“Fight for her,” my spiritual director said over the phone.
I’d just shared with him one of the ways I knew the Lord was teaching me about mercy. Compassion. Love. Kindness. Forgiveness. A softened heart. None of it was easy, or had been easy. And all of it was painful, or had been painful at some point. I was no longer a friend to someone I really truly believed I’d be friends with forever.
“What do you mean ‘fight for her’?!” I asked.
I was honestly baffled that he’d say such a thing after I’d explained all of the ugly details of how this friendship had ended.
He explained, “Mercy is loving when no one else chooses it. Mercy is seeing the other not with your eyes, or the pain in your heart, but with the eyes and heart of Christ. Fight for her, still, by offering the confusion and hurt you feel in the form of mercy towards her.”
It’s not something I’d ever considered. What I had considered was how God could heal what had felt like an open wound for such a long time.
“Fight for her.” These words have led to so much healing, goodness, and light. “Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).
I don’t know what God will do with this former friendship. I don’t know if healing will ever entail being friends again. But what I do know, and am so sure of, is this: I can fight for her still, even from afar. I can choose to be charitable in my thoughts. I can choose to forgive repeatedly in my heart. And I will offer it all to Him Who sees the heartbreak of it all.
This fight for goodness is worth it, sister. He is here with us, amidst it all.
God could heal what had felt like an open wound for such a long time. // Shalini Blubaugh Click To Tweet
Thank you for sharing this today – I, too, have been in turmoil over a failed friendship. I so want to reach out. But I also have this nagging desire to tell why I think we have grown apart. Is that the part Jesus is telling me to let fade away? Am I to reconcile with love and leave the whys to crumble silently into dust? I pray over this; I love through this; but I am also resentful and bitter through this. It is heavy on my heart. I’m sure I know the answer, but I am having such a hard time putting down the load.
So tough, friend. Praying for you right now.
I too, have felt similar feelings. One friend, I had to let go for my own health and sanity after a serious incident. Very sad situation, and I have no idea if this person still alive. Another, I have NO IDEA what happened. We were at different stages of life, but still kept in contact couple times a year. Then, one year, no response from her. She made a lot of big changes in her life, cut out at least one other close friend, then divorced her hubby of 30+ years, so have to believe that letting go of our friendship was one of her many changes. While I was hurt and sad initially, as a couple years past, realized that it probably/hopefully wasn’t about me, BUT, it still hurt. Not knowing why hurts. Losing a friend that you truly care about hurts, as it should. At my last confession a few weeks ago, the priest told me that it’s a good thing to feel annoyance or hurt when a relationship struggles (or in some cases is lost all together) as means we care. We wouldn’t want to not care as that is a greater loss. Hope in some way this helps, but I know that time can heal our hearts. It doesn’t mean you forget, but you learn and grow. God Bless!!