Welcome to our series on the beautiful midlife season! We will explore all the blessings, challenges, and changes that accompany this time in a woman's life, from the physical, to the relational, to the spiritual, and more. Come with your questions in the comments! When I was pregnant, there was an endless flow of advice and tips from fellow moms about what to expect and how to best get through the pregnancy years. Now that those days are over, I am entering into the next phase of my female life. However, I rarely hear anyone talking about perimenopause, the time leading up to actual menopause. Women normally start getting symptoms in their 40’s, although some start even earlier. Saying Goodbye to More Babies For me, before there were any discernible physical changes, there was the emotional hurdle of facing the fact that I was most likely not going to have any more children. There were no more chances to give my only daughter a sister. And my youngest son would never be a big brother as he hoped to be. Longing for a child was not a new feeling, having gone through miscarriages and secondary infertility in my child-bearing years. I was lucky that, through it all, I was still able to bear four healthy children, and three of them after the ripe old age of 35 (as my doctor pointed out.) I knew I was blessed, but I still needed to allow myself to grieve the loss of any future children. The Pleasure of Having Older Children Our Lord consoled my heart and gave me the grace to accept His will in my life. Eventually, the longing for a baby faded away and I was able to concentrate on the pleasure of having older children. I watched in wonder as my little ones began to grow into young men and women with their own distinct personalities. On the practical side, my husband and I were able to have spontaneous dates without worrying about a babysitter. My daughter and I started to take girls weekends away as we developed a mother-daughter friendship. My workload lightened with so many abled bodies in the house. Family trips were much easier without diapers, bottles, strollers, and the missed-nap-meltdown (although there may be a teenage version of it, but that’s another story). Frankly, I love this new phase of motherhood and the possibilities it holds. Physical Changes in Perimenopause Some of the common symptoms of perimenopause—irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, decreased libido, headaches, sleep issues, mood swings, etc.—read like a hormonal horror story! Honestly, now that I know my body will no longer be making babies, I am ready for my period to go away for good, but I’m not looking forward to any of the negative symptoms. From what I have observed, perimenopause is as varied as menstruation is for women. While I had minimal PMS, I had friends who suffered greatly from symptoms. Likewise, I have spoken to many friends who are years younger than me who have started experiencing symptoms that I have not. However, as if in anticipation of this blog post, a couple of months ago, my period started becoming irregular and the other day I woke up feeling hot and had to take off my blankets. My sleeping pattern has been off and I’ve been feeling overly emotional lately. Like anything in life, we all have to deal with inconveniences. When we were on our periods we made sure we had back up supplies, meds for cramps, and extra chocolate on hand. In preparation for hot flashes, I can dress in layers and keep a bottle of cool water by my bed. I’m extra careful to stick to a sleeping routine and incorporate more exercise into my day. And with all things, if symptoms get severe, I’ll talk to my doctor about options. In the Bedroom The same way our bodies change after having a baby, there is a learning curve as our bodies age. The physical relationship with my husband needed some adjusting as well. On a practical side, utilizing items like lubricant or different positions helped with physical discomfort. Likewise, while I sometimes may need a little more time to “get into the mood,'' there is more freedom to relax knowing that we won’t be interrupted by crying babies or little ones trying to open the bedroom door. Plus, at least for me, I’ve reached a point in my relationship with my husband that I feel comfortable sharing these things with him. Being vulnerable and honest with each other brings us closer together. Plus, a sense of humor can ease up many things. A New Chapter This is definitely a new season in my life and I’m still navigating the waters of perimenopause. Sometimes it feels like I’m experiencing the hormonal changes of pregnancy but without the blessing of a baby at the end. However, it helps when I shift my perspective. These are more than just physical changes. They affect my body, emotions, and spirit. I’m looking at this as a season of life that holds new adventures and the freedom to explore more possibilities. One chapter may be closing, but I am excited to see what God has in store next.   [bctt tweet="The Midlife Series // Navigating Perimenopause #BISblog //" via="no"]

Welcome to our Blessed Chats series! Each month, we will dedicate an entire week of blog posts to a topic that affects many of us. These conversations often come up in our Facebook groups and in our real life friendships. We want to share a variety of perspectives on the topic at hand, so we've asked women to share their stories and how the teachings of the Church have guided and comforted them. In this series, we're talking more about grief. We'd love for you to join the conversation! My stomach tightened as if I had been punched in the gut and I kept repeating the words, “Mom’s cancer had returned.” Not only did the cancer come back, it returned with a vengeance and the doctor gave her a year. My mind swirled as I tried to make sense of it. How could this be? The previous month, we were at the Blessed is She retreat together. She just attended my daughter's Confirmation, she had been dancing at my brother’s wedding, smiling and laughing, surrounded by her family. Tears escaped me as I realized she wouldn’t be at the weddings of my younger siblings, or my children. She’d no longer be there for the big and little events of our lives. On that day my heart took its first step on the road of grief. The Beginning of Grief As the cancer thwarted my mom’s mobility, I mourned the loss of my active mom but