Have you exhausted your lovers?
The Lord’s question threw me off guard, but I knew exactly what He meant. In prayer, I stood before Him for the first time in too long, silent and, frankly, embarrassed. He was the first to break the silence.
It had been a difficult season of life, and instead of turning to Jesus in my vulnerability and pain, I chose to distract myself from what I was enduring. People, activities, spending, worries, TV, food, projects, sin. Anything to keep me from dealing with what I was feeling, what I was fearing. I gave myself over to the things of this world in order to numb and run from my reality.
“You covet but do not possess. You kill and envy but you cannot obtain; you fight and wage war . . . . You ask but do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” (James 4:2-3)
In our reading today, James is right in calling this adultery. I betrayed the faithful, everlasting Lover of my soul for the cheap one-night-stands and false promises of the world. And every single one of them left me empty-handed, empty-souled.
So, as a last resort, I slowly made my way back to Jesus. I met Him, in prayer, at our usual spot. But in my shame, I couldn’t look at Him. I didn’t know what to say. After all, I was only there because nothing else had solved my problems or relieved my pain.
Have you exhausted your lovers? He asked me sternly, yet tenderly.
“I have, Lord,” I replied, “and I am exhausted.”
It was only then that the healing began. Reconciliation (and sacramental Reconciliation) with the Lord opened wide the opportunity for peace in my heart, the peace I had searched for in all the “violent storms.” (Psalm 55)
Sisters, have you exhausted your lovers? Have you looked for relief or fulfillment in the things of this world? Are you tired of waging wars within yourself, of being of two minds, of drowning in shame?
Let’s humble ourselves before the Lord, friends. Let’s be like the little children in the Gospel, trusting and pure. Let’s draw near to God instead of distraction. Instead of making God our last resort, may we always be quick to throw our cares, all our heavy emotions and baggage, on Him, for He will support us. (Psalm 55)
Ask Him in prayer for the peace only He can bring.
Olivia Spears lives in Kentucky where sweet tea and bourbon flow like milk and honey. She is the Blog Manager for Blessed is She and works from home as an editor and social media manager. She likes to binge novels and Netflix while raising her children and laughing with her husband. You can find out more about her here.