Dishes were done, lunches were packed, counters had been wiped, and babes were sleeping in their beds. He stood in the kitchen and I leaned my head against door frame. This is just how it’s going to be for me, I said. I will always struggle with this.
For many, many years I have struggled on and off with my mental health in a variety of ways. At best I consider it a unique way of seeing the world, at worst I’ve believe that I am defective. When I’ve let that lie color my life I start to think that others are blessed, and I am not. I see myself as a leper, vile, and cast out. It can be so easy to let the inner dialogue run amok.
The truth is, in the last few months, I’ve had a flair up of sorts. I saw where things were headed because I’ve been down this road before. Again, I stop and I say, If you wish, you can make me clean, because I know He can. I know complete and total healing this side of Heaven is possible but not probable. The reality is, I have tools in this life to ease the burden, and I will find blessing in the tender heart I’ve been given that is wounded deeply, but loves deeply, and knows what it is to need someone to sit with you in the dark mess.
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When Jesus healed that leper, He crossed a societal divided that kept the clean on one side and the sick on the other. Can we be Christ to each other? Can you reach across the divide and love someone on the margins? Will you allow yourself to be loved even when you believe you don’t deserve it?
Jacqueline Skemp is a daughter, sister, wife, and mother who endures living in Minnesota after leaving California for her one true love. You can find out more about her here.