“I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth . . .” I mumbled through Mass one Sunday in college.
And then I stopped mid-sentence, tears welling up in my eyes, chin trembling. Months earlier, I had returned from a long study abroad trip. In the middle of that very beautiful but very hard experience, I found myself struggling for the first time to make sense of the faith that had, only a year prior, made perfect sense to me.
For many excruciating months I was simply unable to move past that first line of the Apostles’ Creed. For you see, to proclaim it without really believing it made me feel like a total fake. But the thought of not proclaiming it, if it was true, made me feel like the weakest, wimpiest Christian to ever walk the face of the earth.
In today’s reading from the Acts of the Apostles, Saint Paul speaks of the groping of the human heart (see Acts 17:22-28). He preached in a time of new believers and persistent unbelievers, cautious skeptics and curious seekers. Like them, I too was seeking and trying to find assurance in the belief that He gives life to everyone, even to me (Acts 17:25).
What I know from that time of desolation is that the Lord worked on my heart, not with the speediness that I was hoping for, but with the generous gift of time. Over the months and years, He didn’t shun my doubting heart or hide His face for fleeting moments when I finally had the courage to seek Him out. I only wish that I had more willingly asked for His consolation when the doubts rose up.
No matter, though. In time, I really did come to know, trust, and welcome again His love poured out for me. And as for the Creed, well, it’s one of my most favorite parts of the Mass.
If you are doubting today, sister, I want you to know that He sees your heart. Come as you are. Trust in His perfect time. What happens in your heart when you pray the Creed?He sees your heart. // Karen Schultz Click To Tweet
Lord Jesus, thank You for giving me Your love and heart.
Thank you for being here.
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