“What is the point of going to Confession?” my daughter asked me as we drove to the church. “I feel so weird telling the priest my sins!”
I smiled to myself because to be honest, sometimes, I do, too. Confession is a Sacrament in our beautiful Catholic Church that I have struggled with for most of my adult life. (I didn’t struggle as a kid with it because I wasn’t taken.)
I had a hard time for years because I had debilitating habitual sin in my life that I felt a ton of shame about and never felt safe to express in the confessional. My friend Beth is the one who helped me realize that this Sacrament is precisely where God’s mercy is poured out into the great crevice in my life that I constantly dig deeper through my habitual sin. His mercy is poured out even more because of the depths of my sin.
His mercy has changed my life.
Now, going to the Sacrament of Penance is a frequent occurrence in our family culture. My husband and I go at least once every two weeks, and we have experienced immense freedom from the attachments we always thought we would be bound to forever because of our fallen human nature.
Because I’ve experienced this freedom from frequenting this beautiful Sacrament, all I want to do is offer this same opportunity to my children.
I handed my phone to my daughter and said what I frequently say whenever any questions about Christianity or Catholicism come up in family conversations: “I bet Father Mike Schmitz has a video on that!”
And yes, yes he does. Multiple, in fact.*
We finished the video from Father (thank you, Father!), and I looked at my daughter.
“Did that help?” I asked.
“Yes,” she sighed.
“Sweet, let’s go in!”
We headed into the church to get in line for Confession, and I handed her an Examination of Conscience for Kids.** This examination is written by Olivia Spears, one of our devotion writers and author of our kids’ Advent and Lent books.
Olivia’s Examination of Conscience for Kids is so beautifully written, and further, it is theologically edited by Susanna Spencer. It has been such a gift to be able to trust this examination in the hands and with the hearts of my kids as they ask the Holy Spirit to highlight their sins to help them feel sorrow before heading in to repent and ask forgiveness.
Over the years, I have realized five important factors that have helped our family make the Sacrament of Reconciliation a frequent and normal thing we do.
1) Make It Simple and Easy, Not Scary and Hard
We can sometimes make Sacraments feel heavy and hard to face. And yes, of course, receiving the forgiveness and grace of Jesus is a very big deal and something to take seriously. It is life-changing. It is soul-saving. It has eternal consequences.
But as we’ve started frequenting this beautiful Sacrament, I’ve noticed that when I am easy-breezy about going, then my kids are more inclined to be relaxed as they prepare to share their intimate sins to a man in persona Christi. This can feel scary if you think he’s probably judging you, memorizing your face or voice, or surprised by your sin. It can feel scarier the more intensely you act about it.
I’m not saying to minimize the importance and the beautiful reality of the Sacrament of Penance. I’m saying that if you act like going to Confession is simply a part of your family culture, something that Mom and Dad also do, and something on our calendar as opposed to a punishment or a shameful experience, then it will bring beautiful fruit into your family.
There is a beauty to humbly saying, “This isn’t a yucky experience of shame, it’s a beautiful experience of healing and love.”
2) Put Frequent Confession on Your Schedule
As I said, if the Sacrament of Reconciliation is written into your family calendar, then it is less likely to be skipped. Instead it is something that the whole family can be involved in and benefit from. If the whole family goes to receive together, then the truth of “We sinned, and we ask Your forgiveness for hurting each other and for hurting You, Lord” becomes a part of your family’s DNA.
It’s incredibly important for your children to see you receiving God’s mercy as well as being a support to them as they enter into receiving His grace as well. Plus, when you have children too young to go, spouses can take turns watching them outside the confessional, and they anticipate their own First Confession with excitement.
It is a mutually beneficial act to be with each other on the drive, in the Confession line, in the chapel afterwards, and on the way home. Beautiful, vulnerable conversations are had here in this fertile soil of humility and gratitude to the God of the universe Who heals with His sacramental grace.
3) Find a Good Examination of Conscience for Kids
I had a hard time finding an examination of conscience for kids I loved, so I asked Olivia Spears to write this one, which is now available to you as well! Some examinations of conscience are too surface level or aren’t clear about what sin is. The one you can find right here is a great tool for our family that we use every time we go to Confession.
It works well for my kids, ages nine to fifteen, at this point, and it has actually spurred some really beautiful conversations. They examine their consciences before they enter the confessional, and they write down in their prayer journals which sins they have and will share with the priest before making their Act of Contrition.
But if this Examination of Conscience for Kids doesn’t work for you, that’s okay! Find one that works for you and your kids, because that’s all that matters! It took around ten years for me personally to find an examination of conscience that I love, and I haven’t strayed from it for a few years now.
Once you find one that clicks with your kids and your family, be consistent with it. Invite your kids to ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate their hearts and minds, to sit with the examination for a good chunk of time, and to write down whatever they need to so when they go into the confessional they don’t feel anxious or forgetful. They can feel fully prepared to offer a good Confession to our Lord.
4) Make It Fun with a Treat Afterwards
Right after we receive the Divine Mercy of Jesus in the grace of Confession and pray in thanksgiving for this gift, we walk out of the church and give each other high fives. “What a gift! His mercies are new every morning!” I remind the kids (and myself).
This is a beautiful celebration! A lamb has been returned to our Lord’s flock! We are brought back into union with God our Savior, and this good news cannot be celebrated enough, in my opinion.
Time permitting, we head to our local coffee or ice cream shop and get a sweet treat. It is a fun tradition we do to mark the beauty of this moment: that our souls are made clean in the beautiful Sacrament of Reconciliation.
5) Always Say Yes to Confession
Our kids have gotten into the habit of asking to go to Confession if our scheduled time isn’t soon enough for them. I will always say, “Yes.” No matter what I had planned for the day, I will drop everything for my child who is asking to be brought back into reconciliation with our Lord. That child needs His grace, and I trust that He will give me the grace and ability to get the tasks done that I need to complete.
There is never a time that I shame my children or make them feel guilty for asking to go to Confession. I simply will not do that. I will not huff or act like I’m being inconvenienced. No, I will swallow all of my “need” to get other things done and will drive them, stand in line with them, and receive our Lord’s mercy myself as well with a peaceful, calm, and loving spirit.
Parents should initiate their children at an early age into the mysteries of the faith of which they are the “first heralds” for their children. They should associate them from their tenderest years with the life of the Church. A wholesome family life can foster interior dispositions that are a genuine preparation for a living faith and remain a support for it throughout one’s life. (CCC § 2225)
My path to holiness is through my vocation. And my vocation is as a wife and mother to the family I’ve been given. That is my only job: to love. Of course, I will fail and I will fall, but thank God, His mercies are new. So I will get back up with His help and remind myself that this is the most important job—helping my family get to Heaven.
And I want to live a life worthy of this call. I am sure you do too.
Be encouraged on this path to adding or remaining consistent in your commitment to frequent reception of the Sacrament of Penance in your family culture. This will plant beautiful seeds in your children that will last for eternity.
* Videos about Confession by Father Mike Schmitz:
- Do I Need to Go to Confession?
- Why Confess My Sins to a Priest?
- Confessing the Same Sins Over and Over Again
- Are Your Sins the Same Story Again and Again? Rewrite the Script.
- Going to Confession for the First Time in a Long Time
- 3 Reasons You Still Feel Bad After Confession
Jenna Guizar is a wife and mama in sunny AZ. She pretends to love football for her husband, reads lots of books to her seven lovely babes, and tries not to burn mac n cheese on the daily. In between football games, reading books, and [not] burning mac n cheese, she is the Founder + Creative Director of Blessed is She women’s ministry + community. Find out more about her here.
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