“It’ll never happen,” I’d think to myself as the negative test rested firmly in my hand. Because I knew before I could look. That lonely line danced across any sliver of faith I had until it stomped it out completely. It was the same every month, anyway. There was hope and then there was defeat. The cycle repeated and repeated and repeated.
Until one day, it didn’t.
“It’ll never happen,” I thought as my signature skipped along the offer letters. Because California is too expensive, and our income, too meager. And so we’d move from house to house to house.
Until one day, we found home.
“It’ll never happen,” I’d say to the dreams that nudged me forward with utmost insistence. But the music kept pumping, and these feet, they just wouldn’t stay still. And so I’d dance for fun, and I’d dance for free.
Until one day, I danced myself all the way into a job.
We think we're realistic, putting limits on God, aren’t we? But here I am—a wife, a mom, a homeowner, a dancer—to tell you that everything you ever dreamed is possible, that God’s generosity is abundant.
And still, I doubt. Still, I look at the five loaves and see limits. Still, I look at the four thousand and think, “how?” (See Mark 8:19.)
Sometimes the only way to fully grasp the inexhaustible generosity of God is to look back, to recognize all of the ways He has abundantly provided.
So, when your wanting soul is met with doubt, let your past remind you that He provides. Let it envelope you with hope for your future, and let it speak to your heart with the assurance that with God, all things are possible.
This talk on the story of loaves & fishes addresses looking for more. Take a look.
Brittany Calavitta is an enthusiastic advocate for a good book, strong coffee, and a hopeful heart. After battling years of infertility, she and her husband welcomed their first child on September 11, 2016. You can find out more about her here.
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