business woman, Zelie was a “working mother” as she ran a highly sought after lace shop in Alecon, France. She and her husband had nine children together, tragically having to bury four of them at a young age. Her immense grief is present in letters she wrote to family, but through it all, she found comfort in the truth that she’d hold them again in eternity. Of her five surviving daughters, every single one went on to become a religious sister, the most famous being Saint Therese of Lisieux. Saint Gianna This popular and modern-day Saint is often looked to for by Catholic mothers for her intercession against pregnancy complications. This is because Saint Gianna faced birth complications herself during her fourth pregnancy. She chose the treatment option which put her own health at risk, but gave her child the best chance of survival. Gianna delivered a healthy baby girl, and passed away days later due to septic peritonitis. When she was canonized in 2004, her husband and all four children were present at the Mass. Blessed Chiara Corbella Petrillo Chiara lived a simple life of extraordinary holiness. Married in 2008 to her husband Enrico after an unlikely meeting while on pilgrimage, the couple conceived their first child quickly. When it was discovered the child was not growing properly, the doctors advised abortion. Chiara and Enrico refused. Chiara carried her daughter to term, and spent thirty minutes with the child before she passed away newly baptized. The second pregnancy was tragically similar, and their son died thirty minutes after he was born. During her third pregnancy, it was discovered that, this time, it was Chiara who was sick. By the time she gave birth to their healthy baby boy, the cancer had progressed too far. Chiara lived for another year, dying in 2012, describing her cross as “very sweet.” Community, Not Competition Though all these women were mothers, it was not motherhood alone that defined or sanctified them. They are all remembered and esteemed for the unique and individual ways they assisted in building the Kingdom of God. When reading through a list of such holy and courageous women, it can be easy to begin comparing ourselves to them and find ourselves falling short. However, there is not a Saint in Heaven who wants us to be doing such a thing. These women are certainly not judging us or comparing on any level. They are rooting for us whole-heartedly, wanting us to thrive in this life! So call on them for encouragement and help. Print off this litany. Keep it close (you can download it here) and pray it often. Is there anyone you think should be added to this litany?   [bctt tweet="Litany of Saints for Expectant Mothers #BISblog //" via="no"]

The Beauty + Significance of Icons in the Church - Blessed Is She
The Beauty + Significance of Icons in the Church

Imagine you are in a dark chapel. It is peaceful and you decide to stay and pray. You take a seat in front of the image of Mary and the Christ Child. Notice Mary’s gaze. Where is she looking? At Jesus? At you? What does her posture indicate? Is she pointing, beckoning, nursing? Is she inviting you to draw nearer to her? Her Son? Where are they? Where is Jesus’ attention? What other symbols are present in the background or foreground? Candles flicker from within the red glass. Here you are in the first quiet moments of prayer, and already the images have naturally led you to a contemplative space. The purpose of icons is not just to add beauty to a place of worship, although they do, but to also add depth and inspiration for prayer within that space. Religious art forms contribute in a variety of ways, none more than icons. Pay Attention to Icons One of my favorite ways to make prayer feel more guided or tangible is to use images. Art can offer great, prayerful invitations both to the artist and to the viewer. Likely many of us have had a similar experience where a picture has inspired us to think of God in new ways. Formally this has been called visio divina, or sacred seeing—the sister to lectio divina, or sacred reading. I love the variety of ways that the stories from the Saints and figures from Scripture can be pulled out and brought to life in living color in the prayerful hands of an artist. Icons, in a very particular way, call the viewer to a posture of prayer by connecting the audience with God through the use of holy figures and scenes. Not only that, but the icon itself is intended to offer a loving, heavenly gaze to the viewer. In technical terms, the viewer doesn’t view an icon, she "reads" it. The Symbolism in Icons The symbols included in each icon are significant enough to tell a bigger story while remaining simple: Saint Joseph, for example, would likely be depicted with a lily and/or some sort of carpentry tool such as a square to remind the viewer that Joseph was a carpenter as well as head of the Holy Family. Saint Mary Magdalene is most often depicted pointing to an egg, the symbol of new life, calling to mind her discovery of Jesus at the empty tomb in the Resurrection accounts in the Gospels. The Trinity is famously depicted as three identical but distinct Persons whose clothing color distinguishes the various attributes of each person of the Godhead which communicates their heavenly, royal, and earthly identities. Even the corners of the table in the image is meant to signify the fulfillment of the four Gospels. There is so much more to reading this particular icon and all icons, I’ll refer you to further resources below. An Opportunity for Deep Prayer and Understanding Iconography is a very specific art-form. We can thank the Eastern Orthodox Church for really holding onto this tradition and in a particular and sacred way. There was a time when icons were seen as idolatry and looked upon as scandalous rather than symbols that lead the faithful into deeper reflection and many have been destroyed. The Making of an Icon Icons always depict a religious theme, but not all religious art are considered icons. Unlike other art forms that can be equally prayerful, iconographers adhere to a somewhat regulated and intentional process. From start to finish, the creation of an icon is an exercise in prayer and is littered with symbolism from materials to practice. Because icons tell a larger story, the content of the images is of the utmost importance. There are clear guidelines related to how God the Father, Son, and Spirit can be depicted to offer the clearest theology to those who will use it for prayer. The result is intended to be a window into Heaven: Icons are painted on wood. The wood serves as a reminder of the Tree of Knowledge and life before the Fall. The wood is wrapped in linen. The linen is a symbol of the cloth Jesus was wrapped in while in the tomb. The artist prepares and cleans the block and prays for a specific image to “write.” Icons are often detailed with gold gilt to emphasize the light of God. The clay and glue used to finish the icon itself is intended to remind the artist of the creation account in which Adam was formed by the clay of the earth. Even if you don’t have a collection of fine art in your own home, chances are that you have encountered icons of Christ or Saints at your parish, on retreat, or even in art museums. These are easiest to identify by the halo around the image, signifying the illuminating light of Christ. Icons can be as large as wall art or as small as a prayer card. Entering Into Prayer, Visually In the same way, each of us is a unique manifestation of God’s creative love, it should come as no surprise that forms of prayer vary widely, too. Having a wide variety of options for prayer is a tremendous gift. Whether that means we adopt one tried and true method our whole life through, or we change frequently to supplement our prayer lives, paying attention to the best way to be drawn into conversation with God. Although I hope you have been captivated by the depth and significance of icons, and how and why they should be used in prayer, I have only scratched the surface of their depth or history. I want to encourage your further exploration. If you have a favorite icon to pray with, consider finding a book at the library and digging deeper into meanings you might have missed. If you haven’t prayed with icons before, a quick google search or a trip to your local Catholic bookstore can be an eye-opening endeavor. For further reading // Why Icons Should Be Part of Cathoilc Catechetics Icons in the Western Church, Jeana Visel, OSB The Art of the Icon, Paul Evdokimov Icon Writing (video) Do you have a favorite icon? What strikes you most about it?   [bctt tweet="The Beauty + Significance of Icons in the Church #BISblog //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

