But the Spirit himself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. // Romans 8:26 

I did not think I would fall back so quickly into my old ways, but there I sat on a Thursday morning with hot, silent tears going down my face in embarrassment and frustration. 

Really . . . Again? I thought to myself, wiping another tear. I had just come off a silent retreat, and it did not take very long to lose my peace and find myself falling into sinful ways again. I figured I would come down shining and renewed like Moses coming down glowing from Mount Sinai, but instead came back . . . grumpy. Wondering where I had gone wrong in losing my peace from the retreat, I anxiously ran through all the options to retrace my steps. Maybe I needed to redo the meditations or scour my journal, pray another Rosary, or just force myself to get it together or simply give up. 

As I sat with my tears of frustration rolling down my face, I heard a whisper in my heart: “Ask the Holy Spirit to pray with you and pray for you. He is rooting for you.” These words silenced me, and it was then I remembered Saint Paul’s own words to the Romans from today’s Second Reading (see Romans 8:26-27). I realized then I was clothed in self-sufficiency instead of supplication and had forgotten the very graces I had received on the retreat.