There is was again. That all-too-familiar restlessness that sometimes overtakes me.
If I’m working, I want to be a stay-at-home mom; and if I’m at home I want to work. If I’m inside I want to be outside and if I’m outside I want to be inside. I’m busy and bored at the same time. I long for something new, something different, something outside the box, outside of the mundane.
Yet, I have no idea what this something is.
Freedom and Restlessness
As I waited at the drive-thru for my transaction to be completed at the bank, I took in the brisk wind. It was unusually chilly for a summer day, and I noticed the sway of some beautiful purple flowers nearby.
“Ahhh, this is the life,” I said to myself, “to be outside in the fresh air feeling the breeze and gazing upon nature’s beauty.”
I dreaded the thought of returning to work, my 30 minute lunch break seeming especially short that day. I wanted to be free as a bird, free as the wind, to wander and explore.
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But as I tend to do in the thick of these moments, I began to seek out the cause of these sentiments.
What’s the Cause?
I have been at my job for 14 months and the newness has worn off. Day after day my 3 year old cries as I head to work because he doesn’t want mommy to leave.
I see how the days go by so quickly, yet it still seems like an eternity until the baby is born. I’m uneasy that I gained more than I should have this month of pregnancy.
I see how, no matter how hard we try to make ends meet, there doesn’t seem to be quite enough to cover life’s “necessities”. My thoughts and emotions vary as we await news on a possible part time job.
Or perhaps it’s the novel I’m reading or the series I’m watching that have me anxiously awaiting outcomes…
The truth is, it could be any number of things that have me on edge, one, all or a combination of several of the above. I may never find the true root cause of my restlessness and it may pass as quickly as it came, swept away by a brisk wind like the one I felt at the bank.
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Prayer of Surrender
But as I endure it, I am comforted by the fact that I will always have a solution in my loving God. A fellow mom recently invited a group of us to pray a Novena of Surrender to the Will of God. I was shocked at how these prayers nourished my hungry heart.
Each day we were asked to repeat 10 times:
O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!
We prayed this amid assurances of “I say to you in truth that every act of true, blind, complete surrender to me produces the effect that you desire and resolves all difficult situations.”
Entrusting God with the Unknown
And perhaps, just perhaps, it is here that I find my answer. I am restless because of the seemly endless chasm of the unknown in my life. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know God will be there with me, whispering to me, “I’ll take care of it. You close your eyes and rest now.”
And I fall asleep in His steadfast and loving embrace.
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Tami Urcia is wife and mother to her small army of boys. She works full time in Catholic communications and is a freelance translator and blogger. Tami loves tackling home projects, keeping tabs on the family finances and finding unique ways to love. She spent early young adulthood as a missionary in Mexico, then worked and traveled extensively before finishing her Bachelor’s Degree. Her favorite things to do are spending time outside with the kiddos, quiet conversation with the hubby and an occasion break from real life by getting a pedicure or a haircut. You can find out more about her here.