“He called ten of his servants and gave them ten gold coins and told them, ‘Engage in trade with these until I return.’” // Luke 19:13

I sat in the back corner of my law school classroom filled with anxiety and fear once again. I could hear my heart in my ears—pounding loudly within my chest as I slumped in my chair, trying diligently not to be noticed. 

Those three years of my life were some of the most excruciatingly challenging for me. I looked around at my classmates who seemed to enjoy all things law school and wondered what was wrong with me. How could I be in the midst of such an incredible learning opportunity and despise every second of it? I hated myself in many ways—for not being smart enough, quick enough, witty enough, studious enough, good enough . . .

I believed the lie that I had nothing to offer and never would, and so I hid. I shrank into a shell of myself and I stayed there.

In today’s Gospel, we read the parable of the nobleman and his servants (see Luke 19:11-28). The nobleman entrusts each servant with one gold coin and commands each to “engage in trade” until he returns. The first and second servants earn additional coins, but the third—we learn—stores away all he was given instead of stepping out into the world as he was instructed to do. He received what was entrusted to him yet stayed stuck. He didn't believe that he could offer anything more, so he buried what he'd been given. He chose what felt safe over true faith. He bought the lie instead of the belief for which he was made.