There I was, staring at a positive pregnancy test, wondering why He allowed this to happen. I thought NFP was supposed to work! (It does, but alas, just an error in my own charting.) Those two pink lines were staring back at me as if they were slits in the pupils of a sly and mischievous snake.
I thought, How can this be? Why now? And I was sobbing. Lots of uncontrollable and gut-wrenching sobbing.
I’m not ready. I’m not able. It’s too much.
Why has it been so easy to accept the will and guidance of the Holy Spirit when it aligns with my own imperfect will? I was just promoted at work and finally feeling like our routine was working, when suddenly, my husband was peeling me off the floor and stroking my hair whispering that everything would be okay. We would be okay. I would be okay.
My two children already seem more than I can handle and yet, that little precious life—that unexpected gift—seems impossible. I could not—still cannot—see where this is all going.
I’ve experienced a flood of varied emotions: anger, fear, hesitation, doubt. . . but also joy, love, and gratitude.
Because as afraid as I am, I have to trust that the Advocate has a plan for me, for my family, for this little one. I will follow. (John 16:7)
Is there an unexpected change in your life? Are you floored by something that’s outside of your plans? Re-read today’s Gospel. Trust that the Advocate is here with you.
Dr. Samantha Aguinaldo-Wetterholm is a wife to Paul, mom to two little ones, and practices dentistry at a public health community center for low income families in the Bay Area, California. She (unashamedly) thinks ice cream is its own food group, loves anything Harry Potter, does not leave the house without wearing sparkly earrings, and is an enthusiastic proponent of the Oxford comma. Find out more about her here.