was hopeful that God could still perform a miracle. Unfortunately, with every hopeful treatment, my mom got hit with more medical complications. After receiving another piece of bad news, I lost it. I was mad—the maddest I’d ever been with God. It hurt to hear my mom, one of the strongest people I’ve known, express fear and feelings of defeat. She’d already overcome so much in her life; I didn’t understand how God would allow her to suffer more. I ranted at God until I crumbled exhausted on the bedroom floor. Deep down, I knew I lashed out in anger and frustration and that Our Father was God enough to take it and tender enough to let me get it all off my chest. I didn’t magically feel better afterwards, but slowly, peace seeped into my heart, which was needed since my mom’s diagnosed time on earth was cut in half. Accompanying Her to the End Six months later, at Christmas time, my mom was in her last days and our families traveled to be with her. After a particularly emotional day at the hospital, I drove back to my dad’s house. My heart was grieving, and tears began when “King of My Heart” came on the radio. The lyrics echoed: “Let the King of my heart be the fire inside my veins... You are good, You’re good... You’re never going to let me down.” My mind whirled, “Did I believe God was good with my heart breaking and prayers unanswered?” Surrendering, I thought, “Yes, I believe, not just when things were going well, but when it seemed all hope was lost.” I clung to Psalm 18: I love you, LORD, my strength, LORD, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, My God, my rock of refuge, my shield, my saving horn, my stronghold. -Psalm 18:2-3 Eventually, my mom was brought home from the hospital and we made sure she was never alone. On the last day of our trip, we said our final goodbye and during the drive home, there were continuous tears as heartache bubbled over. I was resigned, but I still felt the sting of sorrow and grief. The following day, on the feast of the Epiphany, my mom passed. [elementor-template id="415212"] The Cascade of Grief The next weeks were a blur of tears and numbness. I took consolation that Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died (John 11:35). He experienced the pain of loss and was overcome with emotion, even though He knew Lazarus would be raised from the dead. It was okay for me to grieve and process all the conflicting emotions. I thank God for the kindness of family and friends who stepped in with prayers, consolation, and practical help. My instinct was to say, “It’s okay, I’m fine,” but I needed to accept their help, cancel plans, postpone work assignments, and allow myself time to heal. For the funeral, I stormed Heaven, asking for strength so I wouldn’t lose it during the eulogy. Prayers were answered because although my heart was heavy, for that afternoon, I was at peace and glad that my mom’s earthly suffering was over. Never Finished with Grief Since I did well at the funeral, I assumed I was over the worse part of the grieving and I could get back to “normal.” However, I’d be going about my day, and suddenly a song or photo would trigger my memories, or I’d see an Instagram post with a friend doing a fun activity with her mom, and I’d feel resentful and jealous of them. Grief would wash over me again, like a wave of the ocean. At first, I thought something was wrong with me, until I learned that this was a common aspect of grief – sneaking up when you least expect it. I allowed myself to feel the grief and leaned on Christ to pull me through the wave. Because I had to lean on God so much, my relationship with Our Lord deepened and I pondered why He hadn’t healed my mom. Interiorly, God spoke to my heart. He had healed her, but not in a way people could see. I recalled my mom’s words before she died, “I’m no longer afraid to die. I’m ready physically, mentally, and spiritually. How lucky can I be to be ready to meet Jesus!” We didn’t receive the physical healing of my mom’s body, but the contrast from fear to joyful surrender was evident. Through her suffering, her soul had been transformed. Understating that was a turning point in dealing with my grief. The same way my mom’s surrender changed her heart, I prayed my surrender to God would change my heart and draw me closer to Him. Death is Transformed by Christ In her book From Grief to Grace, author Jeannie Ewing* wrote, “Embracing our cross is the essence of navigating grief. It is precisely the conscience act of entering into our wounds and permitting God to enter into our wounds that lead us to ultimate healing, peace, and joy.” It brought meaning to the Scripture: We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28 We're approaching the two-year anniversary of my mom’s death. Although the waves of grief aren’t as frequent or tumultuous, there are still moments, such as writing this post, when I’m overcome with emotion and typing though tears. However, I’m comforted to know that: Death is transformed by Christ. Jesus, the Son of God, also himself suffered the death that is part of the human condition. Yet, despite his anguish as he faced death, he accepted it in an act of complete and free submission to his Father's will. The obedience of Jesus has transformed the curse of death into a blessing. -Catechism of the Catholic Church 1009 Through these tears, I can see my mom’s photo on my desk. Every day I pray for her and ask her to pray for us, taking comfort that we are one body in Christ, and that our connection with each other doesn’t stop at death. Just as she accepted her death, I accept this physical separation for the love of God, waiting in hope for the day, God willing, we will be reunited again. Has anyone else lost their mom? We'll be praying for you. *Jeannie also wrote this article on grief as a Catholic with a brief summary of the topic of her book. If you want more on the Church's rich teachings on these engaging topics, our best-selling study, "Blessed Conversations: Rooted," dives into the Catechism's teachings and now offers a video companion series along with it featuring Theological Editor Susanna Spencer and Managing Editor Nell O'Leary. Get it here.   [bctt tweet="Blessed Chats: Grief // Losing My Mom #BISblog #blessedchats //" via="no"]   This post contains affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting the ministry of Blessed is She!

