My pulse quickens. My skin flushes. I feel like I am under water. Have I taken a breath?
He tells me the news. I am looking at him, but it’s like I’m seeing through him. I hear him, but I can’t understand him.
I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again. He says. He pleads. He keeps talking.
I nod. Still numb.
It would be a few days before it catches up to me. (Bad news tends to do that.) The anesthesia of the initial hit all slowly wears off and I feel it. I feel it all at once.
Anger. Hurt. Betrayal. Incredulity. Confusion. And sorrow. Utter sorrow.
Haven’t we all experienced sorrow at some point? It is the nature of human relationships and of true and deep love. When we love and allow others into our hearts, we open up the possibility to be hurt, to experience loss, to feel sorrow.
Whether you have lost a loved one, felt betrayed, been sick, or watched someone suffer, that sorrow can be overwhelming and completely isolating. No one can possibly understand how I feel! This is completely unique to me!
And how terrible if that were true. But . . .
We are not alone. You are not alone. Our Lady, our Blessed Mother, our Lady of Sorrows has experienced the greatest of all sorrows, her heart has been pierced, and that loss has attempted to claw at her feet and pull her under to that place that tells her God isn’t there for her. But like our Lady had always done, she kept the faith and accepted the will of God so completely and so perfectly. Who else would be a better companion, a better comforter, a better Mother than our own mother?
“Behold, your mother.” (John 19:27)
In times of my own sorrow, I cling to our Mother and allow her to suffer with me. And I pray she lets me, unworthy me, bear her grief as well.
Let’s pray a decade of the Rosary together today. Clinging to our heavenly Mother Mary, and asking for her intercession in our sorrows.
Samantha Aguinaldo-Wetterholm is a wife to Paul, mom to two little ones, and practices dentistry at a public health community center for low income families in the Bay Area, California. She (unashamedly) thinks ice cream is its own food group, loves anything Harry Potter, does not leave the house without wearing sparkly earrings, and is an enthusiastic proponent of the Oxford comma. Find out more about her here.