A Severe Mercy

"I need you to watch the kids for me until I get back," my mom called out. "Seriously?" I groaned. "I have to watch them again?"

As the oldest of nine siblings, I was used to being the “second mom.” It was annoying at times, but I didn’t rebel against it until my late teens when I started drifting away from God. By my early twenties, I decided I didn’t want a big family and that I’d use birth control to prevent it.

Years later, when I returned to the faith, I had a better understanding of love, marriage, and the sacredness of life. By the time I was engaged to be married, I longed for a big family of my own. However, things didn’t go as planned. It took a year to conceive our daughter and five years and two miscarriages to conceive our second child.

That time of infertility and losing babies was my own wandering in the desert. Like the Israelites, I complained and disregarded the marvelous workings of God. I saw new life as a nuisance that prevented me from doing what I wanted.

God said to me, just as He did in the First Reading, “I will do to you just what I have heard you say” (Numbers 14:28).

It sounds harsh, especially after years of pleading to God. In reality, those desert years were a mercy. They opened my eyes and my heart to see that life was precious, sacred, and not something to be wielded according to my whims. As I look at my four children now, and think of my two entrusted to God's mercy, I praise God for His mercy and miraculous gifts of life.

Whatever we’re asking of God, amid the pain of unanswered prayer, it’s tempting to think God has forsaken us. Trusting in His mercy, timing, and goodness requires faith and surrender of our will.

Let us pray together:

Father, transform my heart and strengthen me to desire Your will. Help me trust in Your goodness because You love me and have a plan for me. I love You. Amen.

Praise God for His mercy. // @bobbi_rolClick to tweet

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