0

Out to Redeem Myself

There was a time when my desire for holiness became less about the Lord, and more about impressing people. I was a girl desperately seeking to redeem myself. I ached for the approval of others because for so long I felt like the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11), publicly humiliated for my sins, exposed for my wrongdoing, and I wanted to defend my honor.

I wanted to say, “Remember that girl? The sinner who committed all the big sins? I’m not her anymore. I’m super holy now. Do you see me over here being super holy? I am a Proverbs 31 Woman.”

I wasn’t fooling Almighty Jesus. Jesus didn’t want my performance. What He wanted was my presence, and when you’re trying to be perfect you cannot be present.

One day in Adoration, I was marveling at the beautiful golden Monstrance. Completely captivated by the splendor of it, I contemplated King Jesus. I envisioned Him in all His Glory, clothed in Majesty, and then my eyes fell to the tiny Host inside.

In that moment I was struck by the truth that Jesus Christ, King of Universe made Himself small for us. Jesus, Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, hidden in a small piece of bread.

Today’s Gospel reading is so profound sisters, because on the Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe we read about Him standing before Pontius Pilate. (John 18:33-37). Jesus reminds us that His Kingdom is not of this world.

You do not have to redeem yourself to the people of this world by convincing them of your holiness, of your worth, of your greatness.

He delights in your precious soul, in your smallness, and out of love He will humble you. If you’re like me, He will humble you again and again, every day.

You do not have to redeem yourself to the people of this world by convincing them of your holiness, of your worth, of your greatness. Click To Tweet

Will you lay yourself bare before the Lord, sister? Will you bring Him all your mess, knowing that Christ the King will make miracles out of it?

Leana Bowler lives in Arizona with her husband, five children, feisty grandma, and three dogs. She love Jesus, writing jokes, books, strong coffee, and drawing upgraded stick figure people. You can find out more about her here

3 Comments

  • Reply
    Kim
    November 25, 2018 at 9:40 am

    Thank you for the very beautiful and thoughtful reflection…
    It was like a prayer.

  • Reply
    Monica
    November 25, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    “You do not have to redeem yourself to the people of this world by convincing them of your holiness, of your worth, of your greatness.”

    “He delights in your precious soul, in your smallness, and out of love He will humble you. If you’re like me, He will humble you again and again, every day.”

    My favorite part ❤️ Thank you for the wise words.

  • Reply
    Tonya
    November 25, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    Thank you so much for today’s reflection. I felt as though you were writing my story; my thoughts. I, too, often say (inside my head) “but look, I’m trying to be holy”, but God has made it clear to me that I am small and not seen. Sometimes this is done in ways that are so absurdly obvious, that I have to laugh at being overlooked or unnoticed, or even forgotten about.
    Thank you for reminding me that Jesus humbles himself in the Eucharist just as he lived a life of humility!! I needed that image to resonate in my head and in my heart.
    Your words are a beautiful gift today!

  • Leave a Reply