Although I wasn’t looking at him, I could feel his eyes upon me.
I slowly turned towards him and smiled. When he returned the smile, my heart raced with satisfaction. The flirting game had begun. I derived a deep pleasure in the chase of a romantic conquest. I loved that feeling of liking someone and then setting out for him to like me back. It didn’t always work, but it was a thrill when it did.
Looking back on those years, I see how I was woefully living the Scripture from today’s First Reading, “Cursed is the man who trusts in human beings, who seeks his strength in flesh, whose heart turns away from the Lord” (Jeremiah 17:5).
I always had a crush or was pursuing someone because chasing guys was my way of affirming myself. It was how I measured my self-worth. When a guy reciprocated my feelings, then I felt valued. When he didn’t, I had to prove I was worthy of love by chasing the next love interest. It was a vicious cycle.
After a period of falling away from God and returning to Him, the Lord began some serious work on my heart. He helped me to realize that the Man I needed to fall in love with was Jesus. I had to let go of all the lies telling me I was only valuable if a guy was interested in me. I had to let go of all the immature infatuations and give my heart to the Sacred Heart.
For the first time in my life, I could stand alone, yet not feel alone, because I was beloved.
Reaching that point helped me to enter a new level of spiritual maturity. I saw my value and I knew Who would be there no matter what else was happening around me. Now that I was reliant on God and His grace, I could live the Scripture, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose hope is the LORD” (Jeremiah 17:7).For the first time in my life, I could stand alone, yet not feel alone, because I was beloved. // @bobbi_rol Click To Tweet
This woman’s ministry for young women includes a beautiful focus on our real self-worth: based in our identity as God’s daughters.
Bobbi Rol is a wife, mama and blogger living on the Monterey Bay in CA with her husband, teen daughter, and three rambunctious boys. When she is not dodging light sabers or stepping on Legos, she can be found outside with her family, catching a late night movie, or decorating her planner. She is a contributing author to our children’s devotional prayer book called Rise Up. You can find out more about her here.