“Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?” (Matthew 20:15)
This line from the parable about the laborers in the vineyard in Matthew’s Gospel always gets me. It’s one of those verses I tend to avoid, ignore, or gloss over because, honestly, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Because no matter the hard work and effort I have put into spiritual growth, I am faced with my same honest response:
Yes. Yes, Lord, I totally am envious.
Drawn to Goodness, Led to Envy
There are so many areas of life where I see the good gifts others have received and my heart immediately twists. It is almost a subconscious, conditioned response at this point. The financial good deals, the publicly applauded achievements, the answer to prayer, the blessing of a child, the fulfillment of a deep-seated desire, the list goes on and on. When I see a gift in the open hands of another, while mine remain grasping and empty, I am presented with a major challenge.
What the heck, Lord? Why are You giving that to them when I so desperately want it? Why are You answering their prayers and not mine? Why are You so good to others and it feels like You’re holding out on me?
It is a natural, human inclination to want good things. Goodness is attractive and desirable. It is not wrong to want good things! It is also not wrong to be drawn to someone else’s success, belonging, or achievement.
However, it goes too far when we do not want others to have the good things we desire, or the gifts God has given to them. This is envy, one of the seven deadly sins.
But how do we acknowledge the goodness of someone else’s gift without becoming embittered toward them for having it? Or even further, how do we not become resentful toward God?
From experience, it is a thin line. And before we know it, we can start to feel like God is picking sides, playing favorites, or rewarding other people’s prayers and faithfulness more than our own.
We can start to resent His generosity.
The Nature of Generosity
Before sliding down that slippery slope, it can be helpful to pause and consider the very nature of generosity.
A generous person is someone who gives freely. They frequently and consistently give of themselves to those around them. They hold nothing back, living lives of service.
Often, a person’s generosity is a direct response to God’s generosity. As James 1:17 tells us, “Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights . . .”
The truth of the matter is, even when I am in want and in need, and many of my prayers seem to go unanswered, God has been generous to me. Everything I own and possess, everything I have, everything I am are all gifts from God. He has given me my very life, and He sustains my existence.
Yes, God is generous, and He has given all of us amazing and generous gifts, including the greatest gift possible: Himself. He gave us Himself through the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross for our sins. And He continues to give us Himself through the gift of the Eucharist.
God cannot be outdone in generosity.
Even when countless unanswered prayers, unmet desires, and even suffering and pain remain in our lives, God is always so generous, giving us—not everything we want—but certainly everything we need, especially Himself, a greater gift than we could ever deserve.
And the natural response to generosity? Gratitude.
A Prayer for Gratitude
Jesus, the next time I receive a good gift from You, help me to have a grateful heart. Jesus, the next time I witness someone else receiving a good gift from You, help me to have a grateful heart. May I recognize with greater appreciation all the gifts You have given me, as well as the good gifts of others that also come from You. May I praise You for your generosity and goodness, both to myself but even more so to those around me. Jesus, I trust that You know and see all and have my best interest at heart. Jesus, I trust in Your timing. In times of frustration and disappointment, when I feel like I have not been the recipient of Your generosity, increase my acceptance and appreciation of the gifts You have already given me, especially of Yourself and Your presence. In the presence of Your great generosity, help me replace my envy with gratitude. Amen.
Gracie Muraski splits her time between Ohio and Colorado with her husband and two sons. She is passionate about long-distance running, intentional conversation, writing, and anything including pasta.
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