For as long as I can remember, I have been a paper lover - stationary, stickers, journal, planners, etc. One of my favorite times of the year was when I got to shop for new school supplies - bouquets of sharpened pencils. Sigh. ;-) Things haven't changed so when the new Blessed Is She Liturgical Academic Planner 2017-2018 came out I was giddy with excitement. It is the perfect combination of beauty, organization and liturgical goodness! The planner is beautiful just as it is and can be appreciated by those who like a clean, streamlined look with a touch of lovely hand lettering. However, it also endears itself to those who want to embellish their planner with washi tape, stickers or drawing. Whichever team you're on, this planner is sure to please. Currently, I use a bullet journal for lists and long term items but I use the Blessed Is She Planner for my day to day living and organizing. Since I am a fan of personalizing a planner to make it your own, I'll share with you how I use and decorate mine. We'll start at the beginning. On the inside cover I made a planner dashboard. I have a photo of my hubby and kids, post its, and a holder for my magnetic book markers. A new feature in this year's planner is a pocket for papers, notes and things. I added some washi tape and stickers to decorate it. On the other side I store stamps and a note card that I need to send out to a friend later this week. Next comes the year at a glance and a list of holidays and holy days of obligation. There is a Dates to Remember section and a compilation of some of the Blessed Is She team/writers' favorite prayers. Also new this year, is the How to Pray the Rosary section. Next we move to the first calendar view. Since this is the Academic version, it runs from Aug 2017 to July 2018. My life revolves around my kids' school schedule so for me this is the new year, rather than January 1. As you can see, I love to add stickers and washi to my calendar. I also only use erasable pens, since I MUST be able to erase! An awesome feature of the monthly view, is the listing of the saint of the month. For August it is St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross who happens to be my chosen saint of the year. There is also a monthly prayer printed at the top of the page. This is a beautiful way for all of us in the BIS sisterhood to pray together for one another. The days of the week have the saint of the day and holy days of obligation are marked by golden squares. I love how this helps me incorporate the liturgical year into my day to day life! If you aren't a fan of decorating and are curious to see the calendar without embellishment, here is a sample. The weekly overview has sections for To Do's, a grocery list, meal planning, prayer intentions, weekly goals, call/email/follow up, as well as a large notes section. I divided my notes section into three more ares - more To Do's, blog/writing, and a smaller notes section. My Elizabeth and Darcy magnetic book markers add some extra love to the page. On Sundays I work on my weekly spread. I'll do a brain dump and write down everything that is on my mind to get it out of head and onto the page. I put the important items in the main To Do column and the tasks that aren't pressing in the secondary To Do list. Then I go over my tasks and assign then a day that I need to have them done. When Monday comes I know which items I need to focus on first before anything else. For my meal planning, I first look in my fridge and freezer to see what items we need to eat before they expire. Then I look at my schedule that week and see which days I'll have time to make a longer meal and which days I have appointments or swimming lessons in the late afternoon. I assign those days easier meals or plan to use the slow cooker. Once I've narrowed those things down, it is easier to figure out what to make and when. In the prayer intention areas, I list those people who have asked for prayers. Here's a tip that has helped me - when there is a prayer request on Facebook or Instagram and I promise to pray for the person, I take a screen shot of their request. Later in the evening before I say my night prayers, I look at the screenshots and write down the intentions. That way, I don't forget! Although, I like to use my Notes section for more lists, you can use that area for anything you'd like! For example, here I used it to write a short prayer. (Note: This and the next two photos are from the current January 2017 Planner notes page.) Another idea would be to have a memories page with highlights of your week. You could add photos, ticket stubs, funny things you child or your roommate said to you or journal your thoughts. Or you could also use that section to start a fun list such as movies you want to watch or books you'd like to read. You can add a magnetic book marker, paper clip or a book dart for quick reference and add to it throughout the year. Next is the weekly schedule with daily time slots for appointments and tasks. I keep track of the places I need to be or work I have to do. Each day has the liturgical feast day listed and it also has a section for tasks to complete that day; a tracker to check off if you've cared for your body, soul and mind; and a section to write something that you're grateful for that day. On my monthly and weekly calendar I like to color code my items. I use purple for daily or regular activities, green for school, orange for my MIL, blue for medical appointments and red or pink for outings and parties. In the back of the planner is a new added section - lined note pages for your own notes. Love that! I hope you enjoyed this peek into my planner. I'd love to see how you use your Blessed Is She planner! Post a photo on Instagram or Facebook and use the hashtag #bisplanner. Happy planning! Written by Bobbi Rol. Find out more about her (and her planner supplies) here. This post was originally published at Revolution of Love.com. Reprinted here with permission. LITURGICAL PLANNERS Our Liturgical Planners are based on the Litany of Humility. Enter into prayer every day alongside this beautiful Litany. Order your days in His peace. GET YOUR PLANNER   For Your Prayer Life Deepen your daily prayer life with a planner built around the Liturgical Year. Shop the Catholic Liturgical Planner →