The Lent Diet - Blessed Is She
The Lent Diet

I remember sitting in the dining room of my sorority house one day as I ate lunch. A few of my sorority sisters were standing around, and I was paying much more attention to whatever I was eating than to what they were saying. My ears perked up though when I heard one of them say the word “Lent.” I had been leading a Bible study in my sorority for a while, and I was always hoping for more girls to join. These particular sisters of mine had never come to Bible study, so I was pretty surprised, and quite honestly thrilled, to hear them talking about Lent. My excitement turned to sorrow, however, as I overheard the rest of their conversation. “I’m going to give up sugar so I can get ready for my trip to Cabo over Spring Break.” “I’m cutting out bread—I really need to lose a few. And maybe I’ll go to the gym every day, too.” It devastated me to hear these women, my friends, talk this way. It didn’t upset me as much that they were planning on superficially adopting the religion I practiced for 40 days, but I was unsettled by the way in which the beauty and hope of the Lenten season had been reduced in their minds to the coldness and restrictiveness of a diet. A Lent Diet? I don’t blame these women at all. The world in which we live makes this sort of warped view of fasting almost impossible to avoid. How can we possibly untwist dieting from the concept of self-denial for a greater good? And how can we combat lies that we aren’t good enough as we are, that our bodies need to look a certain way in order for us to be successful, wanted, or loved? The falsehoods spoken to us by diet culture are deafening. When Lent rolls around, it can somewhat seem like everyone becomes a Catholic, not for the purpose of spiritual growth or deepening their relationship with Jesus, but instead as an excuse to diet in a way that is publicly accepted and even celebrated. Turning Lent into a diet isn’t just something that happens among non-Catholics either. There is a strong temptation for those of us who are Catholic to make the season about ourselves instead of about God. Not only can this misuse of Lent inhibit our capability to receive the graces God wants us to experience during this time, but attributing spiritual significance to our successes and failures at dieting is downright dangerous. Doing so opens the door for us to judge ourselves—our worth and our goodness—based on how well we adhere to the restrictive rules we’ve set for ourselves. And this is not what Lent is about.   Closeness and Conversion The season of Lent should be a time during which we experience a new closeness to Jesus Christ as we remember the sacrifice He made for all of humanity through His Passion and Death. Through this season, we have the opportunity to learn more about God’s infinite love and mercy and to enter more fully into the personal relationship He desires with each of us. It is a chance also to understand ourselves better, to grow in humility as we come to recognize and confront our human weakness, and to invite God into those spaces where we need grace to overcome our shortcomings. Unfortunately, instead of being reaffirmed in our authentic identities, we can easily end up at Easter feeling dejected after devoting all of our energy toward the pursuit or maintenance of a false identity: our image. What about Fasting? For many of us, dieting has impaired our ability to see fasting as anything more than a means to a selfish end. When we think of denying ourselves of any type or amount of food, our minds can be quick to snap to the end goal. How can I use this to my advantage? What’s going to make my body look the best by the end of this? But our attempts to control the physical outcome of our efforts only get in the way of our ability to receive the graces God can work through them. Instead of growing in appreciation for the blessings we have, we become focused on our lack of satisfaction with our bodies. Instead of realizing our profound need for Him, we become self-reliant. This Lent could be different. Being Truly Transformed Jesus is extending an offer for each of us to come to Him as we are. Some of us might be in a place where fasting dietarily is not an option. I urge you, when considering your Lenten fast, to ask Jesus where He wants to meet you and to seriously think about your motivations. If any part of you is tempted to turn fasting into dieting, choose differently. Remember that Lent is not about restricting under the guise of holiness. It is about becoming more you, not becoming less of you. And if you, like my well-intentioned sorority sisters, are not Catholic or are new to this whole Lent thing, why not explore its true meaning? I guarantee the results will be far more significant than those of any diet. At the end of Lent this year, who do you want to see when you look in the mirror? A “successful” dieter, or a more whole version of you?   [bctt tweet="The Lent Diet #BISblog //" via="no"]   Erica Carnohan is a Southern California-based content creator, website developer, and burrito enthusiast. She enjoys having deep conversations over strong cups of coffee, evangelizing through the media, and creating digital art. You'll either find her reading on the beach or playing in her backyard with her four pet chickens.

Embracing the Will of God as We Grow in Devotion to the Eucharist
Embracing the Will of God as We Grow in Devotion to the Eucharist
Blessed Is She
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